Chapter 11
Hey readers! FYI this chapter begins with Quinn's POV starting right after the group leaves dinner. This chapter is a little Quick heavy. As always, I hope you enjoy let me know what you think!
Quinn POV
Well dinner sucked. Biff and I are waiting outside with my parents for the valet to bring around our cars. I would like to blame dinner sucking solely on my unwanted company, but seeing Santana and Brittany there just made it even worse. I hated seeing them together holding hands whispering Ughhh! I need to stop torturing myself. Now here I am holding Biff's hand which feels way too heavy in mine. All while my parents keep chatting away about their upcoming trip to NY. I can't help but let my mind drift into imagining Santana's hand in mine instead of Biff's how soft her hands are, how they feel strong yet light at the same time. Wait I probably would not be standing here with Santana at least not with my parents. With that thought I see my dad's white mercedes pull up the street.
"Well it was nice seeing you two." my mom says kissing Biff and I in the cheek lightly.
"Yes Biff thank you for joining us tonight." my dad says.
"Not a problem Russell, I know how much Quinn wanted me here tonight." Biff says. I internally scoff because he is so self centered he doesn't even get the vibe that I actually don't want him anywhere near me.
"Goodbye mom goodbye dad. Have a safe trip." I say hugging them before they walk away.
"Take care talk soon sweetie." my dad says, as he gets in the driver seat. Finally Biff's car is pulled up next.
"Took long enough." Biff says, grabbing the key from the valet man not bothering to tip him or even open my door for that matter. I smile apologetically at the young man and slip him a $20 from my bag. Biff begins to drive sson I realize he is driving to his place. One I hate his place two I really just feel like spending the rest of the night in my bed possibly crying my eyes out as that seems to be my new normal. I don't even know how I am hanging right now.
"Biff where are you going." I ask.
"My apartment." he states like it's the most obvious thing.
"Can you just take me home please." I say.
"Really? I thought I would get a little reward for dealing with your parents all night. Don't get me wrong I like talking to Russell but my presence is obviously the highlight of the night. I think you should show me how much you appreciate me." he rants. I absolutely hate how vain he is. The only person who raves more about Biff more than my dad is Biff himself.
"No, I just want to go home." I state in a cold tone.
"Are you sure I think we can continue the fun at my place." he says, taking one hand off the steering wheel to grope my thigh. I flinch at the unwanted touch.
"Thanks for coming tonight, but no Biff." I state firmly.
"Fine." he states. I can tell he is mad, "there are hundreds of women who would love to spend the night with me." he adds. Yup definitely mad. He gets extra jerky when he doesn't get his way. I like to act like his words don't get to me, but they do. Mostly because I hate myself for taking them not really because I care for him. The rest of the trip to my apartment is dead silent. I don't care, I really just want to get home. I feel tears swell in my eyes. I want to get home to let them free. Tonight sucks.
Biff pulls up to my apartment building and silently unlocks the doors. I mumble a quick goodnight mostly out of habit cause I could care less if he has a good night. As soon as my foot hits the pavement I feel the tears fall. My eyesight is starting to blur. I rush into the lobby with my head down when I crash into somebody. I mumble sorry and try to get around the figure quickly, but I feel hands on my shoulders.
"Hey Quinn what's wrong?" I sigh when I recognize Puck's voice. I really don't feel like socializing. I love Puck but he is Santana's best friend first. Before I turn to fully face him I quickly wipe my tears, maybe I can play it off.
"Hey Puck." I say trying to smile.
"No no Quinn. No small talk what's wrong either you got really high or you've been crying and knowing you there has been no smoking here." he says.
"I am fine Puck, just a tough night." I say knowing I can't hide it.
"Look. First you have been acting weird with San and I, now you show up looking miserable. What's really wrong?" he says his voice softer than usual. I thought I was going to be able to hold it, but you know when someone asks what's wrong during one of your low points and you just lose it. I feel myself lose it and the tears in my eyes are flowing again.
