Hey guys! Sorry it's been a minute since I updated. I am in my final three classes before I start my masters program in the fall and they are kicking my butt and taking all my time. For the next 2 months, the updates on all my stuff is probably going to be really slow until they are over. Now, on with the story.
The station was having their annual pancake breakfast to raise money for Christmas gifts for a local group home. They had the breakfast the weekend before Halloween, every October in order to give the group home enough time to get everything they needed. They normally had a good turnout from the community, everyone always wanting to rally to give kids who were in the shittest situation at Christmas, a slightly better time.
A shift was working the shift before the breakfast and then staying to help with it. Their shift had been long and traumatic, with back to back calls the entire time with the last call of their shift involving a home burning completely to the ground with an entire family trapped inside.
They were all worn thin by the time they got back, having gotten no sleep and feeling the pain of the loss deeply. They had done everything they could to get the family out, but by the time they found them, no one was breathing, and the thirty minutes of CPR they tried proved to be useless.
No one wanted to do anything but go either drink or hug their families, but they all knew how important the pancake breakfast was so they rallied as best as they could and got to work.
Maya was in her office, finishing up her paperwork from the call, her head pounding with the grief of the day, when there was a knock on her door.
"What?" she snapped, not wanting to have to work on this case any longer than she had to.
"What's wrong?" Carina asked as she walked in, closing the door behind her.
"Nothing," Maya said, shaking her head, "Or nothing I want to talk about now. Just a shitty shift. What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to help with the pancake breakfast," Carina said, walking over to Maya and planting a kiss on her forehead.
"You don't need to," Maya sighed, having already had this discussion about half a dozen times with her wife, "You're 30 weeks pregnant. You should be resting."
"I am fine, Bambina," Carina said, "I had my check up yesterday, and everything looks good. My blood pressure is normal, the babies are still nice and cozy and not trying to come any time soon. I told you all of this yesterday. I have helped with the pancake breakfast for the past three years, and just because I'm pregnant, I'm not going to stop."
"Fine," Maya said, "B shift was supposed to get the barn set up, but I'm sure there's still plenty of cooking to do because no one on that shift likes cooking."
"You need a shower," Carina said, wrinkling her nose.
"I'll come with you," Maya said, "I can shower later."
"No offence, Bambina, but you actually want people to give you money this morning, right?" Carina said, raising an eyebrow, "If you smell like that, you are going to make them run."
"Fine," Maya said, rolling her eyes at her wife playfully, "I'll take you to the beanery where the cooking should be happening and then I will go shower."
Maya took Carina up to the beanery where Montgomery promptly put her on fruit cutting duty which made Maya happy because she had to sit to do it because the counters were covered in pancakes and bacon.
The blonde went into the showers, trying desperately to scrub the smell of their last fire off her body and out of her hair, but the screams from the neighbors they heard when they carried the bodies of the family out of the house wouldn't leave her head. There were fires that were harder than others, and this one was really hard for Maya.
She managed to pull herself together, at least a little, before getting out of the shower, changing her clothes before heading to help her team. She smiled when she walked into the beanery, finding Carina still cutting up fruit at the table while chatting with Vic and Travis who were on pancake duty.
"Hey, Cap," Travis said, smiling at Maya, "Carina was just telling us about the trip you guys took last month since you are always, conveniently, too busy to tell us anything."
"Yeah, like how you screamed when you saw a snake on the porch," Vic laughed, flipping another pancake into the warming box.
"In my defense, it was almost dark and I was not expecting it and I can give you both bathroom duty indefinitely," Maya said, glaring at them.
Vic and Travis held their hands up in surrender as they continued making pancakes.
"I'm going to head down to the barn to make sure everything going as planned, "Maya said before looking at Carina, "You good up here?"
"I'm fine Bella," Carina said, nodding as she squeezed Maya's hand gently, "Go do your captainly duties."
"Alright," Maya nodded before looking at her friends, "And you two, no more poking her for stories about me."
