The Devil in Me

All I Need is a Little Warmth

The chapter title is from the song:

Cold by James Blunt.

~ WARNINGS ~

M/M sex scene between Harry & Theo (It's not that explicit compared to some of the previous sex scenes!)

Mentions of pregnancy termination

When Harry walked into the lounge that Voldemort frequented in Malfoy Manor, he did so warily.

"Harry, you have the acquired item, I presume?"

Harry carefully placed the diadem on the table in front of the Dark Lord then asked, "May I sit?"

Voldemort looked up, his eyes focused on Harry's, "You may. That was incredibly respectful of you."

"Well," Harry remarked, sitting down opposite Voldemort, "I did have quite the headache last night, and I'd rather not have another one."

"Learn your place, and it shall not happen again," Voldemort said, anger rising in him very quickly.

Harry bit back an irritated comment. It wasn't worth it when Voldemort was in a bad mood.

"Yes, my lord," He settled.

"A point had to be made," Voldemort said quietly, "You were getting complacent and overly confident."

Harry gave a small nod, "You certainly made your point."

Voldemort smirked, "You are huffing because I have hurt your feelings? Harry, you are acting like a child."

Harry wanted to say, I am a child, but that sounded petty even in his head.

Voldemort chuckled lowly, "You are 17 years old. By the time I was that age, I had murdered my Muggle family and created my first Horcrux."

Harry snorted, "I have also murdered my Muggle family, but Horcruxes don't have the same meaning for me as they apparently do for you. I did kill a teacher when I was 11, and a Basilisk when I was 12. Do you not think that is enough to prove myself to you?"

Voldemort raised an amused eyebrow, and Harry smiled.

"We're not as dissimilar as you think that we are, Tom."

Voldemort shook his head irritably, as he always did when Harry called him Tom, "You have not proven yourself entirely yet. I still feel that you get distracted easily, you like people and want people to love you and care for you. One can understand that need, growing up without love as you did."

Harry frowned, "I sense a but?"

"It can limit you, and distract you," Voldemort said, "Which was why I had Severus teach you how to isolate the parts of your mind that give me cause for concern. However, that method does not seem to work on you. I can tell that there are cracks and I can feel all of your pathetic remorse bleeding through them."

Harry couldn't argue with him, because he could feel it too.

"It leaves me wondering if you are capable of committing the deed I am about to ask of you," Voldemort finished, spinning his wand between his fingers, "If you are, I will not question your loyalty again."

Harry nodded and waited for Voldemort to continue.

"I have recently attained proof that Howard Abbott has been funding the Order of the Phoenix and has granted them two of his properties to use as safe houses. I have, of course, ordered raids upon both of those safe houses and Howard is currently screaming below our feet."

Harry looked down, "With Ollivander?"

Voldemort smiled slightly, "Garrick Ollivander gave me the information I required and swore his family's loyalty to me. As such, he is a free man once more."

Harry could tell that Voldemort had answered the question to be polite, but did not want to be prodded any further on the subject, so he fell silent.

"The only loose end is Howard Abbotts heir," Voldemort continued, "The last of her line, Hannah. I have been told that she is the same age as you and that she is a foolish, meek, Hufflepuff."

Harry swallowed but nodded, "Yes."

"You know her?"

"I do," Harry agreed.

"An example must be made," Voldemort said quietly, "Is she powerful?"

Harry could have lied to save Hannah's life, but what was the point? Voldemort was in his head; he would know that it was a lie.

"Not particularly," Harry answered, "She wants to be a Healer, her specialist subject is Herbology."

"Is she a fighter?"

"Not a particularly good one," Harry replied.

Voldemort gave a brisk nod, "Dispose of her then. She is of no further use to us."

Harry nodded, "Yes, my lord," he said, pushing himself to his feet.

"And Harry," Voldemort added.

Harry paused, "Yes?"

"Make it clear that Hannah Abbott's fate will be the fate of anyone else who dares to defy me," Voldemort finished.

Harry swallowed and cleared his throat, "Yes, my lord."

Before he went home, Harry stopped off in Suffolk at the modest estate of Augustus Rookwood. He knew where Gus lived, his mentor had given him the coordinates in case Harry ever needed him, but this was the first time Harry had ventured to Rookwood Hall.

The house was Tudor in style, not as large as the big pureblood manors, but all the more beautiful. The red stone was covered in ivy, the ornate chimneys stretched proudly towards the sky, and the gravel path from the gates to the front door wasn't lined with a dark maze full of peacocks.

Gus's wards had let Harry in, so he made his way down the gravel path and knocked on the large, wooden front door. A crack sounded inside the house, and the door opened.

Harry smiled at the elf behind it, "I'm here to speak with the Lord of the Hall, Augustus Rookwood."

The elf bowed her head, "Master Rookwood be in his study, sir. You must be waitings in the great hall and I wills be fetching his lord."

"Of course," Harry said, stepping into the house and following the elf into the great hall. It was relatively small, but ornate and decorated in the Ravenclaw colours typically. Harry smiled slightly and sat down in an armchair next to a burning fire.

He looked into the flames while waiting for Gus; trying to figure out how he felt about killing his fellow school-mate.

"Harry."

