A/N: I am excited. Finally Edward returns!

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Chapter nineteen

Edward POV

It had been a month since I saw my family. I have missed them. I knew I wouldn't be staying for long. A few days maybe. I couldn't bear to be with their thoughts for too long. They felt sorry for me and at the same time their happiness was suffocating. I knew I was playing the victim but I just couldn't bring myself to feel anything. For a long time the only emotion I knew was sadness but over the years it had changed to numbness. If not for Alice stopping me, I would have gone to the Volturi and begged them to kill me a long time ago. I just wanted to end my suffering. But here I am. Still suffering. At least for the first time in a month I won't be alone.

I had their new address memorized and a wave of thoughts washed over me as I drove into the drive way.

There was a big range of emotions.

Ughh, did he really have to come today? Rosalie thought.

Oh, this is going to be gooood. Emmet.

He is here. Okay, don't think about it… Oh, how will he react when he finds out? Carlisle.

My poor boy… he doesn't even know what's happening. Oh, stop thinking about it! He could already be in range to hear. Esme.

What were they hiding from me? I quickly started to get annoyed. Whatever it was, they were trying really hard to hide it. Each had their own technique and some were more successful than others. Even with that I couldn't get anything that made any sense.

I shook my head and went inside. Esme was already at the door.

"Hi, Edward. How have you been doing?" Esme asked as she hugged me. I accepted the hug but was quick to let go.

"Hi, Esme. You know, the same," I hated the small talk but that was all I could manage these days. Anything more would require to feel things and I couldn't do that.

Carlisle was in the living room, sitting in a club chair and reading some book. On closer inspection I concluded that it was one of his medicine books, this one was about genes and such things. I didn't care to pay closer attention.

"How did you decide to visit? You didn't even warn us," Carlisle said as he looked up from his book.

I looked at him confused. I never warned them: "Do I need a reason to visit my family? Besides, I never warn you. Alice does it for me. Anyway, what is going on here? What's with the secretiveness?"

A name flashed through Carlisle's mind. Renesmee. But I didn't get anything more. It was frustrating. Who is Renesmee? That was a weird name.

"Oh, nothing much. New town, new humans. We are trying to blend in but so far without success. I am sure it will just take time, as always," Carlisle was deflecting the topic. He thought about his reading material and I heard others doing the same. Esme was humming a melody, Rosalie concentrated on making her hair look perfect but Emmet just listened to a radio, singing along. They were acting really weird and it had to do something with this Renesmee. Rosalie and Emmet didn't even come out of their room to say hello. What really surprised me was that Alice and Jasper were nowhere near. I couldn't hear them. There was something going on and I was going to find out what.

"Okay, I am not stupid and I can hear your thoughts, for Pete's sake! You all are hiding something. What is it?"

You will soon find out. Just calm down, okay? It's nothing bad, even the opposite. Esme tried to reassure me.

"You will have to wait, Edward. It is not our place to tell you," Carlisle also explained.

I noticed the concentration they were paying to make sure I didn't hear anything I shouldn't. It frustrated me.

"So where are Alice and Jasper?" I asked, hoping perhaps it had something to do with the secret they were hiding. It wouldn't be the first time Alice plotted against me.

"Oh, they just went out. Should be home soon," Esme clearly lied. But at least now I knew it had something to do with Alice.

I heard two cars pull up and went to the window. I stopped breathing the moment I saw the car I had gifted Bella. What? What is going on? I concentrated on people outside. There was Alice and Jasper, same as others, hiding their thoughts. But then I heard two others. One mind I recognized and to my shock it was Charlie Swan. Wait! What? I couldn't make sense of anything. How could he be here? Why would he be here?

And the other mind… it was strange. Almost alien. Nothing like I was used to. It was a girl. She was nervous. Oh, shit. Here we going. What is he going to say? Do I look okay? Ughh, like I should care. I am going to make him regret what he did. OH CRAP. He can hear me! Quick! Think about anything else. I heard her think and then the thing coming from her were some song lyrics. One thing was clear, she knew who I was and she was not happy with me. Only what could I do to a human girl I didn't even know? This was only getting stranger.

I heard Charlie say: "It's okay, Renesmee. We are going to get through this. Together, remember?"

So that was Renesmee… Who was she and how was she related to Charlie? There was evident connection between them.

They came up the stairs and Alice opened the door. I waited for them in the living room along with Esme and Carlisle. I heard Rosalie and Emmet also heading to the living room. They were impatient to see how I would react to Renesmee. What did that mean? I had no idea. How was I supposed to react? I didn't even know what was going on. I tried to prepare myself for whatever happens. I tried to prepare to see Charlie, Bellas father. This was going to be painful. I could already hear all the angry thoughts he was sending my way.

The moment I saw Renesmee come into the room, I noticed her eyes. My breath got caught. They were the same as Bellas. Were they related? Had to be, she was with Charlie.

Alice danced to the sofa: "Hi, big brother. Shut up and don't say anything," she smiled at me. I didn't like where this was going. I opened my mouth to say something back but was shut up by Jasper. Don't even try it or I will make you feel worse than you thought imaginable. You will stay quiet until we tell you everything.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on the sofa opposite of Alice. This better be good. I was going crazy.

