Bonus: Backstage
Attention: What you're about to read is a chaotic, fourth-wall breaking peek behind the curtains of Man, I Surely Hate Dragons.
It frequently ignores the characterization present in the main story for comedy effect, so please have fun and don't think about it too hard!
You find yourself in a void, with only a woman with cue cards in her hands and a door behind her. Having read the story, you recognise her as Alys Rivers, the Watcher.
Alys: Well met, traveller. Welcome to the backstage of Man, I Surely Hate Dragons.
She smiles mysteriously.
Alys: You must be surprised by this change of format and fourth-wall-breaking. This is a non-canon chapter of the story, so do please excuse the author for trying out new things…
She puts her hand on the door handle.
Alys: How about we go in first, and I'll explain everything to them as well?
She opens the door. Behind, you spot many familiar characters sitting in a circle. They are 'Amicent', Viserys, Rhaenyra, Otto - and Daemon, who is chained to his chair…
Daemon: Release me, damn you!
Amicent: And let you kill us all? No thanks.
Viserys: Aren't you dead anyway? What are you doing here?
Alys: Oh, allow me to explain... This is the backstage of the story, so anything is possible.
Rhaenyra: So, like when a movie is finished and all the actors sit down and talk about their roles?
Amicent: Sounds like it... wait, why do you know what a movie is?
Alys: It's backstage. Everyone has knowledge as the plot demands.
Otto: That's correct. For example, I know that... you're not actually my daughter!
Amicent: I didn't mean to trick you, but I didn't have a choice! You know you were going to make a mess of things if you knew the truth... this is supposed to be a happy ending, you know?
Otto: Hm. You got rid of Daemon, so I'll reserve judgment for now.
Viserys: Is this really a happy ending though? Alicent didn't come back, and Amy and I didn't even end up together.
Rhaenyra: Yeah, I was so looking forward to that and you've disappointed all the fans of this ship!
Amicent: Well, this is hard... romance is hard…
Alys: According to the author, this story was not supposed to have romance apart from a few crushes. The feelings Viserys and Amy had for each other was completely unplanned.
Amicent: What? Really? So I wasn't meant to fall in love with him?
Alys: The original plan had you dream of falling in love with him in the future.
Daemon: How about me? Was I supposed to have a better ending?
Otto: No way! You can go rot in the Seven Hells!
Alys: Actually… the ending was the same, but Amy actually had feelings for you at one point.
Viserys/Rhaenyra/Otto: What in the Seven Hells?
Viserys: I can't believe you would betray me like that…
Amicent: Wait! I'm innocent! I only love you! I don't even like him!
Daemon: Liar! Didn't you once say you felt comfortable talking to me?
Amicent: Stop peeking into my inner thoughts!
Alys: This is getting out of hand, so let me explain. When writing the sunrise scene, the author realised Amy wouldn't crush on Daemon, so the plan was changed.
Amicent: See? I never had a crush on him. Not at all.
Daemon: Shame, woman, shame. You could have gotten together with the best—
Amicent/Viserys: Shut up.
Rhaenyra: So… what are we doing now? I seem to recall the author saying something about answering the readers' questions.
Otto: Indeed. The biggest question is... where did my real daughter go? And how can we get her back?
Alys: Alicent Hightower found herself in another universe.
Amicent: My world?
Alys: No, another universe— where Rhaenyra Targaryen wasn't born.
Rhaenyra: Oh… Huh? I don't exist?
Otto: That'll mean Aegon is Viserys' heir and no Dance…
Alys: Indeed so. A happy ending for her, and House Hightower. Knowing this, do you still want to find her?
Otto: It would still be nice to see her, if only just once…
Viserys: If she's happy, with another version of me and our children, then... I can accept that.
Alys: Sadly, I won't be telling you this in the main story.
Amicent: Why do you wish for us to suffer?
Alys: I have another use of this truth... all for my prince.
Viserys: I told you, woman, you're not getting my son.
Amicent: Aemond may not be my real son, but you're still not getting him.
Rhaenyra: I don't get it. Aemond is a bloody baby! How could you be in love with him?
Alys: Ah, just in time for us to move onto the next section: character analysis. For the introduction, I'll talk about myself first.