Harry looked up and smiled, "Hey, Gus."

Gus sat down opposite Harry, surveying him with interest but saying nothing.

Harry leant back in his chair and looked at the family crest above the fireplace. It was stamped with the Rookwood family motto which caught Harry's attention.

"Concilo et Labore," Harry said aloud.

"Hm," Gus agreed, looking up at the crest, "How good is your Latin?"

"Pretty good after all of your lessons," Harry admitted, looking over at his mentor, "It means 'By Wisdom and Effort', doesn't it?"

"It does," Gus agreed, "Which sums up my life. Wisdom got me on the road to Azkaban, and it took a hell of a lot of effort to get me out of there."

Harry hummed thoughtfully, "True."

"I doubt you came here to discuss my family history, mind you," Gus pointed out.

"But if you're interested, I can tell you the tale of my ancestor, Ambrose Rookwood, who was supposedly executed for his involvement in the Gunpowder Plot."

Harry chuckled, "What do you mean 'supposedly executed'?"

"He used polyjuice potion on a Muggle then imperiused him," Gus said with a wave of his hand, "They hung, drew and quartered an innocent Muggle and Ambrose fled to France."

Harry snorted, "So your family have notoriously been sketchy bastards, yet you are traditionally Ravenclaws?"

Gus smirked, "You know as well as I do how similar Ravenclaws and Slytherins are."

Harry nodded thoughtfully, "You're right, I don't want to grill you on your family history. I came here because I wanted to ask you about the Ollivander's. The Dark Lord said he let Garrick Ollivander go because he gave him what he wanted, and he swore his loyalty. But that doesn't sound right to me, Garrick seemed like the sort of person who would fight."

Gus chuckled, "He does want people to see him that way, that much is true. But Garrick Ollivander struck a deal with us in the first wizarding war so its not too much of a surprise that he did it again."

"Garrick made a deal?" Harry asked in surprise, "What made him do that?"

Gus looked over at a portrait of two young girls – both with dark hair and matching smiles. To Harry, who knew Reyna, it was apparent that it was a portrait of herself and her older sister, Naomi.

"His family," Gus replied quietly, "The same thing that motivates any man with young children, and particularly one with daughters."

Harry frowned, not sure what the distinction between sons and daughters was.

Gus must have been able to tell what was on his mind, because he continued, "If the opposing side captures a pureblood family's home, they are given a chance to surrender. If they do, everyone is spared. But if they do not, the men will be slaughtered and the women taken by the opposition, that includes the girls."

Harry nodded, the realisation set in.

"When we successfully seized Ollivander Castle back in early 1980 it was a big gain," Gus explained, "We had almost won the war when you stopped the Dark Lord in 1981. Garrick knew that, he knew how things were going to play out if he didn't surrender."

Harry found it strange, to hear about the war from other people's perspectives. It could never be as black and white or as simple as good and evil to him anymore, not now that he knew the truth.

"Garrick was in his 80's, and his wife had been dead a few years," Gus told Harry, "He had four children, nine grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. He knew that if he didn't surrender, we would go after his children and their families, so he made a deal."

"Protection for his family," Harry said quietly.

Gus nodded, "And we honoured it, as much as we could. Elsie Ollivander had married into the American pureblooded Cauldwell family, and they had the sense to stay neutral. Eros – Garrick's heir - he stayed out of things and studied wandlore abroad. Emmeline had married a Corner, so they also stayed neutral but Elena, the middle child, she was the problem."

"What family did she marry into?" Harry asked curiously.

"The Wood family," Gus replied, giving Harry a knowing look, "A notoriously headstrong Gryffindor family and they proved to be just that."

Gus looked into the fire, absentmindedly, "That's how I ended up in Azkaban…the Wood family massacre."

Harry frowned, he could hear the regret in the other man's voice, and it made him stop and think for a moment that perhaps regret wasn't as terrible an emotion as Voldemort wanted him to believe.

"Do you regret it?" Harry asked Gus quietly.

Gus sighed but did not take his eyes away from the fire, "I don't know if I could say that I regret it, but I remember every second of it."

Harry wasn't sure if he was going to say any more on the subject. Gus stoked the fire, got to his feet and poured himself a glass of scotch. He sat back down and looked into the fire once more; then he began to speak.

"They lived in this big country house, it was called 'The Willows' because there was this natural archway of weeping willows that led from the gates to the house," Gus said, his voice was quiet, but Harry didn't have to strain to hear what he was saying.

"They put up a hell of a fight," Gus said, "I killed James in a duel, I can even remember how he died. It was a cutting curse, right in the jugular."

He swallowed and continued, "He was a widower, fighting for his kids. His son, Matthew, was married to Elena Ollivander and because of the deal that Garrick had made, we gave them the opportunity to leave. Matthew refused, and the fight began…"

Gus shook his head, "I remember the look of fear on those little kids faces. They were about the same age that Naomi and Reyna were at the time."

Harry saw unshed tears in Gus's eyes, but he stayed quiet.

"Elena Ollivander grabbed them and ran, leaving her husband to his fate," Gus said quietly, "And he was killed, brutally…by Antonin."

