Love Through Time
Summary: He lost her once when he was Youko. He met her again as Shuichi Minamino - and though she had no memories of the bond they used to share, Kurama vowed to stay away from her to prevent from hurting her again. But the thing called fate would soon prove it to be difficult as he found himself falling for her a second time.
Disclaimer: I don't know how many times I have to tell you that I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.
Chapter 8
There were a lot of things Koenma was not in control of, despite being the prince of Reikai.
"Why her?"
Kurama's rich, neutral baritone reverberated in the toddler-sized prince's ears, the suppressed emotion in the redhead's voice prompting Koenma to finally avert his gaze from the piece of paper in his hands to direct his attention to him. The pools of peridots that belonged to the fox was detached of any sentiments, calm and impassive as Koenma had expected them to be, but the underlying scintillia of anguish was latent beneath.
He permitted a moment of reprieve to suck on his pacifier before finding his voice. "I beg your pardon?"
Koenma could distinguish that his feigned ignorance had succeeded to strike a nerve when a hairline fracture in Kurama's composure came in the form of the once, minutely twitching at one corner of his lips. The small glimpse at the repressed reaction was testimony enough to indicate his growing muted chagrin, but still, Kurama swiftly quelled any hint of emotion to slip back on his stoic mask.
"It is no use playing the fool, Koenma. I reckon you would know by now who I'm referring to," Kurama's voice resounded in the air in a clinical tone regardless, but Koenma could tell from the tiny, animalistic growl that he squashed down from the back of his throat at the last minute that he was irritated.
The ambience shifted a little as Kurama's torrent of fermenting ire poured over him in restless spikes of demon energy. Koenma had to pat himself on the back in a token of congratulations for a miniscule success as he managed to sustain eye-contact with the fox whilst preventing himself from cowering in fear behind the desk from the subdued animosity in Kurama's greens.
His own voice was equally indifferent as he verbalized his response, "I suppose faking my innocence of the matter was a farfetched ploy of mine." He allowed himself a fleeting second of respite as he situated his paperwork back on its original spot at the top right end of his desk. "I can assure you that your meeting with her was not intentional. And to answer your question, it was also not my aim to make her a ferry girl."
And that was true. The spirit realm had a long list of dead souls of women who met their perpetual demise in the hands of monsters and died in the most horrible ways that could be deemed possible. Yet they still retained their personification of moral grounds and unfathomable kindness, almost even to the point of being considered as saints in their previous lifespan. These embodiments of purity itself were called ferry girl candidates, in which they would choose which one would become the next messenger of Death. He would admit that Botan's soul had not been a probable postulant to entertain as there were others which garnered more of his interest. However, for some odd reason, he felt himself drawn to her. It was not what he could recognize as attraction though, as he felt as if he had experienced a small tug that enticed him to pick out her soul. And before he knew it, she was the designated newfound grim reaper of the year.
Looking back, he must have been influenced by Botan's profuse mixture of whirlwind emotions. Unconditional love, endless sorrow and a mountain-load of regrets all met together and clashed with one another in an almost smothering tornado of overwhelming sentiments. Although it was not unusual to undergo through this vortex of sadness and loneliness when it came to appointing which soul to be the upcoming ferry girl, Koenma harbored an inkling suspicion that it had been Botan's profound hope to be reincarnated and meet the love of her life once more that coaxed him into choosing her in the first place. It had been a decision made in the spur of the moment where he had felt her Pull, but it had never been a judgement that he could ever find it in his heart to regret.
After all, Botan was a lovely and bubbly girl. It was near impossible to dislike her in any way, even if she did have the knack of being a motormouth and babbling nonsensical mambo-jumbo Koenma rarely paid much attention to.
The moment she was revived in the three realms as a grim reaper, she had attracted a lot of suitors due to her sweet charms and had obtained an abundance of newfound friends due to her friendly demeanor. Albeit she was a little bit too clumsy for his taste, but she was nevertheless one of the few most hard-working ferry girls he had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Despite the gruesome circumstances of her line of work and the undeniable mental strain that came with it, Botan had never failed to wear a smile on her pretty face and tended to keep her vibrant and good-natured bearing intact no matter the horrors that had occurred in her ferrying duties. In so many aspects, Koenma would regularly find himself at awe over her mental fortitude, though this surge of amazement propensed to fuse with a stronger billow of blended remorse and pity.
