Something was off. The way she scurried around the apartment getting ready for work and only made eye contact when necessary were clues enough. But what was strange was when he would brush a hand at her back, or place a quick kiss at her cheek, which he had become accustomed to doing, she would blush. And not a sweet, light pink dusting that he had also become accustomed to seeing and frankly admired, but a deep red. It filled her cheeks and would crawl down her neck. And she would avert her eyes. It certainly wasn't the norm.
He asked her one more time before he left for work. "You're sure you're okay?"
"Yes." She said smiling, "I'm fine." Her face was still flushed. "I'll see you at work." She said, urging him out the door.
Once the door was closed, she knew she didn't have long. She usually left ten minutes after Jim and she had already gotten her coffee ready. Mark was gone. Jim was gone. And she ran up the stairs to his bedroom.
The only way she would make it through the day without this god forsaken blush creeping up her cheeks anytime Jim said boo, was to take care of it herself. She didn't want to tell him quite yet what had gotten her so riled up, so she reverted to a trick she hadn't used since she first realized she had feelings for him.
She closed the door, locking it, and sat on his bed, closing her eyes. She thought back to her dream; a rough hand at her hips, his foot kicking her leg out, a delicious finger teasing her as her arousal dripped from her core. She laid down, sliding a hand between her legs. She rubbed circles over her tights as she finished the dream in her mind.
She heard the clatter of him undoing his belt. She felt an excited electricity fill her body as she felt his hands firmly grasp her hips.
"Sit." He demanded.
She hummed in pleasure as she lowered herself onto him, letting him fill her fully. She rocked her hips into him. A hand went to her hair again and forcefully pulled her back. She moaned as her back his chest.
"Do. Not. Move. Until I say." His voice rumbled in her ear and her core pulsed around him in response. He moved his legs underneath her so that her knees were hooked over his. He spread his legs, which in turn spread hers.
Breathy moans escaped her throat as he slowly pumped into her. He released the hand in her hair, wrapping it around her throat as he thrust harder, his quiet grunts in her ear. Her body was on fire at his touch, a fire she had never felt before. This was new, unexplored, and so incredibly hot.
Her orgasm was building like a hot coil inside of her, and with each thrust, each moan in her ear, she got closer.
"You gonna come for me baby?" He whispered. She silently nodded, her climax building fast. He grabbed her breast, squeezing hard. "I asked you a question." He snarled. And he slammed up into her roughly.
Her eyes snapped open, a sharp moan falling from her lips, "Yes." She breathed.
"What?" He pounded into her again.
"Yes!" It came out as a breathy moan.
"I can't hear you." He thrusted into her hard, her loud moans laced with "Yes's" that turned guttural as the hand at her breast moved to her clit. He tapped her there, then rubbed, then tapped. The sensation set her into a whirlwind. He kept rubbing circles around her as he thrusted into her faster, harder, and she saw white.
"That's my good girl." He said in her ear. "Come all over my cock." She felt her orgasm break over her, he didn't stop pounding into her.
Her small moans filled Jim's room as she brought herself to release. She was out of breath, a slight dew returning to her forehead. She opened her eyes, laying there for a moment.
What. Was. That?
She had fantasized about Jim before, sure. Fantasized about their first date, their first kiss, holding hands while walking into work, and on a rare occasion, making love. She didn't need to fantasize anymore. So why? Why, how, and where did this fantasy come from?
Roy had liked to be rough sometimes, and it was sort of fun, but definitely more for him than her. But Jim being rough? Again, a whole different animal.
Maybe it was the confidence she felt being with him? Maybe it was the security in their relationship that was already there, knowing she was safe with him? She was safe, even if he wanted to wrap a hand around her throat and…
She had to get to work. She looked at the clock; she should only be around five minutes late.
After fixing her hair one last time before walking out the door, she sped to work. As casually as she could, she walked behind the reception desk after hanging her coat and sat down.
Jim looked over at her. He was on hold with a client. He tried to decipher her expression. She seemed fine, the slight blush she had held all morning was gone. He finished his phone call and walked up to her desk. When she noticed his presence, he noticed the blush was back. Not deep red anymore, but a light pink.
