A/N: This is a very short flashback that follows on from the last chapter and hopefully serves as as some sort of further explanation? Hope you enjoy. :)

Sunday, April 11th, 2021

PM

She pulled up in her car at the Archfield that evening, turning off the engine before pulling out her phone to send a quick message to him. I'm here. Which room?

She tapped her fingers against the steering wheel as she waited for his response, part of her not even sure why she'd even agreed to meet him again. She just couldn't keep herself away from him. She'd tried distractions, she'd tried ignoring him, avoiding him. She just couldn't keep away from him. She found herself yearning to be with him, even if it was just sex. The way he made her feel… it was indescribable.

Her phone chimed with an incoming message. She picked it up off her lap and read it as she climbed out of the car. 2319. See you soon. She released a soft sigh as she locked up the car and headed inside the building. She rode the elevator up to the floor, narrowing her eyes slightly as the door opened and she saw him standing outside the room, leaning against the door.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she approached him, lowering the bag off her shoulder as he took it from her.

"Waiting for you," he said with a smile, giving her a short kiss before opening the door, letting her walk inside before he followed her, "I've run us a bath."

She pulled off her jacket as she walked into the room, setting it on the bed, eyeing him suspiciously.

"What for?" What was he up to?

"I'm trying to do something nice for you here, a relaxing bath, order some room service," he slid his arms around her waist, pulling her gently to him with a soft kiss to her lips.

"I think you deserve the world, Meredith. And I owe you a full explanation."

"An explanation of what?" She asked, looking up at him with her brow furrowed slightly in confusion.

"I'll explain everything soon. Come, let's get in the bath before it goes cold," he told her as he started to unbutton her blouse, and she simply nodded in response as she helped with the removal of her blouse, stepping out of the heels she wore before removing her pants, left now just in her underwear.

"You are beautiful, you know. Exquisite," he murmured softly as he led her through to the bathroom that was probably bigger than the one she had at home, the bath definitely was bigger.

She felt a blush rise to her cheeks as she removed her underwear now, feeling a layer of perspiration on her skin from the heat of the bath and steam that surrounded them. He held her hand as she stepped into the bath, not realising he had also stripped himself of the clothes he'd been wearing. He stepped in behind her and pulled her back against him as they lay in the water, his arms around her middle as he pressed soft kisses to her neck.

"I can't resist," he murmured softly against her skin, and she found herself involuntarily biting her lip at the sensation. "I have to though, for now, it's time for your explanation. About my marriage."

"Derek…" she started in a soft voice, turning her head to look at him but he just shook his own.

"No, it's okay, I have to do this. My marriage isn't… Megan, she leads a double life, you could say. She thinks I don't know, but I do. I've known for a very long time. But she doesn't know that I know. When she goes off on holidays… I know she isn't faithful. She hasn't been faithful for five years, and we've been married for seven," he took a breath and reached for the wash cloth, squeezing it in his hand as he wet it, and slowly caressing it over Meredith's skin as she listened to him speak. "When I first met you… it took everything I had to put off kissing you as long as I did, and once I'd had a taste of you I couldn't let you go."

A moment of silence passed between them as Derek absentmindedly continued to caress her skin with the washcloth. Meredith's soft voice broke the silence, "Why haven't you divorced her? If she's been unfaithful all this time?"

"I just… I got busy. I blamed myself. A few years ago, I tried, and she said she'd change and she just hasn't changed," he sighed and buried his head against her neck, dropping the washcloth as he tightened his arms around her middle.

"And now?" She asked, her hand running through his damp hair.

"My lawyer is putting some papers together, I just... I want you to know that I have feelings for you, strong feelings, and if I could stay away from you until I was divorced, I would. But I can't," he murmured softly against her neck as he pressed soft kisses there, travelling down to her shoulder.

"I thought this was just sex, I thought you were just lonely, with her being away all the time…" she murmured softly, her head tilting to the side slightly.

"It might have started out like that," he admitted, resting his chin on her shoulder as he pulled her slightly closer, "But I don't know when that changed for me. Maybe it's always been more than sex. It definitely is now, it's definitely more than sex now."

"Why are you only saying this now?" She asked, pulling out of his hold and turning to face him, sat at the opposite end of the bath.

"Because I want to be with you, Meredith. Without the secrets, and sneaking around," he said, almost cautiously as she retreated from his hold.

He watched as she stood out of the bath, almost in a trance as the water ran over her bare skin until she pulled a towel around herself.

"Derek, I don't know… I never thought," she struggled to find the way to say what she wanted to say. She never thought this would become anymore than what it is. She never started out with the intention of ending a marriage. Which sounds ridiculous, really, because why sleep with a married man if you expect him to stay committed to his wife?

"You said you were leaving her two months ago, and then you never spoke of it again," she said in a quiet voice as he followed her out of the bath and wrapped a towel around his waist.

"I know," he said with a soft sigh, running his fingers through his damp hair, "That's why I'm telling you now. I've been speaking to my lawyer."

She listened but walked through into the main room, sitting on the bed. He quickly joined, sitting beside her on the bed.

"And you couldn't tell me anything before?" She asked, a slight frown of confusion on her face.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's not for you to worry about," he said, leaning down to press his lips against her shoulder a moment.

"I was starting to think you had changed your mind," she said in a soft whisper, looking down slightly.

"I definitely haven't done that," he said, brushing her hair out of the way before pressing gentle kisses against her neck.

"You're distracting my train of thought," she murmured, sliding her hand into his hair as she suddenly moved to straddle him, the towel dropping from around her.

"You're distracting me yourself… and irresistible. I have no willpower around you," he said, his hands moving to her waist as the tips of their noses brushed against one another.

"I just can't think straight when you're around, I know I should stay away, but as soon I see you, as soon as I'm with you, as soon as you touch me…" she trailed off, her voice going quieter as she pressed a kiss to his lips, "I'm done for."

"You worry too much," he murmured softly, his fingers lifting to run through her slightly damp hair tentatively.

"How can I not? You're still my boss, you're still married… all I do is worry," she murmured back, closing her eyes with a soft sigh.

"Oh, Meredith Grey…" he whispered softly, his fingertips tracing over her cheek a moment, pressing a short kiss to her lips a moment, "We're equals. When we're here, like this, we're equals."

"I know, you're telling me, Megan isn't faithful to you, but I can't stop feeling this guilt," Meredith admitted, feeling her eyes starting to water.

Derek frowned slightly and wrapped his arms around her to lift her and lay her in the bed, getting in beside her and holding her close to him. Her face burrowed against his chest as he held her, his fingers running through her hair as he pressed a kiss against the top of her head.

"This is all on me," he murmured, "I know I should have left her first, and I shouldn't have dragged you into this, but now that I have you here I can't let you go."

"I don't want you to let go," she whispered, her voice breaking slightly.