Silhouette

Part 1 - Control

Chapter 10 - Trust

Goku wasn't used to sitting around waiting. Wasn't used to being so uncertain about everything either. Wasn't used to the silence, the awkward tension, among his own family of all things. The relationship between him and his oldest son was fragile at best now – and who knew how the youngest felt after everything that had happened.

Frankly, Goku didn't know what to do. He was tired and worn and feeling so out of his depth. Was someone else controlling him? Was he snapping into rage and forgetting the path of destruction he left behind?

By all accounts, it didn't make sense. He had perfect control of his Super Saiyan states. Perfect control of his transformations. Even back when it first unlocked, he'd stayed away to make sure something like this didn't happen. So… why now?

A bump to the head. A pounding headache that tormented him at every hour. What did it mean, why was it happening, and how did he stop it?

Goku wasn't the only one wanting to know such answers, either. He could feel Gohan's eyes on him from across the room. He lifted his gaze from the sofa he had found since they had moved into one of the larger open rooms. He met the eyes of his son and smiled, saw the dark eyes staring back at him widen and then quickly turn away. He watched as Gohan wrapped his arms around Videl and Pan in a protective blanket. A statement. A reaction. Body language at least to prove to him that his son didn't fully trust him, no matter what he said.

Well, considering Goku was missing a memory of holding his own granddaughter, he couldn't really blame him.

With a sigh, Goku went back to staring at the carpeted floor as he sat on the couch alone and ran a hand through his hair. There was still dried blood on the edge of his face and matting in his hair, but he didn't think it mattered now. He didn't feel much like cleaning up. He wanted to go to Chi-Chi, but she needed some time alone and he needed to give that to her, since he wasn't sure if the stranger controlling him would do as much. So, he sat here, separated and alone in a place he'd always felt welcomed before with his son standing at the far window as if the distance would actually help even if Goku did snap.

He winced. Best not to think too much on it. Maybe it was better to have only Gohan and Videl here. Trunks had run off, muttering something about finding his dad. And Goten was -

An energy flashed through his senses and Goku glanced toward the far window at the feel. Wondering if it was Goten or someone else or something else or if if something bad had happened to his son or -

"Oh good, you're in here," Chi-Chi's voice shook him out of the uncharacteristic what-if worry and he spun to look at his wife even though her focus was on Gohan. "Would you two mind keeping an eye on Marron for me? I'm going to cook something to help calm my nerves."

A smile formed on Goku's face, even though his wife refused to look at him. She still needed time, and she was busy dealing with the issue at hand in her own way. By making sure the kids were okay and then going straight to the kitchen. Had she always cooked when under stress? He couldn't remember…

"Y-yeah," Gohan murmured. "Yeah, we'll watch her."

"Good," Chi-Chi said, sending a glance to Goku and a smile before she turned to make her way to the nearest kitchen doorway.

Having Chi-Chi smile like that at him, as weak as it had seemed, brought enough strength to Goku's heart to remind himself that he hadn't lost everyone's trust after all. Not yet. Chi-Chi still believed in him. If anything, at least he had her. He just hoped he could solve this memory control problem soon and make her happy again, find a way to make it all up to her.

As her ever present soft glow of ki left the room, Goku closed his eyes. Ever since their early years of marriage, he'd had her ki memorized. Somewhat of an accident at first, later something he used to always keep tabs on her safety. He could search anywhere and find her. It was nice, soothing to know such a constant presence would continue to stand by his side. In fact, keeping his senses focused on her now helped to calm him, helped to forget about how his own children thought of him now. Helped to -

Wait.

Eyes opening, Goku stood up from the couch and looked toward the doorway, one name on his lips as he stared in curious confusion at the energy he could now sense just outside. "Krillin?"

In a few beats, three more people appeared in the open room. Bulma. And Krillin and Eighteen. Krillin carrying his wife. Because… oh, right. The city he had destroyed. That was…

"Hey, great! Everyone's here," Krillin exclaimed, the only one still sporting a grin despite the situation. "Hey, Goku, maybe you could fill me in on what happened after I get Eighteen taken care of?"

Goku felt his eyes widen at the question and he quickly closed his mouth, clenched his teeth, and looked away from the trusting gaze of his best friend. Hands clenching, he swallowed – or tried to swallow – the fear. Fear of losing his friend's trust in the same way he'd lost his son's.

"Come on, Krillin," Bulma said, rushing through the room to meet the hallway on the other end. "My workshop is this way. I think I still have her original blueprints, too."

"Right."