"You sure you're feeling okay?" He asked.
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."
He eyed her, still unsure. "Okay," he replied. "Can you do me a favor and fax these to Gallagher Law?"
She smiled at him, taking the papers from his hand. "Sure." She quickly turned to the fax machine as she pictured the hand holding the papers wrapped around her wrist and roughly pulling her to his chest. She tried focusing on the fax number before an image of his other hand wrapping around her neck and pulling her in for a rough kiss flooded her mind.
Jim stayed there for a moment, staring at her with her back turned. Something was up. He sighed quietly, walking back to his desk. She would tell him in time, hopefully.
Jim kept eyeing Pam all morning, trying to figure out what she wasn't telling him. He packed up for his lunch meeting and stopped by her desk one more time.
"I'm heading out," he started. "Should be back by two at the latest." She looked up at him, that light pink hue still dusting her cheeks.
"Okay." She said brightly.
"If Gallagher calls, can you send it to Stanley instead of my voicemail? They'll be placing an order."
She smiled at him. "Sure thing."
He stared at her for a moment more.
"Jim, I'm okay." She said. "Really." Then she realized and added quietly to ensure no one would hear, "We're okay too." She saw the faint look of relief on his face before he gave her a small smile and turned to walk out the door.
She hadn't thought of it until now. That her awkward silence and averted glances might be interpreted as something was wrong with them. She felt a slight moment of guilt. She never wanted Jim to feel like she was unsure about them. The only thing she was unsure about was the positions her mind was putting them in.
She sighed. She needed to talk about it. She needed him to understand that it wasn't that they weren't okay. It was that they were so much okay that she had apparently some questionable desires that may be surfacing.
And she was never really good at talking about intimacy. She was far more a fan of doing the act, rather than talking about it. She thought about what she would say, a heat rising to her cheeks no matter how she tried to phrase it. She let her head fall to her hands, a small groan in the back of her throat. This was going to be difficult.
Jim hadn't realized the tension he was holding in his shoulders until it was finally released at her "We're okay too."
He knew they were okay. He knew they would talk about whatever it was that was bothering her. But somehow, hearing the words of reassurance felt good.
He went to his lunch meeting, leaving confident that he just added another client to his list, then made his way back to the office.
Once he had left, Pam felt a small weight lift. She didn't think about her dream (or what she did after) the whole time he was gone. As soon as he walked in the door however, she felt a flutter through her belly.
He smiled at her, the flutter in her belly spreading a warmth through her whole body as she smiled back. The blush was there, he noted. But her eyes sparkled now as she looked at him, instead of seeming to hide from his gaze.
"Any messages?" He asked.
"Nope." Pam smiled. "Gallagher called, Stanley took their order."
He thumbed a jelly bean out of the dispenser. "Great." He said happily.
"How'd the meeting go?" She asked.
"Really good." He responded. "I think they're gonna make the switch."
She smiled brightly at him. "That's awesome!"
He smiled in return, nodding, keeping his eyes on hers for a moment before walking back to his desk.
She eyed him as he sat down, trying not to focus on the muscles in his forearms as he slid his sleeves up. She closed her eyes briefly before training them on her computer screen and finishing her game of solitaire.
They sat at the kitchen island that night eating dinner. It was quiet. They had shared familiar exchanges through the rest of the day. And more while they made dinner. But the air was still foggy with whatever was on Pam's mind. Jim figured he wouldn't bring it up. She was still mulling something around and after all, she did just end an eleven year relationship. And it was a kind of messy break, not clean cut as I'm sure she would have wanted it to be. There were bound to be some things she had to process.
And he respected her enough to let her do it. Loved her enough to simply be there as she worked through it. No matter what his mind was telling him.
They were getting ready for bed. Pam had showered and changed. She was sitting on the bed, a book in hand as he changed for his shower.
"So tomorrow I think everyone is going out for drinks." He said. "Happy hour at Poor Richards." He continued.
She raised her eyes from her book to look at him. "That could be fun." She said, pausing before she continued. "I don't know if I want to tell anyone yet."
