Chapter 19
.
.
Maddie woke up sluggishly, consciousness coming to her in waves. Eventually, her senses started to come back and the sound of rain falling heavily against the roof and the smell of coffee and bacon penetrated her mind. Rolling over onto her back, Maddie groaned as her tight muscles protested the movement. Not sure what was going on, she slowly got to her feet, swaying as the room turned around her. Holding onto the footboard of the bed, she quietly crept to the door and opened it as quietly as she could. A wave of panic surged through her as the smell intensified and she could now hear someone clattering around in the front room. Her still sick and tired mind instantly jumped to a break-in and she tried to think of anything she could use to defend herself.
'Pepper spray…in my purse…next to the front door. My laptop is in the front room too, shit.'
Turning around she quickly scanned the room for anything that looked throwable. A bowl of water and a towel sat on one of the side tables and she quickly picked it up. The water jostled a bit as her hands shook but she quickly tiptoed into the bathroom to empty it. With one hand she gripped the side of the bowl as tight as she could, supporting herself against the wall with the other. On shaking legs, she made it to the front of the hallway, looked around for any other people and, not seeing anyone else, she angled her arm up ready to throw the bowl at the intruder and run to the front door. She took a deep breath and looked back towards the man in the kitchen and screamed when she saw that he was closing the distance between them quickly.
Stumbling backward, she accidentally dropped the bowl and jumped when it shattered on the ground. Her hands shot to her mouth as she let out a small cry of surprise and stopped to stare down at the broken glass on the floor. This distraction gave the man enough time to reach her and she felt strong hands grip her shoulders, steadying her swaying body. Her muddled brain finally focused enough to realize that the man in front of her was saying something. Lifting her face, Maddie focused on him.
"Maddie are you ok? Don't move, there's glass everywhere." His tone was soft and soothing to her muddled brain; she even felt her tight muscles relax at his deep rich voice. When she just stood there dumbly staring at him, the man leaned down and gently cupped her face in his hands. "Doll, please say something?"
He was leaning so that his handsome face was the only thing she could focus on. "Bucky?" She finally whispered out, disbelief heavy in her voice. "What are you doing here? You left." His eyes turned sad and he took a step into her space, leaning further down. The next thing she knew, Maddie was being lifted into his arms. He walked carefully over the glass and set her gently on the couch. When she was settled comfortably, he crouched down and placed his hand against her forehead.
"I came back yesterday morning, but you must have been too sick to remember. Your fever seems to be gone, how are you feeling now?"
"A little out of it still, but I think I'm over the worst of it." His hand left her face and she immediately missed the contact. "Wait, so you came back yesterday?" Putting her head in her hands, Maddie was silent as she thought back to anything she could remember from the day before. "I don't remember much, just feeling shitty and wanting to sleep."
He leaned forward to tuck a blanket around her legs. "What happened? You seemed fine when I left."
Staring into his beautiful eyes, Maddie realized that telling him she had spent a significant amount of time outside waiting for him to come back, would probably come out creepier than she intended, so instead, she tried her hand at lying. "I don't know where it came from; maybe I picked something up while I was at the grocery store. People always say that shopping carts are filthy." Bucky didn't look too convinced, but he didn't push it further. Instead, he straightened up, forcing Maddie to lean back against the couch and tilt her head up just so she could keep eye contact with him.
"Do you want some breakfast? I couldn't get you to eat anything last night; your fever spiked around seven and you were really out of it, so I imagine you must be hungry right now. Do you think you could tolerate bacon and eggs? I have toast too if you would rather take it slow."
"God, I must have been out of it if I don't remember you trying to feed me." She shook her head in amazement. "Eggs and toast would be nice, oh and if you could boil some hot water; peppermint tea sounds heavenly right now." With a nod in the affirmative, Bucky turned on his heel and walked silently back into the kitchen. Not knowing what she should do now, Maddie sat on the couch and fiddled with the hem of her t-shirt. It was then that she noticed her clothes were damp. Coming to the mortifying conclusion that she must have sweated a lot for them to be still wet, she stood up swiftly and started towards her bedroom. "Hey Bucky, I'm going to go change, I'll be right back."
"Wait!" At his urgent tone, she stopped and turned, watching as he came to her side. Stopping just inches from her he bent, and without any warning, he picked her up again and carried her down the hall. Confused, she opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing but he cut in with two simple words, "the glass." He set her down on the side of the bed, gently removing his arms from around her. "I'm going to go clean that up; do you have a broom here?" Lost in his eyes and relishing the lingering feeling of his arms around her; Maddie could only nod her head. However, when his eyes continued to stare pointedly down at her; Maddie shook off the mental fog and answered his question. "Umm yes, there is a small coat closet next to the front door, it's in there." Bucky nodded again and left the room. "Wow, just five minutes with the man and I forget about everything."
