TW this chapter for intense dysphoria, direct mentions of self harm, transphobia, bullying, mentions of domestic abuse (Adam is mentioned), and depression.
I don't own RWBY
Blake wasn't particularly fond of Mr. Ironwood's math class, so she was more than happy to save some of the work for when she got home so that she could chat with May Marigold in class. It was Friday anyway, so she had plenty of time to work on it.
"You seem stressed, are you alright?" Blake asked, glancing over to her. "You seemed upset all throughout last period, too."
"It's more of the same," May sighed. "Robyn was there to talk to me about it, but basically, in English today, I was the center of attention, and not in any way I'd like to be."
"Oh, no," Blake said. "What happened?"
"Well, if you didn't already know, I'm trans," May said. "And that class happened to have Cardin, Henry, Warren, and Octavia, none of whom are accepting of my community."
Blake glared over to Warren, who was sitting to the front of the class, before looking back to May.
"Yeah, I caught onto that," Blake said.
"And Lionheart doesn't give a damn what happens in his class as long as it looks like he's maintaining a little order, so he was useless. It's just... bothering me. I know I should be used to it by now, but I'm not. I'm trans, but there's more to me than that and it bothers me that no one seems to realize that."
"If it helps, I know that," Blake said.
"If it wasn't for Henry, no one would even know," May sighed. "And Warren jumping in just makes it worse."
"You've mentioned them both, it sounds like you all go way back," Blake said.
"Well, obviously, Henry's my cousin," May said. "Believe it or not, Warren, Henry, Elm, and I were once all friends."
"Really?" Blake asked.
"Yeah, way back in elementary," May said. "Henry and I went to junior high in a different city, and that's when I came out. I was disowned immediately, and kicked out. Luckily, I made it back to Boise, and that's when I met Robyn. She helped me get back on my feet and helped me start my transition."
"I've been meaning to ask, if it's okay," Blake said. "Are you and Robyn..."
"Dating?" May asked. "Yeah, that confuses most people. We are."
"Why does it confuse most people?" Blake asked.
"Because I'm dating Joanna," May said. "And Joanna's dating Fiona. And Fiona's dating Robyn. And Robyn's dating Joanna. And I'm dating Fiona."
Blake's mind span as she tried to track May's sentence.
"We're poly," May clarified. "Anyway, I didn't think I'd ever hear from Henry again, but when I started going here, he moved back and also went here."
"That sucks," Blake said. "I know the feeling. Constantly trying to get away from someone awful."
May raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?" May asked.
Blake sighed, mentally preparing herself to talk.
"I'm not comfortable saying much," Blake said. "But my ex-boyfriend was really toxic."
"I'm so sorry," May said.
"It's fine, I'm away from him now," Blake said. "But he's tried to get back together and... he just won't take no for an answer."
May folded her arms.
"If he tries again, just point me in his direction," May said. "If I don't beat him up enough, either Joanna or Fiona will."
Blake smiled slightly at that.
"Thank you," Blake said. "I'm really sorry Henry won't just back off."
"It's fine. Once I graduate, I won't have to deal with him anymore. He isn't going to stoop so low as to go anywhere I would be. Which I'm perfectly happy with," May said. "I just hate seeing that none of them changed. Well, Elm also hates them now, but aside from that."
"So Warren's always been all... pretentious?" Blake asked.
"I can speak for myself," Warren said, passing between their desks, on the way to grab one of the textbooks from the back of the classroom.
"Good to know," May rolled her eyes. "We'll let you know if we ever want your two cents."
"When you're talking about me, I think I'm entitled to-"
"Oh, you hear that?" Blake interrupted. "He's entitled. Well, at least you admit it."
"I'll make you a deal," May said. "You lay the hell off of me and I'll do the same for you."
Warren scoffed, and continued off to grab his book, before returning to his desk.
"To answer your question, he's always been kinda pretentious," May said. "But it was never this bad before. I went away for a few years and when I came back, he had ramped it up to eleven. Believe it or not, I think I broke him the first time I saw him again."
"What do you mean?" Blake asked.
"Henry had been starting shit, as usual," May said. "And the Malachite twins joined in. But I saw Warren's jaw hit the floor when he saw me."
"Really?" Blake said, unable to keep from grinning along with May.
"I swear, it looked like he had a crush," May said. "Once I pointed it out, he went into pretty much regular Warren territory. He also blushed hard when I pointed it out."
