"Why are you hovering by the phone?" Dmitri asked, glancing up from his morning newspaper. "Are you waiting on a delivery? I know it isn't Lida, she isn't due for months yet, so is it for the market?"
The few weeks that had passed since Nicky's graduation from rehab had passed in a busy blur of news and activity. The day after, Vasily had made a special visit to announce that he and Lida were expecting a baby. Happy but unexpected news, and although Red was thrilled to become a grandmother for the first time, the baby wasn't due for some time yet, and to be frank, was not on the forefront of her mind.
"Shows how much work you do," she said, glaring at him. "You should know we don't have a delivery on Mondays. And I'm not hovering," she snapped. She looked at him plainly. "I'm just...standing here."
He folded his newspaper on his lap. "By the phone?"
"Yes, by the phone. Am I not allowed to use up all five hundred square feet of my home now? Would you like to block out where you find acceptable for me to stand?"
Nicky had sent a few messages but hadn't visited herself, and when Red had suggested it, she had been brushed off. If she'd said it hadn't stung she would be lying. Despite that, she knew today was Nicky's first day of work. She'd messaged last week to let Red know, only a short and curt sentence that conveyed no emotion whatsoever. She had however mentioned that it wasn't a charity, but a high school specifically designed for recovering students. Red wasn't sure that made it much better. In fact, she was even more worried.
"Well, you could hover in the kitchen and make me a sandwich," he answered.
Red stared at him. "And you could stand in my market and open it, but neither of those are going to happen, are they?" she sighed. "It's Nicky's first day of work."
"Oh," he said, sounding surprised although she'd already told him that when Nicky had first sent the text. "Well, good for her. This is what you wanted, wasn't it? For her to stand on her own two feet?"
"Well, yes," Red said. "But -"
"All these months of work have finally paid off," he continued, smiling. "She must be feeling so proud of herself."
Red gave a little nod. "She was."
"Good," he said, opening up his newspaper again. "Try not to worry, hmm? What could possibly go wrong on her first day?"
It was the exact wrong question to ask.
"What could possibly go wrong for a recovering addict in a school full of immature recovering addicts? Hmm, I wonder," Red snapped. "Open your eyes, Dmitri. I can't believe that woman is letting Nicky do this. Let me tell you, I've got half a mind to go over there and stop her myself."
"Galina," Dmitri said, his voice gruff. "This is not your decision."
"Then what is my decision?" Red cried. "Because from here, it seems like I never get to decide. I didn't get to decide where we lived, I didn't get to decide what happened to Tricia, I don't have a say with Nicky, the boys barely even see me anymore!"
Dmitri sighed. "Gayla-"
"Don't bother," Red spat. When she slammed the door behind her, she didn't know where she was going, but she knew she wouldn't be back any time soon.
Nicky took a deep breath and held her hand up to the door to knock on it. In front of her was (fingers crossed) where she would work for many years to come. Where she couldn't rewrite her own history, but maybe change someone else's future. She held her breath and closed her fist to knock but before she got the chance to, it flew open in her face.
"Oh," said the woman on the other side, a bright smile suddenly on her face. "You must be Nicky! We're all excited to have you join us."
Nicky mustered a smile herself. "That's me. I'm really grateful for the opportunity to be here, Ma'am. You must be…" she trailed off as her mind went blank, cursing herself for it.
"Natalie," she filled in, no hint of annoyance present in her voice. "Natalie Figueroa. I think you'll like working here, you know. The kids are so resilient. They need success stories to look at and model themselves on. We pride ourselves by giving people second chances here."
Nicky simply offered a smile, too overwhelmed to say much of anything else.
Natalie didn't seem phased by the lack of response. Instead, she gestured for Nicky to follow her and led her to a small, modest office. On the door it read N. Figueroa.
"Sit down," Natalie said, sliding down onto her own chair behind her desk. "Let me give you a quick rundown of how we do things around here."
Nicky nodded as she perched on a chair in front of the desk. "I've been interested since you talked to Marka," she replied honestly. "I think I would have done well at a school like this. Well, maybe. I don't think I really wanted the help back then."
"Well, that's the thing - there will always be students like that. We just have to keep on pushing through until they do. It's not easy, but it's necessary work."
Natalie opened the drawer to her desk and pulled out a pamphlet. She slid it over to Nicky smoothly, and whilst Nicky flipped through it, she continued.
"So many young people become a statistic - effectively, they slip through the cracks. Here, we don't believe that traditional methods of discipline are particularly effective in these students. They aren't bad; they're simply ill. Punishments are supposed to fit the crime." She smiled knowingly. "I used to work in correctional facilities. They were quite the eye opener."
