Season 9, Episode 5

A Cop Tale

Chapter 10 - What's In A Name

It had been a particularly tiring day for Capt Kate Castle. It was pushing 8PM now. All she wanted to do was to go home, kiss her husband and daughter, and then have a good dinner. The Branum case now had some suspects and had moved forward. Kate should have called earlier to the Branum's daughter to let her know of the developments. Kate had to be careful not to raise the daughter's expectations on a quick resolution to the case with her talk. She had been thinking all day how she could do that. She decided one more day would not hurt and nothing would come up tonight. So calling Kayla Branum tomorrow on her father's homicide case gave Kate more time to think of how she could tell Kayla and yet not give her false expectations. Yes tomorrow would be fine.

Kate took her alternate no.3 route back home to the Loft as part of the security protocol she had been using. She also knew that Rick's security team would tail her home as added security. Rick had told her she would not detect the tail, and up to now, she had not. Rick had worked the Branum case yesterday, but took off today. He did not like leaving Lily to their sitter today. He had been away from her for two days straight leaving Lily in the company of the sitter. 'Nanny' was probably more an appropriate label for their sitter. She is a lady in her early 60's who enjoyed caring for children. She did it more for the joy of being in company with a child than for the money. She had a good retirement, and her husband had left her with his substantial savings. Since his death years back, she occupied herself as an infant care giver/nanny. Rick trusted her implicitly, but did not like leaving Lily in the Nanny's care for longer than 2 days straight, if he could avoid it. So Rick had cared for Lily this day, Espo saying they did not need him at this time.

As Kate entered the Loft, she put her badge and gun in the safe.

"Hey, you're home!", Rick says as Kate enters the kitchen. He was feeding Lily as she sat in her high chair. Rather, Rick was trying to feed Lily. Apparently she was now full as evidenced with her spitting out the last spoon of her meal that Rick had given her. It wound up in the tray to the high chair along with the other spooned mouthfull Rick had tried to feed her.

"Looks like Lily is no longer hungry, based on all the food on her tray", Kate tells her husband.

Lily sees her mom and her face lightens up and she starts cooing. She was now on her ninth month and was a growing, healthy baby. Seeing her daughter's reaction to her presence, Kate pulls Lily from her high chair and gives her a hug and kiss.

"Is there any of that for me?", asks Castle, as Kate gives him a kiss to the lips, holding Lily between them.

"Baby comes and daddy now has got to take a back seat. See if she is accompanied by a sibling."

"Oh I know you would want me to give you another child?", she answers seductively. It draws a reaction from Rick.

"Wait, what are you saying? What are you trying to tell me.. that...l..?", Rick pauses to collect his thoughts

"Down boy, I am not pregnant. It is too soon. Lily is only turning nine months."

"Maybe we haven't been trying hard enough."

"Not based on what happened the other night."

"Kate, it was only three trys."

"Woo ha there, tiger, not in front of the baby, she has sensitive ears."

"Lily didn't understand a word."

"Yeah, but she can sense your emotions, Kitten."

Rick gives Kate a look. He does not like being addressed as 'Kitten". His ex, Meredith, used to call him that and it evoked negative emotions in him.

"Then she just sensed the negative vibes I just got from being called Kitten".

"What, can't stand affectionate names being said to you there, Ricky?"

"Certainly not, Kit-Kat", is Rick's quick reply.

Kate shivers at the sound of that pet name. It made her feel like she was some sort of man candy.

Josh had called her that once, after a particularly annoying and unwanted session. She had given into with him rather than spend most of the night telling him numerous times she was not in the mood. She decided to just fake it and be done. That was cruel of her and Kate knew it. It was one of their last intimacies before she broke with Josh when she could no longer deny her feelings for Rick.

Those last times together with Josh were not particularly enjoyable as they had been in the beginning. Kate knew during her last intimate sleepovers with Josh that it was ending. Being with him then was more out of guilt for staying with him too long when she should have broke it off. It must have shown in those final times together, as Josh had upped the foreplay. Kate had felt a guilty pleasure when she had climaxed with him. She was trying to tell him it was over but her response to his intimacy stopped her from asking him to break up with her.

