Harri takes everyone by surprise once more right after everyone's just sat down, saying "I'll start this time, whether there's objections or not."
Dumbledore immediately says "Harri, my girl, I think it'd be best if you leave things such as this to those who've been trained in them." His tone sounds grandfatherly, but the look in his eyes says not to fight him on this.
Which means its no surprise to Voldemort when Harri gives the man a smile like a viper, her hair going a vibrant mix of red and orange as she crosses her arms and says "Well, Albus," the older man looks furious for a minute, even as everyone else bar the Dark Lord himself openly gapes at her, "funny you should mention that. You see, most of the student population was under the distinct impression that I was trained for…well, stuff like this. They all said you'd been telling everyone for years that you were having me trained in Pureblood customs and such. So…which is it? Have I been trained, or not? I'm sure everyone listening would just love an answer as to exactly how you've been doing your job as my Magical Guardian all these years." She leans back, her hair going fully red as she watches Dumbledore flounder for an answer and getting darker by the moment.
Nagini quietly hisses "Hatchling is like a Viper that has just found her fangs, striking at everyone in reach. And her venom is strong. She will make a good addition to the Nest." Voldemort has to agree with his Familiar's assessment, even if it is still too early for the last part - Harri's acting very much like an agitated Black Mamba, lashing out at anyone who tries to get near.
Merlin help him if Nagini decides to adopt her suddenly.
After a minute, one in which her hair's gone dark red in her anger, Harri asks "No? Nothing at all, Albus? Well, then I guess I'll go anyway, because I want the entirety of Wizarding Britain to hear this loud and clear."
A Goblin quickly silences Dumbledore, as he opens his mouth to interrupt Harri.
"First, I'm not going back to Hogwarts. I withdraw, effective right this fucking second. Any trolls get in, or another Basilisk starts going through the pipes petrifying kids until the Mandrakes in the greenhouses mature, or you hide another Sorcerer's Stone behind an obstacle course three Firsties could get through in the Dungeons, or you want to send two Third Years back in time to free an innocent man before he gets a make-out session with Dementors, send someone else. I'm done being your child soldier."
Amelia Bones looks absolutely horrified, and asks "Can you…explain all of that?! A troll? A BASILISK?! Going back in time to save an innocent man?! Exactly WHAT has been going on in that school all this time?!" She's heard Susan's stories, but they never came close to…any of that!
Harri gives Madam Bones a sardonic smile, and asks "Would you like this list in alphabetical or chronological order? I, personally, am leaning more towards chronological myself."
Fudge, meanwhile, is doing a goldfish impression - he's so clearly out of his depth that its laughably, ridiculously pathetic.
"Where was I? Right, shoving it in the Wizarding World's face just how badly they've fucked themselves over." Harri's smile turns caustic as her voice, even as her hair goes so dark red its almost black.
"Second, I'm suing the Ministry. Had they done their fucking job, investigating things instead of just doing what's convenient, a lot of things would be different. My Godfather, Sirius Black, wouldn't have been sent to Azkaban without a trial. Memories and statements would've been taken at the end of my Third Year, instead of one sodding spineless sop of a Minister deciding three teenagers with their Wands had been Confunded into believing said man was innocent and ordering him Kissed - still without that trial, or consulting…oh, say the Head of the Aurors, or Madam Bones over there. Perhaps I wouldn't have been forced to compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, as I was illegally entered. Along with so very much out of my league and overwhelmed I was constantly torn between breaking down in hysterical laughter or hysterical sobbing while wondering why it was always me. And, speaking of the Tournament…Cedric Diggory's death would've been FUCKING INVESTIGATED! Along with the Dementor attack and my usage of a Patronus Charm in front of my BLOODY COUSIN - you know, the one I've been forced to LIVE WITH all these years. The one who knew about me being a Witch - so, tell me, exactly how did I break the Statute of Secrecy by saving my bloody life and his?"
Voldemort has to wonder, just then, if Harri remembers that they're broadcasting live and every single person in the Wizarding World knows where Gringotts is. Then the thought hits him that she truly doesn't care any longer.
Fudge goes a bright red, and says "Now, see here! I'm the Minister of Magic, you cannot-"
Harri gives him an 'eat shit and die' look, and deadpans "You're a spineless sop, Fudge, and the only reason you were elected is because your bribable."
