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It was a firefight, not much different than any other, that showed Zoe how dangerous this … whatever it was she and Wash had going on had become. Before the shooting started, she had been distracted by memories of the previous night, the breeze blowing gently on her skin reminding her of his fingers slowly tracing patterns there, of his breath caressing her as he kissed his way slowly down …

The gunfire took her by surprise, and she only barely managed to get off a shot at a fellow sneaking up on the captain. She missed, too, which made her mad. She prided herself on not wasting ammunition, dearly priced as it was, and now she had gone and gotten lost mooning over a man and messed up her record.

Farther into the fight, a group of their opponents broke off, heading toward Serenity, parked off behind a copse of trees, and Zoe felt her heart leap into her throat. If they got to the ship—if they got to Wash—

Only then did she realize exactly how much she had come to care for him, when the idea of not having him there to smile at her or make her laugh or listen if she felt like talking—or talk if she needed a distraction—was like someone had told her she would never see the sun again.

When the fight was over, she hunkered down behind the rock she had used for cover, ostensibly checking the gun, but really she was shaking, and trying to hide it. All her life, long as she could remember, she had kept away from friendships and love affairs, putting her trust only in them as could handle themselves without her help. It was why she couldn't embrace Kaylee as a little sister, the way the menfolk on board had. In a fight, Kaylee would be dead weight; her inexperience and unwillingness to get familiar with weapons would get someone else hurt. For all that he had a basic familiarity with guns and had flown with merc companies before, Wash wasn't much different. Only in his case, the person who would get hurt protecting him would be Zoe. She hadn't signed up for that, hadn't realized what she was walking into.

Back on the ship, she felt the familiar lift under her feet as it took off. Yesterday, there had been a matching lift of her heart, knowing as she did that the man at the controls of that ship belonged to her. Today, her heart was leaden enough to weigh the whole ship down.

Leaning on the railings above the cargo hold, looking down at the hard-won crates of goods to be sold, Zoe wondered how to tell him that she couldn't go on like they had been.

Before she could come up with an answer, she felt Inara come to lean on the rail next to her. "You look like a woman thinking long thoughts."

"Some."

"This about Wash?"

Zoe glanced at her, startled.

Inara shrugged. "I'm trained to be sensitive to people's emotions, to figure out where they come from." An edge of bitterness crept into her tone. "Despite what the captain thinks, being a Companion is about more than just taking off my clothes."

"Of course," Zoe agreed. She had her own thoughts about why the captain was so determined to make Inara seem like less than she was, but that was his business, and she wasn't about to get involved unless she thought he needed her to.

"Sorry."

Zoe nodded, understanding.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

It was difficult to put it into words. "You ever find yourself feeling something and not knowing how you got there? Or … knowing it's a bad idea but you can't stop anyway?"

Inara nodded. Zoe wondered what secrets lay hidden behind that beautiful face.

"It's a weakness, that kind of feeling. It … in the war … People died because they had to protect other people."

"You think he needs protecting?"

"Some."

"More than you do, for sure," Inara agreed. "But less than most. No more than I do."

Zoe wasn't so sure about that. She figured Inara could handle herself in most situations.

"And what about you? Don't you need protecting?"

"From what?"

Inara's eyes met hers squarely. "From becoming like the captain. From pushing people away out of fear. That kind of strength—it's brittle, Zoe. Strength that comes from love, real love—that kind makes you resilient."

Zoe considered that. The captain was a closed book, to be sure. Even to her, in some ways. She knew more than most, but there were some parts of him completely closed off. Was that what she wanted? To have no one in the world who truly knew her, inside and out, all the things she was?

Inara watched her face, nodding. "Think on it." She started to move away, hesitated, and came back. "He's a good man, Zoe. Don't make the mistake of underestimating his strength because it isn't the same kind as yours."

"Thanks."

Inara nodded, moving away as silently as she had come.

Zoe pushed herself off the railing, making her way up to the cockpit, where she slid the door closed behind her.

Wash's face lit up at the sight of her. "Hey, beautiful."

"Hey, yourself."

"What brings you up to my little corner of the ship?"

"I wanted to say something. I—" The words stuck in her throat. For once, Wash stayed silent, waiting, letting her think through what she wanted to say. Maybe he knew her better than she gave him credit for already. "I never went looking for anything like this. Like you. Never expected it."

He nodded, watching her, really listening.

"I trust you." The words came out in a rush, and she hoped he knew what they meant, how much they meant. "Don't know for sure that I want to, but I do, and I can't stop. So don't you go getting yourself killed on me, you hear? Because—I couldn't ever do this again."

Wash punched a button on the console to shift to autopilot and got up, coming toward her. Gently he lifted her hair off her shoulder and smoothed it back. "Duly noted. I will take cover during any and all danger in the most manly possible ways."

Zoe smiled. "See that you do."