Gus swallowed, "Johnathon, Matthew's younger brother – he was killed too, he was a bachelor, so there was no wife or kid to take care of. Then, the other branch of the family – James's sister, Tallulah, showed up to fight, her and her husband, Amos. They were both killed."

"Amos?" Harry frowned, "Diggory?"

"Yeah," Gus said, clearing his throat, "They had a son, he was called Amos too. He struck a deal, swore his loyalty to the Dark Lord to save his wife and his young kid."

Cedric, Harry thought, a lump rising in his own throat at that memory.

"We thought that was all of them, but then we heard crying," Gus said, and his tone had changed. That deep, sorrowful remorse was back again, "I told Antonin that I would check it out, so I went upstairs, and I walked into a nursery. A woman was lying in the middle of the floor, dead. Nobody had been up there, but she had killed herself, terrified of what we would do if we captured her."

Harry frowned, "Why did she think something horrible would happen to her? Who was she?"

"Betsy Wood," Gus replied, his eyes shifting from the fire to look at Harry, "She was James's youngest child, and she was a squib so she slit her own throat in front of her baby girl because of what she feared the Death Eaters would do to her. The thing is Harry; she wasn't wrong. We did unspeakable things, and there's a damn good reason that people hate us. We didn't show mercy, not to squibs or muggles; we treated them like dirt."

Gus shook his head, clearly angry with his former self, "Johanna, my wife, she would ask me if I was having an affair then clarify – 'the muggle and squib girls, they don't count'."

Harry swallowed.

"And now I have teenage daughters," Gus said, his eyes on the portrait of his daughters once more, "And it makes me physically sick to think about the way I acted back then. That day…that was when I doubted my faith for the first time. I looked at that baby and her dead mother, and I just broke down. The Ministry arrived, the others fled, but I stayed where I was until they arrested me because I didn't see how it was fair that I got to go home to my daughters after all that I had done. Naomi, she hates me. And Reyna…I have no idea how she feels but regardless, I don't deserve their love."

Harry looked up at Gus, "But you're a different person now."

"What difference does that make?" Gus asked, "It doesn't change the past."

Harry frowned, "So your story about Karkaroff then? About how you killed him for turning you over, is that a lie?"

"No, it's the truth," Gus said, his eyes dark, "Karkaroff told the Ministry we'd be attacking the Wood family that night. He brought the Aurors there and while at the time, I accepted my fate, 15 years in Azkaban did a number on me so by the time I got out, I was pissed off."

Harry nodded; he could understand that, "I'm sorry for asking you about it."

"Don't be, you didn't know," Gus said, draining what was left of his scotch, "I haven't talked about that before…and I think I might have needed to."

"I think I needed to hear it," Harry confessed, looking into the fire himself, "The Dark Lord just asked me to make an example of Hannah Abbott."

Gus sighed and nodded, "He's found evidence that Howard has been funding the Order then."

Harry just nodded.

Gus got to his feet and poured himself another scotch, but this time he poured one for Harry too.

Harry tried to smile when he accepted the drink, but it came out more like a grimace.

"This isn't forever, you know?" Gus said softly, "The killings…it's a means to an end. Once enough neutrals have turned and sworn fealty to us, we will have filled that power vacuum."

"That might be so, but you know as well as anyone that it doesn't end when the war ends," Harry said, looking over at the man he considered as a father figure, "When you survive the war, you have to learn to live with the trauma."

The look in Gus's eyes told Harry that he had hit home a little too hard with that comment.

"Yes," Gus agreed, meeting Harry's eye, "But you and I both know that you can't disobey a direct order so regardless of how you feel, you must do it."

Harry nodded. He finished the scotch that Gus had given him and sighed, "Yeah."

"Nobody said it was easy, kid," Gus said, his voice soft as he gripped Harry's shoulder tightly.

"Yeah, but nobody said it would be this hard either," Harry returned.

Gus gave him a small, supportive smile, "I'm always here, you know that? You need to talk, get anything off your chest, just ask me and I'll have your back."

Harry felt a surge of gratefulness. He pushed himself to his feet and hugged Gus; the older man seemed shocked because he hesitated for a moment before patting Harry on the back.

It felt like hugging Sirius, like having someone who trusted him and liked him for who he was – it felt like someone had his back and wanted to protect him.

Harry pulled back and took a step away from Gus, but then a thought struck him. He turned around as Gus was killing the fire, "Gus?"

"Yeah?" Gus returned.

"What happened to her? That baby who saw her mother get killed?" Harry asked, he didn't know why he needed to know the answer, but he did. Maybe it was because he couldn't get the image of a baby girl, crying as she looked upon her mother out of his head. Perhaps it was because of the fact the same thing had happened to him. He had seen his mother die; he had been that baby crying in the cot.

"She got handed over to the Muggle authorities," Gus replied, "They figured she wouldn't have any magic, her mother being a squib and all."

Harry nodded, assuming that was the end of the story. He was just about to turn around when Gus spoke again, "But of course, she turned out to be a witch."

Harry froze. A witch? Who had been a baby in 1980…it had to be.

"Lily?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Your Ravenclaw friend?" Gus asked with a frown, "I doubt it. Any Wood descendant would surely go into Gryffindor. I asked Johanna what happened after I got out of Azkaban and she said that a dentist and his wife had adopted the girl. When I asked if she was okay, Johanna told me she must be fine because she was at Hogwarts now."

