For two days in a row, it felt like me and Bokuto got closer. I freely smiled and laughed around him more often like I do to Kazue. Before I used to put a gap in between Bokuto and I, but now I stand close to him. "Hey Bokuto, what should I do if Oikawa wants to get back with me?" We sat on the rooftop of the school instead of sitting with his friends.
He kept his head up to the sky. "Do you want him back? Are you ready to take him? I know you guys have been calling each other recently. It's hard not to hear it through the thin walls." Bokuto chuckled and I shyly looked away.
"Well I'm not too sure either. It feels great to have the tense air gone between us! He… He asked to hangout over the weekend. I just don't know how to act, that's really it." I knew this wasn't a date, but this was the first time I'm not seeing him in a bad light anymore. The last time I saw him, I ran out because I couldn't overlook his past action that destroyed me.
His golden eyes lit up from my news and looked down at me. "Really? That's cool to hear! Don't force yourself to go if you're not mentally ready, Hayashi. I don't want you to have a breakdown." Bokuto's caringness touched my growing heart. He's really a good person. I wonder why he hasn't found anyone he's interested in?
"You know what I wonder?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have a crush? Or are you the type to think about relationships later? Or probably the 'if it happens then it happens' type?" Not once Bokuto ever talked about any girls. He probably wasn't interested right now since he sees volleyball as his future career, and he doesn't want to hurt his significant other if he neglected them by accident.
Bokuto's face quickly turned away from me, and I gasped in surprise. "So you do?! Who is it?! I want to know!" I moved around to view his reddened expression, but he wasn't letting me. His rare stubbornness was showing for the first time.
"..."
He wasn't saying a word to me.
I needed to persuade him even if it meant to trap him into a lie. "Bokuto, I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." I prayed he fell into it because I'm super curious. If I wasn't close to him, then I probably wouldn't pry too much.
"...You have one?"
"Yes." No, I didn't. My eyes are on Kazue only.
Slowly, Bokuto turned to face me with his bright red face. He looked like a tomato, making me giggle at this new look of him. "I-I'll tell you traits of her. I won't say her name because I don't know if I truly like her."
"That's fair enough!" As long as I hear something from him then I'm satisfied.
"She's beautiful from afar and up close." His golden eyes fixated on me. "Although she doesn't express much she's trying. When she laughs, it sounds like a melodic tune ringing in my ears. When she smiles, it makes my heart race. She may look cold from the outside, but she's actually a gentle soul from the inside. It's a rare beauty others may not find attractive." As Bokuto was describing his crush, my heart was gushing from how poetic he was. I needed a person who could love me like that. A big smile drew my lips apart.
"Oh my!" I squealed, holding my cheeks in excitement. "It sounds like you're in love! The way you describe her is sooo cute. She would be happy to be with you, Bokuto. I know it. You're a good man. Don't be afraid to confess." I rubbed his shoulder. "Is she in this school?" The only girls he's surrounded by are me and the managers. Usually, he's with Akaashi and me and that's really it.
"No, she isn't. I don't think I'll be confessing anytime soon. She might be interested in her ex. I might wait until it's the right time, or just love her from afar." Bokuto's voice dropped into a pool of sadness and unrequited love.
My heart squeezed intensely to see him this bummed out. "Bokuto, do you need a hug?" He nodded, and I hugged him. My chin rested on his shoulder. Bokuto was a thick, muscular person that my hands couldn't touch when it's wrapped around him for a hug. "You will find a person who deserves your happiness, Bokuto. Don't go for less. They will find you."
"So who's your crush?" His voice rang softly in my ear, and I pulled back from him.
"Well, you see…" I clasped my hands together, amping the suspense. "I don't have a crush on anyone! My whole heart and soul is on Kazue. She's the most important person in my life. I don't know if I told you that before…. I'm not interested in finding someone just yet, but if it happens then it happens! It all depends on the timing."