Getting up, Maddie removed her shirt, tossing it onto the bed. She walked to the dresser and was about to open the top drawer when her reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall, caught her attention. She stared at her Soul Mark, reading the name over and over. James Buchanan Barnes. Reaching up she traced the letters in an all too familiar gesture of comfort but stopped as something else caught her eye. Slowly skimming her fingers up to the cut on her neck; she stopped and hovered her hand over the small wound, not wanting to touch it. The sound of sweeping and the tinkling of glass jerked her attention to the closed door and she quickly wiped at the tear that slid down her cheek. "Please, please don't leave again. God, please not yet." She gazed longingly at the door till the sound faded away.
.
.
After changing into fresh sweats, a large sweater, and a pair of plush wool socks, Maddie dashed into the bathroom, where she was caught between the need to clean up her appearance and the want to just throw her hair into a bun and curl up on the couch with the peppermint tea she could already smell. The bare minimum won, and she quickly brushed her teeth, washed her face with cold water, and brushed the tangles out of her long hair, putting it up into a messy bun on top of her head. "Good enough." She said, shrugging at her reflection.
Walking back into the main room, Maddie collapsed dramatically onto the couch, sighing happily as she sank into the plush cushions. A low chuckle was heard behind her, sending chills racing up her spine. Sitting up, Maddie turned around and folded her arms on the back of the couch, resting her chin on them, and watched as the proclaimed 'Winter Soldier' buttered toast and flipped bacon in her kitchen. Maddie was 80% sure that this was not a fever-induced hallucination, but she discreetly pinched the inside of her arm just in case.
Hoping to not look like a creeper, she turned around, watching as the large log in the fireplace was greedily consumed by the fire. The smell of peppermint and a soft, "Here you go" brought her attention to the mug hovering next to her head. Reaching up, she smiled and took the offered cup along with a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs and two pieces of buttered toast. She offered him a soft 'thank you' and watched as he sat on the armchair next to her with a plate piled high with eggs, toast, and bacon. He ate his mountain of food silently, stopping only to take sips from the mug of coffee on the side table next to them. Digging into her food, she took small bites hoping they wouldn't upset her stomach.
"This is good, and the tea is perfect, thank you Bucky." She said with another smile. All she got back from him was a nod but saw the quick flash of a small smug lift of his lips before he hid it by taking a drink from his mug of coffee.
"How are you really feeling? Now that you've eaten and aren't trying to attack me with a bowl?" He said dead seriously before his eyes lit with amusement as Maddie choked on a mouth full of tea. Setting her mug on the coffee table, she glared at him while trying to breathe through her tightening throat.
"I was doing better," She said putting emphasis on the 'was', she went to the kitchen to blow her nose and wipe the tea off herself. Sitting back down, she noted that while his face was back to a neutral expression, his eyes were still bright. "But yes, I am feeling better than I was yesterday. I should probably take some Tylenol, but I think I'm on the mend."
"That's good doll, I'm glad. You had me worried yesterday."
"Doll?" Maddie interrupted anything else he might have said. "You've called me that before."
"Yeah, sorry it's a force of habit but I can try to stop if you don't like it. It just so happens that the last time I interacted with an attractive woman, that didn't end with one of us trying to kill each other, was some time in the 1940s."
"I don't mind at all," Maddie said with a giggle, "I just remembered you calling me that before." She paused to think back but the memories came to her quickly, along with a rush of horror. "Oh, God!" She exclaimed, covering her face with her hands, "I threw up yesterday, didn't I? And you were there." She groaned in embarrassment. "Oh God Bucky, I'm so sorry you had to see that."
Gently her hands were removed from her face and held in his strong ones. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm so glad I got here when I did, you were really sick." Looking down, they both watched as he rubbed his thumbs over the soft skin of her palms, both enjoying how right their hands looked together. Bucky jolted suddenly, dropping her hands and reaching behind him to take hold of her mug. He placed it into her open palms and then curled her fingers around the warm ceramic. "Now let's finish eating, you are still fighting whatever bug you caught." Picking his plate back up, he crunched on a piece of bacon.
"So, you took care of me while I was out of it with a fever and throwing up and you would still label me as an 'attractive woman'? That's very flattering." Maddie said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
Bucky gave her a deadpan look and shook his head. "Out of everything I just said that's what you latched onto?"
.
They finished the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence and when Maddie got up to bring her plate to the kitchen, Bucky stood swiftly and took it from her. "I got it; do you want more tea?"
"Yes please."