In spite of the years they had spent maintaining a professional relationship which shortly bloomed into sibling-like camaraderie, Botan had never exhibited any signs that she was ever truly happy. Of course, he could see through her high-pitched, girlish guffaws and her enthusiasm when speaking with friends that she had at least obtained plenty more glee than she had ever had in the horrendous life she priorly led. But whenever she thought no one was looking, he would be able to catch a glimpse of her radiant purple orbs reducing into the pair empty, dimmed violets that she kept obscured from everyone's view, the slant of her lips in a impertinent grin habitually collapsing into a single thin line. And she prolonged the forged act in an extended duration of time, though Koenma never made a move to mention it in fear of her breaking down. It wasn't until she met him that things started to change.
He had perceived the slight change in her behavior ever since Yusuke had his first case of retrieving the three stolen artifacts. There was a spring in her steps wherever she went, and the forced warm smiles and exuberant, ear-to-ear grins became more than mere pretense as they bloomed into real ones over time. Anyone could discern that she was, for once, really in high spirits and no one could blame him for wanting to look up the cause of her sudden bouts of delight. When he utilized his humongous TV to watch through her interaction with Kurama, that was when the revelation slowly but surely dawned on him that the redhead had been the source of her prominent joy.
Koenma was the prince of Reikai; he would always be aware of the backgrounds of every living being, regardless of their kind. Although, it wasn't as if he made it his sole mission to sneakily acquire a peek through people's personal lives. He had been knowing of Botan's journey in her previous life and what served as her downfall when she eventually succumbed to Death's embrace. But what he hadn't known was the true identity behind the person named Kurama, also called Shuichi Minamino in human terms.
It took him some time to search through Reikai's giant-sized library of memories to finally understand that he was the Youko Kurama. The legendary, fearsome ex-thief who wrecked havoc and instigated hellish acts throughout his centuries-period lifetime. The legendary, fearsome, in love ex-thief who had made his purpose in life to care for Botan and bring her happiness as much as he could for the rest of her life. The legendary, fearsome, ex-thief who had become a shell of himself after the only beacon of hope in the muck that was his life was ruthlessly snatched away from him.
Granted, Koenma knew that Kurama would probably be aware that he would perform a background check on him, considering that the fox's keen intellect was at its own god-level in itself. However, he would admit that he hadn't expected to be called out on the spot.
"I wanted her to be happy," Kurama's barely audible voice broke him out of his reverie and prompted Koenma to dart his hazel gaze back to him. The muscles in the redhead's jaws were awfully tense, his delicate, well-sculpted eyebrows knitted into a pained frown as the torment reflected in an aching dance in his emeralds.
The air grew hushed for long-lasting moments until Kurama finally spoke again, this time with an unusual infinitesimal croak in his deep baritone, "I didn't expect to see her again. But taking into account that fate seems to harbor a deep resentment towards me, the current circumstances with her and I being...friends serve to prove otherwise." There was another pause, though this time it felt more like a tormented halt than a deliberate standstill in his sentence. Koenma could hear the harrowing tremble of his usually confident timbre as he uttered the word 'friends' as if it took every ounce of his willpower to spit it out. "But I would have preferred to meet her under different conditions. Her being a ferry girl of death, doomed to an infinite web of agony and guilt from her reaping duties, was not a scenario I wanted to see her in."
He observed Kurama's eyelids skirting close as soon as water welled up in his eyes, almost as if he was trying to evade the tears from springing free. The fox inhaled a shaky intake of breath, his voice breaking as he vocalized the hushed murmur, "I wanted her to be happy, with no more pain and no longer surrounded with corpses and blood around her. Even if she were to have been married with a lot of kids and a good man to take care of her, I wouldn't mind the jealousy at all if it meant that she was having a peaceful life. But…"
The soft, sympathetic sigh that Koenma expelled instantly made him silence himself. Kurama's eyes skidded open again, though his verdant-colored gaze appeared faraway as he casted his irises straight at the pair of rich chestnut-tinctured orbs that belonged to Koenma. The tears were no longer perceptible, but even though their eyes were locked, Koenma could ascertain from the lack of focus in Kurama's jaded ones that his mind was somewhere else.
"I didn't mean for it to be this way, Kurama," Koenma murmured under his breath, compassion discernible both in his voice and his brown pupils as he pronounced the words. "She was a persistent girl, even after death. Her wish to see you again was so strong that I gravitated towards her."