Amicent: What about the readers' questions?
Alys: There aren't many questions, so we'll cover them later. Explaining my character will answer some of them too.
Amicent: Alright…
Alys: The author said that I was the biggest plot device character in this story.
Daemon: Wow, what about my Mysaria? Or your father, or Runciter? They did nothing in the story.
Otto: I hate to admit it, but he has a point. There are many characters that had little development in the story.
Amicent: Um, I think what Alys means is that she had a major role yet barely elaborated motives…
Alys: Truly the SI, you understand the author's words. Allow me to explain myself. I was born with the ability to see the past and the future.
Rhaenyra: Mmm, that was touched upon in the Hand's PoV chapter, wasn't it?
Alys: While that's true, most people would still assume my ability is gained from studying or mythical encounters, but I had none of that. I was able to see the past and the future as soon as I was born. However, the future is written in stone and I'm not allowed to change it.
Amicent: That's sad…
Otto: Interesting. Was this because we're in a fictional world?
Alys: Correct. Even if I tried to change the future, my attempt would already be part of it— so instead, I fixated on the happy parts of the future I saw.
Amicent: And that'll be your time with Aemond.
Daemon: That's seriously messed up.
Everyone else: You're not the one to talk, psychopath!
Daemon: Psychopath? Is that what I am? Those modern mental disorders terms are dumb.
Alys: The author will admit that she doesn't know well about it. What she's certain is that you have a mental condition.
Daemon: What a stupid, lazy author. Doesn't even take her time to copy some definitions down from Wikipedia?
Viserys: You're way too complicated for armchair psychologists.
Alys: This is a good time to talk about your character, Prince Daemon... as the main antagonist of the story.
Daemon: Ha! This story could have easily been me claiming the Iron Throne and building a harem, if not for that meddling bitch.
Amicent: Do you want me to poke out your eye again? Because I'll be very glad to do it.
Rhaenyra: You wouldn't be able to win anyway. You'd be a kinslayer, and the Velaryons would be coming for you and denouncing you as another Maegor... which would probably lead to me marrying Laenor again, come to think about it.
Viserys: Would you really have killed me, Daemon?
Amicent: Um, pretty sure that's what he tried to do with that last attack.
Daemon: You're so stupid, brother. Of course I'd have killed you! You trusted that imposter over me! And still do!
Amicent: Me being an imposter had nothing to do with you trying to rape me!
Otto: Not only that, but you also impregnated my maiden daughter before leaving her.
Daemon: I didn't know she was pregnant. Seriously, if I knew I wouldn't have left her.
Everyone else: Bullshit.
Daemon: It's true! I wanted a child, to see if parenting would make me feel anything. So I'd have stuck around for that.
Rhaenyra: You don't feel a thing for anyone.
Daemon: That's the author's fault. For all we know, Rhaenyra, we could have been in love in canon.
Amicent: I doubt that. You're a piece of shit in canon too.
Alys: Trying to explain Daemon's behaviour in canon is the reason the author chose this characterisation in this story. Since the original plan of this story, he was always intended to be the antagonist and the final big boss. His death was also unchanged from the plan.
Daemon: Hmph. Without me, there wouldn't have been anything to talk about in this story.
Otto: You're a hindrance of the highest order. I had everything in control before you came along.
Amicent: You controlled nothing! I had to try hard so that you wouldn't ruin my relationship with Rhaenyra!
Otto: If not for me coming to King's Landing, you wouldn't have even gotten a chance to repair your friendship with her... and you aren't even really my girl anyway.
Viserys: This is going nowhere. Are we going to talk about the next character now?
Alys: Otto Hightower was up next, but he has just demonstrated what kind of character he is… a haughty and hard-working man with his daughter as his biggest weaknesses.
Rhaenyra: Speaking of which, why aren't Ser Gwayne and Ser Myles here if we're discussing characters? And my Criston, too.
Amicent: Yeah, I would rather have them than Daemon... send him back to the hell he belongs.
Daemon: Isn't it obvious? They aren't main characters. And I'm staying around as long as possible.
Alys: The author can't deal with so many characters on screen at the same time. There's not much to analyse about the Hightower brothers, and Criston Cole barely had a presence within this story.
