Hello Everyone!
So I'd been working on this chapter for some time now and I wasn't really sure that I should include this or not cause it turned out to be much much more stretched out than I had anticipated.
I thought a few times that I should skip this whole chapter itself but I couldn't. Something about this particular chapter hit a bit too close to home and I couldn't find it in me to delete it because of how personal it felt.
Ps, this chapter turned out to be a bit too heavy on dialogues, which is very different than any of my previous writings. Also, it seemed to make the characters a bit OOC, but then I remembered that our lovable characters are not kids out of school anymore but matured married adults. So then the dialogues did not seem that misplaced.
Please let me know your views in the comments.
Also, open to some prompts for our favorite couple.
She blinked her eyes open slowly. Pitch blackness. She turned her neck around scanning all directions. Nothing but a black abyss expanded everywhere. Unsteadily she moved a few steps forward, not able to decern what direction it was. arms outstretched, attempting to grab a hold onto something, anything that could give her a sense of the surrounding void.
Nothing of shape manifested. She snapped her head sideways, she thought she heard a whisper. She made her way through the darkness towards what she perceived as the direction of the resonating whisper. A walk that seemed like an eternity. No source unearthed itself.
Cool breeze prickled against her skin, the cold climbing up her feet. She realized that her feet were bare, she shifted her eyes down to inspect her lower limbs and scowled when met again by the same void, unable to view her own limbs.
"Erina…"
Her blood ran cold, hearing her name being called out. She knew the voice that echoed and whipped her head up to look at the source. All the moisture abandoned her throat, heartbeat increased. The pitch blackness faded into a room. A room she recognized all too well, the cage she had tried to escape time and again. There lay the wooden table and chairs, in the center of the room, that had confined the child she once was. And in the same place, he stood.
There stood a suited figure looming above, standing right next to her, raven hair sleekly pulled back with a single file of white mixed in them. Stern face and cold unmoving eyes burned through her soul.
"Father…...", her voice collapsed inside her lips.
"You have utterly disappointed me, Erina", remarked the figure disdainfully. His voice echoed as it bounced off the walls of the dim room. A chill ran down her back.
She spun her head around, eyes frantically searching for the exit. They found the door, at the far end of the room, an endless sea of black cascading in between. Another figure walked out of the door, closing it shut behind it. The kimono the figure wore complimented her lengthy pale hair and long eyelashes. Elegantly she walked towards her, steadily reducing the distance in between them, before collapsing in front of her.
"Mother!", she cried out with concern, about to make her way to the falling figure.
She stopped in her tracks when she heard the women shout back, "It's all your fault. If only you didn't lack the talent. You could have saved me."
"No mother! I can….", she tried to voice out.
"You think you can achieve what even I couldn't?"
"Please listen. I am not the same as back then", she mumbled.
"I left because you couldn't save me, all because you lacked to achieve anything", shrieked out the woman. Her white face turning a hue of green and contouring in disgust.
"It's all because you strayed from the path, I paved for you" called out the suited male figure from behind. "All because you abandoned my teachings."
"No...I..", her skin shivered. She tried to run towards the exit.
"Why? Why didn't you surpass me? You let me down", called the woman in kimono again.
"It's because of you I failed to create a better world."
"Why can't you do anything right?"
The voices bounced off the walls resonating all around. She ran as fast as she could to leave the two voices behind. The voices echoed against her eardrums, getting louder the further she went. She put everything into the sprint. The figures of the two faded from her sight. She halted momentarily, panting heavily to catch her breath, leaning against her knees.
Her heart pounded violently against her ribs. Her heart sunk in her chest when she saw the black void enveloped around her feet. Her blood ran cold, and her skin broke out in cold sweat as the realization that she had been glued to the ground all this time sunk in.
Taking in bated breaths she saw the two figures standing exactly where they had been before.
"You are nothing but a selfish sinner", disgruntled the woman.
"Erina, I have lost all hope in you", the male uttered grimly.
"no….", she crouched down, covering her ears with her hands.
"You are a failure."
"You shouldn't have been born"
She pressed harder to block out the voices but they got louder, echoing inside her head. "No…please…" she pleaded.
"Nothing but a Disappointment."
"it would have been better if you never existed."
"I'm ashamed to call you my daughter."
"your existence is meaningless
"Unworthy …."
"failure…"
"disappointment…"
The sounds continued, merging with the surroundings, everything faded into pitch darkness, resonating deafeningly with overlapping voices.
"Shouldn't have born."
"Nothing…"
"Disappointment…"
"Failure…"
"No…please…. stop…no…", her voice broke, begging for it to end.