"That's amazing," Blake said. "Do you think that's why he's so pissy to you?"
"I think it's possible," May said. "That being said, I wouldn't go near him with a ten foot pole."
"I can't blame you," Blake said. "Listen, I could try to get him to back off."
"I mean, if you wanna try, be my guest. I don't see it going anywhere, though," May said. "On top of that, I'm far from the only trans student he does this to. Jaune, Neon, and Fox are all openly trans, and he's just as bad to them. Honestly, he seems like he's worse to them."
Blake frowned, wishing she knew a way to truly get Warren to stop. The more people she found out he was bullying, the more it pissed her off.
"I'll give it a shot, at least," Blake said.
"Hey," Blake said, as Warren walked past on the bus. "We need to talk."
"Wonderful," Warren rolled his eyes. "What's it about this time?"
"Look, you don't like me, and that's fine," Blake said. "I honestly don't care. But what's your problem with the transgender students here?"
"I have no problem with them," Warren snapped. "They are the ones that get offended when you tell them the truth."
Blake took a deep breath, realizing this was going to be more frustrating than she thought.
"Okay, regardless of your opinions about them, harassing them isn't okay," Blake said. "What will it take to get you to back off?"
"You act like I'm doing something wrong," Warren said.
"All I'm asking is for you to just stop talking to them, or about them," Blake said. "I'm not asking for much."
Warren sighed.
"What it will take is them staying away from me," he said.
"We're all packed into a school together," Blake said. "That's not an option. Are you really too immature to exist around them peacefully?"
"Look," Warren said. "If they want to pursue their... lifestyle, that's their right. But if they're in my face about it, I'm going to take issue with it."
"When have I ever been in your face about it?" Jaune said from across the aisle.
Warren folded his arms, turning to face Jaune.
"You're constantly in my face about it," Warren said. "You demand that I use certain pronouns for you, you demand that I use some made up name for you, you're constantly demanding that the rest of us take part in your lunacy."
"Because he isn't okay with you deadnaming him or misgendering him?" Blake scoffed. "He's not asking for a lot."
"How would you like it if I was constantly using she/her pronouns for you?" Jaune asked.
"I'd be fine with that!" Warren said. "Call me whatever you want. I don't care in the slightest."
"Okay, it doesn't bother you," Blake said. "But it bothers him. And it really doesn't take much work to just be respectful."
"Respect is earned," Warren said. "And I'm certainly not going to participate in anyone else's delusions."
"What did we ever do to you?" Jaune asked. "To make you this upset at us?"
Warren refused to give a direct answer.
"I'm done with this conversation," Warren said. "It's clearly not going anywhere."
"Because you refuse to listen to us," Blake said.
"Why would I listen to either of you? Your entire argument has no basis in fact," Warren retorted.
Before anyone could say more, Warren stormed off, sitting over by the Malachite twins. Blake sighed, rubbing her temples.
"I know it didn't go anywhere, but thanks for trying," Jaune said. "It means a lot to have people like you around."
"Of course," Blake said. "I just wish I could get him to stop."
Weiss hurried off of the bus, unable to believe she was actually looking forward to going home. She had been cringing through the whole conversation, desperately wishing she could have been honest.
It had taken all of her willpower to stay composed when Jaune had made that comment about her pronouns. It felt cruel, to be reminded of what she wanted so much, yet at the same time, she knew she deserved that. She was, after all, relentlessly bullying him most of the time.
"I really can't believe you," Blake said, as the bus drove off. "Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from being just absolutely discriminatory to anyone that isn't like you?"
Weiss turned to face her.
"I really have neither the time nor the desire to keep discussing this," she replied.
"I'd be happy to drop it," Blake said. "Stop treating people like that and I'll never get on your case about it, ever again. It's really not a difficult agreement."
"You act like I owe you something," Weiss said. "But I don't."
"All I want from you is basic decency!" Blake snapped.
"I can't!" Weiss retorted, louder than she meant to. Blake stepped back, confused.
"What does that even mean?" Blake asked. Weiss froze. The mask had been slipping, starting to show her true self. She had almost admitted who she really wanted to be.
"You wouldn't understand," Weiss spat. "Just leave me alone."
Weiss stormed off before Blake could say anything else.