Daemon: In other words, not main characters.
Viserys: Hmm, I don't think there's much to analyse about any of us anyway. We aren't monsters like Daemon, after all.
Daemon: I didn't choose to be one.
Amicent: Yeah, you're a tragic character too... just kidding, you're the worst. But anyway, I think there's plenty about your character to discuss, Viserys.
Rhaenyra: Huh? Father is a nice man and a great father. Is there anything else?
Daemon: How about the part of being a pathetic man who can only get my hand-downs?
Viserys: She only had a fling with you. Alicent— the real Alicent— loathed you.
Otto: I'll actually say we're rather similar, your Grace. We're both family men, we both spoil our daughters…
Amicent: What I want to talk about is the delusional part. I didn't expect you to... you know, lock me up.
Viserys: I'm sorry, I just needed time to process the truth…
Alys: That was a very deliberate decision on the author's part— to highlight the biggest weakness of your character. In canon you're known to bury your head in the sand even when everyone around you are at each other's throats. Instead of facing a problem, you hide in your fantasies and refuse to come out.
Viserys: I accepted the truth in the end, though.
Alys: If not for my appearance, this could have easily turned into a situation where you locked her up for the rest of her life.
Amicent: No way. He isn't like... eh, Baelor the Blessed.
Rhaenyra: Yeah, take that back! You're making him into some sort of creep!
Viserys hung his head in shame.
Daemon: Who said something about not being a monster again?
Otto: You two aren't on the same level at all.
Alys: The author also wants to mention that Viserys being the focus of quite a few of the later chapters wasn't in the original plan, and the details were mostly only fleshed out when writing the Daemon-focused chapters.
Daemon: See? you're only second to me!
Viserys: I've had enough of this... can we please get to the rest of the characters? Rhaenyra, do you want to talk about yourself?
Rhaenyra: Sure, father. I'm obviously a pretty, loyal, brave, and able princess—
Otto: A brat.
Amicent: Sorry Rhaenyra, that's too much compliment you're putting on yourself. Otto is right.
Rhaenyra: You're the worst friend ever.
Daemon: It still isn't too late to switch sides, Rhaenyra, I can give you all the praises you want—
Viserys: You stay away from her!
Alys: The author agrees that Rhaenyra is a headstrong brat. However, she's brave, loyal to those she considers friends, and will certainly grow to be a good queen with the right influence.
Amicent: You know, I bet the readers weren't expecting a Green SI to be pro-Rhaenyra.
Alys: The author wants to portray the Greens in a more positive light because there are already many Black-focused fics out there— but she doesn't dislike the Blacks and has no problem with Rhaenyra being Queen.
Amicent: That's basically where I stand too... well, I'm a SI after all. Wait, are we talking about my character now? Well, the readers should already know that I'm a stupid girl with no self-preservation sense.
Rhaenyra: Agree.
Otto: I have to agree.
Daemon: Dumber than rocks. How come you didn't notice what I was trying to do?
Amicent: You aren't allowed to say that! Only I can say bad things about myself!
Viserys: Amy, you... you're a sweet girl who did more for us than we could ever thank you for.
Amicent: Wha— Don't say that... I didn't do anything special…
She blushed. They didn't look at each other's eyes for a while.
Alys: Hopefully the interaction above answers the question of whether they will end up together or not. As Amy herself said, she had no self-preservation sense— and in fact would have committed suicide in the real world long ago if not for her parents.
Amicent: Don't just tell everyone my secret like that... besides, wouldn't that clash with my portrayal as a happy-go-lucky anime protagonist?
Rhaenyra: Hm, I think it had been shown early in the story that you didn't have the best life. Am I not your first friend, after all?
Amicent: ...Yeah, you are.
Alys: The original idea of this story was 'An immature SI with a dark backstory', so it goes hand-in-hand— having no friends makes Amy more childish, since she had next to no chance to interact with people before getting self-inserted. I also want to take a moment to talk about her death in the real world.
Amicent: I kept dreaming about that day, but never came close to remembering the truth…
Otto: Your death wasn't such a surprise. Most SIs died before being self-inserted.
