A/N: Brief, casual mention of suicidal ideation in conversation in a conversation between Leah and Seth.

Chapter 11: Love It If We Made It

Seth's POV

"I need to talk to you."

"Why?"

"Because I need a girl."

Embry and Leah sat together on the living room sofa, watching me rake my hands through my hair anxiously as I glanced between them. My sister raised an unimpressed brow at me, her face unamused. "Can this wait? We're right about to start watching American Horror- "

"No."

"Seriously? Why-"

"Because I fucked up, Leah!"

I could feel my teeth click as my jaw snapped shut, and my breathing was heavy as I looked at my sister and my pack brother staring at me with wide eyes. God, everything just felt so wrong. I had a disaster in my hands and none of the equipment to fix it, and I had never felt more helpless as pain wrapped itself around my imprint bond like barbed wire.

I thought imprinting was supposed to be easy. I thought it was supposed to be cartoon hearts sticking out of my eyes and milkshake dates and weddings and kids, but it wasn't.

This… this was pain and frustration and sleepless nights and everything nobody ever told me about finding your soulmate.

Let me start from the beginning.

When I was fourteen and my entire life had seemingly spun on its head overnight, there was a lot of information I was forced to process as my eyes opened to a very new, and very scary, reality. There's a lot of books out there that tell you how to move on after the death of a parent, but I'm still looking for a guide that helps you deal with death while adjusting to your new life as a shapeshifting werewolf. So far, I haven't had much luck finding any source material for that.

None of us in the pack were ever prepared for the responsibility that had been handed down to us. I thought fourteen was going to be the year I actually got a girlfriend, maybe I would have started playing recreational soccer in Forks and experiencing all of the stereotypical "firsts" of every high school freshman. My first real date, first party, first love, and maybe I'd even drink a beer or two- I watched the kids I grew up with do all of these things, and I had no reason to think my life would be any different.

But instead, I spent a majority of my fourteenth year trying not to die, trying to protect other people from dying, and making sure that none of my pack brothers killed Leah during one of her "questionable moments," even if she might have deserved it.

When you spend such a big part of your life- a fundamental part of your growing up, no less- thinking about and avoiding death, you kind of forget what living is supposed to feel like.

I was a kid, yet I wasn't. I had killed creatures that were completely unimaginable to the average person at the same time my voice was cracking, I had looked evil straight in the eye while my former classmates were taking their freshman final exams. It was hard to think about things like school and SATs when for the better part of two years, my biggest concern was whether or not a global immortal pseudo-government solely made of vampires was going to murder me and my friends or turn me into some kind of wolf-slave.

There wasn't much time to think about girlfriends or college, or any of the other worries a normal teenage boy would have.

But in that same regard, there was one thing that was a beacon of light in a very dark tunnel. I didn't have a father anymore, I didn't even have many friends outside of the pack due to my obligations and absence from school for almost all of freshman and sophomore year, but I did have this. I had a single chance.

It was the same chance so many of my pack brothers had gotten, a chance granted by the very same "higher powers" that gifted us with our shapeshifting abilities in the first place. There weren't any guarantees, of course, but there was a possibility.

It was the chance to have what Sam had with Emily, what Embry had with Leah, what Paul had with Rachel, and even what Quil had with Claire (well, hopefully not that one. But I wasn't picky). And a little later, it was a chance to have what Jacob had with Renesmee, even though their situation had pretty much defied all of the logic that was supposed to explain these relationships and why they happened. I could have a soulmate, a person who I could love and protect for the rest of my life and in turn, I would be a better wolf, a better person, for it.

It was a "rare phenomenon," supposedly. My first real pack and their imprints were proof that it was clearly not as rare as we all thought. So, as an optimistic person, I held out hope that I'd be one of the lucky few.

But time went on, and a year and a half had passed by without any sign of anyone else imprinting. There were a handful of new pups in the combined Jake- Sam superpack, yet no one had found their match, and I started to wonder if the metaphorical well of imprint magic had dried up.

But then came Kim Conweller.

Jared imprinted on a girl he had only ever known distantly as his sister's best friend. He apparently never made eye contact with her since she was so shy and he avoided his own home like the plague, but after years of simply passing by each other without even exchanging a real conversation, it took one collision on the way to the bathroom to change everything.

And I started to think.

Maybe, I did have an imprint out there waiting for me. Maybe, she was right here, right around me and I didn't even know it. She could have been a person I already knew even if I didn't really know her, like Jared had with Kim. Maybe it was a girl I had seen a million times before, but just never had that quick second of eye contact to confirm if the connection was there.

