Prepare for some angst lol also I update this story more often on Archive of Our Own cause I kinda prefer the formatting there, so sorry I haven't updated in awhile on here!
The sun was beginning to set as Ritsu and Mitsuru left the writing agency and were now heading in the direction of her apartment to say goodnight for the evening.
Ritsu blushed as he would occasionally shift his eyes on her when she wasn't looking as he continued to contemplate what he'd come to the realization of earlier. He tried his hardest not to attract attention to himself, but he worried since he was highly prone to cracking under pressure, he'd spill everything if she questioned him, and he knew he still needed a lot of time to figure it all out on his own before he could talk to her about his feelings. Nevertheless, Mitsuru didn't seem to notice his subtle passing glances, but she did break the silence first.
"Hey, Ritchan-san.. I know it's getting late, but I must admit I haven't eaten anything all day.. W-would you like to stop somewhere first? I can treat this time.." she offered timidly.
Ritsu perked his head up at her suggestion and knew it was risky to continue to be with her in his current mental state, but he couldn't possibly say no based on how she'd asked so sweetly. "O-of course, Mitchan-san! I-I'm sorry you haven't eaten all day! H-Had I known, I would've brought you something while you were working!" He bowed anxiously.
Mitsuru giggled a little at his kind gesture. "That's so sweet of you, but don't worry about it! I think this works out better so we can eat together.. You must be hungry too aren't you?"
Ritsu gulped a little then put his hands over his stomach as he hadn't even realized until she pointed it out how hungry he was. "I- I suppose I am.. B-but Mitchan-san, you don't have to pay for me! I.. I can-"
Mitsuru interjected before he could finish. "Ritchan-san, I want to do it this time. I'd like to return the favor for everything you did for me today. You really went above and beyond for me and I.. I can't express how much it all meant to me.." she blushed. "Please let me do this."
Ritsu stared at her with deep eyes as his heart began to race. "Mitchan-san.. I-.." He lifted a hand up to rest over top of his heart as he exhaled to try to release his nerves and return to a normal heart rate. "Thank you.. I appreciate your generosity..I would love to eat together."
Mitsuru felt happy he was willing to take her up on her offer. "Thank you, Ritchan-san! Alright it's settled! What's your favorite food?"
Ritsu paused for a moment as he tried to think. Nobody had ever inquired about this question before, and it wasn't something he'd given much thought towards before. "Hm, I suppose I enjoy yakisoba and takoyaki the best, but i'm sure you'd like something other than takoyaki again." he giggled a little. "If it's not too much trouble then, would you like to get yakisoba?"
Mitsuru clasped her hands together eagerly. "Alright, yakisoba it is then!"
Ritsu blushed at her cheerful demeanor and once more thought how much it made him happy to see her this way as opposed to how broken and downtrodden she was earlier. It really affected him more than he thought seeing her so shattered the way she was. "Mitchan-san.." He began to think deeply. "I hope I can give you a reason to smile everyday if I can when we spend time together.. Your smile makes me feel.. a sense of happiness and purpose.. Maybe this is what Tohru-san was talking about that day on the roof..."
MItsuru raised a curious eyebrow as she noticed Ritsu grow distracted again, but she decided to put her curiosity aside for now and see if he'd feel more open to talk once they got to the restaurant.
As they sat down on opposite sides of the table once they arrived at the yakisoba restaurant, Ritsu tried his best to stop letting his mind wander and just enjoy the moment since he truly did value every minute he spent with Mitsuru.
As soon as the food arrived, Mitsuru's mouth watered as she stared down at it with hungry eyes as she gripped her chopsticks readily.
"This looks amazing! Forgive me in advance if I eat like a pig, Ritchan-san." she chuckled as she scratched her lip embarrassedly.
Ritsu smiled and brought a hand up to chuckle in amusement. "Not at all, Mitchan-san, you haven't eaten all day, so I think you've earned the right to eat however you'd like. Kagura-chan would be proud." He laughed as he couldn't help equating Mitsuru's pig comment to Kagura.
"Oh really? Is she a bit of a slob when she eats like me?" She laughed, still feeling sort of embarrassed to admit this side of herself to Ritsu.
Ritsu realized he was inadvertently badmouthing Kagura now when that wasn't his intent. "O-oh no, not at all! She's not a slob! B-but she.. What you said just made me think of her.." he trailed off sheepishly not wanting to give away anyone else's secrets.
Mitsuru now felt confused not knowing exactly which part of what she said made him think of Kagura if she wasn't a slob, but she could tell he was getting uncomfortable, so she quickly tried to ease the situation. "D-don't worry about it then, Ritchan-san! Maybe someday I can meet her and see what you're talking about!" She smiled.
