Lena held all of her anger in until she reached her apartment. It had been a struggle going back to work after her lunch with Lillian, but she had avoided talking to anyone else and carried on with her project in silence. As soon as the door closed behind her, she kicked off her shoes, threw her jacket over the nearest chair and went to the kitchen intending to pour herself a drink. She had the bottle of wine in her hand before she remembered that she was pregnant and that it wouldn't be a good idea. Instead, to vent her frustration, Lena picked up the nearest solid object - in this case a saucepan - pictured Lillian's face on the far wall, took aim and threw the saucepan as hard as she could. The sound of it successfully hitting the wall startled her, she hadn't expected it to travel that far, but then she smiled at how good it felt. She walked over to pick up the saucepan, checking it for damage and relieved that it had only chipped the wall paint a little bit.
What she really needed was a punching bag, she told herself. She didn't know why she hadn't brought one sooner. Still feeling frustrated, she walked into her bedroom and began piling the pillows up on the bed. Standing over them she balled her hands into fists and punched downwards. It helped, a little. When she grew tired of punching she lay down on the bed, choosing a pillow and holding it close. She thought about what Lillian had said. It wasn't that she didn't want friends, she just never had the time to keep up with friendships - her work consumed so much of her time. At school she had too busy trying to prove she was just as clever as Lex to have much time to spare for friends. Then again, every friend she ever made seemed destined to lie to her, making it harder to trust new people.
Lena wiped a few tears from her eyes, then hugged the pillow tighter.
Part of her wished she was hugging Kara instead of the pillow. Kara would tell her that everything was going to be alright. She'd offer to take her out right then and there to make some new friends, or arrange for a game night with their old friends so Lena would have something to tell Lillian the next time they spoke.
Lena released the pillow. Another part of her just wanted to go back to work, to hide in her lab, away from everyone. She looked down at her stomach, placing one hand over it, trying to picture the tiny baby growing inside her. Her days of being alone were gone now. She wasn't sure she was ready to be a mother, but Kara would never forgive her if she went ahead with an abortion and she didn't want to lose her again.
"Why couldn't you have waited?" Lena whispered to the child. "If you came along in another couple of years I might be ready. If Kara and I had been together longer, or... it's just, there are so many things I haven't done in this new world. I want to love you, I do, it's just..."
She started to cry. It felt so foolish, to be talking to a baby that hadn't even been born, but she didn't know who else to say those words to. She felt trapped, in a situation she wasn't comfortable with, it was almost like coming to live with the Luthors for the first time. When her mother died she wanted to stay in Ireland, in the place she knew with people who cared about her, but she had been whisked away without consultation and expected to fit in with her new family.
"I don't want you to feel unloved," she continued. "Everyone deserves to feel loved. I just worry that I haven't completely gotten over Kara's betrayal, that some little thing will happen that will bring it all back and then I'll be on my own again, with you as a reminder. You might even look like her. I certainly hope you'll take after her for kindness and all the things the Luthor's aren't. You'll have her sunny disposition and make lots of friends, but maybe you'll love science too and I can help you with experiments. That would be nice. I could take you to Ireland, show you the places I lived with my mother."
Lena continued talking for a little while longer, eventually falling asleep.
Kara had picked up dinner from Lena's favourite restaurant in National City, hoping they would make it easier to share Alex's advice. She'd intended to go to Italy for the meal, but the time difference meant everything would be closed. At least she had been able to drop into a supermarket in Dublin for the scones, though they wouldn't be as good as the ones fresh from a bakery.
She knocked nervously on Lena's door. There was no answer. Her first instinct was to use her x-ray vision on the apartment, to make sure Lena was okay, but she was trying to limit the use of her abilities because she knew it reminded Lena of the Supergirl secret she had kept. She'd picked up the food out of guilt, and hopefully Lena would focus on the thought behind it and not the how. They hadn't planned on having dinner together and she didn't know whether Lena had already eaten but she hoped not.
Kara was going to knock again, then remembered her phone. Dialling Lena, she picked up the sounds of the ringtone coming from inside the apartment. When Lena answered, it took her a few moments to realise it was Kara calling and then Kara had to repeat that she'd brought her dinner.
Waiting for Lena to open her door, she listened for the sounds of her moving through the apartment unable to hide her concern when she seemed to be moving slowly. It took all of her self-control not to open the door herself, reminding herself that Lena hadn't called out for help.