When I imprinted on Maggie Cameron, there was a huge part of me that was completely shocked out of my mind, and another part of me that couldn't help but think, "Yes, it's her. Of course it's her."

Moody didn't know me. But I knew her.

Well, kind of.

It all started on the day Jared imprinted on Kim. Jared was generally very closed off in his thoughts in our pack mind, choosing only to share what he deemed essential as he locked away all of his memories and feelings into a vault far from all of us. He was among the first three on the rez to phase, and Jake once told me as the pack steadily got bigger, Jared spent as much time as possible building up little walls in his head, brick by brick, so none of us could peak through. "He's a really private person. You'd get it if you knew why," Jacob had said.

However, when you imprint, your self-control goes out the metaphorical window. The walls in Jared's head came barreling down, and his thoughts, feelings, and everything revolving around Kim Conweller spilled into the pack mind like a dam had burst. It was like watching their imprint on a projection screen, and we all saw Jared fall head over heels for his sister's best friend as guilt consumed them both.

The shame and the desperation circling around Jared's thoughts was impossible to ignore. The entire combined pack watched Kim cry in our own heads, sobbing about how Moody would hate them both and never forgive them for what they had done behind her back. At that time, I had no idea who Moody was, it was a nickname I had not yet associated with Jared's sister until I saw an image of her in his head. But she was no longer a little girl with raven black hair down to her waist and tears streaking down plump, red cheeks, at a sixth-grade fish bake. Little Maggie Cameron was an actual girl now.

Her dark hair was cut just above her shoulders, and around average height if not a little taller. She was slim and a little lanky in the same way I knew Jared had been before he phased, and her full, pink lips lifted into a lopsided smile. The resemblance between her and her brother was obvious; they shared the very same high cheekbones and sharp features even though she had an unmistakable softness Jared didn't possess. She had been a cute little kid when I saw her all those years ago, but I couldn't help but think… she was pretty now.

Unfortunately, my observation hadn't gone unnoticed. Jared had given me a dangerous, wild-eyed look as we patrolled together, and I tried to push my thoughts about his sister as far back into my head as I could.

"What the fuck… did you just check out my sister?!" Jared growled loudly. I gulped.

"I… I just thought she was pretty, that's all!"

In seconds he was bounding towards me. I was fast, but not fast enough, and I found myself completely knocked off my paws and hurdling down a hill of the preserve.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't realize…. I'm sorry!" I apologized profusely as he slammed into me once again.

"Hey!" Embry yelled at him seriously. "Knock it off! He said he was sorry, let it go."

Jared snapped his teeth at me, his lips curling as he gave me a cross look. I wouldn't fight back, of course. I was in the wrong for even thinking about his sister in the first place, and to think anything of… a suggestive nature, while Jared was dealing with their sibling issues, was just plain stupid on my part.

"I'm sorry, really!" I exclaimed. He took a step back, his anger still rolling off of him in waves as I ducked my head and my ears flattened against my skull. "Fucking creep," he snapped. "You come near her, I'll do more than kick your ass."

"I'm sorry."

"I heard you the first time."

The beatdown I got from Jared was still a sore spot for me. And unfortunately, it wouldn't be my first.

So I kept my distance out of respect for my pack brother. I never let my thoughts stray when I was on patrol, and as school started back up for me, I made sure to keep my head down and focus. But sometimes, even when I didn't want to, the image of Maggie Cameron would loom in my head like it meant something.

When I had was told what imprinting was like, I was given the same "gravity moves, blah, blah, blah" speech everyone else had gotten, and from my voyeuristic experience through the pack mind, it seemed pretty accurate. But nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the moment I met a pair of slate grey eyes for the first time.

Gravity hadn't moved. If anything, I had never experienced gravity before this. It was as if I hadn't been bound to anything before- I was a floating molecule roaming around without anything tying me down to the ground, but within a millisecond of eye contact, two huge anchors pulled me by the ankles and brought me back to Earth.

If you've ever been on a rollercoaster with your eyes closed and felt the swoop in your stomach once you go downhill, this was that feeling times a million. My entire body was humming with an energy I had never experienced, and my thoughts were totally and entirely consumed by this…this angel, sitting in front of me. My throat was strangled with emotion, but I couldn't help but stare at her in awe as I looked at her.