"Oh no Quinn don't cry. Let's get you up stairs." he says as he puts his arm around me guiding me to the elevators. He grabs the keys from my purse to open the door. We both sit on the couch and that's it we just sit while I cry. An hour passes and Puck is still just sitting arm over me as I lean into his side. His shirt is probably soaked with tears but he doesn't seem to care. I stopped crying a while ago but I feel comfortable in this silence. I know I have to talk Puck won't leave until I do.
"Ok you stopped crying and your breathing seems to be normal now. Are you ready to talk?" he asks.
"Yea, I guess." I say with a sigh.
"What's going on?"
"Biff was being a jerk." I say. Maybe he'll believe that's the reason I am crying.
"That's probably true but we both know that's not enough of a reason for you to be this sad." he says. Dam he saw right through it.
"Do we really have to do this?" I ask.
"Yes. Should I call Santana?" he says, reaching for his phone.
"No!" I say almost yelling. "I'll talk, but you have to promise to not tell S anything." I plead.
"Umm weird, but ok I promise." he says. I can tell he is confused.
"Puck I have been really confused lately." I begin. "You know I really did like Biff when we were first dating,"
"Yea even though we never understood why." Puck says under his breath.
"Well now I may like someone else." Puck looks a little shocked.
"Did you cheat on him?" he asks.
"No but I may as well be cheating. I am with Biff because it's easy. He is the guy everyone expects a girl like me to end up with. My parents adore him, he can help me in the future, and quite frankly he is too self centered to realize I don't love him." I look at Puck and he just nods for me to continue.
"Puck my whole life I have been trying to be 'me' and at the same time please the people around me. Lately it's getting harder. I've lost myself and now it's eating me up to the point where I don't know how much longer I can fake it without cracking."
"Wait so what, you like another dude or something?" Puck ask.
"Puck please promise you won't say anything, especially not Santana." I plead again.
"I promise.'" he says firmly.
"Ok. I don't like another dude. I like another girl-" I say but he cuts me off.
"Wait do you like Santana's girl!?" he yells in shock.
"No you doof! I like Santana." I say releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding. He stares at me with wide eyes.
"Wow. Are you serious? I mean I was just kidding all those times I made fun of you saying you liked her. I swear I never thought you'd like the ladies. I mean it's hot but seriously you?" he rants at a fast pace.
"Puck it's not the ladies. I mean I am not even sure. I know I like her, but what if I am confusing friendly love with romance? Santana is the first girl I have ever even thought about liking." I say lost, it's the first time I talk about this to someone.
"Quinn liking Santana is ok. She is a great girl. I see why you like her." he says. "Now can I ask you some questions?" he adds. I just nod.
"Do you ever picture her in Biff's place?" he asks.
"Yea especially lately. I think about holding her hand instead of his. Having late night dinners with her instead of him. I have even thought about kissing her sometimes." I say the last part shyly.
"Ok. This week you have been M.I.A how did you feel being away from her?"
"I felt lost, lonely, and sad." I admit.
"You've seen her Britt. How did that make you feel?"
"It feels like shit! Like tonight I saw them on their date. I was jealous. I wanted to be Britt. I wanted to be the one flirting with her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to be the one she opens the doors for the one she walks to the door and kisses goodnight. That night we went to the dance showcase, I watched them leave together. It felt like Brittany was walking away with a part of me at first I didn't know why but I think I get it now." I say defeated.
"You heard your answers. You care about San the way I should care about the girls I sleep with." he says trying to make me laugh. I just roll my eyes.
"Who would've thought you liked her back." Puck says at an almost inaudible whisper.
"What do you mean!?" I say.
"Aww shit. Umm well," Puck stutters, " She may have gotten drunk once and ranted about how amazing you were." he says scratching his head.
"Really?" I say butterflies in my stomach.
"Quinn, that girl had a big crush on you when we first started hanging out. I am surprised you never noticed. I mean even now she treats you so differently." I watch him talk, shocked.
"Look whatever you're feeling it is ok. You know that right? You're not any less perfect for liking a girl." he says softly.
"You can't live your life pleasing others. This sounds harsh, but fuck whatever people think if it interferes with your happiness, even your parents. Think about it, it's just gonna be you when you're growing old. Yea your parents will be around, but they have their own life. If you get lucky you find someone to be by your side the rest of your life. You shouldn't prevent yourself from finding that special one. What if it's Santana, what if it's another dude, heck what if it's another girl?" Puck says.