"I hope you haven't eaten yet," Kara said as Lena finally let her in, heading straight to the kitchen area to grab some plates.
Closing the door, Lena tried to smile, "it's been a long day."
"Well you sit down and I'll get it ready."
"You don't know where anything is," Lena reminded her, following Kara into the kitchen and getting out the cutlery.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Kara asked, noticing Lena's red eyes and abandoning the dinner to move closer to her.
"I'm fine."
Kara took the cutlery from Lena's hands, laid them in the counter, then placed her hands around Lena's, "you've been crying."
"It's nothing."
"Please talk to me, I want to help."
"I'm just tired, every little thing is getting to me right now and it's probably just hormones from the pregnancy." Lena managed a weak smile, "I'm glad you're here, though."
Kara pulled her into a hug, "whenever you need me."
Lena took a deep breath in, wrapping her arms around Kara and feeling her body relaxing.
After they'd eaten, Lena asked Kara if she wanted to stay and watch a movie. They'd scrolled through a few options before Kara spotted a film she loved and asked if Lena had seen it. She hadn't and that got them talking about their favourites, so they'd switched off the television instead of watching anything.
Now Kara sat on the sofa with Lena's head on her lap, running her fingers soothingly through Lena's hair, the sound of the dishwasher a comforting murmur in the background. Even though she was facing away from the superhero, Lena could tell Kara had something on her mind. Every so often Kara's fingers would pause and her breathing would lose it's regular rhythm. She had the feeling that asking Kara what was wrong would ruin the wonderful moment they were having, and she wanted to avoid that for a little longer so she kept the conversation to lighter subjects.
Eventually Lena felt her eyelids growing heavy and she yawned. Kara's hand paused and Lena twisted around to look up at her.
"Would you stay with me tonight?" Lena asked, quickly elaborating before Kara could get the wrong idea. "Not for... that. Just like this, to be together."
"Are you sure?" Kara sounded surprised.
"Yes. Only if you want to, though."
Sitting up, Lena moved back to give Kara little room to decide. She'd been having nightmares lately, waking up from dreams where Lex had come back from the dead to get his revenge, hunting her down, intent on hurting her and Kara.
"Okay. I'll run home and grab some pj's."
Lena smiled, "I'm sure I can find you something to wear."
"Before you do..." Kara bit her bottom lip, her gaze wandering off to the side. "There's something... Alex said..."
"Can it wait until morning?"
"It's kind of important, and if you're going to get upset..."
"Then you should definitely tell me tomorrow," Lena stood up and offered Kara a hand.
"Lena..."
"No, I don't want any bad news today. Unless the world is going to end before midday tomorrow, it can wait. Please?"
Nodding, Kara put her hand in Lena's and stood up. They walked to Lena's bedroom, still holding hands. Kara noticed a few printouts on Lena's nightstand, she picked a few up while Lena sorted out the spare pj's. They were of houses for sale in National City and just outside.
"I thought I should get a bigger place, somewhere with a garden maybe. I never planned on this apartment being long-term in the old world anyway and it's not really right for a baby," Lena explained when she turned around and noticed what Kara was holding.
"Lena, about that..."
"I know your place is small too, I thought I could get a place with three rooms so you could stay over and bond with the baby without any pressure on us..."
"You'vegottomovetoArgo."
Lena raised an eyebrow, "huh?"
"Alex said it's dangerous for you to be pregnant here on Earth but that if you move to Argo you'll be safe. You and the baby."
Lena placed the pj's on the bed and stepped back, "Argo? Kara when the multiverses..."
"It's still there. Lex doesn't know."
"More secrets?"
"He did want to destroy it and all Kryptonians. We're just protecting the people up there."
"So your mother is still alive? All your people? That's good."
"Lena, as the baby grows it could inherit my abilities and Alex is concerned that..."
"You don't know that for sure."
"Well, no."
"And none of her tests show that my life is in immediate danger?"
Kara shook her head.
"Good, then it can wait until tomorrow."
"Are you angry?"
Lena sighed, "I'm tired and I'm going to get changed. If you want to stay, stay. If you're not here when I get back that's fine too."
Kara watched Lena walk away, the hesitantly ran a finger over the neatly folded pj's. If she stayed she would be here to talk to Lena in the morning. It would only take a second to put them on. She wanted to know what it would feel like waking up next to the woman she loved.