She hurried home, lost in thought. She didn't say much to Mr. Rainart as he let her in past the gate, and when she got to her room, she took great comfort in the opportunity to just sit without anyone bothering her, and just be out of everyone's view.
Or so she had hoped.
She had been sitting down for three minutes when someone knocked three times on the door. She wasn't as familiar with the knock. Jacques didn't knock at all, the way he treated her door was like any other in his house, open to him. It wasn't Whitley, his knock was quick and impatient. Klein always only knocked twice, and Willow never even came by in the first place.
By process of elimination, as Weiss stood, she knew this had to be Winter.
If anyone was bothering her right now, however, she was glad it was her.
She opened the door to find that her assumptions were correct. Winter stood in the doorway, her hands behind her back.
"Hello, Winter," Weiss said. "Can I help you?"
"I was curious," Winter said. "You've never gotten the chance to see the University. I was wondering if you wanted to come stay with me for the weekend, and I'd bring you back on Sunday."
Weiss didn't miss a beat.
"Absolutely!" Weiss said. "Give me just a moment to pack an overnight bag."
"Very well. I've cleared it with father, as well," Winter said. "He emphasized that your homework still needs to be done, but aside from that, he was alright with it."
Weiss smiled, turning to grab a few shirts and pack them into her backpack, and then she put her shoes back on.
"I knew I couldn't stop you for long," Taiyang sighed, from the kitchen as he chopped vegetables.
"It's just paintball, we're not going into a warzone," Yang said. "And I promise we'll get all our homework done tonight."
"As long as you give it a decent effort," Tai said. "I forgot how long Ms. Salem's assignments always were."
"Wait," Ruby said. "Did she teach while you were in high school?"
"That she did," Tai said. "I think I passed her class with a C."
"And she didn't go ballistic on you for that?" Yang scoffed.
"Oh, she did. She was awful to anyone that didn't pass with flying colors," Taiyang said. "I know her requirements are hard to meet, so I'll just give you this. Average at least a seventy in her class, and I won't get on your case about it."
"I'm just worried," Ruby said. "If my grades are bad enough, I'm worried I'll be sent back to ninth grade."
"If it gets to that point, I'll have a talk with Principal Ozpin," Taiyang said. "You've worked your butt off and I'm not gonna let that get taken away just because of one strict teacher."
"So... if we do enough... we can go to paintball?" Yang asked.
"Tomorrow," Tai said. "But, yeah. Get a decent amount of homework done, and you can go."
"Yes!" Ruby exclaimed. "Alright, let's get started, then."
"Ugh, that's the worst part," Yang groaned.
Winter's car was marble-white, and one of the cleanest cars Weiss had ever seen. The windshield was so clean it could have been invisible, there wasn't a single personal belonging inside. Anyone who didn't know Winter probably would have assumed she was renting the car.
It was a Schnee vehicle, obviously. Despite how much the entire vehicle just reeked of Schnee atmosphere, Weiss couldn't help but admire it. She wasn't a car person, but it was still a very elegant vehicle.
"I'm assuming you're grateful to be out of father's gaze for a few days," Winter said, as she drove.
"You have no idea," Weiss said.
"I think I'm one of the few people in the world that does," Winter countered.
"Fair," Weiss said. "I honestly don't know why you ever come back here."
"I wouldn't if it wasn't for my sister," Winter said.
It took her a moment to realize Winter was talking about her.
"I... I didn't think you cared that much," Weiss said.
"Ciel has always been one of my closest friends. For the time that I got along with her, so was Ilia. But you've always been my best friend. If I'm being honest, you're the only member of my family that I actually see as family," Winter said. "You'll always be my sister, Weiss."
"Hearing my name actually get spoken... it's an amazing feeling," Weiss said. "I never thought I'd actually feel this way. I still just hear Warren this, Warren that all day long, it drives me crazy."
"I hope you know, you can text me whenever you need if you're overwhelmed," Winter said. "I'm not just here for you now."
"Thank you," Weiss said. "I just... it feels amazing to let my guard down. To be called Weiss, to be called she, to be able to talk about all of this. But I always know in the back of my mind, soon I'll be back there again, and it'll all go away. I just want to be able to truly be myself. No more bullying everyone, no more Warren, no more short hair, no more of this voice, I want to get away from it all."
"Well, I know right now it seems impossible," Winter said. "But maybe eventually you will be able to."