Weeks before her shooting, she was still planning on how to break it off. Then the betrayal by Capt Montgomery happened, followed by his murder, the funeral, and her getting shot. Those events had happened all too fast. She had been overwhelmed by them. When she wound up on Josh's operating table after her shooting, he helped save her life. That had complicated the whole matter of breaking up with Josh.

When Josh was seeing her everyday in Recovery to tend to her, she could not ask him to break up with her. She had heard Castle profess his love to her when she got shot. That was too much to handle. Even when Castle had come to visit her in the hospital, she pretended she did not hear him. That was the day Josh had just given her a silver bracelet professing his love for her. She had then two proclamations of love from two different men, one of whom was supposedly her boyfriend. She did not know what to do. When Castle had tried to lead his talk back to her memory of what happened, she knew she had to cut him off, or she would admit she heard him.

But Rick eased up on her and said they could talk about it another day. She put him off by saying she needed time to be alone and she would call him when she was ready to talk. Kate never called him that whole summer. She broke up with Josh shortly after that last meeting with Rick. They had a big fight about her going to her father's cabin to be alone during her recuperation. Josh had wanted her to stay at his apartment where he would care for her. When Kate refused, the fight was on.

She recalls their verbal confrontation: "Kate, what the hell! You going to your father's cabin with no one to care for you. Are you out of your mind? You need to have someone close by just in case there are complications with your recovery. You're out in the middle of nowhere, are you wanting a death wish? I did not operate on you to let you throw your life away."

"First of all, Josh Davidson, you keep throwing the operation in my face. I appreciate you help save my life, but I am a big girl and can take care of myself. Secondly, I will not move in with you. I told you NO before. You are using this to get what you want in another devious way. I am a detective, did you think you could hid your intention here?"

"Kate, I do not like the insinuation here. We have been together almost a year, and still you shut me out. I love you and want you to heal properly with no complications. I am a doctor, who better to care for you? And if I did have that other motivation in mind, you are not ready yet for any physical intimacy! You insult me! My intention is to help you heal. I am the man who told you that he loves you."

Kate eases up after hearing Josh's reply. She does have affection for him and she had stayed too long in this relationship. The result was Josh professing his love thinking their union was going somewhere. Her hesitation on breaking up had lead him to feeling that way.

"Josh, I have strong feelings for you, but it is not love. I have had one foot out the door because I am not sure that what I feel for you is love. That is why I have avoided moving in with you. As to my thinking about your motivation here, you planted that seed. You seduced me into your bed that first time, plied me with wine. I was tipsy and you took advantage. Your grand gesture of giving up your Haiti trip to stay with me, and then two weeks later you are off to Africa. You accuse Castle of being a player, but who is the player here? Who manipulates emotions to his favor?"

"Is that what you think of me. Why did you stay then? You could have left anytime."

"Because I felt guilt that I could not love you. I should have ended it months ago, but I was a coward. I was still trying to make it work, but it was out of shame and guilt. I have been trying to tell you for weeks. But each time you did something to sway me. Were those gestures intentional to keep me bound to you? The silver bracelet you gave me, just before Castle visited me. That was a gesture that swayed my feelings. All your gestures made me feel guilty."

There is a short pause as Josh takes in what Kate has told him.

"Have you been sleeping with Castle? Is that what this is all about?"

"What? How can you say that? I have never cheated on a serious boyfriend. That's it Josh, we are done! I never want to see you again. I will mail the stuff you have at my apartment to the hospital. We are over."

Josh leaves her with no additional push back. It is done, she had ended it.

Her breakup with Josh lead to her not contacting anyone during that summer at the cabin. She had needed that time alone to recover physically and emotionally. Time to get her head straight again.

Hearing Rick calling her Kit-Kat had ignited all these thoughts of her shooting.

"Okay, I give up, no more pet name calling", Kate says coming out of her thoughts and surrenders from using pet names.

She sleeps an anxious sleep that night.