Even though Jared had basically attempted to murder me when he found out about the imprint, I couldn't keep my distance and both of us knew it. Soon, I found myself slipping under the head-spinning spell that was Moody Cameron, hanging onto every word she said and smiling at her like a maniac as she slowly but surely allowed me into her life. Luckily, aside from the initial imprint bond, I found out that we actually shared a lot of similar interests. She was an intrinsically fascinating person, with peculiar passions and an almost alarming amount of commitment for the things and people she loved. Underneath the quietness, there was a wry sensibility offset by her sweet nature and I just wanted lose myself in her. I wanted to give her everything she wanted, everything she deserved, and I knew I would walk to the ends of the Earth for her if she ever asked.

Moody was all long legs hidden away under black stockings and skirts and mom jeans, her torso swallowed up by big sweaters and turtlenecks. She'd hide behind the short, black locks in front of her face like a curtain, and when I looked closely enough, I could see the scattering of little freckles across the bridge of her nose. Moody's smiles made my throat tighten no matter how faint they were, and the unconscious way she'd bounce her foot against the ground in those big, clunky black boots of hers always made my eyes go soft. I knew it was wrong of me, but sometimes, I'd imagine her in a pretty white dress walking down an aisle as I cried like a baby on the other end. Other times, I'd wonder if our future children would have her eyes. I hoped they would.

Above all else, Moody loved without really understanding what it meant to love anyone. She didn't have a wide circle of people in her life, and I knew beyond Kim, beyond Jared, there was a distinct kind of melancholy loneliness surrounding her. I could see the tenderness in her expression when she looked at me, and there was something heartbreaking about the way I could tell she didn't think she was special enough to catch anyone's attention, never mind mine. She lost herself in our newfound friendship in the way she lost herself in her friendship with Kim, and maybe I should have thought a little more about that before I screwed everything up.

Because the thing about people like Moody is if they can love that strongly, they can hurt just as much.

Even though I found myself in a state of euphoria ever since I imprinted, I had also never expected my life to be filled with so much pain.

"Wow."

Leah sat on the sofa next to a very quiet Embry, their faces carefully blank as I explained just how much of a mess I had made between Moody and I. My hands were wringing at my sides, and I licked my lips nervously as I awaited their reactions. "You… you really weren't joking when you said you fucked up."

"Please," I begged my sister, my head in my hands as I sat on the loveseat adjacent to theirs. "Please help me. I need… I need to fix this."

Leah exchanged a glance with Embry, a knowing look passing between them that I couldn't discern. "Do you really want to hear what I have to say? Or do you want me to make you feel better?" she asked me seriously.

"Tell me the truth," I replied, bracing myself to hear that I had done too much to ruin things, I had inflicted too much damage on the relationship that even the imprint wouldn't be able to fix it.

"…I think you're a coward."

My eyes widened as I looked at her, but the expression on her face told me she wasn't joking. There was nothing funny about the stoic look on her face. I sat silently as I waited for her to continue because really, I was in no position to defend myself. She was right. I was a coward, and a full-blown fucking idiot to make things worse.

"You don't want to pursue anything with Moody until she knows about the pack, imprinting, and everything else. But you have no plans of telling her about it? So… you're just basically allowing her to feel the connection of the imprint without even telling her what it is. She's probably feeling like pure shit at your rejection since the imprint itself is supposed to prevent that," Leah explained. "How much longer are you willing to draw things out with her, Seth? Do you want to wait until she tries to off herself because her heart feels like it's been torn in two? Because she's breaking and you know it, yet you're doing… nothing."

Leah's words hit me like ice water.

My face spasmed in pain at the idea of Moody hurting herself, and the words she said to me the other day on the cliff surfaced in my mind as I sat silently. I knew that her misery, the pain … the imprint bond had pulled on her heart relentlessly while she tried to understand all on her own why she felt so fucking empty, and I had felt it. I felt all of the hurt I was placing on her, and everything… all of this was all my fault. If… if something had ever happened to her, I would never be able to live with myself.

No, something deep in the recesses of my mind growled inside of me. That's not going to happen. We're not going to LET that happen.

"I don't… I don't want to push her or give her any reason to run away if I tell her possibly the most terrifying information she'll ever hear. I… I wanted more time. I wanted her to start feeling better before I told her anything," I replied. In my mind, my imprint was basically a flight-risk. I had no idea how she'd respond since she rarely ever reacted to anything the way I thought she would, and I failed to see how telling her that werewolves and vampires exist would keep her from getting as far away from me as possible. "I am like, the only person she really talks to. If I tell her everyone she knows is involved in the supernatural community and the only reason why I'm even allowed to tell her is because fate chose her to be my lifelong soulmate, she's gonna run." I rubbed a hand clumsily across my face, still feeling at a complete loss as to what to do.