Harry's eyes widened.

Fuck.

Fuck.

FUCK!

Harry kept his mission and his thoughts to himself for a few days. He went about his business, flirted with Lily, flirted with Theo, and tried to push down his guilt over how he had treated Hermione.

A few days after his chat with Gus, Harry pulled himself out of his funk because he really needed to get on with the mission at hand – Hannah Abbott needed to die, and Harry needed the likes of Theo and Lily's help with that.

He had been thinking about it all day, so by the time he walked into the Head Common Room, his head was positively reeling. As such, he sighed in relief when he saw Lily sitting in an armchair by the fire with Artemis curled up close to her feet.

He stalked towards her, grabbed her hand and dragged her into his bedroom.

"Uh, Harry. Didn't we talk about how it's polite to ask for permission before you drag a lady into your bedroom and tie her down?"

Harry gave her an amused look then opened the other door in his bedroom and dragged her into the Slytherin Common Room. That change of tack made her shut her mouth immediately because she wasn't stupid – she was incredibly smart – she knew this meant he was serious.

Thankfully, the common room was virtually empty. Draco and Theo were sitting by the fire, both with books in their hands, talking in hushed tones until they saw Harry with his tag-along.

Draco rolled his eyes, "Harry, you can't just bring a Ravenclaw into the Slytherin common room."

"Uh, I just did," Harry, the king of sass, Potter said as he shoved Lily ungraciously onto the sofa next to Theo.

Theo smirked in amusement, and Harry caught his eye. He hadn't seen much of him over the last few days, bar the odd chat while he was dropping homework into the hospital wing for him. Harry hadn't spoken to Narcissa about it, but he assumed the internal damage must have been pretty bad for him to have had to spend a prolonged spell there.

"You're okay then?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, I'm all good," Theo replied, "Narcissa freed me after dinner."

Draco rolled his eyes at the exchange, "Explain the presence of a Ravenclaw in the sacred-"

"Oh, get over yourself, Malfoy," Lily cut him off.

Harry leant against the fireplace and said, "I have news, and an order, from the Dark Lord."

"What does this have to do with her?" Draco asked in disbelief.

"I know she's your fuck-buddy, but she isn't one of us," Theo agreed.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, "Say that again, go on – I dare you."

Theo pursed his lips, "I…don't think that I will."

"Good choice," Lily said, her eyes darkening, "I will be one of you soon enough. I've also already got the blood of two slimy Muggle bastards on my hands, and I can add yours to the mix with no qualms, Nott."

Harry smiled broadly, "I should have said at the beginning – this is Lillian Moon, the Head Girl, a Muggle-born and an incredibly hot, vindictive, powerful witch."

"Noted," Draco said dryly,

"But for the record, that's the sort of information you should have given me before I insulted her," Theo pointed out.

Harry smirked at his friend, "Don't be so quick to insult people then, Theodore. Politeness never hurt anyone."

"Quit flirting and get to the point," Lily said, not with envy, but with a hint of irritation.

"Howard Abbott is funding the Order of the Phoenix, as all of us expected," Harry said, "But the Dark Lord found proof, and as such, he has raided both of the safe houses that Howard granted to the Order. He has also captured Howard and is probably torturing him for information as we speak. The task he gave me was to deal with the loose end."

"Hannah," Lily said.

"Who?" Draco asked.

"Hannah Abbott," Theo explained, "The Hufflepuff girl?"

Draco looked blank, "Which one? There are five and the only one of any interest to me is Bones."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "Susan? Into redheads, are you?"

"She's of interest to me because she's the last of a family known for producing powerful witches," Draco said dryly, "Redheads are your thing."

"No, I'm going through a bit of a brunette phase right now," Harry teased, sending a suggestive look at the sofa that Lily and Theo were sharing.

"Which one of us is he talking to?" Theo asked.

"Both of us. Harry told me you were the smart one, what does that say for the rest of your housemates?" Lily asked, smiling falsely at him.

Theo grinned over at Draco, "Not much."

"Would you two quit the bickering? I think you might actually like each other if you can stop insulting her for long enough, Theodore," Harry ordered.

Theo gave Harry a completely unapologetic grin in response, and Lily raised a curious eyebrow.

"Hannah is the blonde one whose always tagging around after Susan," Harry said to Draco, "She's been in love with Neville since forever, Neville doesn't notice her because he's too busy pining after Ginny, only Merlin knows why."

"I can vaguely place her," Draco said offhandedly, "Anyway, I presume she must be killed?"

"Not just killed," Harry said, "Made an example of."

Theo grimaced, "Killed brutally, with her body placed somewhere public and some sort of message sent out to those who would defy us?"

Harry looked at Theo, "Yes, exactly that. How did you get there so quickly?"

"It was sort of my father's job, in the first war," Theo admitted, "He was very inventive when it came to killing. He didn't believe in aimlessly firing killing curses; he found it boring. You would probably get on quite well with him actually – you being so fond of killing people with karma and all."

"Killing people with karma? Lily questioned.