Kurama steadily drew his lips tight, and Koenma could tell from the twinge of ache perturbing his dimmed greens that the newfound bit of information was torture to his heart, the fox looking restless as if the news also brought forth a touch of physical pain. "Is she at least having a better life than before?"
"Despite her line of work, she actually is surrounded by good friends this time around. I can also see that Yusuke has managed to grow on her somewhat," Koenma articulated his answer in a cautious manner, briefly halting in his riposte to give another idle suck on the pacifier between his lips. "I don't know if she's content with this life, but I can at the very least assure you that this time, she has people around her who obviously care for her. She's at least not alone anymore. If anyone tries to hurt again, you have my word that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe." The last sentence escaped him in a firm promise, the determination and steeled resolve in his hazels patent as he levelled a long, hard stare on the former bandit.
The redhead granted himself a couple of moments for the well-meaning vow to sink into his skin. There was a slight twitch at the corners of his lips in a faintest hint of a grateful smile as he eventually nodded his head once. "Thank you. I wish nothing but for her joy and safety."
"And I know that this might be an asshole move considering the conversation we just had," Koenma started as he cleared his throat to recoup his professional guise and assumed a neutral tone once more, "but I suppose this means that you will be lending your assistance in the Saint Beasts' case?"
Kurama offered a lopsided shrug of his left shoulder as he illuminated his response, "I will do anything I can to help Yusuke. It is because of him that my mother and I both are still alive, after all. Furthermore, if this case helps get me acquitted for my crimes, then I would be a half-wit to let go of the chance."
The prince of Reikai chose to ignore the witty remark in the last sentence as he disregarded the rather playful smirk at one edge of Kurama's lips. "I see he has placed himself on a pedestal in your perspective. Well, I can at least trust you not to try and double-cross him. And I suppose I can rely on you in regards to convincing Hiei?"
The mischief in Kurama's peridot-hued orbs dissipated as he reinstated his solemn exterior. "Although Hiei can be as stubborn as a mule, I am quite positive that he will listen to me. I am an expert at negotiations after all."
"I don't doubt that," Koenma supplied a sarcastic scoff to couple with his sardonic reply as he rolled his eyes at the blatant display of arrogant posturing.
But the comfortable companionship in the air surrounding them dwindled in an instant, the tense atmosphere rearing its ugly head once again as Kurama abruptly muttered the question, "She will never remember me, will she?"
Koenma arched an eyebrow to indicate his surprise at the sudden inquiry, but felt compelled to proffer the fox an answer as the facial muscles of the redhead's visage contorted into another expression of curbed emotional suffering. "Reikai higher ups make sure to erase the memories of every elected ferry girl so that she will not be tied down to regrets of her former life. We are quite...meticulous when it comes to ascertaining that nothing goes wrong, you see. But I would admit that the heavenly barrier in her mind has a slim risk of wavering." He paused for a moment to mull over the right choice of words before prudently droning the syllables, "If you really do not wish for her to recall who you are, then you need not concern yourself over the possibility of her regaining her memories. The occurrences of ferry girls recollecting their lives as humans are considerably rare."
He earned another nod from the ex-thief. "Affirmative. I suppose this is the end of our chatter. Please do excuse me, Koenma, for I must return to my mother and my mundane routine." Kurama conferred the prince of Reikai a final amicable smile before bending his back to form a respectful bow. He straightened himself once more before he then spun on his heels to trudge towards the large, double panel doors serving as both the entrance and exit to Koenma's humongous office. He was about half-way through pushing the door open when Koenma's voice echoed in his ears.
"Is being friends with her really enough for you, Kurama?"
The curiosity in Koenma's timbre sounded acutely superficial as it drummed from the back of his throat, the undertones of empathetic worry quiescent in his voice as the question rumbled through his chest. The motion of Kurama's head swivelling to face him once more was too slow for his comfort as he turned to look at him again. There was an unreadable bearing on his delicate features, smothered grief conspicuous in his jaded gaze as he levelled the prince a long, hard stare before vocalizing his answer in well-coherent letters.
"Being friends is more than I deserve to accomplish with her."
Another pain-staking pause as Koenma considered the forced way the words bubbled out the former bandit's throat. "And is that what you want?"
Lustrous strands of bright, unruly scarlet swayed lazily behind him as Kurama shook his head. He clamped his mouth shut before steadily coercing them to open again. "What I want is of no importance. If me pursuing anything more than a friendship with her causes her nothing but pain, I do not need her love. She deserves to be happy for once, and I refuse to ruin her chances a second time."