Erina's eyes snapped open and her body jerked itself awake. She frantically twisted her head examining the vicinity, cold sweat covering her body. Her breath stuck in her chest when she found herself in darkness once again. Her heart pounded hysterically against her ribcage. A few moments passed in silence. Slowly and Steadily, her eyes adjusted to the lack of light in the room. She took in deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart as she realized that she was back in her bedroom. Cold sweat covered her, the cold gust of air against the skin made her feel like inside of a bathtub filled with ice. Her feet cold as if made of ice.
She pulled her legs up, rolled over her side, and curled into a ball, burying her face in her arms, tightly hugging the blanket in an attempt to feel some semblance of warmth as she shivered uncontrollably. The sudden commotion had stirred her partner awake.
Soma woke up sensing more than usual movement next to him. He rubbed the sleep off his eyes and found his wife curled up inside the covers and shuddering silently with her face completely covered with the back of her arms. His heart sank when he discerned why his mind quickly piecing two and two together. He had witnessed this a couple of times before but there had been no incidents ever since they had married. In all practicality, he had forgotten about it and assumed she had overcome this like she always had to whatever life threw at her.
Soma ran his fingers over her head, tenderly fixing her golden locks behind her ears. "Erina…" he gently called out, as to not frighten her.
"I'm fine, you can go back to sleep." He heard her reply with a breaking voice. He heaved a sigh.
"I never said you weren't." He pointed out, receiving only a whimper in response.
"It's fine really. Nothing new I can't deal with alone."
Soma did the only thing he could and embraced Erina securely within his arms and chest. "The thing is, that you don't have to", he said, soothingly making circles on her back, assuring her that he was here with her and for her. A couple of minutes passed by in silence. Soma felt her shivering body relax but still remained curled up.
"Bad dream?" He stated more so than ask, softly coaxing her out of her posture. Erina lifted her head and let her body uncurl a little. She shifted towards her husband and firmly wrapped her arms around him, her face resting on his chest. Soma perceived this as her answer to his question. He could make a wild guess as to what might have been the trigger behind her relapsed nightmare but put those thoughts on hold to focus on her.
He gently lifted her face to have a look at her. Her eyes were a bit puffy and red on the sides, her complexation pale and drained of color, her mouth closed in a tight line, trying not to show how terrified and shaken she was. He hated to see her this way. He hated this kind of expression on her features. He hated how hard she tried to put on a brave front. He hated how ingrained it was in her to do so. He hated the fact that her past still tormented her. But most of all he hated himself for being incapable of doing anything more for her.
"Wanna talk about it?" He asked even though he already knew the answer he'd get.
Erina moved her head to the sides, conveying her apprehension to the idea. "it's stupid really….", she whispered.
"I'm sure it isn't. Was it something related to your father?"
Soma took her silence as an affirmation but did not pry any further. He figured that it would be counterproductive to push her to speak when she clearly didn't feel up to it. He sat, embracing her in the silence, giving her time she needed to sort out her thoughts. He knew she would talk to him once she had calmed down enough, so for now, all he could do was assure her of his presence.
"I'm sorry. Your sleep got disturbed because of me. She said, although her sides leaned more securely on him.", she spoke in an apologetic tone.
"Think nothing of it. Won't you do the same for me.", he replied with a grin. Soma draped his arms loosely over her shoulders.
Erina's lips curled slightly upwards nodding lightly in confirmation. The lack of temperature in her feet drew her attention. She pulled her legs in towards her upper body, forming a ball-like before, soaking the warmth that she herself was lacking at the moment.
Erina took in long deep breaths, she felt the heat return to her limbs as she relaxed under the warm embrace of the red-haired chef. She rested her head on his chest. What had terrified her more than the nightmare itself, was that it all had felt unsettlingly realistic. Soma's arms around her back gave her a sense of safety which was extremely opposite of what she had experienced just moments ago. She sniffed in his scent and took in the warmth radiating from his body. Content and assured that this was perhaps real and not another prank by her brain. Erina let out a sigh she had been long holding in. A sense of relief washed over her. She felt grateful that she wasn't alone anymore to survive through these nights like she once was.
A few minutes ticked by in comforting silence. Soma observed the rhythm of Erina's breathing return to normal and the trembling in her body subside. "Feeling better?", he asked softly.
"Hmm", Erina nodded her head against his chest. She took in a deep breath.
"it's funny…", she continued, "one would think that After all this time I should have overcome and left this part of me behind. Guess that was wishful thinking."
