Chapter Eleven

It was Monday, Michonne was packing her gear since it was time to head back to the Academy. While she prepared she thought about how this past weekend had sent her emotions into a whirlwind.

Sneaking around with Rick in the Academy was one thing, but spending time with him in the real world had her fighting off this yearning for more. She was getting too caught up, this was just supposed to be a bit of fun.

She was willing to go out on a limb for some good- no great sex. Who was she kidding, it was mind blowing!

When Rick was departing that Sunday, she lost herself in the moment and asked him to stay. What was she thinking? Admitting she cared for Rick was plaguing her with trepidation. Insecurities she never dealt with were resurfacing.

Her heart had been locked away from any desires for intimate companionship since her mistake of choosing Mike. This involvement with Rick was just supposed to be her getting her feet wet, so to speak. She didn't know if she was ready to advance. Or if she should even saddle Rick with a burden that was hers?

She drove over to the academy alone today since Sasha went home with Abraham last night after the picnic. Michonne grabbed her duffle bag and headed inside to prepare for the day.

She hadn't even made it to the locker room when she was approached by Andrea in the hall.

For a while, Michonne thought maybe she could be friendly with this woman but her snooty attitude had worn her thin.

"Col. Blake wants to talk to you." She said her tone ready for a challenge.

"For what?"

"I don't know. You'll just have to go find out." Andrea glared at her before sauntering off.

Michonne rolled her eyes and even with the directives, still proceeded to the locker room to get squared away. While she was changing Sasha arrived.

"Hey girl." Sasha greeted her.

"Hey, Andrea just came up to me to say I needed to go see Col. Blake."

"For what?" Sasha's face scrunched up as she changed into her uniform.

"I have no idea, I'm about to head over there now."

"Well, be careful. He seemed like a real asshole."

Michonne shook her head to agree and departed the locker room for the office.

Michonne arrived at his office to find the door open, he looked up to see her and waved her in.

"Michonne." His familiar use of her name was grating on her nerves.

"Col. Blake, Sir." She saluted.

"Sit."

"I prefer to stand Sir."

"Suit yourself." He opened the draw on his desk pulling out a flask pouring the contents into a glass.

Michonne thought he clearly lost his damned mind.

"Remember when I asked, 'were you worth it?' he paused to take a sip. "Apparently, Captain Grimes thinks so." He grinned.

"This conversation is a bit confusing Sir." Michonne responded.

"Aww, don't play dumb with me. We both know you are smarter than that."

He stood glass in hand and walked closer to her. "You two were seen yesterday- in King County Park." he whispered and took a sip. "Next to the fountains…"

"Shit!"

Michonne's mind raced. She had stepped away from Rick's advance yesterday but her damned body gave in when he touched her. The way he gazed at her with those eyes and his touch were all consuming.

"Hmm, now you remember." He sneered at her.

"See I thought Harrison…between the two front runners for valedictorian." Michonne looked at him questioningly as he moved closer, invading her personal space.

"But I hedged my bets wrong…then again maybe you only like that pretty type." He said as he ran his hand up her arm.

"Don't you ever touch me again!" Michonne yelled, enraged as she freed herself of his touch, putting a finger in his face. Blake just smiled and stepped back, walking towards his desk.

"I'm gonna call Rick in here and give him a choice. 'Is she worth it?' One woman…worth all those lives he could save as a Captain." He paused to take a sip before continuing. "Rick's already been through a lot. Lost his family, been shot and embarrassed in front of the whole town."

Michonne was fuming until he uttered that statement. Rick had been divorced, shot and in a coma. Now she was realizing there was more she didn't know.

Losing his job couldn't be something else he had to endure. It would be especially humiliating to have Col. Blake be the one who took him down.

Michonne's thoughts were interrupted when Blake continued.

"Hmm, and you." He looked her body up and down sickening Michonne. "Being framed as some temptress who took an already broken man down. Oh, that wouldn't bode well for your career."

Blake placed his now empty glass on the table before sitting on the end of the desk. "So you have to decide." He smiled at his offer.

Michonne knew what he was forcing her to carry out and her heart began to pound. The increase in her pulse made her ears ring. She could feel the anxiety encompassing her when the dread took over.

Michonne swallowed the bile that rose in her throat and attempted to focus. This had just been a dalliance between her and Rick, not something worth him losing his career over.

He had a chance to fix whatever had happened to him. While hers was gone.

She could hear the all too familiar footsteps along with another coming down the hall. The office door was still open since she hadn't closed it due to her discomfort with Blake. Even though Michonne didn't turn to look, she knew what was about to happen.