Out of the corner of his eye, Goku noticed a flash of blonde rush over toward Krillin. When he heard the voice, he closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath to try to calm the trembling nerves in his fingers. His mistake, or whatever he could call it, had taken out Krillin's city, endangered his friend's family, and caused trauma for an innocent little girl.

"Papa!" Marron cried. "I wanna be with you and Mama now. I wanna go home!"

"Hey, short stuff," Krillin said gently. "Don't worry so much. We'll all go home in no time. You'll see. It'll be no big deal at all. Let me take care of your mom and I'll be right back."

"But..."

Regardless of Marron's pouting whine, Krillin left the room with Eighteen. Goku sensed a glance directed toward him, but he ignored it for now. Ignored until he could better explain, until he could think of some way to explain what had happened. Ignored until he could figure out how to face that truth.

With a grimace, Goku set a hand on the side of his head, feeling that ever-present pounding on his skull.

Not again, he groaned. Please, not again. Not now.

By his luck, the switch didn't happen, the jump in time didn't come to pass. The headache pulsed hard for a few agonizing beats and then backed off. In time for a new ki to show up in the living room. A ki that had been avoiding him up until now. His youngest son…

"Hey, Goten," Gohan murmured into the quiet of the heavy atmosphere. "Doing okay now?"

Goten breathed out slowly and nodded up at his big brother. "Yeah. A little dizzy. Think I used too much, but -"

Goku cleared his throat and forced a smile for his boy. "Hey, son, you probably shouldn't be flying around quite so recklessly, but did it make you feel better to release all that energy?"

Goten's small dark eyes widened considerably, and the boy jumped behind Gohan, peeking out from behind his leg. "Y-yes sir."

Goku winced. "Hey now. You don't have to be so formal with me. You know that, right?"

Goten only nodded in response and Goku felt his tongue stick to the roof of his mouth as he grimaced again. The atmosphere constricted around them and he had to do everything in his power not to shudder and sink to the couch 'd heard that he had threatened Goten, but he hadn't realized how much it had hurt the little guy.

This wasn't going to be easy. How was he going to get Goten's trust back? He'd been so sure his youngest son had loved being around him. After all, the boy had been so clingy years ago when Goku first returned after the fight with Buu. Now there was a wall between them and breaking it down would take a lot of effort.

First, though, he had to solve the problem of his headache and personality switches. Yeah, that had to come first.

Breaking the awkward silence, Goten suddenly sprang out from behind Gohan's leg. "Marron! Come here! You can't be close to him!"

Goku watched as his youngest son darted out and wrapped his arms around Krillin's girl. Marron looked just as surprised as everyone else, but she didn't seem to have much problem clinging to Goten as the younger Saiyan flew back to Gohan's side. Blond pigtails bounced as Marron turned to the trembling pre-teen now holding onto her.

"What's wrong, Goten? Isn't he your dad?"

"No," Goten growled. "That's not my dad. That's just someone who looks like him."

"Oh…" Marron's eyes turned to Goku and he did his best to force a smile for her. "But he doesn't look scary…"

"Well he is!"

With another grimace, Goku took a step toward them both. "Hey, Goten, it's okay. It's me right now. Not the other -"

"Stay back!" Goten screamed, freezing Goku in his steps. "I don't trust you!"

Oh but it hurt to have that look turned on him from his own son. He couldn't stand this. Ignoring the shake in his hands, Goku stepped back and tried to look as harmless as possible. This was so different from the time Goten had first met him. The boy had just been shy then. This fear was something else and it hurt .

While he stood there, unsure what to say to ease his son's fear, he looked to Gohan. His oldest had his arms crossed and eyes closed. Gohan said he would trust him, but it didn't look like he could really live up to those words. Even he seemed spooked by Goku's presence now, and, well, Videl wasn't scared so much as on edge because of everyone else's reactions.

What was he going to do about this?

"Come on, Marron," Goten snapped suddenly. "Let's go find Trunks."

"But what about my Papa and -"

"They can find us when they're ready," Goten said, taking the girl by the hand and leading her down the hall. "I can protect you better with Trunks around, and besides, we can have more fun playing with his toys anyway, right?"

As Marron was led away, a smile on her face at last, Goku flopped back on the couch and sighed. The headache pulsed in his head, but it stayed in the background. Whatever Dende had done while healing must have helped at least a little. Maybe he could manage to keep control for a long enough time to figure out what to do now.