"His Aunt and Uncle told him that his parents died in a car crash, so he imperiused his Uncle and put him in a car with his aunt and cousin. Then he had him drive his car off a bridge," Draco explained.

"And he also killed Pettigrew, the person he blamed for his parent's death, with the killing curse," Theo added, "The same way his parents were killed."

"And then there's Dumbledore," Draco finished, "Harry led him on and only told him the truth just before he killed him – just like Dumbledore fooled him his entire life."

Lily smirked at Harry, "That is a good story, sorry I didn't let you tell it on the Hogwarts Express."

Harry grinned, "Don't worry, I preferred what we did instead."

Draco gave Harry a long-suffering look, "Enough of that – who has to kill the Abbott girl?"

"No one in particular, but whoever does it has to make an example of her," Harry said, "And it's a test, the Dark Lord made that quite clear."

"Why is it a test?" Theo asked, frowning up at Harry, "Do you have a personal attachment to the Abbott girl?"

Harry shook his head, "None other than her link to Neville, I still wish I could get him on our side," he shrugged, "But this is the first time the Dark Lord has ordered the death of someone…innocent."

"She's hardly innocent," Theo pointed out, "Surely she knew what her father was up to."

"And she was in your little fight club in fifth year," Lily added.

Harry looked at her in amusement, "Do you mean the DA?"

"Exactly – fight club," Lily said with a smirk, "The first rule of fight club? You don't talk about fight club, or you get pimples all over your face spelling out 'sneak' because Hermione Granger isn't as sweet and innocent as everyone thinks she is."

Harry felt a pang of regret upon hearing that name – Hermione Granger, Hermione Wood more like. If Lily noticed the pained expression on his face, she didn't say anything. He shook the thought from his head and focused on the present.

"Anyway, that makes it harder. I know how weak she is, I know how easy a fight it will be. It makes it feel all the more like I'm killing an innocent to prove a point."

"Well…I hate to break it to you, but that's exactly what you will be doing," Theo said practically, "But that doesn't mean you have to make it personal."

Harry sat down on the edge of the sofa and looked at Theo, "What do you mean?"

"If you feel a fight would be unfair then kill her, but do so indirectly," Theo explained, "Curse her or something and have it happen somewhere public."

"Like in the middle of the great hall," Draco added.

Theo nodded and turned back to Harry, "That way, you don't have to get your hands too dirty."

Harry said nothing as he contemplated this, "Hold that thought because it's a good one. We'll talk about it soon, and I suspect we will be able to come up with something between us."

It was clear his train of thought had gone somewhere else. As such, Draco didn't make a move to follow him when he headed for his dorm room.

Lily did, chiefly because she needed to go through it to get back to her room.

"Harry," She said, closing the door behind her and crossing the room in the direction of the door back into the Head Common Room, "You need to do something about all of this guilt, it is holding you back. No matter how hard you try to lock it away, it will always come tumbling out at some point. You need to learn to accept it."

Harry sighed, "I know."

Lily gave him a rueful smile, "You were a Gryffindor once, so maybe this old saying will make things clearer for you – does the lion apologise to the sheep for being at the top of the food chain?"

Harry didn't answer, so Lily finished, "No – he accepts his role and has a feast."

"Thank you for that wonderful bit of insight, Lily," Harry remarked sarcastically.

Lily took a step closer and kissed Harry, lighter than she had before, "Don't blame yourself for doing what has to be done," she murmured against his lips as she unbuttoned his shirt and ran a cool hand against his skin.

Harry let his eyes flutter shut, he leant back, resting his head against the wall.

Lily rested her hand against his heart, palm flat out and without the usual burn, "You know that in your heart, you just need to come to terms with it."

He opened his eyes and looked into hers. They were often playful or teasing but right now, those grey eyes were full of sympathy. Grey-blue eyes that were so familiar, yet Harry just couldn't place how.

"Lillian," Harry murmured, kissing her again, this time initiating the kiss and pulling her closer to him. She allowed him to do so, deepening the kiss and kissing him with emotion, with a feeling other than want or lust anyway.

"Why do you call me that?" Lily asked, shedding him of his shirt.

"Because it's your name?" Harry countered.

"Yes, but you call me Lily unless it's in the heat of the moment," Lily pointed out.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her, "You really think I want to be moaning my mother's name in the heat of the moment?"

Lily's eyes flashed with amusement, "Fair point. Well, at least on top of all your other morally deficient traits, you don't have to deal with an Oedipus complex."

Harry snorted in amusement, then dropped his hand from Lily's neck. She could tell that despite the kiss, he wasn't really in the mood.

"I'm starting to feel a little like Eva Peron," Lily mused, walking across the room towards the door to the Head Common Room.

"Who?" Harry asked blankly, throwing his discarded shirt into a corner of the room and opening up his chest of drawers for something more comfortable.

"Muggle, she slept her way up until she was with the President of Argentina," Lily said with a wave of her hand, "I wonder if Pansy embodies her, actually."

Harry chuckled, "Oh Merlin, I know," he shook his head, "She's an idiot, but unfortunately she is an idiot with an influential father who we need to keep sweet. Luckily one of his conditions, when he agreed to join the Dark Lord, was that his daughter remained out of the firing line so you will never have to fight alongside her."