"You know, just because others think it shouldn't hurt doesn't mean that it won't. Wounds heal when they are supposed to not when one wishes them to. Healing's not an easy process", he replied calmly.
"I thought I had grown stronger. Stronger than these nightmares. Thought I had it mapped out. Turns out I never did. Nothing's changed. Talk about being pathetic." Erina's voice raised a bit as she spoke.
"Don't be silly. Don't use such hard words on yourself. You're strong, Erina. Damn strong. Always have been. You're the strongest person I have met in my entire life. I've experienced that first-hand."
"Everyone presumes that to be true about me. Because I was born with what everyone called a blessing. Ever since being strong was deemed to be natural for me, everybody believed that. So, I desperately clung to that belief too. I was pretty confident too, ostentatious even."
"You're not responsible for other people's expectations."
"I know...I know. It's just that... they weren't just others. They were my own mother and father." Her voice broke a little. "And I did too...from myself."
"That's...", Soma tried to speak, but was cut off by the blonde in his arms. Erina continued, voice course and a tad bit louder than normal.
"For all my arrogance, I did nothing but let my parents down. I couldn't even save my own mother. Couldn't give my father any hope. Couldn't stop them from breaking apart. Maybe...no if only I was good enough then maybe. Only if..."
Soma silenced her mouth by planting a short kiss on her lips. "Shush. Don't, Erina. Stop talking. Don't do this to yourself. None of what happened to or between your parents was in any way your fault or responsibility. You know better than that, you're just feeling a bit unsettled due to the nightmare."
"I understand that already. More like my brain does. That it isn't rational for one single person to be put to blame. Then why I wonder isn't my heart able to comprehend the same. Why does it crush me with guilt?" Erina felt frustrated, anger, discontent at the twistedness of it all and at her own being.
"Cause your heart is too kind. It beats itself even over things that were never meant to be under its control." Soma said soothingly. Hands running down her golden locks, stroking her head comfortingly.
"Ha! Kind! I bet many people would beg to differ about that for this 'Ice Queen'." She scoffed. To herself than to him. He pulled her closer and intertwined their fingers together.
"Then that's because they never knew the 'Ice Queen' outside the walls of professional kitchens and meetings. They only saw the ruthless critic businesswoman, not the girl that loves reading shoujo manga or the girl that took on the whole system to save her friends. They only saw the 'perfect' you, never knowing that she hid her broken parts so well."
"Isn't that the same as putting a great label on my weaknesses? So that I don't feel bad about them."
"Hmmm. Not at all. What I'm trying to say is that only when one's strengths and weakness come together do people become their real selves."
"So, like the opposite sides of a coin, one cannot exist because of the other?"
"Yea. Something like that."
"But they don't balance out each other. If both are but opposite sides of one another?"
Soma stroke his chin, contemplating. Immersed in thought he formulated a reply and slowly began, "Hmmm. Maybe in a cryptic way, they do…... Maybe, perhaps we call them weakness because we will use all our strengths to protect them."
"I cannot make sense of that. If that's true, then all that we worked hard for was so that we could cover up our shortcomings? Then what about all these past demons that I have been desperately battling against. Is then there no meanings behind those struggles?", she asked anxiously.
"I think you're mistaking courage for strength and weakness for cowardice," Soma replied.
"How so?"
"To admit that you are not as strong as everyone thinks you are is in itself an act of courage. It takes more than just strength to stand face to face with one's own weakness and accept them."
"So, I can grow stronger by accepting my fears even if I am not able to overcome them?"
"You'd have to first admit that there is a problem before you could get around to finding a solution, right?"
"But what if I cannot find a solution. What then?"
"That's simple. You get help." Soma grinned.
"Is it really that easy?"
"At the very least, I know it's not complicated, doesn't mean it won't be difficult. Sometimes to do the simplest of things requires the greatest of courage. But that's exactly why I know you can do it."
A small smile reappeared on Erina's lips. "Thank you, Soma-Kun. For listening to my mindless ramble. I feel lighter thanks to you." She planted a soft kiss on her partner's cheek.
"You're welcome." He beamed back at her.
"Soma-Kun?" Erina moved in his embrace to look him into the eyes.
"Hm?"
"I still feel scared after all. Please help me. I want to put these demons of the past to rest for good."
"Then, hmmm, let's see. How about we give your parents a call", he exclaimed after pondering for a few seconds.
"Huh...", Erina blinked a couple of times, comically looking at the redhead as he reached for her phone. "what!?" She cried out as the realization that he wasn't joking with her set in.
Hope you liked this chapter.
Please do leave me your views in the comments.