Ritsu panicked by this but continued to try acting normal. "A-ah! M-maybe! ..She.. she seems to really like you from what I've told her of you.."
Mitsuru blushed now at the knowledge that he talks to his family about her. "R-really?" She felt deeply touched by this fact.
Ritsu looked down at the table and felt his face heat up a bit. "Y-yes.. B-but don't worry! Our conversations are always very positive! S-she.. is very happy I have a friend at long last.. I can thank her for a lot of my confidence boosts I've had over the past few weeks as well.."
Mitsuru stared with a bit of emotion seeping into her eyes at hearing this. "That's so wonderful.. I am so glad you're sharing this with me. I definitely would like to meet her one of these days then if possible!"
Ritsu smiled. "I'm sure she'd be happy to meet you too! She can be a bit of a handful sometimes, mostly if you provoke her, but she has a heart of gold and always means well."
Mitsuru smiled in return then began to eat as she couldn't take looking at it any longer, which Ritsu respected as he also began to eat.
The sounds of them eating and the ambience of the restaurant were the only sounds that filled their space for a couple minutes until Mitsuru finished her bowl and set it down. "Ah! That was so good! I definitely see why this is one of your favorites, Ritchan-san!" She quickly grabbed a napkin and covered her mouth and faced the other way once she noticed Ritsu was looking at her.
He brought his chopsticks down and laughed a little at her reaction. "I'm so happy you finally got to eat, Mitchan-san. I didn't think you were a slob by the way, so you don't have to be embarrassed."
Mitsuru blushed as she wiped her face and brought the napkin down and rested her elbow on the table and cupped her cheek in her palm. "Hehe, thanks for reassuring me, I just don't want to look bad in front of you, Ritchan-san!"
Ritsu looked at her feeling puzzled by her statement and spoke defensively. "Y-you don't ever have to worry about such things! You'll never look bad in my eyes, Mitchan-san!"
Mitsuru removed her hand from her cheek and lowered it back down to her side as she looked at how serious his expression grew at this. "Ritchan-san.. Thank you.. The same goes for you.. I don't think you could ever do anything that would make me ever think less of you."
Ritsu again felt his heart race as it did earlier then he worried about if her seeing him as a monkey would ever change her opinion of him. He shook his head a bit aggressively to dismiss these thoughts. "T-THANK YOU, MITCHAN-SAN!" he blurted before covering his mouth with both hands and fumbled in his seat as he desperately fought for control to keep his emotions in check.
Mitsuru watched Ritsu have his mini manic episode and grew concerned again. "R-Ritchan-san, are you okay?"
Ritsu removed his hands from his mouth and sat up in his seat and mustered the most reassuring expression he could manage. "I'm so sorry Mitchan-san, It's just.. t-thank you.. I know I am not always the best at knowing how to receive such kind words, so please forgive me for my overreaction.."
It seemed his word choice did successfully draw her fears off the topic for the time being, much to his relief.
"It's alright Ritchan-san! I know someday you'll realize how much you deserve the words I say to you." She looked down and idly traced a finger across the table and appeared like what she was thinking was something hard for her to say. "You know, you're such a delightful person in my life and.. I can't imagine not knowing you anymore.."
Ritsu clutched his hands under the table and gripped tightly on his kimono as his face flushed by her words as he feared he would crack any moment when he still wasn't ready to confess his scatterbrained feelings that he'd barely had time to process himself. He began to sweat profusely as he tried to carefully choose his words. "M-Mitchan-san I- think i'm.. you.. I- I mean...I.. I agree with you, I- I feel the same way.."
Mitsuru stared at him with eyes filled with intrigue as she held onto his every word, but that was quickly interrupted as the waiter brought the bill to the table. "Here you go, have a great evening, and thank you for dining with us tonight!"
Mitsuru picked it up and looked back at Ritsu wondering if he was trying to say more, but he now appeared very vulnerable as if that interruption silenced him. She put the money on the table and smiled as she stood up and put a hand on his shoulder which made him perk his head back up and look at her.
"Ritchan-san, thank you, that means a lot to hear from you. I'm so glad we did this, are you ready to go?"
"M-me too, Mitchan-san.. I'm ready." He stood up still feeling incredibly emotional.
As they made it up the stairs leading to her apartment, Ritsu spoke nervously. "Thank you so much again for treating, Mitchan-san.."
Mitsuru unlocked the door and turned to him happily. "Oh, Ritchan-san, it's really my pleasure! Like I said, you did so much for me.. Come to think of it, today was quite a day, huh?"