"One of life's small mercies, I may have found myself accidentally cursing her by accident," Lily agreed, making Harry smile.

"Speaking of the Dark Lord and his supporters," Lily mused, "What are you going to do about the Greengrass's? Flirting with Daphne isn't going to get her to join up, you know? She's far too headstrong for that."

"I know," Harry agreed, "And I'll burn that bridge when I get to it."

"That's a malaphor," Lily mused, "Do you know that?"

Harry shot her an amused look, "Do you honestly think I have any idea what that is?"

Lily smiled, "It's a blend of an idiom and a cliche. You combined 'I'll cross that bridge when I get to it' with 'don't burn your bridges'."

"Well I had no idea it was a malaphor," Harry admitted, "But I did do it intentionally. It means I haven't arrived at that life obstacle yet, but I'll inevitably fuck it up when I do."

Lily snorted and grabbed the door handle, "Have a little more faith in yourself, Harry. You're more convincing than I initially gave you credit for."

Harry smiled slightly and thanked her; then she disappeared into her room for the night.

He tried to distract himself in her absence, but nothing worked, mainly because his attempts to talk to Artemis about his issue never got past the point of her complaining that he was 'a useless two legs who didn't feed her enough'.

Harry found that he couldn't concentrate on a book, and he wasn't much in the mood for chess. He felt full of restless energy, and as the night wore on, he genuinely wondered about going for a run around the lake to burn it off.

He had gotten to his feet and thrown a checked shirt on with the intention of walking around the castle for a bit, to give his feet something to do and to calm his mind. But just as he was about to leave, a knock sounded on the door.

Harry yanked it open, surprised to see Theo, leaning against the doorframe as if he were afraid to come any further into the room.

"Are you okay? You seemed conflicted earlier."

"I'm always conflicted," Harry said irritably, "And Lily is right, I do need to accept my role because I can't keep locking away my emotions."

"No, you can't," Theo agreed, "What you're doing, using Occlumency to push feelings away? It's a temporary fix, Harry and when that wall in your head comes down…"

"I know," Harry said, turning his back on his friend.

Theo sighed and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, "Look, I know you think Hannah Abbott is innocent, but she isn't. You keep blaming Dumbledore and the Weasley's for your shitty life, but the truth is that the entire wizarding world is to blame."

Harry turned around angrily, "What?" he hissed.

Theo stood his ground, and Harry respected him for that, "It wouldn't have mattered if Muggles had raised you or if your Godfather had raised you, you were always going to have a shit life-"

Harry crossed the room and gripped Theo's wrists, pinning him against the wall.

Theo breathed in sharply, but finished, "Because the system is broken – the world is fucking broken."

Harry didn't release Theo, but he did loosen his grip on the other boy's wrists slightly.

"Dumbledore decided to leave you with those muggles," Theo said, swallowing and trying to maintain his composure, "But nobody did anything about it, did they? McGonagall knew what they were like, but she didn't take you away from them. Hagrid didn't do anything, Remus, the guy who claims to love you like a father, where the fuck was he for 11 years while you were being abused?"

Harry pressed into Theo harder, his elbow constricting the other man's windpipe, "You are getting close to the fucking bone here, Nott."

"Good," Theo said breathily, "You said you wanted someone who wasn't afraid of you, who would challenge you when you needed it and right now you need it."

Harry narrowed his eyes but allowed Theo to breathe easily once more.

Theo sucked in a grateful breath and looked Harry in the eye, "Nobody at the Ministry came looking for you. All of these people who claimed to love and admire your parents? None of them gave a shit about what happened to tiny little Harry Potter, did they? Once you had 'defeated' the Dark Lord, you weren't any use to them anymore. They went about their lives, they didn't think about you, and no one came looking for you. That's on wizarding society, Harry, that's on people like Howard Abbott who ran the Wizengamot back then. They could have done something about it, but they didn't."

Harry swallowed. Theo was right. They didn't care about what happened to him, just like they didn't care about what happened to the tiny little Wood baby who had survived the massacre. Like Dumbledore, the Ministry had discarded the pawns once they fulfilled their purpose, or simply because they had no purpose.

"Hannah is a part of that, the next generation as it stands," Theo finished, "So she's not innocent, and if you need me by your side to help you get through killing her then I'm here."

Two minutes ago, Harry had wanted to kill Theo so how on earth had he managed to end that on a caring note? Harry swallowed and licked his lips; he didn't miss the fact that Theo's eyes darted downwards when he did it. He knew he wasn't supposed to associate with other Death Eaters, but Harry was pissed off with Voldemort as it was. He controlled what he did, how he thought, Harry would be damned if he let the Dark Lord control who he let into his life as well.

Harry tightened his grip on Theo's wrists and pressed himself flush against the slightly taller boy, closing the already tiny gap between them. Letting go of one of Theo's hands so he could hook it around the back of Theo's neck, Harry pressed his lips against Theo's.

Theo brought his free hand up and gripped Harry's wrist, instinctively returning the kiss as he did so. It was an entirely different feeling – kissing Theo compared to kissing Lily or Reyna. His lips were more demanding, his touch a little rougher, but strangely enough, the most significant difference was how much needier he was. The way he drunk Harry in, like he was savouring every second of the moment, the way he gripped Harry's wrist tightly, a solid 'don't go' without overstepping. He knew that Harry ultimately called the shots here, and he didn't fear Harry, but he did know his place.