"Is that any good?"
Kurama startled out a small jump from the abrupt, but pleasant ticklish sensation of Botan's gentle forelocks brushing against his clothed back as he craned his head slightly to the side to catch the sight of her peeking over his shoulder. Despite not anticipating her sudden presence, the shock swiftly subsided from his system, the disappearing astonishment a direct contrast to the butterflies fluttering in the pits of his stomach and the warmth cloaking around his heart as the sweet vanilla scent of her hair intruded his nostrils.
He quickly thwarted the remnants of affections before they could resurface as he followed her gaze to the book in his hands. The words 'Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows' stared back at him in a bright, aurelian colored font in the form of the book title. He tried to keep his voice as stoic as possible as his features maintained an equally apathetic guise. "I suppose it is entertaining. The story draws you in and it is fairly easy to get yourself immersed in its magical realm. The characters are pretty likeable and well-written too, at least that's what I surmise. I, for one, have taken a great liking to Harry and Dumbledore."
Placing the book back to its original spot in Kuwabara's bookshelf, the redhead tried to keep their contact at the bare minimum as he pivoted his body around to fully face her, though it was proven to be a gruelling task to achieve with her close proximity to him. He pondered over the likelihood of her being this close to other men as he permitted only a second for himself to relish in the warmth of her supple figure as it grazed the hard contours of his form. A puddle of brewing jealousy pooled in his gut before he briskly quelled the vague inklings of envy.
The way their shoulders collided softly against each other had the infuriating effect of causing his heart to hammer in wild, high-notched palpitations under his chest. Although, he was both thankful - and disappointed, a feeling he wished wasn't evoked - for the renewed distance gained in the smooth twirl of his feet as Botan stepped back a couple of strides to sanction him enough space.
"I'm accustomed to reading romance novels due to my fellow ferry girls' avid fixation with them, though I must say that I've never tried to explore other genres before," the well-articulated words rippled out of her in a fit of short-lived girlish, gratifying giggles. There was that glow again - the glow he both adored and loathed to see each time it would appear. Her cheeks adorned an admittedly endearing pink tinge in a manifestation of her charming glow as the rose-shaded, glossy texture of her lips inclined upwards into an earnest, beautiful smile.
It was after the conclusion of the Saint Beasts' case, and they were at the threshold of Kuwabara's residence after the carrot-top had generously supplied the offer to let Yusuke's unconscious body rest there for a while. When Kurama had caught wind of Botan being rendered insentient after dealing with the horde of mind-controlled humans in her attempts to protect Keiko, he could have sworn his heart stopped beating. It hadn't been until they hurried towards the school and arrived on the grounds of Sarayashiki Junior High did the profuse outburst of trepidation mixed with an equally intense spasm of concern eventually diminished from his nerves as he surveyed for any critical wounds and realized that she suffered no other injuries. They decided to bring Keiko and Botan back towards Kuwabara's house as well, and fortunately enough, the ferry girl recovered from her state of unconsciousness only a few hours after that.
The trio of Botan, Kurama and Keiko made sure to stop by Kuwabara's household in order to check up on how Yusuke was doing everyday for the past three days the Spirit Detective had been immersed in a deep slumber. Kurama and Botan had gotten closer during the time spent in those three days, though the fox often tried not to let himself be swayed by his emotions each time the urge to be more than friends would re-emerge itself like a hard-headed foe intent on dragging him down.
There were times he pulled various discreet attempts to tactfully put some distance in their companionship out of fear that he would easily yield to his boundless love for her if he were to allow her to get too close. However, it would seem as if each endeavor he implemented would be foiled into nothing as she would attempt to talk to him with every opportunity she could seize. And Kurama, to be frank, both didn't have the heart to ignore her as she tried to strike up conversation and didn't find it in himself to refuse the chance of indulging in their friendly banters. Their interactions were among many things in the list of what he had longed to experience again, and he couldn't exactly disregard his own desires to engross himself in her endless prattle.
Even so, he hadn't expected her to approach him so soon. Yusuke had started throwing tantrums over Kuwabara pulling a rather harmless prank on him about Keiko and Botan possibly being physically hurt and was in the middle of a heated battle with the carrot-top. Kurama had explained to Kuwabara that it would be a bad approach at a joke but the other redhead didn't really bother to heed his advice. He did find the sight of Yusuke and Kuwabara squabbling to be a bit amusing though.