Maya left the beanery with a smile as she heard her wife and friends laughing behind her. She went downstairs and got to work helping finish with setup and getting the food ready to serve. People started coming by, and before Maya knew what was going on, almost two hours had passed and she had yet to see her wife.
"Vic," she said, going up to her friend, "Where's Carina?"
"She said she was going to go to the bathroom and then come down," Vic said, brow furrowing, "But that was almost an hour ago. Do you want me to go look…"
Before Vic had even finished, Maya was tearing out of the barn. She ran upstairs, not finding her wife in the bathrooms, beanery, or longue. She then went into her office, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw Carina in her bunk, sound asleep on her bed. She smiled, walking in and just looking at her wife.
"Stop staring," Carina mumbled, eyes opening a little.
"I can't admire how beautiful my wife is when she's asleep?" Maya chuckled, sitting down on the bed next to her.
"I am not feeling particularly beautiful these days," Carina groaned, sitting up.
"You are literally growing our children in your body," Maya said, wrapping her arms around Carina, "You have never been more beautiful than you are now."
Carina smiled, leaning on Maya.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," the brunette said, rubbing her eyes, "I was just going to come lay down for a minute before going to the breakfast, but I guess I was more tired than I thought."
"That's ok," Maya said, shrugging, "I'm glad you got some rest."
"We should probably get back to the breakfast," Carina said, "After all, the future Battalion Chief should probably be there."
"You're probably right," Maya said, nodding, but making no moves to get up.
"Is everything ok Bambina?" Carina asked, noticing a slight pinching in her wife's brow.
"Yeah," Maya said, "Or, it will be. I don't have time for it not to be right now."
Carina nodded, taking Maya's hand. She knew it wasn't healthy to push whatever was wrong down, but for now, she was willing to let it slide because this was important to the station. They went into the barn, hand in hand.
They ended up getting separated fairly quickly when Maya got pulled into a conversation with one of the wealthier people from around the station, and Carina went to grab some food. The people in the neighborhood were fairly familiar with all the firefighters at 19, and especially Captain Bishop so they were all thrilled when they saw Carina was expecting.
"You two will make the best moms," Edna, an older woman who was a fairly frequent visitor of the station said, touching Carina's pregnant belly.
Carina tried not to show how uncomfortable she was, but as it continued to happen with the hoard of other older women who lived near the station, she got fed up with it, sneaking off to Maya's office after a while to just be alone.
As the event wore down and everyone started cleaning up, Maya made an executive decision after seeing how worn out everyone who had worked the night before looked.
"Alright, everyone from C and D shift, you are on clean up," she said, "A shift, go home. You all look like hell."
"You need to go home too, Maya," Andy said, walking up to her best friend, "I know that call was hard on me, and I can't even imagine what I must have been like for you. Take your wife home and decompress."
Maya nodded, taking the money they had made back to her office, finding Carina sitting in her desk chair.
"Hey," Maya said, locking the money in the safe before going to her wife, putting her hands on her shoulder.
"Don't touch me," Carina snapped, glaring at her wife.
"Woah," Maya said, removing her hands immediately, "What's wrong?"
"Sorry," Carina said with a sigh, "Sorry. I just had my belly touched by all the old ladies who are always at these things and I don't think I have ever been so uncomfortable in my life. They didn't not even ask if it was ok with me."
"Oh, babe," Maya said, "I am so sorry. You should have said something or told me."
"I know," Carina said, clearly frustrated with herself, "I just did not want to be rude because they are all so nice, but I already feel gross and being touched by people who are basically strangers made it worse and I didn't want to cause a scene."
"Next time, tell me and I will make a scene for you," Maya said, clearly angry, "You have a right to your personal space."
"Can we just go home?" Carina asked, feeling drained from the event, "I have to work at 7 tonight, and I don't want to spend our time off together in your office. Unless you still need to do something?"
"No," Maya said, shaking her head, reaching out her hand to help Carina up, "No. I sent A shift home, and Andy told me I needed to leave to, and she's not wrong."