Harry let go of Theo's other wrist, bringing his hand to his shoulder-length hair. Theo deepened the kiss the moment Harry tugged on his hair; it was as if he took that as permission. It was full of frustration and need – the need was on Theo's behalf, and the frustration was on Harry's – ever since he had submitted to the darkness inside himself, he found that physical contact was the only thing that made him feel like he used to.

Killing didn't feel wrong anymore. Hurting people felt good when it had once felt bad.

But hands pulling at his shirt, lips on his neck, guttural groans, soft moans and gasps – that all made him feel exactly like it had before he had become this monster.

"Theo," Harry said breathily, gripping both of the taller boys wrists to stop him before he could push Harry's shirt off of his back, "Slow down and give a guy a break."

Theo chuckled and let his head fall back to hit the wall softly, "Sorry – I've wanted to do that for weeks."

He didn't try to pry his hands out of his Harry's, even though he could if he wanted to. Harry was merely holding them there now, not forcibly keeping him pinned to the wall.

"Well, whatever possessed you to do that should possess you more often," Harry murmured, his breath hot against the bare flesh of Theo's neck.

Theo let out a shallow breath and pried his hands out of Harry's to push the shirt off his chest. Harry looked up, his eyes flashing, the emerald darkening as the fire on the other side of the room roared.

"Did you do that?" Theo asked, not taking his eyes off of Harry's.

Harry smirked in response.

Theo knew he had taken a risk, wrestling for control for even just a brief moment, but he was a good judge of character, and he had a pretty good idea of how Harry would react.

"You might regret that," Harry said, his voice barely a whisper.

Theo smirked back at him, "You only live once."

Harry pulled Theo towards him with a groan, crashing his lips against his as he did so.

Voldemort cursed under his breath and threw the glass in his hand at the opposite wall, "Foolish boy!"

"Am I interrupting, my lord?"

Voldemort looked up at the open doorway and sighed, "No, Narcissa. I called you here, please, come in."

Narcissa stepped into the lounge – it felt strange to be invited into a room in her own home, but she did not question the order nonetheless.

"Do you believe that Harry Potter has the mental fortitude required to be an asset as a Death Eater, Narcissa?" Voldemort asked, his long fingers pressing against his temple as he blocked his mind from Harry to avoid seeing flashes of his activities with Theodore Nott.

Narcissa paused and pursed her lips. She thought about the question for a long moment before eventually giving the Dark Lord an answer, "I believe he is impulsive at times, but incredibly powerful and intelligent. I believe, in due course, he will be as valuable to you as the likes of Augustus and the Lestrange brothers."

Voldemort looked at Narcissa, "He is emotional. He relies on the love and care of others too much."

"He is still a boy," Narcissa pointed out, "In time, he will realise that more often than not, caring for someone gets them hurt."

"One can only hope," Voldemort agreed.

"Did you summon me to question me about the boy, my lord?" Narcissa asked, keeping her gaze down.

"No," Voldemort answered, taking her by surprise, "I summoned you to discuss your sister's situation."

Narcissa looked up sharply, "My lord-"

"There is no use in lying to me, Narcissa," Voldemort said curtly, "Bellatrix came clean to me earlier this evening. As it currently stands, yourself and your husband are the only others who are aware, yes?"

"Yes, my lord," Narcissa answered.

"You did not share the news with Draco?"

Narcissa shook her head, "No, my lord."

Voldemort leant back in his chair, "You assessed her?"

Narcissa gave a small nod, "Yes, my lord. All is well with both Bellatrix and the child-"

"I do not care about the child that she tricked me into conceiving, Narcissa!" Voldemort hissed, rising to his feet, "She was well aware of my stance on that matter. Have I not made it abundantly clear to her several times?"

"Yes, my lord," Narcissa said quickly, casting her gaze down once more.

Voldemort spoke softly, and Narcissa had to strain her ears to hear him, but she didn't dare move any closer to the Dark Lord.

"You know that I would not willingly give her a child, Narcissa, and it takes every ounce of compassion that I have left not to kill her for what she has done," Voldemort whispered menacingly.

"I know what happens to a child conceived under the influence of a love potion. I know the kind of life such a child is forced to lead."

Narcissa swallowed, she knew what was coming next.

"Your sister has been a loyal follower to me for many years Narcissa. As such, I will let her live and in time, I may even forgive her," Voldemort said, taking a step closer to Narcissa, "But if that child is born, your sister will suffer the same fate as any other traitor."

Narcissa said nothing.

"Do you understand what I am telling you, Narcissa?"

Narcissa held her head high and maintained her composure. She turned away from the fireplace to look at the Dark Lord, "Yes, my lord."

With a curt nod, Voldemort dismissed her. The moment she left, he sank into the armchair by the fire that he frequently used – ever since he had been brought back in this not entirely human body, he had been unable to retain any warmth.

He sighed as Harry's emotions flooded him – the boy was content, he was warm, he was tired, the warm body of a lover pressed against his own and in truth, that was something that Voldemort longed for too, but not with Bellatrix, not anymore, not after her betrayal.