Of course he still had to get the dragonballs and bring the city back, using the second wish to erase the people's memories of that event so no one would panic. Goku would be sure to ask the dragon if curing him of this problem would be possible, too, even if they had to put that wish on hold. Or maybe he shouldn't do it that way. If he couldn't control himself and the dragon could put things back to normal, should he use a wish on himself?

Well, he'd have to find out if the dragon could even make that happen first.

~!~

Krillin shook his head as he left Bulma's workshop area. He didn't understand much of anything of what was going on with his wife. Something about her cyborg parts malfunctioning? Whatever happened, it wasn't exactly common so Bulma was having the time of her life even trying to figure it out. All while Eighteen sat there, cool as could be, reassuring Krillin that he didn't have to worry and that she felt fine for the most part.

Still, he felt out of his depth, so he left the room and made his way back to the living area where the others had gathered near the front door. Maybe one of them could actually explain what had happened with the city. Vegeta had shown up in that blue super saiyan state of his without explaining much of anything, and Krillin had been way too focused on getting his family and friends out of harm's way.

Well, what friends had survived, at least. Sure, none of them were as close as his martial arts buddies - especially not as close as Goku - but he'd made some decent friends while working as a cop. And so many of them were dead now. Gone in an instant in that blast. Whoever had caused that would pay, once he could figure out who was responsible.

He passed Goten and Marron in the hallway, getting a hug from his baby girl before the two ran off to find Trunks. He let them go, of course. He thought it was nice to see his girl being so close to Goku's son like that. Maybe in the future…

Nah. Like that would ever happen.

Once he found the room with the others, Krillin plopped down on the sofa next to Goku. His buddy didn't look so hot. No open wounds or anything, but he had some dried blood matting in his messy hair and a haunted look in his eyes. Probably something to do with whoever had attacked the city. Well, he'd find out soon enough.

"Gohan," Videl murmured, bouncing the latest Saiyan baby in her arms. "I'm gonna go see what your mom is doing."

"Right," Gohan said with a tight nod. "I'll stay here until we're ready to leave. I still need to talk to my dad about -"

"I know."

Goku flinched beside him and Krillin turned to his friend with a raised eyebrow. What was that about? Goku was never this quiet or distant. Something serious must have happened. He tried to catch his friend's eyes, but the Saiyan turned away and stared down at his lap where his fingers were clutching tightly to his ripped pants.

Krillin punched the arm of his friend in response to all that. "Hey, Goku, buddy, mind telling me what's going on here?"

"Ah, well -"

Gohan interrupted. "Let's go outside, Krillin. Maybe the roof? Dad?"

"Oh!" Goku snapped to his feet, grinning. "Yeah! That'll work. Good thinking, Gohan!"

While Krillin raised his eyebrow at the weird dancing around the two were doing - since when did Goku and Gohan both try to hide something from him like this? - he shrugged and followed the two outside. If they wanted to have the conversation out of the house, then fine. Maybe he'd figure out why once they explained things.

This was better than finding Vegeta and trying to get that asshole to explain anything, after all.

Once he landed on the roof of Capsule Corporation, Krillin closed his eyes and allowed the warm breeze to ease the tense atmosphere. Whether he was worried or not, it felt like a cloud of lightning standing between Goku and Gohan like this. Which was weird. Gohan adored his dad. What had happened above his city? What had he missed?

"Okay," he hummed, fists on his waist. "What's up?"

Goku glanced at him, looked away, then turned back with a weak smile, waving his hand in the air. "We'll get to that later. First tell me how Eighteen is doing."

"Huh? Oh, she's fine," Krillin said. "Or at least that's what they told me. You know I don't understand all that crap and both her and Bulma can be impossible when they try to explain it."

Goku laughed, light and forced though it was. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Gohan cleared his throat and stood next to Krillin. "Well, it's good that she'll be fine. What about the rest of the city? Are there any other survivors? Do you think anyone else saw what happened?"

Holding up his hands with a laugh, Krillin tried to stymie Gohan's twenty-questions. He had to think back for a moment, crossing his arms. He could still see the blast coming, having to stand in the way to protect Marron as best he could. Thankfully, he had been able to fly off fast enough to avoid getting injured himself, but of course Eighteen… well… that was being worked on… and the rest of the city.

He grimaced at the image. He didn't like seeing his small area getting so wrecked by some unknown force. It brought back memories of Buu and Frieza and, heck, any villain they'd faced in the past who had been indiscriminate in their killings. The frustrating thing was that he couldn't find a force of ki to blame it on. Seeing Vegeta in his blue super saiyan state probably meant the threat was at a god level, so maybe that was why they couldn't find the ki of the person responsible.