Bokuto broke into a small laugh. "I knew it! I knew you'd say something like that! But I don't regret telling you because you're a good friend of mine!"
"So are you!" I lightly slapped his arm.
"When we pick up Kazue, can I hold her?" Bokuto's eyes twinkled like a puppy. Lately, he's been throwing Kazue up in the air and catching her. Since they both have hyperactive personalities, they tend to bond very well and play until their batteries need fueling. Kazue loves his presence. I know she'll be sad when he's gone.
"Sure. She chooses you more than me. I guess you can be her mom since I've been replaced," I joked around, getting up from the ground since the bell was going to ring soon.
"You haven't been replaced! She's just trying to have fun with me before I leave." Bokuto also got up, refuting my sentence.
"Yes I know…. And by the way, next week is her birthday. Do you want to help plan and come?" Bokuto's mind went blank. Error was written in his eyes. "Umm, Bokuto? Are you down to earth?" I waved my hand before his eyes. It took awhile for him to register back to his body.
"YES, I WILL LIKE TO!" Bokuto energetically replied, feeling extremely happy deep down.
"Alright, sounds like a plan!"
After school ended, we walked to Kazue's daycare. "Who's going to be there?" Bokuto brought up her birthday party.
"Oh it's just my family. I invited you because Kazue likes you a lot. I'm pretty sure she'll be bummed out if she doesn't see you." I could imagine her calling for Bokuto when he wasn't in the house. Every few seconds she'll mumble his name, I can see it happening.
"I feel so special!"
"Haha because you are special in her heart!"
Bokuto brought up a question from earlier. "Are you going to meet up with Oikawa over the weekend?"
I inhaled sharply. "I mean… Yeah? Because it's five hours to get here so I feel bad if I don't since he's taking the time out of his day to see me. I hope reconciliation goes great in person!" All I could do was be enthusiastic and look forward to the future. "Maybe me and him can be friends after all. It might be rocky but it's okay. It'll go away."
"We were pretty awkward at first," Bokuto brought up and I cracked a grin.
"I was awkward!" I corrected his statement. There's no way Bokuto could ever be in an awkward situation when his personality was big and loud. He could literally bond with anyone. "You were doing just fine trying to talk to me."
"No, I was awkward—"
"I don't believe it!"
"I swear! It was awkward to approach you about school notes."
We bickered back and forth about this until we reached Kazue's daycare.
Bokuto held Kazue's hand as they walked together. There was no room for me to walk beside them, so I walked in front of them, keeping a good closeness to Kazue.
"Aw is that your sister?" An elderly woman saw us as we stopped in place.
I quickly lied to save myself from the shame from old people since they disliked how younger people were irresponsible. "Yes she is," a forceful smile took over my strained emotion in my chest. It hurts but I also can't stand a dirty look from them either. It reminded me of my old high school students and teachers and my neighborhood. Their judgemental eyes never stopped watching me. It's better not to spread rumors about me. I felt Bokuto's stare. I knew he was confused why I followed along. I wanted to leave now.
"She is so cute!"
"Haha…" I choked a laugh out, as we parted ways with the elderly woman.
Not soon after she was out of our sight, Bokuto asked the obvious question. "Why did you lie?" He quietly said in case others may hear.
"Because I don't want to ruin my parents' life here. This is our fresh start… I don't want outsiders to know that I'm a teen mom, or else they'll stare giving my family dirty faces. I'll lie to protect them and my own fear—" Bokuto cut me off, disapproving what came out of my mouth.
"Hayashi, you are the most strongest person I've met. People may judge who you are and your choices, and you can educate them as long as you want; however, they may or may not take in the information like you want them to. Be proud of being a mother—being Kazue's mother. Screw those haters because they're not you!" Bokuto's intelligent words got through my wavering heart. His words were embedded with deep concern for a friend he cares about. I hope his crush knows that he likes her. He's a great person.