"How?" Weiss scoffed. "Father would never let me."
"Have you ever considered that maybe you don't need him to let you?" Winter asked. "When you turn eighteen, he can't do anything to stop you from going out and living your life."
Weiss sighed, looking down.
"I'm worried maybe he will be able to," Weiss said. "I mean, I'm not just his son, I'm-"
"Daughter," Winter corrected. "You're not his son and you've never been."
Weiss considered her words, and then nodded.
"I never thought the word daughter would ever apply to me, it feels... foreign," Weiss said.
"Our parents may never call you their daughter, but it doesn't change anything," Winter said. "You're their daughter."
Weiss smiled a little.
"Thank you," Weiss said. "It means so much to me how quickly you accepted me."
"I just wish I could've years ago," Winter said. "You were saying..."
"Right," Weiss said. "I'm not just his daughter, I'm the heir... heiress... to his company."
"And?" Winter asked. "Ultimately that doesn't mean much. You could take over as the CEO, as he intends, and then run it as you please. He would have no say in what you did with it. If you didn't want to, then you could pass the position of heir down to Whitley."
"I doubt father would agree to that," Weiss sighed.
"He wouldn't have a say in it," Winter said, as they turned onto the freeway and she sped up. "Your life is yours, and once you are an adult, he can't stop you from transitioning."
Weiss nodded.
"I also just... I have no clue what I'd want to do," she said. "I close my eyes and try to picture myself, and I can't. I know it's not how I look right now. But whenever I try to think of what I'd like to look like, the steps I'd want to take, it's so foggy. I can't make out any details."
"Well, I can only advise so much," Winter said. "I'm always here to support you, but being transgender is something I can't relate to. I would honestly say the most important step you could take would be making friends that can relate."
"I wish I could," Weiss said. "Not even just for that reason. I miss May, so much. Every day I wish I could leave behind all of the 'friends' I have right now, and run to her. It doesn't help that in case my chances of being her friend weren't ruined enough, I'm running against her girlfriend for school president."
"You're making the exact same mistakes I made," Winter sighed. "You're giving father too much control. I was afraid to take control of my life. I coasted by, doing what he wanted, until I had a scholarship to Atlas, and I confronted him once. Then I left everything behind. I'm free now, but there are so many things I wish I'd done differently."
"You think I should just... ignore father's requirements and try to befriend May anyways?" Weiss asked.
"I don't feel comfortable telling you that's what you should do," Winter said. "I just don't want you to have the regrets I do. And if I could go back and do something differently, it'd be how I treated Ilia. I'd change it in a heartbeat... if I could."
"I'd like to," Weiss argued. "I want that so much, but if father knew, he would be furious."
Winter nodded, a sorrowful expression on her face.
"He has no right to tell you who you can and cannot befriend," she said. "But I know he still does so. This is your decision, Weiss. I'll support you either way."
Weiss nodded.
"On a different note," Winter said. "I can't help you with every aspect of your transition, but I can help with others. If you really did want to see the University, I could show you, but I was planning on taking you shopping instead. I just couldn't say that back at the manor."
Weiss' face lit up.
"Wait... really?" Weiss asked. "As in..."
"As in getting you your own clothes, makeup, and accessories," Winter said. "You're sixteen years old and you've never been shopping for your own clothes, and that is a crime, one I intend to fix."
"I've technically been shopping for clothes," Weiss said.
"You've been shopping for what father wanted for you," Winter said. "You deserve something with style, something with personality."
"Thank you," Weiss said, struggling to find words to express her gratitude. "I'll pay you back, I promise-"
"I'd rather you didn't," Winter said. "There's something rather satisfying about the notion of using father's money to pay for parts of your transition. With it being my card, any receipts he saw, he would just assume the clothes were for me."
Weiss felt like she was floating on a cloud of glee, far above Schnee manor.
"If you'd be willing, I'd like to add something else to this as well," Winter said. "However, it's your right to say no. I'd like to have Ciel join us when we're done shopping, so that she can help you out with makeup. She has gotten incredibly proficient, and I'm sure she would be happy to teach you some techniques."
"If I said yes," Weiss said. "It would stay between us and her, right?"
"She's kept my secret for years," Winter said. "I know she'll keep yours."
"In that case, I'd really appreciate that," Weiss said. "Out of curiosity, are you and Ciel..."