Half the people at the table are staring at Harri in various stages of shock and horror, the others look like they're mentally facepalming and preparing themselves for whatever else she says. Voldemort just considers himself lucky to be in the latter category, as the former clearly hasn't had to get to know her at all and is completely thrown.
He clears his throat, keeping any and all amusement out of his expression - remembering the barrage of questions she threw at him in the Chamber, an attempt at distracting him that worked…better than it honestly should have - and says "I was under the impression these were peace talks, Heiress Potter."
Harri snorts, her hair going orange in her sarcasm, and says "I came here to make peace with you, not with him. All you've done over the years is try to kill me," her lips twist into a bitter smile, "and everyone tries to do that. I don't know whether you've been reading the paper or not, but just in case…"
She sticks her hand into that front pocket, and comes out with a stack of newspapers. Harri takes the top paper, and reads "'Harri Potter, Disturbed and Dangerous' by Rita Skeeter. 'The Girl Who Lies?' by Rita Skeeter. 'Lets hope he hasn't got a scar on his forehead, or we'll be asked to worship him next.' Tell me, exactly why should I do anything like make peace with the people who've been calling me a…what was it, exactly? Oh, yes, an 'attention seeking, lying brat.' 'A deluded, attention-seeking person who thinks she's a great tragic hero. With the ghosts of my past glistening in my eyes, and a pathological need for attention.'" A gaze that's gone Avada-green lands squarely on Fudge, even as her hair's gone the color of dried blood once more - she's so pissed off.
The sound of Rita audibly swallowing can be heard at the table - something tells him there'll be one less Animagus in the world soon enough, if Harri gets her way.
"Oh, yes, and there's the detail that Fudge either endorsed or at least enabled Dolores Umbridge's torture of the student population with a Blood Quill."
Amelia all but shrieks "WHAT?!"
In response, Harri holds up her left hand and flexes it - showing the words 'I must not tell lies.' perfectly clearly. "Didn't you hear? She had the full backing of the Minister of Magic for all her endeavors to reform Hogwarts."
Fudge goes a paler color than he already was, an impressive feat all things considered since he was already almost as pale as a ghost, and Harri chuckles mirthlessly as she asks "Oh, Fudge, you never thought this would see the light of day, did you? What about the order for Dementors to attack Dudley and I?" She takes out another few sheets of paper, and sends them over to the head of the DMLE with a bit of magic.
Its become perfectly clear to Voldemort that Harri didn't come here to make peace, per se - with him, perhaps, but nobody else and only so he wouldn't try to kill her any longer - but to cause as much chaos as possible. From the way Bones is getting more and more furious as she reads those papers, Harri's doing a marvelous job.
And, he has to admit, she's got one hell of a point - had it been him that was being slandered and worse, he wouldn't be suing the Ministry. He'd be having Fudge, Skeeter, and Umbridge dealt with in a much more excruciating manner than Harri came up with off the top of her head. He's the first to recover from that bombshell, asking "Anything else you'd like to say, Heiress Potter?"
Her expression says 'Oh, I thought you'd never ask.'
Fuck.
They're screwed.
Him and his big mouth.
"Yeah, just one thing. I'm through. As in, through with Wizarding Britain. They can fight you themselves, or they can sit back like a bunch of sheep. Either way, I'm out."
From the looks of shock on all but Director Ragnuk's faces, Harri didn't mention that to even her friends - and the Goblins knew about it, if Ragnuk's bloodthirsty expression is anything to go by. The idea that Harri's suing the Ministry with the help of the Goblins goes through his mind, and…as much as he'd like to dismiss it, he's got nearly five years of encounters to make him seriously consider the idea.
She questioned a sixteen-year-old me to a stupor in the Chamber when I had her wand, trying to figure out things like where I'd stay, how I'd eat, what wand I'd use since everyone would easily recognize both mine and hers. Of course she could talk the Goblins into helping her…
The memory of Director Ragnuk coming into his own office, completely out of breath, all but confirms his suspicions - she really should've been in Slytherin, it seems.
And Nagini agrees, saying "Hatchling likes to mess with people, Tom."