Leah scoffed at me. "Okay, first of all, give her the benefit of the doubt. Moody obviously likes you, god knows why-

"Thanks."

"-And regardless of her relationship with Jared, he's still her brother. Once you actually show her what you are, she can't exactly deny that it's real. Second of all, look at all the other imprints who fought it. I fought it, Emily fought it, hell, Kim fought it. And look where we all are now. She can't stay away forever, that not how the imprint works."

I felt something tense in my chest loosen at her words, a small relief washing over me even though I knew I didn't deserve it. One of the major reasons I had pushed to be friends with Moody, beyond the fact that I actually liked her and enjoyed every minute I spent with her, was because I didn't want her to feel stuck with me. I wanted her to like me because of who I was and who I could prove myself to be in her life, not because fate had tied us together without even giving her the option of choosing someone else. I had hoped that by the time I told her about the imprint, our relationship would already be strong enough to withstand the blow.

But obviously I done a piss- poor job of proving to be anything more than shackles tied to her ankles, weighing her down as she drowned in her own sorrows because I made a bad call.

"Think about it this way," Leah interrupted my exhale, and I felt my shoulders straighten at her tone. "Every day you don't tell her about what's going on, that's another day she's cut off from the real you. That's another day that she's cut off from her brother and her best friend, because she doesn't have the information to understand why things are happening. Moody thinks that her brother and her best friend chose each other over her. It's exactly what I thought when Sam imprinted on Emily."

"That was different- "

"No, it wasn't. Seth, I was basically in Maggie's shoes when the four-way shitshow broke out between Emily, Sam, Embry, and me. My boyfriend and my cousin fell into a relationship before he and I were even broken up. I felt betrayed and I felt like I had lost two people I loved because they just wanted a quick hookup. I would have… I would have never forgiven them if it hadn't been for Embry," Leah said softly, her hand wrapping around his as he gave her a fond look.

"But you saw what Embry felt for you. You could see it in the pack mind, and you're one of us. She might never fully understand how much I feel for her. She…Moody doesn't even believe I actually like her as a person. Even if she understands the imprint, she's never going to feel like I chose her," I told her.

Embry leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he looked at me. "But dude, that's kinda your job, anyway. Like, even if you guys were in a regular relationship, it's your job as her boyfriend to make sure she knows you actually like her and give a shit about her."

"Seth, you need to figure out what you want. Moody isn't going to change overnight because you want her to act in a way that you think she should. She is never going to trust you or be honest with you, imprint or not, if you keep trying to force her to tell you how she feels all the time. Even if her reactions don't make sense to you, you have to consider the fact that she's a sixteen-year-old girl with a fucked- up family, and you're the one that's supposed to make her feel safe," Leah demanded.

"So how do I fix it?" I said, my voice full of exasperation. "How do I get myself out of this mess? What do I have to do?"

A beat of silence passed between us, and Leah searched my red-rimmed eyes as I blinked in an attempt to suppress any tears from falling. I was just so frustrated. Everything I said and did blew up in my face, and my imprint was paying the price for my bad judgement. I couldn't stop seeing the heartbroken expression on Moody's face replay in my mind like a broken record, and I could feel the wolf part of me pacing back and forth as if it was behind a cage. It wanted out, it wanted my imprint's approval, it wanted to stop being pushed away every time I saw her. Something in me had awakened when I kissed her, and I couldn't undo what I had already done.

"If you want a fighting chance to be with her, and if you want her to stop feeling like pure shit all the time, you need to go and tell her the truth."

And the truth was, I wanted her. I wanted her forever, for the rest of our lives, and if it meant I had to tell her everything so I could give her the imprint she deserved, then that's just what I'd do.

Even if it scared the hell out of me.

I wasn't exactly an "experienced" guy when it came to romance. I had never had a serious girlfriend, and the one man I would have spoken to about all my girl problems wasn't here anymore. I had asked Leah and Embry what I should do, but not how to do it, and I felt myself feeling slightly embarrassed as I stood outside of Moody's window with absolutely no plan.

I knew she was in her room, and I knew which room was hers because I would phase and sit in the woods behind her house for weeks as I listened to her cry herself to sleep listening to that same, sad folk song through her headphones. Even though I wasn't wolf form now, I could still hear the melancholy lyrics of a melancholy Joe Purdy song play from the speakers in her ears.