"Dating?" Winter chuckled. "No, we aren't. We're amazing friends, but that is all. Ciel's straight. On top of that, I've known her as a platonic friend for so long, I'd feel weird taking our relationship anywhere else."
"Fair enough," Weiss said. "Are you seeing anyone else?"
"Not at the moment," Winter said. "Dating isn't at the top of my priority list."
"That's understandable," Weiss said.
"What about you? Is there anyone you've been interested in?" Winter asked.
"Not really," Weiss said, guilt flowing through her mind as soon as she thought of her classmates. "I've pretty successfully alienated myself to just about anyone I'd be interested in."
"Well, like I said, you won't be there forever," Winter said. "On that note, if you're comfortable with sharing, what is your sexual orientation?"
"I'm not sure," Weiss said. "I've been thinking about it lately. I don't think I'm interested in men, at all."
Winter smiled.
"I can certainly understand that," Winter said.
"I'd like to clarify a few things, before we go in," Winter said, from the parking lot of the mall. "First, would you like me to refer to you as Weiss or Warren while we are out?"
Weiss considered the options. The idea of being referred to as Weiss felt very welcoming, but she couldn't help but worry about the obscure possibility of word making it back to Jacques. On top of that, she didn't want to be looked at strangely, she didn't want people glaring at her or treating her like she didn't belong.
"I think I'll stay in the closet for now," Weiss said. "It's a bit too soon for me to be that open about it."
"I understand," Winter said. "Then I'd like to apologize in advance for calling you Warren and using he/him pronouns. A few other things, to make it a bit easier, I'd like to get your sizes. Let's start with your shoe size."
"I'm a men's size six and a half," Weiss said.
"In that case, you'll be an eight and a half in women's," Winter said. "Alright, now I'm going to take a few measurements."
Winter pulled out a tape measure and measured around Weiss' waist, around her chest, and her shoulder width.
"Do you just... keep a tape measure in here?" Weiss asked, as Winter measured.
"I got it specifically for this," Winter said. "Alright, I have your size. My last question, what style are you hoping to get?"
"I... don't really know," Weiss said. "I've never really been able to explore fashion."
"That's fair," Winter said. "Then let's start with color. Name four colors you'd like to wear."
"I'd say light blue," Weiss said. "I do enjoy like a silvery-grey. Dark blue. I also like white, but I know that's father's favorite color-"
"Don't think about him right now," Winter said. "There's nothing wrong with liking something he does. Being free of father doesn't mean redesigning your whole look just to counter his. I think white is a great color on you."
"Thank you," Weiss said. "That means a lot."
"Alright, you'll also want a color far from any of those, specifically to serve as an accent color," Winter said. "I would recommend red with the colors you want."
"I'll trust you on that," Weiss said.
"I'll also give you a full disclosure," Winter said. "For women, most shopping trips consist of finding a hundred things you like, fifty or so being available in your size if you're lucky, and five to ten of them actually fitting you well."
"If they're my size, shouldn't they fit?" Weiss asked.
"Welcome to the frustrations of shopping as a woman," Winter said. "A size ten could be just about anything. The sizing systems for women are drastically varying, and most of them extremely biased."
Weiss nodded, her mind swimming as she tried to take in all of this information. They stepped out of the car, and Winter paused to add one more thing.
"Also, say goodbye to pockets," Winter said.
"What?" Weiss scoffed. "I thought everyone's pants usually had pockets."
"Usually, women's pants have the illusion of pockets," Winter said. "But they are too small to actually hold anything."
"You're joking," Weiss said. "Listen, I know I'm inexperienced in fashion, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to fall for-"
Winter, to prove a point, tried to force her phone into her pocket. The phone stopped about an inch in, and Weiss could see the pocket strain, proving Winter wasn't just pretending.
Weiss' eyes went wide, alarmed.
"Most of women's fashion is designed to sell more product," Winter said, as they walked. "That part specifically is to sell purses."
"I feel like I just stepped into a whole different, far more complicated world," Weiss said.
"Luckily, you've got a big sister to help you navigate," Winter said, holding the door open for Weiss. "So, which should we start with, makeup or clothing?"
"I think makeup would be a good starting point," Weiss said. Winter nodded. "Also... I do have one thing I'd like to look for, if we can."
Winter raised an eyebrow, waiting for Weiss to explain.
"When it comes to shoes, I think I'd really like a pair of wedged boots," Weiss said. "They've always stood out to me."