He looked over at her, a small pang of overthinking anxiety hitting him. Not that he wanted to tell their co workers yet either, but hearing her say the words after she had been acting strange all day, hit him differently than it normally would.
"That's fine," He replied. "We can go separately, we don't have to go as 'Jim and Pam' yet." He emphasized their names and she smiled slightly.
Her eyes followed his hands as he lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it to the hamper. She stared at his back, then his chest as he turned around, the familiar heat rising in her cheeks. She buried her nose back in her book.
Jim saw her expression, and the red that started creeping up her neck again. He couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, you're freaking me out." He said sternly as he turned to her.
She raised her eyes from the book, the blush in her cheeks filling out fully as he stood before her in just his slacks.
"What?" She said, trying to keep her tone even.
"You've been acting weird all day." He said, sitting on the bed. "And now it's starting to mess with my head." She could see the anxiety in his eyes and felt another pang of guilt. ""Pam, talk to me." He continued. "What's going on?"
She stared at him for a beat, her own anxiety about the conversation melting away as she looked at him. She put the book down on the night table, crossed her legs, leaning forward, and took his hand.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I don't ever want to make you feel like," She paused looking for the words, "there's something wrong when there's not." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.
"So what's going on?" He repeated. "You can talk to me about anything."
She closed her eyes, slowly pulling her hand away as her body buzzed at the sensation of his thumb running down the back of her hand. She inhaled as she opened her eyes, looking at Jim again.
"I had a dream." She said, immediately looking to the comforter.
"Okay…" Jim started. "Like a Martin Luther King dream, or a Freddy Kruger Dream?"
She smiled, closing her eyes. She took another breath. "More like an X-rated raunchy romance novel dream." She looked up at him then. "About you."
Now Jim's cheeks filled with the same pink hue that hers had. "Oh?" He said.
She nodded, looking back to the comforter. "I don't know how I feel about it." She said. "It's not like me to think about things like that."
When she looked back at him, he was looking at the comforter too. Not in a million years did he think that would be the reason she was acting strange. The idea of this woman, this perfect, stunning woman, had a dream about him? A dream about him... like that? He felt a small tingle of desire run down his spine at the thought.
He paused for a moment, then slowly raised his eyes. "Well, what was I doing?" He jested, smirking.
Pam let out a small giggle. "Stuff." She said. He looked at her, smiling.
"Stuff?" He pressed.
"I don't know." She continued. "I thought about it and," she paused, trying to remain confident. "You've been so wonderful, and kind, and perfect," she paused again, looking at him. "And you've been... sort of... letting me take the lead on things."
She took his hands then. "And I cannot tell you how much I love you for that." His smile gave her the boldness to continue. "I think, I wouldn't mind if… maybe… you… took the lead."
He stared at her, relieved that she was talking, and that this issue was not something bad. In fact, it was the complete opposite. The woman he loved more than anything in the world was sitting in front of him telling him to take the lead.
He swallowed hard. "...I can do that." He said.
She smiled smally at him. She felt the familiar warmth in her belly at his words, and felt it rise as she watched his throat as he swallowed. "Okay." She nodded, a glaze covering her eyes.
He picked up on it, and slowly leaned in to kiss her. He was gentle when their lips met. Slow as he parted her mouth with his tongue, tasting her, loving her. He slowly leaned her back onto the bed and held his body over her. He settled his hips between her legs and she sighed as he trailed kisses down her neck. His own body buzzed at the sounds she made. He sat back on his legs as he lifted her shirt over her head.
Pam could feel the heat between her legs pooling as he looked at her hungrily. He leaned back down, snaking his arms underneath her and grasping her shoulders as his lips closed around one nipple. She squirmed and bucked into him with every flick of his tongue. He alternated between sides, gently sucking at her. Her soft moans fell from her lips and her body was warm.
She was warm, but she wanted to be on fire. She wanted to see white.
She also knew, Mark was home. And in the next room.
She lifted Jim's head, a small whimper escaping as the cold air hit her.
"You still need to shower right?" She asked him through hooded eyes. He nodded and she smirked.