Voldemort quietly says "Harri's nothing like she was in her first year. Something's happened, this is too big a change for magic not to be involved."
And then he catches Harri's look of amusement mixed with anger, along with a fragment of the Diary Horcrux's memories, and it makes him go cold as ice. He hadn't quite remembered what the Horcrux went through, between the return of his sanity and his own memories suddenly getting re-ordered and re-evaluated over the summer…mostly, the barrage of questions Harri sent at him when she realized how far over her head she was in, and the utter confusion that came with the revelation that this girl should not be in Gryffindor if she can think that long-term, as most of the memories were listening to Ginny's eleven-year-old troubles.
Now, though, he remembers a bit of what else happened in the Chamber and a very interesting tidbit of information that Ginny wrote one day - Harri Potter is a Parselmouth.
Both Half-bloods, orphans, raised by Muggles. Probably the only Parselmouths to come to the school since Slytherin himself.
Oh.
Oh, dammit…
Dumbledore's voice cuts through his thoughts, saying "Harri, my girl, I'm afraid that's not possible. Its your destiny to defeat Voldemort."
The goblet in front of Harri bursts into a violent dark green flame, an alarming combination of exploding and catching fire as the metal quickly melts while Harri furiously hisses "Fuck the hell off, old man! I'm through fighting for you!"
Before Voldemort can stop her, Nagini all but squeals "HATCHLING!" and shoots out from under Voldemort's robes to wrap around Harri in what basically amounts to a hug. "You are coming back with us, Hatchling! You're far too thin, I can feel your bones through the false skins your wearing! Tom, they're not taking care of our new Hatchling!"
The expression on Harri's face is priceless, resignation mixed with shock - she looks like she wants to hide her face in her hands, but Nagini's currently wrapped around her arms. As much as Voldemort would like to say feeling her bones was because of that…the panic that crashed into him at her words says otherwise.
Neville incredulously asks "Why's it always you, Harri?"
Harri just shrugs at him, saying "Believe it or not, the Potter Luck is quite literally a curse on my bloodline."
Severus groans, then says "That explains…almost everything, actually. No wonder I've had so much trouble trying to keep you out of trouble."
Harri just gives the man the best approximation of a shrug that she can, then looks towards Voldemort and asks "Can you get her off me? Or does she only listen when she wants to?"
Voldemort barely resists the urge to facepalm, and says "The second, without a doubt. Now that she knows you're a Parselmouth, there's no way I can leave here without you. She just adopted you, regardless of any legalities or anyone else's opinion."
He was really hoping she wouldn't do that.
Harri's expression turns to horror, and she quickly says "No! No thanks! This is probably seriously rude, but right now I don't have it in me to give a damn! I haven't had a real family since my parents were killed, and I neither need or want one now! Not when all they do is treat you like Malfoy over there treated Dobby!" She then promptly starts trying to get out of Nagini's coils, who tightens around her while hissing about Harri being sorely hurt.
Dumbledore, clearly trying to discredit what Harri just said - in English, so everyone understood her - says "Your family loves you, Harri. You really need to stop exaggerating your minor disagreements with them, my girl. You just need to try harder to get along with them and be grateful for all they've given you, I've told you this before. Lily and James would have wanted you to get along with them, not join the Dark - the very people they died to protect you from. They'd be so ashamed, what a waste of their selfless sacrifice."
Even Harri goes still at his words, with everyone else including the Dark Lord staring at Dumbledore in varying reactions from shock to disgust to disbelief.
The suffocating silence gets broken when Harri catches fire.
And laughs.
AN: Hey, everyone! Yeah, so, that was the single most over-loaded guilt trip I could possibly think of. And, much to Dumbledore's undoing...had Harri still been under all the Compulsions and stuff, it would've worked. As it is, she's so completely furious no angry response will do it any justice.
Also, she's still a bit screwed-up in the head at the moment thanks to the Potions still being in her system. So, yeah.
Yes, I've read stories where the 'Potter Luck' is a real Curse on them...and thought it was hilarious. So that's a thing to, right along with the Black Family Madness!
Anyway, enjoy! More updates coming soon! Please review!
PS. If anyone is wondering how I've decided what colors to turn Harri's hair...I google-searched metamorphmagic hair colors.