The events of the day all flashed through Ritsu's mind in a quick reel, and upon reflection, to say it was quite a day was a bit of an understatement. "Y-yes it w-was.."
Mitsuru stood at the doorway and stared at him noting he was still acting a bit skittish, so she continued.
"I'm so sorry I worried you earlier the way I did.. I promise I won't let myself get that way anymore.. I think knowing I have someone who cares about me makes me know I can't be so selfish with my life anymore.. You really helped me realize my purpose to keep going Ritchan-san.." she rubbed her arm up and down as her cheeks grew a cute shade of pink.
"I-i'm so glad, Mitchan-san!" He said while knowing he really needed to leave as soon as possible as he was increasingly reaching his emotional breaking point since the butterflies in his chest were making it almost hard to breathe. "I- I must be going now! H-have a wonderful night!" he bowed his whole body, but as he turned to leave she tugged on his kimono sleeve.
"R-Ritchan-san, h-hold on a moment.. Can..-" she paused as she swallowed shyly, but she summoned the courage to ask. "C-can I hug you?"
Ritsu's eyes shot open widely at her request. He normally didn't have the ability to tell her no, but this was the one thing in the world he absolutely could not say yes to. He backed away hastily and closed his eyes as he didnt want to see the dejected expression he already caught a tiny glimpse of on her face, which pained him so much. "M-MITCHAN-SAN- I- I'M SO SORRY! I- I- REALLY WISH I COULD BUT- I-" He clutched his hands on his head and began swinging around crazily. "I- I JUST CAN'T! I AM SO SO SORRY!"
Mitsuru backed up as well, sort of taken aback by his rejection, as she stepped into her apartment and removed her shoes and bowed. "I-i'm sorry, Ritchan-san! I shouldn't have been so forward! I- i understand if you don't-"
As Mitsuru continued to apologize, it tore Ritsu up inside to listen to, and he began to cry since all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and comfort her, but the world was against him since he couldn't even give her so much as an explanation as to why he couldn't do such an innocent act with her; which she probably really needed given what she went through today.
As Mitsuru was going to just stay inside and let herself feel rejected, she noticed him begin to cry, which made her realize that he likely wasn't denying her because he was disgusted at the thought of hugging her, so she decided instead to try to understand.
"R-Ritchan-san, a-are you claustrophobic?" She stepped out hesitantly.
Ritsu kept his hands on his head anxiously and considered if saying yes to her question would be considered a lie since he always tried his best to be truthful. He spoke in a shaky sniffly voice.
"I-It's not that i'm claustrophobic- I- just can't hug.. w-women.." He blushed as he realized how that probably sounded and corrected himself frantically. "I- I MEAN! I CAN'T EVEN HUG MY OWN MOTHER, MITCHAN-SAN! IT HURTS ME SO MUCH!" He now buried his face in his hands and sobbed harder.
Mitsuru now was very perplexed and confused by this new development, but suddenly it started to click as she remembered her earlier hug being rebuffed as well. "Y-you can't..? What do you mean by that exactly..? A-are you scared of affection..? A-Ah! d-does it bother you when I've put my hand on your shoulder, because if so, i'll stop if you-!"
"N-No that doesn't bother me! I-it's just h-hugs.. I- I can't.. I can't explain anymore than that.." He said defeated as tears still streamed down his face.
Mitsuru blinked as she tried her hardest to understand and see it from his point of view despite how little sense it made to her. "O-okay.. From now on I will respect that you don't want to be hugged.."
Ritsu wiped his tears and looked at the poor woman in front of him who only wanted a simple hug and had to be burdened by his curse without knowing it. He wanted to correct her and say it wasn't that he didn't want to, but rather he physically could not. He stepped closer and took her hands in his to sort of soften the blow. "M-Mitchan-san.. I wish I could-... but I think s-someday maybe you'll understand.."
Mitsuru blushed as she looked down at their hands interlaced. She now wanted to do all the understanding she could to learn why exactly he was okay with most forms of touch except hugging. "Okay.." she said a bit absentmindedly as she tried to make it make sense, but to little success.
Ritsu could tell she wasn't completely satisfied with his answer, but he knew he wasn't ready to tell her any more, so he tried to end the day on a more positive note. "Mitchan-san.. I.. I really do care for you so much.. I- I hope you always know that.." he blushed while still feeling incredibly overwhelmed by this whole interaction as his internal guilt ate up at him.
Mitsuru looked at him still with a hint of confusion, but she managed to smile as his words managed to talk her down for the time being. She repeated his sentiments from earlier. "Thank you, Ritchan-san.. I agree with you, I feel the same way.."