Starting Over Again
Chapter 9
Christine stopped having nightmares when Mike slept in the bed with her and there was no distancing themselves because he would frequently wake up with her sleeping on his chest. He had been to a couple of Christine's therapy appointments and was learning how to handle things that being a cop hadn't taught him. It was almost like he was relearning how to be a husband. One appointment, the therapist asked Christine to leave them so she could speak with Mike. Christine nervously agreed.
"So, there are more types of intimacy than just physical. You are well aware that Christine may not be able to do ever be physically intimate with you again, correct?" Dr. Smith asked.
"I know. I just don't want her to close herself off to it." Mike said.
"And I understand that, but she feels that you are entirely basing everything on it. In a way, she feels you are bullying her." Dr. Smith answered.
"So, how do I communicate that isn't what I am doing?" Mike asked.
"Stop bringing it up. I understand before; your marriage…or at least the physical part of your relationship was good?" Dr. Smith asked.
"Yes." Mike said.
"Christine will get there again. It might not take as long as you think, or it might take way longer than you'd like, but it will happen. From what she has told me; she had only ever been with you before?" Dr. Smith questioned.
"That's true. We waited until our wedding night. She wasn't my first but since, she's been my only." Mike admitted.
"That's nothing to be ashamed of. You and I both know; she was brutally raped. It was…one of the worst accounts I've ever heard of. Did she tell you the bit about the knife?" Dr. Smith asked.
"That he held a knife in between her legs as he raped her? Yeah, she told me." Mike said.
"Women, even strong and confident women like Christine don't recover from that. She also told me that you and she are sleeping in the same bed; sometimes you are even holding her." Dr. Smith commented.
"Is that the wrong thing to do?" Mike asked.
"Actually, no. She asked you to, and I think you have the common sense to know not to push the proverbial envelope. Most couples; by the third or fourth date, they've become intimate. You and Christine didn't. What'd you do instead?" Dr. Smith asked.
"We both came from very religious backgrounds. She was Catholic and I was Baptist. I was more rebellious, but I had been raised with the 'no sex before marriage' so it wasn't hard for me to agree to. We went to movies, out to eat, bowling, things like that; and I would walk her to her door. We'd been dating six months before we even kissed on the lips. We dated a full year before we got engaged, and we were engaged ten months before we got married." Mike explained.
"So, for almost two years; you were able to abstain?" Dr. Smith asked.
"Correct. It wasn't easy. I was a bit of a…I got around before Christine." Mike admitted.
"Something about her made you wait nearly two years and has kept you faithful for years." Dr. Smith remarked.
"Next Saturday is our twenty-fifth anniversary. I have bought her a new engagement ring and wedding band, our daughters have picked out a dress for Christine, we're having food and friends over and will renew our vows. Years ago, Christine told me she wanted to renew them on our twenty-fifth anniversary. She doesn't know. It's a surprise." Mike told Dr. Smith.
"I see. My thoughts are; you want to recreate your wedding day, but you may not be able to recreate your wedding night and I don't think you should even try. What was it about your wedding night that made it special?" Dr. Smith asked.
"We couldn't afford a lot, but I got a nice hotel room. Had wine, flowers. The whole bit." Mike said.
"Definitely don't do that next week. Keep the night low key, because you don't want her to feel pressured. Also, you probably should alert Christine about it. I know it's a nice surprise. I get the idea but Christine has been through a lot. It will also allow her a bit of control." Dr. Smith said.
"Alright. So, stop bullying her, and tell her about the vow renewal." Mike said, obviously defeated.
"Yes, but there is one thing I don't want you to stop. Christine has commented that you have been wonderful to her, and you are a wonderful friend. Don't stop that." Dr. Smith said before they both stood up.
"I don't want to be her friend. I want to be her husband." Mike remarked.
"Its one and the same. You can't be her husband without being her friend." Dr. Smith said before walking him to the door. Christine was obviously nervous. Instead of driving straight home; he drove to a park, parked and helped Christine out of the truck.
"What are we doing? Kaitlyn is home alone." Christine asked.
"I texted her and she is fine. Let's go for a walk?" Mike suggested and Christine nodded. They walked for half of a mile; until they came up to a beautiful bridge over a stream.
"Its really pretty here, but I still don't understand why we didn't just go home." Christine said.
"I wanted to talk to you; without the girls. Years ago, you told me that on our twenty-fifth anniversary, you wanted to renew our vows. I planned that, but if you want to backtrack we can." Mike explained.
"What did you plan exactly?" Christine asked.
"I got you a new ring set, the girls picked a dress out, food, and some friends are coming up from Virginia. Russ Jeter will officiate. Just in the backyard. Nothing fancy. I thought, after your attack and everything before; it might help, but Dr. Smith told me I was wrong. Said I was trying to recreate our wedding day, and was afraid I would recreate our wedding night and pressure you into something you aren't ready for. The thing is; that really was not my intention. I just wanted to make it clear to you; I'd marry you all over again, despite our past, despite your attack and whatever you won't want to do ever again. If you and I are never intimate again, I will handle it. I just want us to be emotionally intimate again. That was my only intention." Mike explained.
"I see." Christine said.
"I'll explain to the girls and cancel everything. I already have the rings though." Mike remarked.
"No. Mike; its incredibly sweet and I would remarry you again, knowing everything I know now. And like you; I want to be emotionally intimate…and someday; probably sooner rather than later, physically intimate with you. Just be patient. Mike; I love you with all my heart. I would never want to be intimate with anyone but you. Now; I do want to put one wrinkle in your plans and I don't even know if its possible. Can we do this here? The vow renewal?" Christine asked.
"I can call the city office and find out. I think we could." Mike answered. Christine nodded and put her arms around him.
"Good. I like that idea. Now; I do think you need to give me the engagement ring. It wouldn't be right if you put them both on my finger the day of." Christine said after giving Mike a nervous kiss.
"I don't have them with me, but once we get home; I will." Mike said. He had noticed Christine seemed a bit more confident. Maybe she simply needed to make a decision. He could do that.