"I would assume you are the type to be the hopeless romantic when it comes to love," he quipped in despite the constricting feeling in his chest as his mind suddenly flashed back to the remembrance of the passionate kisses they shared in the past.
Why was it that his subconscious favored to remind him of their former relationship as lovers during the worst timing possible?
He ambled towards the chair positioned beside the edge of Kuwabara's bed once he had seized another one of Kuwabara's books from his shelf, vividly aware of the gentle, thudding footsteps of Botan's feet against the floor as she trailed behind him. Perching himself on the wooden chair, Kurama eyed as the ferry girl unabashedly took a seat on an unoccupied space of Kuwabara's bed.
"Well, do you blame me?" she feigned the angry huff as she crossed her arms over her chest and pinned a heated stare on the fox's smiling face. The masqueraded show of forged sulking was admittedly adorable in Kurama's eyes, even if he regularly hoped for his perceptions for her to be far from romantic.
The playful charade faltered as a cheeky grin latched itself on her appealing lips shortly after, however, as the slant spread from one of her ears to another. Her refined, feminine voice was heavily laced with an impish trace as she went on, "Anyone would enjoy a good love story from time to time. Although, I would admit that I'm not exactly a fan of the Twilight series. My friend, Ayame, seems to like it though so I tried getting myself into the anthology but to no avail."
"Ah, yes." Kurama let a brief throes of a low, amused chuckle thunder through his chest. "The story of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan is indeed one of the worst matches made in hell. I would admit that I lost a lot of brain cells from trying to keep up with the logic of the books. It was a hellish escapade made from a foolish decision when one of my classmates recommended the series to me."
A dainty, single blue eyebrow rose to appear in her cerulean fringe as Botan shot him an inquisitive gape. "You didn't strike me as one who would like to read romance. If anything, you give off the impression of someone who likes to bury himself under a plethora of high-level mystery novels."
"Which is true." His lips twitched upwards into a mirthful smirk as a particle of a whimsical dance was palpable in his peridot orbs. "Though you made the error of making false assumptions that mystery is the only genre I savor. Anything is worth reading, with the condition that it is well-written."
Botan pursed her lower lips forward in a form of a cute pout and he tried not to feast his eyes on the enchanting sight by flipping the book in his hands open. His emerald-tinctured peer trailed downwards to the words scripted on the novel underneath his nose in time for the grim reaper to enunciate a snide interpose, "Your fault for making yourself appear like some kind of abnormally sharp-witted good-looking god who seem to enjoy making a hobby out of reading through people's minds."
"I'll ignore the sarcasm in your tone and take that as a compliment," came his equally humorous riposte as it swiftly rolled off his tongue like some kind of second impulse. Curiosity - and just a miniscule speck of fear - crept under his skin as a sudden question pothered the recesses of his mind. "Speaking of love, by the way, I would admit that I am a little bit inquisitive about something. Please pay no heed to me if my inquiry is too personal for you to answer, but are you...by any chance, interested in someone? Or in a relationship already, perhaps?" The letters inadvertently escaped his lips before he could stop them, but now that they were out in the open, the suppressed fright that she might have found someone else only seemed to intensify in his stomach. Regardless, he would admit that he still wanted to hear her response - either to make sure that she had no romantic relations at all, or to force himself into giving up on her if she did, the fox himself was uncertain of his intentions.
His abrupt question startled out a laugh from the ferry girl. "Goodness, and here I thought you weren't curious about me at all. Did you fall for my charms or something?" she threw out the teasing barb, vaguely aware of the sliver of pain in his greens as he quickly repressed the sentiment once again.
If only you knew, he mused bitterly to himself before inwardly shaking his head to repudiate the line of thought. He was indebted to his mastery at falsifications as he effortlessly assumed a simulated display of friendly humor and offered her a roguish grin. "Only for the sake of satisfying my thirst for knowledge, I assure you. Blame it on my biorhythms. I am generally naturally curious about almost everything."
He could briefly detect a hint of disappointment in her lavenders, but speculated over the odds of his eyes playing tricks on him as it quickly faded from her lilac irises and Botan's lips curled upwards into her trademark cheshire-like grin. "One day you're going to end up misleading a poor girl because of your curiosity, you know," she uttered in a cryptic manner despite her high-pitched chortles. Kurama tried not to dwell on the possible implication of hurt behind her cheery voice as she went on, "Well, if you really must know, I'm not really into anyone at the moment. Yusuke's a fun guy to be around, but he already has Keiko and I'm an enthusiastic shipper for Keiko and Yusuke. Koenma's more like a non-blood-related brother than anything else and all the other men I've met don't really pique my interest."