Neither spoke as Bucky cleaned the kitchen, the silence was only broken by him scrubbing the pans in the sink. Without the distraction of eating, Maddie's thoughts became darker and she turned her attention towards the rainy forest outside. The gray gloomy morning only fueled her spiraling thoughts until she didn't notice the passing of time. The room became quiet around the couple; Maddie silently watching the rain, Bucky silently watching Maddie.
A high-pitched whistle brought her back and soon her mug of tea was in front of her again. Reaching up, she carefully took hold of the cup, blowing on the fragrant steam before taking a tentative sip; it was hot, but the strong peppermint flavor was refreshing, and the warm liquid soothed her sore throat. Setting her cup on the coffee table, she sat back and watched as Bucky took a sip from his mug, his eyes watching the crackling fire. Nervously she fiddled with her fingers before drawing her legs up onto the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"Bucky?" He seemed to freeze at her words as if he had been waiting for them.
"Humm?" Slowly he turned his head and gave her his full attention. His eyes, such a beautiful blue, held such a depth of emotion that Maddie wondered if he was just as nervous as she was.
"Why did you come back?" Too scared to see his reaction, she broke eye contact. "I thought when you left that I would never see you again."
She watched as he slumped back against the chair, his head rolling back and his arm coming up to cover his eyes. "That was the plan." She flinched at the confirmation of her suspicions.
.
.
A small rustling caught Bucky's attention and he lifted his arm enough to see what the slight sound was. Pain lance through him as he watched the woman next to him cup her collar bone and rub her thumb over the material that covered her Soul Mark; his name. It seemed to be a subconscious gesture of comfort for her and the longer he sat there watching, the surer he was in what he was about to do.
Getting up, he walked over and dropped to his knees in front of her. Tentatively he reached out with his gloved left hand to slip it into hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. He used his other hand to cup her face and turned her to look at him. The anxiety in her eyes caused his heart to jolt painfully again and he swore to himself that whatever happened next, at the very least she would have all the information she needed, he would never leave her again without letting her know why. At that thought, his eyes fell to her neck and he stared at the red line that marred her pale skin.
"That was the plan," he repeated softly while moving his fingers to hover above the cut. Dropping his hand to his side, he raised his eyes to her face and continued. "I ran away from you because I'm a fucked-up man with a fucked-up past and an unstable future. I walked for days, resting when I could but the moment I thought I could relax my demons caught up with me, every single time. The memories of what I've done, what I could have done, and what I'm capable of doing without even trying, almost drove me over the edge, only the thought…"
He paused to gather his thoughts. "Only what you said brought me back." Unable to keep looking into her searching eyes, Bucky lowered his head. "It was a cruel thing to do, leaving you as I did, but I thought it would be better if you hated me for leaving, instead of hating me for ruining your life. Because I could Maddie," Bucky made himself look back up at her, he had to give her everything. "I could doll, so easily, without even wanting to. I'm wanted by both HYDRA, the evil fuckers who did this to me, and SHIELD the worldwide law-enforcement organization that deploys the Avengers. I have to be off the grid for a while because of what I did in New York a few months ago, I know they're both looking for me and I don't want you dragged into my problems. Your safety is the most important thing to me and being with me might be more danger than I'm worth."
"That being said," he moved her hand from her chest to his upper right arm, placing her hand on top of his Soul Mark. "I came back because all I can remember is pain and horror and I wanted to know what it feels like to be wanted, to be loved, even if it's only for a little while. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow Maddie, but I would be a fool to give up on this, on you, without a fight and I don't want to be that fool anymore; and you're right, we deserve to see where this, us, will go." Letting her go, he quickly got to his feet and strode over to the fireplace and began to pace back and forth in front of the fire.
"Because you're the only thing HYDRA couldn't take from me and believe me, they fucking tried. Your name was the only thing that kept me somewhat sane, kept me human. Because I'm the God damn Winter Soldier and I'm going to fight with everything I am to stay with you until you tell me to leave." He forced his mouth to close; he was breathing too fast, chest heaving with every inhale. When Maddie stood and walked slowly to him, Bucky all but froze, his frantic heart the only part of him that moved. She stopped only a few feet from him, putting both just enough and too much distance between them. His hands wanted to grab her; his arms wanted to hold her, so he folded his hands behind his back. Her searching eyes bore into his. "Tell me to leave Maddie, tell me to get out of your life forever and I will. I told you everything that's in me but if you tell me to go right now, I swear to you that I'll never darken your door again." She said nothing and the silence stretched out between them. Unable to stand the distance he whispered, "Say something doll."
And just as quietly she whispered back, "Stay."
.
.
.
Authors note-
I hope everyone is being safe and staying healthy out there.
Also, I'm sorry for the magical disappearing reappearing chapter 18 from last month, this site decided to have some fun with it and, boy, was that annoying.
Thanks for reading :)