"And we danced all night as the rain came down,

And you held my hand as we slept on the ground,

And we wrote our names in the old oak wood,

I guess some things don't work out like they should.

Do you miss me?"

I tapped on her window, my throat tightening as I waited for her to come over and notice me. I had always seen things like this in movies, where the girl comes to the windowsill and sees the guy that's trying to woo her. Maybe he would throw pebbles at the glass or stand outside with a stereo over his head. In a big confession of love, she'd fall into his arms and they'd live happily ever after.

In this case, I was fidgeting awkwardly in pure silence with no shirt on in the middle of the night. Not exactly a cinematic moment for me, but I didn't really have time at my disposal to prepare some kind of grand gesture.

But man, I really should have come here with something.

Nobody came to the window. I rapped on it again with my knuckles a little harder, realizing it was possible that she didn't hear me because she had headphones on. I bit my bottom lip until it was practically bleeding because I was so nervous, and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other as I waited in another dead silence.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I had totally and utterly fucked all of this up, maybe she knew I was out here waiting for her and she didn't want to see me. I would understand it if she didn't; only hours ago I completely rejected her after kissing her and allowed her to walk home alone in the cold. I wouldn't have opened the window for me, either.

I knocked on the window again, my fingers drumming against the window in an attempt to get her attention. If this didn't work, I would just have to text her and see if-

Suddenly, two grey eyes peered from behind her curtain fearfully. I could hear Moody's heart beating a million miles a minute through the glass, and her terror gave way to complete confusion as she stared at me with red-rimmed circles around her grey orbs.

I waved hello uncomfortably and motioned for her to open the window, and with a flabbergasted blink, I saw her flick open the lock and slide the glass over.

Moody looked like she had been through absolute hell, and I knew she had been after what I put her through. Her cheeks were still damp with mostly- dried tears, and her hair was askew from sleep. She looked at me like she wasn't quite sure if I was real or not, and we stood in front of each other quietly as crickets chirped in the distance.

"Hi," I said breathily, my eyes searching hers as she looked at me hesitantly. Moody's big, grey eyes blinked at me, and her mouth was pulled into a tight grimace, but she was here. I just needed her to listen to me for a few minutes, and then maybe, just maybe, I could pull us both out of the hole I had unknowingly dug for our relationship.

"Seth," Moody said wearily. "It is three in the morning."

Okay, so it was a little later than I thought it was. I must have spent an hour out darting between the trees in the back of her home, walking back and forth as I tried to build the courage to do this.

"This can't wait," I blurted out. She gave me a warning glare as she scanned around her, a silent way of telling me to lower my voice. "I need you to come outside," I whispered.

Moody gave me an incredulous look, her eyes narrowed as she shook her head. "What?! What…what are you even doing here? How did you even know which window was mine?!" she hissed as quietly as she could.

"Look," I swallowed. "I… I need to talk to you, I need to tell you something really, really fucking important."

"Why… can't this wait until tomorrow?! Are… are you shirtless?!"

"Maggie, please. I… I am begging you. Please, please come outside."

Moody shook her head at me, her hand already flying up to the top of the windowsill to shut it. My hand flew up just in time, and I forced it open as her eyes widened. "Seth, go home!"

"I can't. I can't until I tell you this, okay? I… I am so, so sorry. I'm sorry for everything and I need to talk to you, so please just come outside so we can talk."

I could see her jaw clench angrily as she glared at me. "Is this really that important to you? That we do this at three in the morning?"

"Yes. Yes, please, just… just let me explain, okay?"

Moody inhaled slowly and closed her eyes, her mouth still pursed as her hands went back to the window. She closed it slowly and gave me a seething glance. She held up her index finger angrily. Wait, she said silently.

My fingers tapped against my sides as I waited for her, my breaths leaving my body quicker as I listened for her feet padding against the floors of her home and then finally, the front door opening slowly in an effort to muffle her noise.

She moved across the grass to the side of her home where I was standing near her window, and she held a hand up to her eyes to shield herself from me. "Why aren't you wearing clothes," Moody muttered, her voice tired as her fingers pressed against her temple.

"I'm going to…I'm going to explain that, okay? Everything is going to make sense in a minute. I… I kind of need you to follow me," I croaked. Her eyes narrowed again, and she took a step backwards. My heart twisted at her hesitation.