"Ready to talk about it?" carina asked as they walked out to the car.
"When we get home," Maya nodded, climbing into the driver's seat.
They drove the short trip home, Maya grabbing her bag out of the back seat before they both walked inside.
"Can we go lay in bed?" Carina asked, just needing to be comfortable after the nearly two hours she spent getting touched by strangers.
"Of course," Maya said, nodding, "We worked the entire night last night so I'm probably going to need a nap at some point, although I'm not sure that's gonna happen."
The brunette headed upstairs, deciding to wait to push her wife until they were both more relaxed. Maya followed her upstairs a few minutes later with water for both of them and some dried fruit and granola for when Carina inevitably got hungry.
"Thank you Bambina," Carina said, smiling as Maya set the items down.
"Of course," Maya said, offering an exhausted smile.
The blonde changed while the pregnant woman went to use the bathroom before they both climbed into bed.
"The girls are really moving," Carina said, shifting a little, trying to get comfortable.
"Can I?" Maya asked, gesturing to Carina's belly.
"Si," Carina said, confused as to why her wife was asking her to do something she normally just did before the doctor realized what was going on, "Oh, Bambina. I don't mind when you touch my bump. Actually, I love when you do, but really, only you. I was uncomfortable today because people I did not invite into my personal space feel like they can enter it because I am pregnant. When they do it, it feels uncomfortable and gross, but when you do it, it makes me feel like all four of us are more connected."
Maya nodded, putting her hands on Carina's moving belly, smiling when she felt the twins kick and punch at her hands. Before she knew what was happening, though, the smile turned into tears which turned into sobs. Carina didn't say anything, just pulling Maya close.
"Sorry," Maya said after a while as the tears slowed, "I didn't mean to do that."
"Maya, you have been holding something in all day," Carina said, running her hands through Maya's hair, "And I understand why because I know how important the fundraiser is to the station, but Bambina, we are home now. It's just me. Tell me what happened."
"There was a house fire," Maya said with a sigh, "A bad one. Everyone was stuck inside, and we tried to get them out. I went in with them but my tank wasn't working correctly so Vic and I had to wait an extra minute and by the time we got in and found the toddler, he was barely breathing. We took him outside and I worked on him with Travis, but we couldn't get him back. He died in my arms. If my stupid tank would have just been working, maybe, we could have gotten him out in time."
"Oh, Maya," Carina said, pulling her wife close, "That must have been terrible, but Bambina, it is not your fault."
"It's the first time a kid has ever died in front of me," Maya said quietly, "Sure, adults have, and I've seen it happen to kids in fires or that my team was working on, but this one, I was holding his little hand when he died. I just… it was…"
"I know," Carina said, having been there for the last moments of more people, including children, than she cared to think about during the course of the pandemic a few years earlier.
"I love my job, but sometimes, I can't wait to be battalion chief and be off calls like this," Maya said with a sigh, "I think a lot about how much I'm going to miss being in the field actively every day, but then days like today happen."
Carina nodded, just pulling Maya closer, kissing her forehead. They sat there for another few minutes, Maya going back to feeling the babies moving before she yawned.
"You need to sleep," Carina said, "Did you get any rest on shift?"
"No," Maya said, "It was back to back calls."
"Alright," Carina said, moving so Maya way laying down, "Well, I am exhausted too because the girls are taking all my energy so let's try to nap?"
Maya nodded, moving closer to Carina as they both fell asleep. However, for Maya, the sleep lasted all of twenty minutes before she woke up, heart racing from a nightmare. Carina was still out cold so Maya slipped out of bed, needing to clear her head and calm down.
In her dream, there had been another fire, but instead of it being the little boy from the night before, it was her daughters, or at least two little girls that in her dream were her daughters, and she held their little hands just like the little boy.
It was terrible and for a second when she first woke up, Maya though she might be sick. She went downstairs, making herself a cup of coffee and curling up on the couch. Carina found her an hour later, just sitting on the couch, staring at the wall.