"Why'd you quit?" Nicky asked.
"You quickly find out those places aren't designed to get people out of the system." She sighed. "I saw girl after girl come through for drug related charges. Some died of overdoses inside. Some got caught up in a system they should never have been part of and will likely never get out. They have no-one to support them. Nothing to turn to but drugs. Oftentimes drugs have been the only constant in their lives. You wouldn't believe the lengths someone will go to in order to fund their addiction. We've had kids stealing from their families, underage girls selling themselves…" Natalie shook her head.
Nicky stared at Natalie. At the height of her addiction, Nicky had been in a dark place. Yet it had never been like Natalie was saying. She always had the money for another hit. She never had to worry about having a bed to sleep in or somewhere to turn. And though Marka had checked out emotionally since Nicky was about twelve, she never turned her back financially.
"That's...awful," Nicky echoed.
Natalie nodded. "My daughter Vanessa was born to a drug addicted mother. I didn't want her to grow up with addiction as a black cloud hanging over her. I hope - by the time she is old enough to understand where she came from - that the world will come to treat addiction as a disease rather than locking people up out of view. It's a very rewarding job. But I will warn you before you start - this isn't your standard school placement. It will tear chunks out of you, emotionally and probably physically. Last week, a student overdosed. The month before that we had a near miss. They're kids. They will never be perfect. If you can't handle that - and I would understand if you can't, yet - then it would be better for everyone if you didn't start yet."
Nicky mirrored Natalie's nod. It took a lot to render her speechless, yet she had managed to. She didn't want to think of kids going hungry or selling themselves for drugs. She hated the thought of seeing them relapse over and over again. Her mind flashed to Tricia - how the only thing Red had to remember her was that shitty cross, and a handful of regrets.
"So," Natalie continued, her bright red lips stretching into a smile, "What do you think?"
Nicky blinked. She opened her mouth once, then closed it again. After a moment, she nodded. "Yeah. I think I can handle it. I...I hope so, anyway."
"Good," she said swiftly, coming to a stand. Tucking a few strands of her brown hair behind her ear, she gestured once more for Nicky to follow her. "It's going to be a baptism of fire, let me warn you. But I think you'll fit in. For now," she said, pulling her door open and walking down the well lit hallway, her heels clacking underneath her. "I think you'll do best shadowing me today. See how things work here from the top. You never know, one day you might be in my shoes."
Nicky glanced down at Natalie's stilettos. "Seems painful."
Natalie raised her eyebrows. "It is." A beat passed and she lowered her voice when she continued. "It's painful telling the students when one of their own has died overnight. It's painful watching them detox. But it's all worth it. I promise."
Standing at Vasily's door, Red waited for him to open up and let her in. He seemed to be taking an age to get to the damn door and she frowned at the handle, waiting for it to twitch. When he finally stumbled to the door, Red was ready to chew him out for making her stand there so long. But then he opened the door, and if his unshaven face didn't worry her, then the black circles underneath his eyes certainly did.
"Ma," he said in surprise. He wiped his face, blinking at her. "Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
"Who?" Red asked, stepping inside. She looked at him quizzically. "You're not wasting money on takeout, are you? You're going to need every single cent when-"
"Yeah, I know," he cut her off.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked. She followed him as he slumped down onto the couch, a can of something alcoholic perched on the coffee table in front of him. "Has something happened?" Her heartbeat quickened. "Is something wrong with the baby?"
"No," he said bluntly. "The baby is fine. It's me and Lida who are having problems."
"Problems?" Red echoed. "What kind of problems?"
"We argue all the time. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her. Says she's sick of having to be the supportive one. Sick of working all hours. Well, me too."
"She's probably tired," Red said diplomatically. "And I'm sure you're trying your best."
"I am trying my best!" he exclaimed. "But she never sees it that way. She says I don't understand, her back hurts, she's sick all the time. So I cook, but it's too spicy. Then I clean, but the pots aren't clean enough. My aftershave makes her throw up."
Red smiled. "Stop wearing it then."
"I have, but she swears she can still smell it." He shook his head. "If I can't even get this right, what good will I be as a father?"
"Oh, honey," Red said sympathetically, reaching out to run her thumb down his cheek. "None of this will matter when the little one comes. You know, your father was useless when I was pregnant with each of you. He kept me awake with his snoring, I couldn't stomach the smell of eggs anymore, and you know what he just had to have for breakfast each morning...yet when you all were born, he loved you so much. He was still clumsy, but he was trying. And the red mist dissipated, and I fell in love all over again seeing him love you boys. Maybe it's a pregnancy thing," she said with a shrug.