"Wha- No! I'm not…what?! Where?!" she whisper-yelled. I held my hands up submissively, and I took a step back from her as I tried to give her some space. "I-I know it sounds crazy, okay? But I promise, I promise you Maggie, I will not hurt you. Okay? I just… I need to tell you something, I need to talk to you."

"Why do we have to do this in the middle of the night?! I'm fucking exhausted, Seth!"

"It's because I know, okay? I know I have absolutely, one hundred percent fucked this up. Because I really, really like you and I didn't mean what I said earlier, but I need… I need to explain why I said it. Please, please just follow me," I confessed slowly, watching her eyes widen at my words. She wrinkled her nose in disbelief but nodded slowly, and I felt a breath I didn't know I was holding leave my body.

She walked slightly behind me as I walked into the direction of the woods, and I was grateful the moon was bright out so she could see me in the darkness. Moody blanched as she saw where we were headed and halted in place. "No," she spit out. "No! I am not… I am not about to go into the woods at night with you! There's wild animals out there!"

A nervous laugh bubbled out of me before I could shove it back down, and she gave me a wary glance as if I was a crazy person. "That's… you'll be okay, alright? I promise, nothing's going to hurt you."

"What… there could be, like, a serial killer, or a crazy person… what if there's a bear?!"

"I promise I'll protect to you. Just… just follow me. I swear to god, you're going to be completely okay."

"How are you going to- "

I turned on my heel and faced her, my hands on her shoulders as I lowered my gaze to meet hers. "You… I need you to trust me, okay? I need you to listen to me, Maggie. I'm dead serious, I will not let anything bad happen to you."

Moody searched my eyes, and I stared back at her as I allowed her to discern my honesty from my features. "I… I don't know if I believe you," she whispered. My face fell and my shoulders slumped, but I nodded. "I know… I know you don't, and I deserve that. But I'm asking for you to give me one chance to make this right. One."

I could see her inner debate written all over her expression, the way her features scrunched up in aggravation as she looked at me dubiously. I just needed her to give me my shot. I needed just ten minutes to say what I needed to say.

"Fine. Let's just go and get this over with. I swear to god, Seth…" she snapped.

This was definitely not how I imagined this going when I thought of how I would do this weeks ago, but I really did deserve whatever she said to me after the shit I pulled. But an unfair little part of me felt hurt at her words.

We walked into the forest just far enough that it was still fairly well-lit and close enough to her backyard so she could feel less afraid. I took a deep breath and turned towards her.

Moody was wearing a big oversized sweatshirt with a Space Jam cartoon graphic, and a pair of penguin pajama pants were halfheartedly tucked into her favorite black boots. "I like your sweatshirt," I blurted out as we stared at each other. I felt my cheeks turn bright red as I watched her expression look continuously unimpressed, her arms crossing across her chest as she turned her head. "You know what, I'm going to leave if- "

"Sorry, sorry! I, uh, I was just… I'm nervous," I interrupted, my hand rubbing the back of my neck in embarrassment. She glared at me silently, her eyes still shiny from the hours of crying I could tell she had done before I came to her house.

I took a shaky breath and straightened my spine as I looked at her and cleared my throat. "Okay…"

"…Okay…?"

God, this was so much harder than I thought it would be. I felt vulnerable and strange, and maybe even a little fearful as I looked at my imprint. I hated that I was the cause of her tears, that my cowardice had made her feel insignificant and unworthy. But I was going to make things right. I needed to.

"I… I wasn't exactly lying before," I stammered. "When I kissed you. I… I shouldn't have done that, and I didn't mean to do that."

Moody's face contorted into grief and anger, and she took a step back from me. "That's…that's what you asked me to come out here for? To tell me that again?!"

I stepped closer to her and took her hand firmly, her eyes still filled with fury as she glanced up at me. "Wait, let me explain," I said breathily, feeling my heart pound against my chest. "I… I wasn't lying, but I… I do have feelings for you, Maggie. I want you, okay? But I shouldn't have done that without talking to you, without… without making myself clear. There are some… some things you don't know."

She stood silently as her mouth gaped open, her brows furrowed in confusion. "W-Wait, what? ….What?"

"Maggie," I whispered. "I like you. I like you a lot, I like everything about you even though you drive me a little nuts. You're my favorite person. You're… you're my person. I never meant to make you feel like I was turning you away."