"Maya," the brunette said cautiously, "Are you alright?"
"Sorry," Maya said, coming out of her daze, "Sorry. Just thinking."
"About what?" Carina asked, sitting down next to her.
"About this stupid dream I had," Maya said, blinking to keep the tears away, "It was like the fire from last shift, but instead of the little boy, it was the girls, Piccola and Patatina and I couldn't protect them and I held their hands as they…"
"Oh, Bambina," Carina said, pulling Maya close, "I cannot promise nothing like that will ever happen, because we both know that freak accidents cannot be controlled, but Maya, we will do our best to protect them, and trust that that will be enough."
"I know," Maya said, nodding, "I know that, and most of the time, I believe that too, but apparently, my unconscious mind doesn't want to let me believe that."
"The sleeping brain is sometimes a mean place," Carina nodded, knowing both of them struggled with nightmares that were pretty terrible sometimes.
They sat on the couch together for a few minutes, both trying not to think about all the terrible things that they had seen happen to children.
Finally, Maya broke herself out of her spiraling thoughts, something that had taken her years to learn how to do, and looked at her wife, "Come on. Let's go out back and enjoy the weirdly warm October afternoon."
"That sounds like an excellent idea," Carina nodded, reaching for Maya's hand to pull her up.
As they sat in their back yard, Maya rubbing Carina's feet, both of them tried hard to think about all the amazing memories they could make in this yard instead of all the terrifying fears that had been plaguing them earlier.
By Thanksgiving, Carina was nearing the 34th week of her pregnancy and was starting to feel it. She was still working, because according to her OB, the twins were happily nestled in her uterus with no plans to leave any time soon, and Carina wanted to save as much time as she could to be off one the girls were born.
She was still floored by America's maternity leave policy because in Italy, women could take a year or more to be with their new babies. Twelve weeks wasn't even three months, and she wanted to use all of it for once she had two babies in her arms.
They had worked it out so that Maya would take two weeks off whenever the babies came from her PTO she had saved up to help get everything settled, then she would go back to work while Carina was off.
Once Carina went back to work, Maya was going to take maternity leave so the girls would be close to six months old before they were both back to working full time.
Today, however, Carina was not thinking about maternity leave. Instead, she was in the kitchen with her wife as they were getting ready to leave to go to Andy and Robert's for Thanksgiving.
Carina and Maya had spent the morning making three crostatas, or more accurately, Carina had been giving Maya instructions on how to make it because the blonde insisted she could help and that Carina needed to rest.
Normally, the Italian would have fought her, but she had spent the better part of the past week fighting a cold that had been going around the hospital, and she was still tired. Shockingly to both of them, Maya ended up doing a really good job, and all three desserts had turned out beautifully.
"Alright," Maya said, "I think I'm ready. Are you sure you feel ok enough to go? We can always just stay home, curl up on the couch, and relax if you want to."
"You just don't want to share your perfect crostatas," Carina said, giving Maya a look, "I am fine. Really. I mean, I am tired, but I have two babies who are consuming a lot of my energy at the moment. Let's go."
As they stepped out of the house, Maya's brow furrowed at the car that was in their driveway.
"Oh, hell no," she said, eyes wide with rage, "Not today."
"Who is…" Carina started only to watch as the door to the car opened and Maya's father stepped out, "Oh."
"Lane," Maya said, stepping toward him, "You need to leave."
"Come on," he said, "Is that any way to talk to your dad on Thanksgiving?"
"You need to leave," Maya repeated, trying to keep her cool.
"So it's true," he said, glancing around his daughter at Carina, "The woman you are with is really knocked up. What, were you not good enough for her so she went and cheated on you?"
"They are our kids," Maya said, trying to keep her anger from exploding, "Together."
"So I'm going to be a grandpa?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, "To some other woman's babies? That's rich."
"No," Maya spat, "You are not. You are never coming anywhere near my kids."