"It's not that easy." I say.
"I know that. Life is never easy, but you have to take risks." he says.
"When did you get all deep?" I ask him with a smile. I continue to tell him everything. From the ignoring Santana thing to the sleepless nights. He listens and tries to give me advice in between.
"Look Q if I am being honest I think San and Brittany have something real going. It's the first time in a long time I see her actually try with a girl. Brittany seems good for her, but I also know you are special to San in a way I don't even think she has realized. I won't interfere. I won't tell San anything yet, but you have to really think about what your plan is because you can't hurt Santana." Puck says. I don't know if to take this as a mild threat or motivation, but I do know he is right. I have a lot of thinking to do. Being around her will just distort my judgement so I have to keep distancing myself but it actually has a true goal now. At least now I have Puck to talk to.
"I know you're deep in thought. I really do hope you figure it out soon, but for now I know you haven't eaten, so what about grilled cheese?" Puck asks.
"That actually sounds good." I give him a smile and make my way towards the kitchen. We cook then decide to watch a movie while we eat. I hardly hang with Puck alone, but it's actually nice. After the movie and more random conversation Puck gets up gathering his stuff to go home.
"Wait why were you in our building?" I ask realizing Santana wasn't here so Puck had no one to visit. I walk towards the door and hear footsteps in the hall, it must be the neighbor.
"Umm I may have come by to steal her Rocket League video game." he mumbles holding up the game sheepishly. I can't help but release a big laugh at that. For the first time in what feels like forever I feel relaxed.
"You always make fun of her for playing that." I say.
"Yea yea well turns out it's pretty cool so I used the spare since I knew she was out." he admits.
"You thief." I chuckle. "Thanks for listening tonight. I needed it." I say honestly.
"Anytime. You're not alone." he says hugging me.
"Text me when you're home." I say.
"Will do. You're smart, take this time to think." he says, opening the door leaving my apartment.
I change into some comfortable clothes and make my way to bed. I then get comfortable under the sheets. My mind automatically drifts to Santana. She is probably upstairs with Brittany right now. Puck is right I need to figure this out because I can't hurt Santana. I'll give myself one week. One week of distance from Santana, then I have to talk to her. One week to figure out if I want to be with her or better said deserve to be with her or if I should just let Santana be with Brittany. If I can live with that.
Santana POV
The weekend went by fairly quickly after my date with Britt Friday. We had breakfast together Sunday before she had to meet up with some dance partners but besides that I was trapped in my apartment studying. I stopped texting Quinn deciding that she sounded pretty happy Friday so she must be ok. Now it's Monday and once again I am on my way to school alone. She didn't text me about carpooling so I wasn't going to text her. I walk in to bio coffee in hand earphones firmly placed in and take my usual seat. Q doesn't seem to be here yet not that I should care. I happily take the few minutes before class to enjoy the sound of The Arctic Monkeys blaring through my earphones. From the corner of my eye I see Quinn walk in looking pretty refreshed. She makes her way towards me and takes her usual seat next to me, but doesn't say a word to me. The professor walks in so I take off my earphones and pay full attention to the lecture. When we are dismissed Quinn walks out of the room before I can say anything. Whatever I think making my way to the food court to meet Britt for breakfast.
"Hey San." Brittany's cherry voice greets me when I find her sitting at the same table as last time.
"Hey Britt how are you?" I greet her with a kiss on the cheek.
"Much better after that kiss." She smiles at me.
"Good. So what are we having?" I notice she has two plates in front of her.
"I got you some oatmeal and toast." She says.
"Thank you. You've been making me eat healthy." I laugh.
"Sorry!" She laughs with me.
"It's all good, maybe it's a good change." I say sincerely. As we both begin to eat. Deep in my mind I know my comment had a double meaning. Maybe Quinn being distant is a good change because now I can focus on Britt. Brittany is easy. She tells me what she wants most importantly she shows that she wants to spend time with me. Maybe I need easy right now.
A/N: So we found out who Santana heard Quinn laughing with. Next chapter is Sugar's Sweet Bash.