Rick and Daryl must have been going to the instructor's office but the sight of Michonne in Blake's office made them detour. The men entered the room and Rick looked to Michonne with concern but she cast her eyes down.

"What's going on?" Daryl asked looking between Phillip and Michonne. Rick tried to step ahead towards Blake but Daryl put an arm up to block him. Michonne noticed the furious expression on Rick's face as he threw daggers at Blake.

"Oh, nothing. Recruit Hawthorne, you are dismissed."

Michonne turned to leave but she couldn't resist one more glimpse at Rick. He must have felt the same way and their eyes connected. In an instant his eyes went from murderous to pleading but she looked away and slipped out of the room.

Michonne pressed her back to the wall outside so she could hear the commotion beginning with Rick's booming voice.

"Why did you have Rct. Hawthorne in your office?"

"Oh, Rick I think we all know the answer to that." Michonne could hear the sounds of the men shifting around before Blake continued.

"You know all about me and I know all about you. I don't care about any of that, we are here to move forward. I'm the leader in this academy and soon enough I'll be the Chief. Hell, I've even got my sights on becoming the Governor of King County."

Rick chuckled. "The Governor? You're the town drunk who knocks over neighbors fences and rips up their yard. Nothing more!"

"You moved into my backyard…I'm not gonna let you come in here and shoot up Main Street. If I let this threat persist, I look weak and well the whole thing crumbles."

"Well, that's your problem. Your choice." Rick responded.

"I was at work one-day sitting in my RMP after taking shit from a Lt. half my age and an IQ even lower. And my phone rang. My wife and daughter had been in an accident. 'Sorry, Mr. Blake, we did everything we could.' I sat there holding that phone knowing that I would never see them again." He snapped his fingers. "Gone. It was just an accident. No one's fault."

After a moment Blake went on. "So Rick you do have a choice."

Michonne had heard enough so she quickly walked down the hall.

Michonne rushed to the bathroom and went in a stall. A combination of anger and sorrow washed over her. Tears rolled down her face and she had to fight the desire to wail.

What was she going to do?

She was worried about her reputation somewhat but she was really concerned about her heart. Rick had so much to contend with. She didn't want the issue of them being something else. It would turn it sour faster than they could make it sweet. Rick had a chance to rebound from everything that happened to him. Hers was gone.

She wiped her face then held the door frame, practicing her breathing techniques from Dr. Monroe. She had to get it together and make it through this day. She washed her face and hoped no one noticed the puffiness of her eyes. After a few more calming breaths she went to class, her decision made.

"Rct. Hawthorne, you're late." Lt. Cahill admonished her.

"I'm sorry ma'am, won't happen again." Dianne nodded and she went to her seat.

Sasha whispered from her seat behind her. "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later." was all she could get out without breaking down again.

For the rest of the day she avoided Rick at all costs. Glenn made awkward faces at her when she was in his class so she knew he and the rest of Rick's friends knew what had occurred. But she was glad he kept it at uncomfortable glances and didn't broach the subject.

During PT she couldn't avoid seeing Rick. He remained in instructor mode except for the times his eyes caught hers, always pleading. She'd look away and continue her activities. She just had to make it through this last hour then she could leave.

Once the day was over, she told Sasha she would call her later then she high tailed it out of there without changing out of her gym clothes. Michonne drove carefully back to Castleberry Hill, her tears kept blurring her vision.

When she arrived home, Rosita was ready for her. Michonne rolled her eyes knowing that Sasha must've called.

"Michonne, what happened?" she asked, concern clear on her face.

"It's over with me and Rick."

"Whoa, whoa did he say that?!" Rosita asked, pissed.

"No, I'm ending it." Michonne said, trying to walk past her friend.

Rosita, now confused, grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving.

"Wait, what? We were just in the park and everything was fine."

"Everything is not fine!" Michonne's eyes watered and her lip trembled.

Rosita sighed. "After Andre you were screwed up because you lost him, but now you seem screwed up because you found something…" A tear dropped down Rosita's cheek.

"I think with Rick, it felt like I was asleep." Michonne smiled through her tears. "I don't wanna forget..."

"So don't, but that doesn't mean you have to give up. What you have with Rick, that wasn't nothing."

Rosita was approaching her for an embrace but the doorbell rang.

Michonne assumed it must be Tara coming to see Rosita so she went to her room and closed the door.

There was a soft knock at her bedroom door.