Moody shook her head at me. "No," she said seriously. "I don't know what you're… I don't know why you're saying this, I don't know if- "

I squeezed her hands reassuringly and she cut herself off with an abrupt gulp, her blanched face paling as I bore into her eyes. "I… I'm a complete fucking idiot, Moody. I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing, okay? I… I couldn't tell if you genuinely liked me."

"Why? I… What? I… I wanted you to kiss me," she said quietly. "I thought… I thought that maybe you didn't… that I pressured you or something, that you didn't…"

"No, Moody," I told her seriously. "I wanted to kiss you. I want to kiss you. I want… I want everything with you."

Her eyes watered and her eyes flickered to the ground. "Then… then why did you say that? Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place?"

"Because there's some things you don't know about me," I said gruffly, my voice choked with emotion. "I… I have some secrets, and I didn't think it was fair that I… that we take that step without you knowing everything."

"What… kind of secrets?" she asked.

I was terrified. My nervousness from before was completely taken over by total, unadulterated fear as I looked at the girl I loved more than anything wait for me to speak, her big grey eyes looking at me expectantly.

But my human brain, the one that was telling me to look at the frightened look on her face and see what I'd done, it was telling me this… this wasn't the time.

I was chickening out.

I was chickening the fuck out.

I couldn't even help it. It was like my lips had been glued shut even though my mouth was gaping like a fish, and a bead of sweat formed at my brow. I couldn't do this here, not now.

"I… I want to tell you," I said raspily. "I do."

"Then just tell me, Seth. Are you… are you in some sort of trouble…?"

I shook my head vehemently. "No," I promised. "It… it involves something in our culture. In our tribe."

Moody gave me an appraising look, examining the fear I knew was on my face as she narrowed her eyes. "Are… are we like, distant cousins, or something…?"

"What? No! I mean… no, I don't think so." God, I hoped not.

"Okay, then what is it? Just… just tell me. Y-You're really starting to freak me out," she told me quietly.

I cleared my throat in an effort to say what I needed to say. This is what I came here to do, in addition to telling her my feelings I needed to tell her the real truth, the whole truth, but I just couldn't. My tongue felt too big for my mouth, and no matter how much my common sense pushed at the fear stuck in my mind, it wouldn't budge. I felt paralyzed.

"I…Okay, have… have you ever had a secret that you just couldn't ever tell anyone? Like, it was such a big secret that… it's the most important thing in your life?" I gritted out roughly. She shook her head in confusion, and I sighed as I watched her become increasingly more apprehensive. "Seth…what…?"

God, I was even fucking up my own attempt at fixing my fuckup. Why couldn't I just say it? Why couldn't I just say, "Oh, by the way, I'm a shapeshifting werewolf that kills vampires to help protect our tribe?" The words would just… they were stuck, and I stared at her like a deer in the headlights as my mind continued to battle inwardly. Wait. Just wait a little while longer. She can wait, you both can, said one part. Seth, you are wasting time. Precious time you could spend actually being with her, said the other.

"Can… Can I ask you for something I know I don't deserve?" I asked, my voice laced with resignation. Moody blinked at me and nodded unsurely. Silence erupted between us as I tried to force the words to leave my mouth once again, but they just wouldn't.

"I… I need more time to tell you," I begged. "I-I promise, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't the… if it wasn't the biggest secret I've ever had. I care about you so much, and I… I want to be with you more than anything. Please, please… give me a few weeks to tell you. Just so… just so I can prepare, okay?"

She gave me an incredulous look, and I sighed deeply as I looked at the ground in shame. I had killed dozens of vampires, but for some reason, telling my imprint my biggest secret was scarier than anything the Volturi could ever do to me.

"I… I mean, what do you want from me? Like, you came here… to tell me you… you want to be with me, but you don't want to be with me…without telling me this secret, that you still… won't tell me?" she asked in disbelief. Yes, I thought to myself. That's exactly what's happening, and I literally couldn't tell you why my entire brain shutdown at the prospect of telling you about how I spend a good fifty percent of my time.

I held her hands in mine, holding them firmly as I stared down at her when I finally lifted my gaze from the dirt below me. "I… I want you to give me a chance. To show you that I want to be with you, that I want us to be together. Can… can we try that before I tell you? I just… I want you to know me, like that, before I tell you. Because I don't want anything to change between us when I finally do, I don't… I don't want you to run away."