"Hmm," Kurama sounded thoughtfully as he guided his forefinger over the edge of the page he was currently at, though his mind was nowhere fixated on the book in his hands. "How about Kuwabara then? I've noticed that he's taken quite the fancy on you. He is an honorable man, any girl would be lucky to garner his affections," he spoke smoothly, the syllables leaving him in a passive, well-articulated manner.
A profound morsel of jealousy puddled in his heart, threatening to crawl up his throat but he schooled himself at the last minute, bridling the envy from scratching his voice. It was accurate, to say the least. After all, he was very perceptive and Kuwabara was thoroughly honest with his infatuation for the ferry girl. Only a disoriented ignoramus would be unable to notice. But as per usual, he convinced himself into thinking that he owned no privilege in stopping her from pursuing a relationship with another man if she wanted to. And that if there was any guy she would be interested in, he would confer her his unconditional support and assistance all throughout her courting attempts.
...At least he would try to anyway.
Botan's voice snapped him out of his conflicting thoughts. "I mean, Kuwabara's a nice guy, but he's not exactly my type," came her mumbled reply as she traced lazy, idle circles on the linen duvet at the side of her hips.
He tried to brush off the overwhelming frisson of relief that washed over him in return as he, against his better judgement, proceeded to prod, "Then, what is your type, Botan, if you don't mind me asking?"
Her eyes flashed him a weird look then, but he didn't really catch what the fleeting sentiment was as she tilted her head to the side in a thoughtful manner. The rose-colored pad of her forefinger tapped against the spot beneath her lower lips as she contemplated her response. A few more moments of what felt like interminable respite lasted between them before Botan's lips steadily formed a meek, but playful grin as she directed a long, hard stare on the fox. The pink on her cheeks uplifted in shades to convert to light ruby as her pools of amethysts held a mystifying, but beguiling gleam in them.
Her answer made his heart stop and start at the same time.
"I'm not sure, but I guess if I had to choose between the guys I know, you'd be the closest to my type, Kurama."
A nauseating feeling pooled in his gut, the sensation a direct distinction with the butterflies once again soaring in the depths of his stomach. Male pride and deep-seated passion swelled in his heart, the love assaulting every nerve of his being a stinging dispute with the snake of pure terror coiling around the middle of his chest. Vomit slithered up his throat, just as the contradicting gesture of blood rushing to his face tinted his cheeks a brilliant vermillion flush.
Then, in a swift motion, he slid the book close with a soft thud before tapping it lightly on the ferry girl's forehead. Obscuring her field of vision just in time for him to push himself off the chair and swivel his feet around for the door in a quick, graceful attempt to hide the blush on his cheeks before she could see it.
"You really mustn't jest in such a way, Botan. You might end up enticing the wrong person," was all he could offer in reply, his voice barely above the octave of a hushed whisper as he verbalized the oracular letters. He didn't wait to see her reaction as he stepped out of Kuwabara's room and shut the door tight behind him.
kyoandyuya- Lol, I'm glad we're all enjoying the prospect of Kurama's agony XD. I like typing about his turmoil in regards to Botan just as you as my reader love reading through it. And, let me just say this: why are your guesses about my stories always so...in the same wavelength? Lol. Do we share the same mind or something?
Guest- I'm glad it was of some help to you. I'm happy to share my story if it makes you feel at least a little bit better about yourself. And please do seek help. It honestly brings more good than harm and it will take a lot of weight off your chest. And it's okay, it's understandable for people to want to stay anonymous as it's really a sensitive subject to discuss. And no, strangely enough, my stories don't really have an effect on my mental health. I tend to be able to differentiate between fanfics and real life, so that's not a problem. Although, I would admit that the same can't be applied otherwise. My mental health does influence the quality of my stories, mostly because I find it hard to focus on doing something I love. Though I think this is something many people understand.
heartluv- I'm pleased to know that you're enjoying the slow-burn, my dear! And yes, I intend to drag this "friendship" (because Kurama obviously wants more despite his denials) out simply because I want to give more in-depth development to their future relationship. And also because I just love writing this story. Lmao.
Springflowerangel- Hello! I'm sorry it took me a week to finally update this. Hope you like this chapter!