"We can certainly look for some," Winter beamed. "It's amazing to see you excited about something."
Winter led the way to a nearby Sephora, where she guided Weiss around, putting together a large kit of a huge assortment of makeup.
Weiss hadn't thought it was particularly much, until they checked out and, much to her surprise, the total was several hundred dollars. Nearby shoppers watched in disbelief as Winter, unsurprised, swiped her card and then walked out, passing the makeup bag to Weiss.
"I think that should cover it for a while," Winter said.
"I had no idea makeup was so expensive," Weiss said.
"To be fair, we went for the more expensive brands," Winter said. "Now it's time we get you some decent clothes."
She started walking, taking Weiss all around the mall to one of the clothing stores Winter herself had always frequented.
They went around, finding an assortment of shirts, skirts, and pants that stood out to Weiss.
"Perfect," Winter said, as they grabbed the sixth skirt.
"So, you said not all of them would fit," Weiss said. "Are we going to be returning them if they don't?"
"Well, ideally we wouldn't be buying any that didn't fit," Winter said. "That's what dressing rooms are for."
Weiss looked over to the dressing rooms Winter was talking about, and panic rose in her mind.
"Wh- here?" Weiss asked. Winter nodded. "I... just don't want people thinking I'm a freak."
Winter's expression immediately changed to one full of concern.
"You aren't," Winter said. "There is nothing wrong with you, and if anyone tries to imply or say otherwise, they will be dealing with me."
Winter towered menacingly above her as she spoke, driving home the impression that she was a guardian, like she was Weiss' bodyguard.
"I don't think they're likely to in the first place, however," Winter said. "This store is one of the far more welcoming ones here. I wouldn't take you somewhere unsafe. I promise."
Weiss nodded, taking a deep breath.
"Okay," Weiss said, Winter's presence reassuring her.
Less than a minute later, Winter was talking to a fitting room attendant while Weiss waited anxiously, unable to keep still, and then she proceeded forward, and began trying on the massive heap of clothes.
It felt like she had been trying on clothes for hours, and by the time she was done, she only had two outfits' worth.
The first outfit was a white one-shoulder top with a blue snowflake on the front, with a pair of skinny jeans. The second was a grey pleated skirt, which paired well with a short-sleeved light blue shirt. Bringing both looks together was a white cropped jacket with full length sleeves and a red collar.
Shopping around several other stores, she was able to get a few more items to diversify her outfits, as well as a pair of pantyhose to pair with her skirts.
Once that had finished, Winter was eager to take her to the next store, one which sold an array of dresses. Weiss was nervous, but agreed to go with.
Finding one that spoke to Weiss was harder than she expected, however. There were way too many floral dresses, which Weiss was less than interested in. There were also a lot of darker ones, though their aesthetic probably would have fit Blake or Cinder a lot closer.
It took way too long, but eventually, Weiss saw one that stood out to her. It was pale, cut below the shoulders, with a knee length skirt and light blue, intricate patterns racing along the bottom. The look was brought together with a ribbon that tied around the waist.
She held her breath as Winter confirmed the measurements. Much to her surprise, the dress was her size.
After another uncomfortable moment getting a fitting room set aside, Weiss went to try it on. She was incredibly careful putting it on, making sure not to let any of it get torn. She pulled it to the right height, tied the ribbon, and then took in a deep breath. After a moment, she turned to the mirror-
And felt sick immediately. Her heart sunk, as dysphoria began to smother every thought she had. She had felt like this dress really fit her personality, it felt like it was right for her, but she could tell this clearly wasn't the case now. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the repulsive reflection in front of her, unable to keep herself from going through the list of everything wrong. Her shoulders felt way too wide, her legs hadn't been shaved, her figure was completely wrong.
After a horrified minute, she finally managed to look away, and carefully slid back out of the dress, her eyes squeezed tight to avoid letting herself cry.
What the hell is wrong with you, she thought. You're hideous. Disgusting. How could you ever think you'd be as beautiful as Neon, May, or Penny? No wonder father was so disgusted with you.
She couldn't stop. Every thought started to spiral, sinking into a well of despair. She looked down, realizing she still had to get dressed.
Looking down caused two more extremely responses to flare up in her mind.