Amicent: Yeah, but usually it's a car crash or some kind of tragic accident, not murder.
Alys: The unique way you died won't be discussed here, since the author doesn't want to go deep into real-world politics. But what she wants to mention is how the encrypted message is literally the first thing the readers saw. The author had hoped for people to speculate about it— which didn't work.
Amicent: Hmm, there's like, a grand total of one person who had mentioned it in their comments— for future readers, that's when this chapter was first posted. Obviously we couldn't account for later readers.
Alys: People aren't used to the SI being a mystery for the readers to solve. It's a shame— the author would certainly love it if more SIs used this concept in the future.
Daemon: And so we've finally finished with analysing all the major characters. This is already way longer than any chapter in this story. Say what you have to and end this already.
Otto: Impatient much?
Daemon: You people are taking too long with everything, and it's boring. Get on with it.
Alys: Some readers have questions about what happens to this universe and these characters... Let me reassure you, readers: There won't be a Dance. Only peace, at least for the next few decades. As bittersweet as some parts of the ending were, it's definitely still a happy ending. Amy will stay on Viserys' side and raise the three half-Hightower children, who all turn out to be very different from their canon counterparts.
Amicent: Well, that's nice.
Rhaenyra: I won't marry Laenor, right? Who will I end up with?
Alys: Gwayne Hightower.
Everyone else: WHAT?
Otto: That's certainly good news... but, how?
Viserys: Ser Gwayne is a nice young man and he's only four years Rhaenyra's elder... I could approve this match.
Rhaenyra: I have a good impression of him and all, but I don't think I like him that way. At least, not at the moment.
Alys: You won't fall in love with him until later.
Rhaenyra: Okay... are there any questions left?
Viserys: Someone wants to know what the public knows about Daemon's attack and the situation with Amy. The answer is nothing: they only know that Daemon tried to rape the queen, escaped, and came back to seize the crown. His attempt failed and nobody mourned him.
Daemon: Mysaria mourned me.
Otto: She's most likely dead, a lone woman on the Stepstones…
Daemon: She. Mourned. Me.
Amicent: You don't actually care about her at all... moving on. Runciter actually died the same year he did in canon, so his replacement is the same as canon too.
Rhaenyra: You remember his name?!
Amicent: Why do you have to focus on that... I only received this knowledge because it's backstage. In the story, I still don't remember his name.
Alys: Runciter is a truly tragic character. He did what he believed was best with the information he had, and died for his efforts... and you don't even remember his name.
Viserys: He still let Daemon out. That's treason and he deserved death.
Amicent: Viserys, I love you, but we all know this isn't your reason for killing him.
Otto: Anyway, this should answer all the questions.
Alys: Indeed so. Amy, it's your turn to say the final few words.
Amicent: So sudden?! Ahh, umm, ehh…
Viserys: Calm down. Take a deep breath.
Amicent: Okay. Thanks. I can do this. Readers... thanks for reading my story.
She tries to pose a smile for the camera.
Amicent: For everyone who said this story is sweet and lovely, you have my deepest gratitude. For the rest of you... I don't know whether my story has touched your heart. This is pretty much a lighthearted story not quite in the vein of normal ASOIAF fics, so if you're expecting something else I apologise... but this is my story, and I stand by it.
Viserys and Rhaenyra each gave her an encouraging smile.
Amicent: I didn't always have the best life. This story is fictional, but my struggle is real. I only want an ordinary life... this is my journey in getting one, even if it's still a bit unusual. And if some parts of it have resonated with you... I'll be very happy.
Everyone smiled (apart from Daemon). Then the screen darkened.
Many thanks to reading all these!
Special thanks to my beta readers, Leonie and Bullet; My editor in later chapters, FieryMatter; and Widowmaker and Oddfather in providing me advice on warning issues.
2019-2020 wasn't a good period, both for where I live and the rest of the world. We have conflicts not entirely unlike the Dance, and while the real-world conflicts can't be solved so easily, I took comfort in solving a fictional one.
As Amy said, as long as some parts of this story resonate with you, my dear readers, I'll be very happy. This is a very personal story for me, so I hope it'll be meaningful to you too.
I wish to see you all again in the future for my next game/story. Good bye for now, and good luck!