Charlie and Renesmee sat down next to Alice but didn't say anything. Everyone was still hiding their thoughts from me. Even Charlie. How did he know to do that? Does he know about us?

Alice looked softly at the strange girl: "Renesmee, are you going to start or do you want for one of us to go?"

The girl shook her head and straightened her back: "I can do it."

Then she turned to me and I was struck by how much she resembled Bella. It hurt. A lot. I wanted to say something but didn't want to risk Jasper's wrath. So I just sat there, waiting.

Finally Renesmee started to speak: "Hi, Edward. I know you don't know what is going to talk. And it would be best if you stayed silent," as if I had a choice but I nodded for her to continue, I was curious, "Um, so… My name is Renesmee Carlie Swan and well, you already know my grandfather…" She turned to Charlie. He nodded in reassurance. Wait, grandfather? That wasn't possible…

Renesmee took a breath and continued: "There is no easy way to tell this. I am your daughter. Your and Bella's. Before you that is impossible, it clearly is and I am half vampire. If you don't believe me, I can show you," she spoke with angry determination.

My mind stopped working and my mouth hanged open. Daughter? How? Bella? She died… I felt the dry tears coming. The tears that never came.

"How?" was the only word I managed to ask.

Renesmee stood up and came over to me. She put her hand on my cheek and I didn't protest. Then I was suddenly overflowed with scenes. I guess, they were memories.

I saw Bella lying on the floor. She didn't look like my Bella. Bones showed through her skin and agony was written across her face. Her stomach… it was big and ripped open. I saw her die in front of my eyes and it was the worst pain I had ever felt. I wanted to beg for this to stop but then the scene changed. I saw a baby biting Charlie, who was screwing the lid on a bottle that looked to be filled with blood. Was it really blood? But I felt even the smell. So potent were the memories.

Next were multiple memories of Renesmee growing up. She stopped at one in particular. Charlie was telling her about me.

*flashback*

Renesmee frowned and showed Charlie a question.

Where is my dad then?

Charlie sighed: "Your dad... He left your mommy before she knew about your existence," he swept away a tear rolling down her face.

This time she asked aloud: "Why?"

Charlie shook head: "I am not sure. Your mom told me that he didn't love her. I didn't like him, but your mom loved him and she thought he was a good person."

There was confusion on Renesmee's face. Then she showed Charlie a picture. She hated her dad.

*flashback*

The she showed me multiple birthdays of her dressing in black, crying and just sulking all day long. She showed me how she blamed me for her mother's death. How much she hated me.

The she let go and collapsed. What had I done? I had killed Bella… I had been reckless. We had made love and she had gotten pregnant. She had died because of it! If only I hadn't left… If only had been next to her. She would be alive. I could have changed her…

I opened my eyes slowly but was still sobbing. I looked around the room. Everyone was looking at me with pity, except for Charlie and Renesmee.

Then a realization dawned over me. I have a daughter! Bella's daughter… who hates me.

I got on my knees, ignoring everyone's thoughts and forgetting about pride. I took Renesmee's hand in mine and she allowed it.

"I am sorry, Renesmee. I didn't know. I should have known. It's all my fault. I should have been there. I should have been next to you. I never should have left. I regret it more than even possible. I will do anything for a chance to be in your life? Is there any chance you could ever forgive me? Or at least bare to have me in your life? I know no apology can make up for what I have done," I begged. I didn't care how it looked. I was to blame for all of this pain. I just wanted for Renesmee to look at me without hatred in her face.

I looked at her and saw her crying, it broke my heart even more.

"I don't know Edward. You have done so much wrong. Because of you I grew up without a parent. I only had Grandpa. You robbed me of my family for almost eleven years. There is much to forgive for. But I know you feel pain. And that makes it better. It means you care. And that is a start."

I nodded, accepting what she said. I got up and sat back down on the sofa. I felt hopeful that with time I could make at least a part of this right.

I saw Charlie putting his arm across Renesmee's shoulders and then he looked at me: "I always knew you were no good for Bella. And in the end you played a part in her death. But the worst part is this… Renesmee grew up crying at night how her dad didn't love her and didn't want her in his life. You disappeared without a trace and never looked for us. You made Renesmee's childhood a sad one."

Each word was like a hit. It hurt more than possible.

I decided to try to explain: "I had changed my mind a few months later. I had realized I made the biggest mistake in my life… but it was too late. She was gone and the house was abandoned. Nothing mattered to me anymore. Since then I live without a purpose. I live alone and shun company because the pain is unbearable."

Renesmee tried to wipe her tears but more were coming: "You made your choice. You have to live with the consequences. I, however, didn't get to make a choice and still, I also have to suffer. So, I don't care, if you suffer. You didn't give me the chance to not suffer. If you want me in your life, you will have to patient. I need time. And I need to see you really mean what you say. That is all I can say at this point."

Charlie got up and dragged Renesmee up with him: "We have to go home. Renesmee can go without sleep for only so long. She has school tomorrow and it is getting late. So, if you could excuse us, we will go."

Carlisle got up: "Of course, I will follow you outside."

Charlie nodded and, still with his hand around Renesmee's shoulders, led her outside.

As soon as they were gone I was bombarded with comments from my family.

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