It made him bitter, and it made him envious. Voldemort could feel Harry drifting off to sleep, he could feel his comfort, and with a wicked smirk, he decided to do his best to destroy that.

Harry enjoyed the comfort of having a warm body next to him that night. Theo fell asleep, and his steady breathing almost lulled Harry into slumber too. A few times, his eyes drifted shut when he focused on Theo's breathing. But every time he was on the verge of sleep, he was jerked awake by Voldemort's voice hissing as if he were right next to him.

You are weak.

He wasn't sure if it was his mind playing tricks on him or if Voldemort was twisting his thoughts to punish him for getting involved with Theo, against his orders.

"Sleep, Harry," Theo murmured, sometime after midnight.

Harry hadn't realised that Theo was awake. He opened his eyes and glanced at the boy whose head lay on his chest, "I don't need to. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"I've been drifting," He admitted.

Harry almost said, "Me too," he nearly spilled his thoughts out to Theo, but then he decided better of it and kept his mouth shut.

"I know it didn't mean anything, you know?" Theo said, stretching out and looking up at the top of the four-poster bed, "I mean, it was good and all, but don't worry, I don't expect anything of you."

Harry rolled onto his side to look at Theo, "You ought to be honoured. I've never even kissed a guy before tonight."

Theo shot him an amused look, "Neither have I."

Harry's surprise must have been visible on his face, because Theo laughed, "Draco doesn't do kissing. Draco is the sort of pureblood who knows he has to marry well and produce an heir one day, so he saves himself for marriage – he'll only kiss the girl who will become his wife, and he won't sleep with anyone until then either, that's sacred."

Harry raised an eyebrow at Theo, "But you sucking his dick in the woods doesn't count?"

"Exactly," Theo said, rolling over and propping himself up on his elbow so he could look at Harry properly, "I'm more an all or nothing kind of guy. Yeah, I'll get married one day to keep the Nott family name going but until then? If I want something, I'm all in, and I don't just dip my toes in the water like Draco does."

That hit home hard; Harry could definitely relate to that.

"Yeah," Harry said, his eyes on Theo's lips, "I don't do things by half, either. If I'm going to bend the rules, then I might as well break them too."

Theo grinned and closed the gap, pressing a soft kiss against Harry's lips. Harry responded by gripping the bare skin at Theo's hip and pulling him closer, feeling the comforting warmth of the other boy's body against his own.

"I could take this all the way easily," Harry murmured against Theo's lips, pressing himself against Theo.

Theo laughed and kissed Harry harder, reaching down to grab his hard cock. He gave him a stroke, eliciting a needy groan from Harry.

"Well then," Theo murmured, biting Harry's lower lip gently before releasing it, "What are you waiting for?"

That was all the confirmation Harry needed, with a needy noise that he had no control over, he rolled on top of the other boy – they both let out breathy moans as their hard cocks rubbed together. Harry knew, even though he had no idea what he was doing, that he was going to have to take control.

It was messy; neither of them had done this before; neither of them really knew what to do. They had to laugh when they fucked up. Otherwise, it would have been unbearably awkward, but a few kisses choked with laughter covered up the awkward moments, and that was all forgotten about when they finally managed to get it right.

The air was filled with noises of want, with guttural groans, cries of pleasure and rapid, shallow breathing. Sweat dripped from Harry's forehead as he thrust into the slim boy beneath him – he ran his hand up Theo's arm until he found his hand, gripping the sheets on the grand four-poster bed tightly. Harry kissed Theo's shoulder, making him relax enough to open up his hand – intertwining his fingers with Harry's. Harry let out a shuddering breath of relief as he came.

Theo made an undignified noise, and Harry chuckled, "You okay?"

"I'm great," Theo replied breathily, his voice muffled by the pillows.

Harry fell ungraciously into a heap at his side and let out a breath, "That was fucking amazing."

Theo shuffled, and Harry paused when he felt a hand against his own – he was wary of what Voldemort had told him – not to get too attached, but he was in a little too deep for that now anyway so he closed his fingers around Theo's and smiled in the dark at the content sigh that followed.

"Are you going to sleep now?"

Harry contemplated the question for a moment. Physically, he was tired, but he doubted that it would be enough.

"I don't sleep. My mind has the scary capability of being dark and demented," he answered.

"You're afraid of your dreams?" Theo asked through the darkness.

Harry could have lied, but he suspected that Theo knew the answer anyway. He swallowed and shut his eyes – images of Voldemort torturing Theo instantly swam before him – he opened them again as quickly as he had closed them.

"Yes. Wouldn't you be if you had done what I have?"

Theo didn't say anything at first, and for a while, Harry thought he wasn't going to. Then, after a few minutes of silence, Theo said, "I've done exactly what you have done. If you're a sinner, then we're sinners together."

Harry grinned into the darkness, "I'm only going to be cementing my theory that all Death Eaters have Daddy issues if I whisper, forgive me father, for I have sinned, aren't I?"

The question made Theo laugh out loud, and his laughter was infectious. In that brief moment of happiness, Harry managed to find the strength to close his mind to Voldemort so that he could finally get some much-needed rest.

* TBC *