"Can you even call them your kids?" Lane countered, raising an eyebrow, "I mean, your wife or life partner or whatever other idiotic name you two have come up with is their real mom, right?"
"Go to hell," Maya said, shaking her head, "They are our kids, and you will have no part of them. You need to leave… NOW."
"I am so disappointed in you, kid," Lane said in his scary, flat voice, "I always had dreams of you growing up and having a husband and a couple of kids who could follow in your footsteps to the Olympics, and instead, you have decided to play house with this woman, you are out of shape, and you think you are somehow going to be what? Some kind of step mom to these kids?"
"Mr. Bishop, you need to leave," Carina said, walking up next to her wife, "Maya has asked you several times, and if we have to ask again, I will call the police."
"Oh, look at you now, Maya," Mr. Bishop said, "Now you need this woman to fight your battles. Come on. You are so weak and pathetic and…"
Before he could finish, Maya took the dessert that was in her hands and threw it, plate and all, at him. The plate missed him, shattering on the driveway, but he ended up covered in sticky Italian tart.
"Leave," Maya said, voice shaking with rage, "Now."
He was going to protest, but Carina pulled out her phone and he conceded, getting back in his car and speeding off.
"Let's go inside, Bambina," Carina said gently, putting a hand on her shaking wife's back.
"No," Maya said, "No, we need to get to Andy's. Come on. We are going to be late."
"Maya," Carina said, "We don't have to go. We can stay here. It's ok."
"No," Maya said again, "No. Come on. Let's go."
Carina sighed but knew that Maya was shutting down on her right now, and that fighting with her when she was like this was absolutely useless. Carina knew she herself got like this too when she was overwhelmed to a point that Maya just had. Carina's own father had passed during the pandemic, but there were times when her brother's meds would get unbalanced and he would get like that, mean and lashing out at everyone. Carina knew that at some point, maybe later today or that week, Maya would be ready to process what had just happened, but pushing her to do it before she was ready did not ever end well.
They drove to Andy and Robert's house in silence, Carina holding Maya's hand as the blonde drove, eyes squinted and body tense. They arrived at the Herrera Sullivan house right on time, Maya helping her wife out of the car.
"If you need to leave early, just let me know," Maya said, offering a pinched smile.
"You too," Carina said meaningfully, just rubbing her thumb on the back of Maya's hand.
They walked up to the door, Andy opening it a moment after they knocked.
"Come on in," she said, stepping aside, "I can take those. Wow, Carina, they look great."
"Maya actually made them this year," Carina said, handing Andy the plate she was holding.
"No way," Andy said, looking down at the pastry.
"Si," Carina said, nodding as she slipped off her shoes.
"Nicely done Maya," the hostess said.
Maya half answered before walking away. Carina went to use the bathroom and when she came back, she didn't see her wife.
"She's playing with Luca and Pru in the playroom," Travis said, walking up to Carina, "Which is still so crazy to me because she always tried to avoid kids, but now she chooses to spend time with them instead of us."
Carina nodded, half smiling because she knew that while, yes, Maya did love the kids, that it was probably more part of her coping with how she was feeling right now. Carina decided to give her wife the space she was looking for and, after grabbing a glass of water, she sat down next to Vic.
About an hour later, Maya came wandering into the living room, sitting down next to Carina.
"Hey Maya," Vic said, smiling at her friend, "Happy Thanksgiving."
"Happy Thanksgiving," the blonde said, nodding.
Carina glanced at her wife, Maya giving her a small, reassuring smile. Carina just took her hand before turning back to Vic.
Soon enough, it was time for dinner. They all sat down, everyone chatting happily as they passed food around the table.
"That's all you're eating?" Andy said, looking at Maya's plate that only had a little food on it, "It's Thanksgiving."
"I'm not hungry," Maya shrugged, picking up a fork.
"Come on, Captain," Ben said, "You didn't even take any of my famous cheesy potatoes."