But still…

He wanted to punch someone's teeth in for what they'd done to his new hometown.

"I don't think anyone saw anything, Gohan," Krillin said eventually. "Don't you guys know what happened? We're not still in the dark, are we?"

Goku murmured from a couple of feet away. "Not exactly. We know what happened but we don't know how to stop it."

Before Krillin could comment on this, Gohan took a step toward Goku, and the odd thing was that the young man's fists were clenched. "Well we need to figure out something , Dad. What if it happens again? What if Mom gets caught up in it. "

"Whoa, Gohan, chill out," Krillin said, finding it weird to be pulling Gohan back from his own father. "Your dad will watch after your mom no problem. It's all right."

"You're right, Gohan," Goku said, making Krillin feel like he was being talked over. "But you don't need to worry, okay? No one needs to worry. It'll be fine."

"No it's not okay, Dad! It's not okay. I told Goten to relax because he was really freaked out, if you couldn't tell. You threatened him out there. You almost killed him. So, no, I'm sorry, it's not fine, and it's not going to be okay. You can't just say it and make it happen this time."

Goku took a deep breath. "Son, I -"

But Krillin interrupted, stepping between the two. "Wait. Hold on. Run that by me again. I need to understand what's going on."

And frankly, to understand why you two aren't on the best of terms. I never see this happen.

Silence reigned among them all. The warm breeze ruffled through hair and clothes and Krillin sighed. Such a beautiful day and all of this going wrong. First his city, now his friend. Goku kept refusing to look at him, but he could see his buddy clenching and unclenching his fists at his side, like a nervous habit of some sort. Or maybe Goku was trying to come up with the words to explain what was going on.

Krillin frowned and looked up at his friend. "Goku?"

"I did it, Krillin," Goku said, voice steady, though his eyes stayed focused on his son. "It's my fault that city is gone. I lost control."

Wait. What?

Shutting his eyes, Krillin dropped his arms to his side. "Oh haha, very funny. This is serious -"

"I'm being serious," Goku stated, and this time his voice did crack. "I don't - I don't understand why anymore than you do - but it is my fault."

Gohan quipped from Krillin's other side. "Yeah, Krillin, this is why I can't trust him." When Goku flinched at the statement, Gohan groaned. "I know that hurts to hear, Dad, but it's just as hard to say. I can't trust you. Not if you're losing control and doing stuff like destroying cities and threatening Goten."

Okay. Okay, Krillin, buddy, calm down.

Telling himself to keep calm was impossible though. He had to react. He'd already told his wife and daughter that he would go after the person responsible. Did it matter if Goku was to blame? He needed some kind of release from all this tension. Even if -

Well -

Before the conversation could continue between father and son, Krillin bunched his hand into a fist. He sprang up without warning and socked Goku right in the face. The attack apparently managed to catch the Saiyan warrior off his guard because he went falling to the roof, sitting up and rubbing his cheek, eyes wide.

"Krillin?!"

Taking a breath, Krillin shook his hand. Damn that one hurt. For more than one reason. "Goku, I don't care what the reason is, what you did probably traumatized my daughter. My wife had something go wrong. People I work with and call friend died today because of what happened."

"I -" Goku grimaced. "I wish I -"

"Hold on I'm not finished," Krillin interrupted, cutting Gohan off (as well as Goku) before either of them could go at it again. "Whatever the reason, it's apparent you can't seem to help being the center of attention, can you, buddy?" With a smile, he held out a hand to help his friend up. "I had to get that punch on you, but unlike Gohan here, I still trust you. I know whatever you're dealing with is something new and strange and you need help. So come on. Let's go get those dragon balls and see about setting everything to rights."

The look that passed through Goku's eyes almost made Krillin wince. Obviously his friend hadn't gotten the support he needed now. Maybe he'd have a talk with Gohan later, especially if the young man's distrust stemmed from something as crazy as a threat to Goten because that meant neither son was on Goku's side right now. Damn, that was sad to think about. He hoped Chi-Chi stood by Goku at least.

Didn't they know Goku would never do anything this insane intentionally? Didn't they know if he was losing control that he needed support and someone to work with him instead of pushing him away? Krillin really was going to have to pull extra if his buddy didn't have as much trust feeding him with all this.

"Thanks, Krillin," Goku said with a weak smile, using the offered hand to climb to his feet. "That really means a lot."

Yeah, talk about a mess. He had his work cut out for him if things had deteriorated this fast. But that's what friends were for, right?