"You and Dad have been together forever, it's different," he said, twisting a lock of his hair around his finger. "You're soulmates! You're meant to be together and you always knew it. It's different for me and Lida," he said dejectedly, shaking his head.
Red hid a smile. It dawned on her that she hadn't ever actually told her children how their father and her had ended up together, how he wasn't her first choice at all. Circumstances had pushed them together and it had worked out. Even if it hadn't, she doubted she would have done anything about it; breaking up her family because she was dissatisfied wasn't something she ever contemplated.
"It wasn't so different," she told him. She frowned. "But I thought you loved Lida? I thought you wanted to be with her. I know this baby is a shock, but it will be the making of you. I am sure of it."
Vasily shrugged. "I do love her...but I didn't know if I wanted to be with her, you know, forever. I know this is terrible to say, Ma, but it feels like my life is over."
Red nodded. Although she was thinking it, she didn't want to put the thought that just because they were expecting a baby, didn't mean that they had to be together forever into his head. She wanted him to be present in his child's life. Dmitri hadn't been perfect, but he had been present, always.
"Your life isn't over, Vasily," she said. "It's just beginning!"
He shook his head. "No, this baby's life is just beginning. And we can barely afford diapers, and Lida's moved back in with her parents because she thinks I'm a waste of space!" He hung his head miserably.
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Red asked, bewildered. "I could have helped you. I would have helped you!"
"Well, you were swamped with everything else," he said, shaking his head a little. He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I didn't want to add any more stress to your life. I mean, Nicky was in rehab, and I know you missed her tons... you're so busy already."
"I am never too busy for you!" Red exclaimed. Her brow knit together. "How could you ever think that? I will never, ever be too busy for you. That, I promise."
Her head span with his admission. Her children were her world, her entire life. They'd even stopped at three, at Red's request, so that she wouldn't be spread too thinly and be able to devote enough attention to each individual child. It had been Dmitri who'd wanted 'just one more', and Galina, even in her youth, knew it was so that they'd have one last shot at a daughter.
Ironically it was her who had brought home daughters in the end - firstly Tricia, and then Nicky. Dmitri wasn't exactly thrilled either time, but he'd grown to love them both and Red knew he had been devastated when Tricia had died. It had only been weeks before when he'd introduced her to someone as 'my only daughter'. A few weeks later, she was gone. And he had no daughters once more.
"I know, Ma," he said softly.
"Well, clearly not," Red retorted. She reached out to pat his hand and sighed. If Nicky is pulling away, Red thought, then maybe that is for the best.
"You know, I wasn't much older than you when your father and I had Yuri, and we didn't have anyone. We coped. You will do so much more than cope. Lida knows what she's doing, and you have me, and your father. We'll help every step of the way. You don't need all the gadgets and gizmos. There's a Goodwill in the city, I'll have a look next time I'm in there-"
"No," Vasily murmured, clamping his hand over his mouth. "I don't want to shop at a thrift store! Lida should be able to buy whatever she wants, she shouldn't have to scrape pennies together. And I do want this baby...but I'm so scared, Ma."
He looked about five years old again, and it was all she could do not to cry with him. Where had the skinned knees and bumped heads years gone? They were so easy compared to this. She longed for the days when she could kiss it better.
"I know, son, but -"
The ringing of her own phone cut her off. She pulled her phone out from her purse, flashing a quick apologetic glance to Vasily, and sneaked a look at the display screen.
"It's Nicky," Red said, her brow knitting together. She looked up at Vasily, whose red rimmed eyes looked understanding. She clutched the phone a little tighter. Nicky hadn't called in weeks. It would have been so lovely to hear her voice...
"It's okay," he said, and Red could almost see the walls of his defenses slamming back down on her. Her sweet boy. It was then that she saw the same little boy that gave her wild flowers that grew in the cracks on the sidewalk. "You can answer it."
"No, no," Red said uneasily. She hit ignore and slid the phone back into her pocket. "I'm spending time with you, my love. Nicky can wait."
A/N:
Thanks for the reviews, wallscollide, whenaspritemeetsaunicorn, VeraRose19 and Juliette45. I hope you're all doing well and that you enjoyed this chapter. Crazy to think that 2020 is almost over, it was our first year without a new season of OITNB and we're still here writing!
Stay safe.
- Star xo