"Damn, Sasha came to talk to me too…"

She opened the door to find Rick, standing there and tapping his fingers against his leg. He looked lost, almost like he didn't know how he'd gotten there. He walked into her room without asking before standing to the side.

"I-I know what he said to you." Rick started, his eyes welling up as he shook his head.

"It's not true." He continued. "I won't give you up."

"Rick, you have to..." Michonne offered softly, Rick looked up at her with such dejection.

"I won't." He stepped toward her and she backed away. He froze and stared at her.

"We…we knew this was just for fun…we let it get out of control…" She dabbed at a tear before it could make its descent down her cheek.

"Michonne…" he looked at her, head tilted slightly sideways as he reached for her again. Michonne stepped back, knowing that if he touched her she would lose all resolve.

"Rick, I'm not going to let you blow your life up over me. You have a chance to get back what you lost, so you should." She blinked tears out of her eyes.

"This doesn't make any sense."

"I know."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Rick tried to reason with her. Michonne looked up to avoid his face.

"You have to go." She whispered.

"No, no." he put his hands on his head and began to pace stopping in front of her.

Michonne knew he wouldn't leave unless she made him. She looked him in the eyes and shrugged her shoulders.

"This. Wasn't. Real."

Rick was not only emotionally, but physically taken aback. He blanched then wiped his face and eventually nodded. Without a word, he backed out of her room. Michonne could hear his heavy dragging footsteps as he departed.

After Michonne heard the door close, she screamed, releasing all the pain she was holding in. Rosita came running in to the room to check on her. Michonne began to peel her sweaty clothes off, Rosita telling her she'd give her space before closing the door as she left. She climbed in the bed, too exhausted to shower and cried until she dreamed.

Michonne had woken up ready to start her day, she had planned a trip to the museum with Andre. After a quick bathroom stop, she went to his room. Andre usually woke earlier but he must have worn himself out the day before.

"Andre~" She cooed and rubbed him over the blanket, but he didn't move.

If Andre even heard someone approaching, he'd be up bouncing or attempting to slide backwards out of his toddler race car bed. But he didn't move.

"Andre, wake up Peanut." She nudged him.

She peeled the blanket back and touched his cheek, it was cold. Michonne picked him up and rubbed him. Her father came running into the room, she hadn't realized that she'd been screaming as she pressed his little body to hers.

"No, no, no, no!" was all she could get out. Her dad took Andre and tried to perform CPR but she knew it was too late.

She crumbled to the floor and stayed there. EMT's, police and the fire department arrived. They took her to the hospital, saying she was in shock. Her dad cursed out CPS workers when they attempted to enter her room to question her.

Michonne was in a daze that she couldn't escape. It lasted past Andres's funeral and burial. She gave input but she wasn't sure if any of it was cohesive.

She stayed that way, even when she pretended she wasn't. Her parents were worried. Sasha, Rosita and Maggie were worried.

Michonne looked at Sasha with new found compassion. How had she made it after Tyreese's death?

It was a strange case of déjà vu, but with her as the ghost this time. It was her family not giving up on her, they supported her once again. Michonne thought of how she owed them for never giving up on her through all the issues she dumped in their laps over the years.

They cried with her, let her curse them out and when she was ready, they went to therapy with her. She realized they too had lost, and she was threatening the loss of her as well.

Michonne thought about how people survived these events. They were a shell of their former selves but she could manage that. Work the steps Dr. Monroe offered, be present with her friends and family. Put one foot in front of the other.

A year and a half had passed. Michonne decided a plan was needed to get back on track. She got a hope board, something she thought ridiculous before. She made small strides and thought of adding a career that would make her life mean a damn. She had to make something of herself for her parents, after all her trouble. To her friends for their dedication, to her community for a better future. And just maybe, a small part of her in service would eventually emerge from that a shell.

So when Maggie told her about her Daddy's department recruiting, she knew that was a sign. Michonne applied, tested and once she got her acceptance letter, she trained and prepared. She was ready to start this new chance at a future.

~~~A/N Sorry, I haven't posted in a few days. My newborn nephew is giving my sister a run for her money lol so I went to help her. Plus, this chapter was hard to write and edit! I hope ya'll don't hate me too much. This story is almost over but there's still work to be done. Rick and Michonne can do anything!

Also I've been working hard on two other multi-chapter fics plus two short ones that were originally one shots. Writing multiple stories at once is challenging, so I want to praise the other writers out there doing it.

As always thank you for reading my work and accepting my late arrival into the FF Richonne community! Love you all!