"I'm… I mean, I'm not going to… run away, but… can you promise me something?" Moody asked. I nodded. "Can you promise… like, you don't… you don't kill people, right? You don't… hurt anyone? You're not involved in some kind of- "

"No," I interrupted seriously. "I've never hurt or killed a person. I'm not… it's nothing criminal or anything like that. It's just, it's a part of my life you need to know about, but it's nothing… you don't have to be afraid of me. I will always, always, protect you. You…you're the most important person in my life, Moody. I know you might not believe me, but I want to show you that I mean it."

Her hands felt a little warmer in mine, and I could see her cheeks heat as she absorbed my words. She nodded slowly to herself, deep in thought as she searched my face for any sign of a lie. Seeing none, she let out a strange laugh even though she didn't sound like she was happy. "I just… I mean, you're saying all this… and I want to believe you, because I like you too, but… but why me? You seem… very sure that I'm the one you want. Y-You could have anyone."

I pulled her closer to me, the graphic of her Space Jam sweatshirt scraping against my bare chest. Her eyes were wide and bright, a mixture of confusion and hope as she looked up at me. "You're not just anyone to me," I whispered. "Remember?"

"I… I know. You're…you're not just anyone to me, either."

"Let me… let me prove to you all the reasons why I like you. I'll tell you every day about all of the things I love about you, I've… I haven't done that and I want you to see yourself the way I see you. I won't leave you, okay? But… I just need some time to get to the other stuff. If you'll let me. If you want to wait, or you don't… if you don't want to do this at all- "

Moody squeezed my hands and my mouth snapped shut. "I… I don't know if I'll regret this, I-I hope that I won't, because I don't know… I don't know if I could bear it, but… but I'll try for you, okay? I'll try and let you…try. But I need you to promise me something. I'll… I'll wait for you, but you have to…you have to wait for me, too."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Of course I'll wait for you, but what is it?"

She looked at me shyly and shook her head. I pushed a piece of hair behind her ear so I could see her, so I could see all of her, and I looked into her pale grey eyes. "You can tell me anything."

"I-I haven't… I've never been with anyone. I've never, I've never dated… nobody has ever… do you know what I'm saying?" she questioned quietly. I nodded my head, and I placed my palms on the sides of her face reassuringly. It reminded me so much of the way we stood together at First Beach, her shiny, blinking eyes looking into mine as I watched her cheeks pinken beautifully. That moment on the beach was nothing compared to the one we were sharing now.

"I'll… I'll never push you for anything. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do, and we can go as slowly as you want. If you decide you want to just be friends, we'll go right back to that, okay? But I need you to know, I really, really like you. And I don't plan on letting you go again. I never want to make you feel like you did before, and I… I just want to make my intentions clear, this time," I replied.

I grazed her cheekbone with my thumb, bringing it all the way up to her eyelashes as I pushed her stubborn stray locks back again. "Can I kiss you?" I asked her. "Can I kiss you and not fuck up everything so badly this time?"

Moody bit her lip. "Y-You said you wanted to prove it to me. So, p-prove it to me."

Maybe… Maybe it was because I had made my feelings known, and I had, at the very least, eluded to the fact that there was a secret she didn't know about. Maybe it was because I could feel love seeping through the imprint bond in a way it hadn't before; love that I had been pushing back against until I thought we were both ready. Maybe it was because I knew I wasn't going to mess this up again, and I could see that Moody started to believe that I wouldn't either.

Or maybe it was because Moody's big, grey eyes shined brightly as the moon shined above us, casting a glow on her skin as dark shadows fell around the angles of her face. The way her lips parted when I tilted my head to the side to capture them in mine, or the way we both smiled as our teeth clicked against each other and I felt the bond between us strengthen, cutting at the barbed wire wrapped around our connection. The way her eyes glistened, but with happy tears, this time.

Maybe it was that damn Space Jam sweatshirt, I don't know.

But our second kiss was way, way better than our first.

A/N: Hello everyone! I am so, so happy you guys have all been hanging in there- I know Moody's depression has been quite a lot for some of my readers and I totally understand. I really wanted to highlight her "lowest point" so I could give some ebb and flow to the rest of the story. I am a really, really long writer and I love using a lot of detail, so I know it's been a lot. But I'm really happy to share this with you- because who better to talk about his own fuckup than Seth, himself? I hope you guys liked the way I ended this chapter, and also keep in mind, this is not a "cure all" but there won't be as much consecutively depressing content. But please stay tuned for more, and continue to follow, favorite, and review!

P.S. For someone who hates the 1975, I thought it would be quite adequate for Seth's chapter to have a the 1975 reference:) Did you guys catch that?

Love always,

Fairylight2003