"I said I'm not hungry," Maya snapped, pushing back her chair, "I need to use the bathroom."
Everyone was silent as she left before looking at Carina.
"I… It… I'm going to go check on her," Carina said, getting up from the table.
Carina slowly walked down the hall to the bathroom, knowing what had set her wife off. Her dad had commented on her weight earlier, something Maya was beyond self-conscious of that had created such an unhealthy relationship with food. The blonde had worked hard in therapy on this, but having someone tell you that you were out of shape was pretty triggering. Carina took a breath before walking up to the door, knocking gently.
"Maya," she called, "It's me. Can I come in?"
She heard the door unlock and took that as a yes.
"Oh babe," Carina said, walking in and finding her wife sitting on the toilet, tears running down face, "Come here."
The blonde stood, just letting her wife hold her as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"I just…" Maya tried to say, finding it almost impossible to get a full breath, "He said… I don't…"
"Hey," Carina said, moving Maya so she was looking at her, "Maya, eyes right here."
The blonde took a while, but eventually, she called down.
"Ok," Carina said, "This is what we are going to do. I am going to go out there, tell everyone you weren't eating because you are sick, and then we are going to go home and talk about this."
Maya nodded, knowing her wife was right.
"Alright," Carina said, "I will meet you at the front door?"
Maya nodded again, rubbing her eyes. Carina left the bathroom, everyone staring at her as she walked back into the dining room.
"Maya isn't feeling well," the brunette said with a sigh, "I'm sorry, but we are going to head out."
"Let me make you a plate of food to take with you," Andy offered and Carina nodded, knowing better than to try to refuse food from her wife's best friend.
Andy walked with Carina to the front door, finding Maya already there, shoes on, arms crossed.
"I hope you feel better," Andy said, although both of them knew that Andy knew Maya wasn't sick.
"Thanks," Maya mumbled.
"Thank you for dinner," Carina said, Andy handing her the plate.
"Of course," Andy said, "Let me know if you guys need anything."
"Thanks," Carina said as they left.
"I'm driving," Carina said, putting out her hands for the keys.
"I'm fine to drive," Maya said.
"No," Carina said, "No, I am driving."
Maya was too drained to fight anymore so she handed over her keys, climbing into the passenger seat. They drove home, heading inside, Maya going directly upstairs.
Carina decided she needed to eat something because the girls were demanding it so she grabbed some frozen fruit, making herself a smoothie, deciding to save the Thanksgiving food for when Maya was feeling better.
She drank some of the smoothie, bringing the rest of it with her upstairs. She found Maya laying in their bed, dressed in pajamas, staring at the ceiling. Carina quickly changed her own clothes before climbing into bed next to her wife.
"You know everything he said today was total bullshit, right?" Carina said, laying on her side both to face her wife and because it was the only comfortable position for her body at this point in her pregnancy.
"Logically, yes," Maya nodded, "But… I don't know…"
"It still hurts," Carina said, nodding, "These girls, they are ours. Not just mine, not just yours, but ours, and we are going to raise them to know that we both love them so much. And I love you so much."
"I love you too," Maya said, "I'm sorry I snapped at dinner tonight."
"You had a rough day," Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off Maya's forehead, "I mean, I wish you would have just stayed home and let me take care of you."
"I thought I would be ok enough to make it through Thanksgiving," Maya sighed, "I thought I was over letting him have this kind of power over me."
"Maya, I don't know if you can ever get over this," Carina said, "I know I never did with my papa. I would work so hard, and every time he came into town, I would be back in the same place. And you have gotten so much better at dealing with this. You are letting me be here with you. And you are talking about it. And even if it is still impossibly hard when he pulls what he did today, you know that is not who you are."
Maya nodded, letting Carina hold her as she promised herself, over and over again in her head that she would never make her daughters feel like this, ever.
What did you think? I'm thinking it's time to meet these little humans in the next chapter. Are you ready? As always, any ideas for this story or other things you want to see are always happily accepted!