The first was when she saw her boxers, and immediately was reminded what was right underneath them. Her disgust amplified a hundredfold, she wanted to throw up. Revulsion tore at every part of her mind.
The second response was due to the pink marks going down her inner thigh. She could count twelve, many others having faded with time. It had been a few days, and she felt a growing compulsion to renew them.
It was definitely for the best that she didn't have the option to actually do so right now. She buried her face in her hands, feeling tears make it past her barrier.
It was all she could do to keep her mouth tightly closed, keeping noise from coming out. Bile crept at the back of her throat. Today had been going so much better, she can't believe she had actually been foolish enough to think she could feel okay. In a single moment, the illusion had been shattered.
Maybe I should just stick to being Warren, she thought. Maybe I was never meant to be Weiss.
But if that was the case, why did just thinking the name 'Warren' feel so wrong? It didn't just feel wrong, she could never put into words exactly what it was like. The closest she could say was that it was some combination of terrifying, repulsive, and agonizing. The thought of living the rest of her life as Warren gave her the same feeling of dread as she felt at the thought of being buried alive, the same feeling as the notion of being imprisoned for life for a crime she didn't commit. It was like the fear of being possessed, except instead of it being her mind that wasn't in her control, it was her life.
She never wanted to be seen again. She wanted to vanish off the face of the earth. Everything around her felt like it was just collapsing in on her, and she just wanted to let it bury her. If she could just crawl into a deep hole and give up, at this moment she knew she wouldn't hesitate to do so.
She didn't have the option of actually doing so, however, and as much as she hated the idea, she knew she'd have to go back into the store, back into the public's eye, out of the privacy she had.
She reluctantly put her clothes back on, wiping the tears off of her face.
She tried to ignore her revulsion as she checked the mirror to make sure it wasn't obvious she had been crying. She tried not to pay attention to her jawline, to her eyes, to her hair, to every little thing that made her desperately want to be anyone else.
With each controlled, long breath she took, she got a little bit of her composure come back to her. And after about thirty more seconds of building up the courage to do so, she pulled the latch of the door, braving the populated mall once more.
Winter, who had been waiting right outside, quickly moved towards her, concerned.
"You were in there for a while, is everything alright?" Winter asked.
"The dress wasn't a good fit," Weiss said, her tone quiet and defeated.
"I'm sorry. Let's look around some more, I'm sure there will be something that fits better somewhere."
"I'd rather just move on," Weiss said.
"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure we can find something else," Winter said.
"I'm sure," Weiss said. "I'd like to just move on."
"Very well," Winter said. "You still need accessories, I'm thinking we get you some jewelry."
Weiss nodded, wishing she could regain the excitement she had before. Winter's generosity still meant the world to her, and she wanted to show that, but she couldn't stop thinking of the reflection that haunted her. She kept trying to tear her mind off of it, but the more she tried not to think about it, the worse it got.
Because of this, Winter guided her around, and Weiss just passively followed, not saying anything more than a simple 'yes' or 'no' when Winter asked her opinion. They ended up getting a silver necklace with a ruby centerpiece.
"We're almost done," Winter said. "Just one more thing."
As Winter spoke, she must have picked up on how Weiss was feeling, because she placed a hand on her shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. Weiss felt a little bit of the misery clouding her thoughts lift.
Winter then led her along, over to a shoestore, beelining for a very specific part of the store.
"Where are we going?" Weiss asked.
"Just follow me," Winter smiled, leading her to a wall with easily around thirty different pairs of wedged boots. "Let me know if any of them really grab your attention."
Weiss looked around, eventually picking up a white and sky blue pair, the color reminiscent of the dress.
"Those are a beautiful choice," Winter said, looking through several boxes until she found a pair, size eight and a half. "Alright, try them on."
Weiss slipped out of the dress shoes she normally wore, and slowly put on the left boot. It was uncomfortable, a little tight, but no more so than new shoes usually were. She then put on the right boot, and stood.
Her balance was a little off, but luckily, they weren't heels, so it wasn't a huge issue.
Winter was beaming at her, and Weiss felt more of her worries drift away, realizing just how much she truly wasn't alone.
"Those are perfect for you," Winter smiled. "They will go beautifully with your outfits."
Weiss' dysphoria, her anguish, hadn't gone away entirely, but it had certainly lightened, and she was more than willing to accept that small victory.
Thank you for reading chapter nine, stay tuned for chapter ten tomorrow!