"Of course, you're right. I wouldn't trade the world for Kazue." I gazed softly at her who observed her surroundings as she held Bokuto's hand. His hand basically engulfed hers.
At home, I was cooking dinner while Bokuto and Kazue were playing loudly in the house. Her little squeal rang through the house, and I unconsciously smiled from how much she loves his presence. Bokuto matched her energy better than I did. It's hard to keep up with toddlers. They want to play every day all day.
"Mamaaaaa!" She giggled, running fast like a cheetah into the kitchen. Kazue grappled my legs, trying to hide between them so Bokuto couldn't get her.
I stopped my cooking just in case something happened to her. "What? Kazue, aren't you supposed to be playing with Bokuto?" Looking down at her, Kazue innocently grinned as her eyes closed. Was she trying to use her cute face to avoid my question? My daughter might grow a mischievous side when she's older…
"Kazue! That's not fair!" Bokuto finally entered the kitchen, looking a bit cheated out. His hands were in his hips and he frowned.
"Mama protect me!" Her arms wrapped around my right leg as she pressed her cheek to my clothed leg.
"What are you two playing?" I stepped back, separating Kazue from the counter where I stood.
"Monster…"
Yeah it made sense with the roaring noises around the house.
"I see," then I looked down at Kazue. "Baby, go play with Bokuto or else you're not going to see him again." Immediately, her face shot up: her eyes widened and her mouth formed an O. She knew what I meant, and she better get going before it's too late.
"Okay, mama!" She loosened her grip around my leg and began running again.
Bokuto's footsteps approached, and a big hand landed on top of my head. "You're a great mom," he complimented me out of nowhere, but that compliment felt great. It made me feel stronger and better as a teen mom. I'm trying my best to be the one to help guide Kazue.
"Thanks!" I looked up at him with a genuine smile. "I better get cooking before her battery dies."
"Yes, I'll leave you to it. Now I have to find where she hid…." Bokuto, the monster strode off to capture or even terrorize Kazue.
Later, dinner was over and Kazue was watching tv. Me and Bokuto sat at the dining table discussing about Kazue's birthday decoration. "I was thinking about her theme being unicorns because she doesn't have anything that she likes right now. I'm just assuming she'll like it since she's still a baby."
"Oh! Why not the Lion King theme?! She loves that movie."
"Hmmm, you've got a point." I jotted down on my phone. "We have to brainstorm more."
We kept shooting ideas until we had enough.
"Soooo… Let's ask for her final opinion." I called Kazue over, and she slipped down from the couch, running to me.
"Yah"
Picking her up in my lap, I kissed her chubby cheek. "Hi baby, which idea do you like?" I told her all the ideas that me and Bokuto brought up. It's not the easiest thing because kids will choose the first one, but it's better than me and Bokuto since we can't narrow our options down.
"Flower! I like flower!"
"Alright that settles it! It's going to be flowers!" I let Kazue down as she ran back to the tv.
Bokuto and I discussed more about where we could buy decorations. I relied on his opinion since he's been in Tokyo longer than me. I barely know this area. "Great! I'll let you know when we'll head out. This is going to be great! She's going to remember this moment very well,"
Buzz buzz
My phone vibrated on the table, and I looked over to see it was Oikawa calling me out of nowhere. "It's Oikawa. I'm going to step out. Keep an eye on Kazue for me, thanks!"
"No problem,"
Inside my room, I answered the call. "Hello?"
"Hey Hayashi-chan! I just wanted to call and see if you're still down to meet?" His upbeat, cheerful voice asked through the phone.
My body shook in anxiety. I felt a bit worried, but I will never be able to face him if I don't do it this weekend. It gives me enough time to prepare myself. "Yeah, sure. You're coming all this way here just to hangout…. I might as well."
"Great! I can't wait to see you!" Then his voice suddenly turned soft as if he was reminiscing about the past. "I hope we can go back to the good old days."
My heart skipped a beat from my lingering thoughts overthinking his statement. "The good old days? Like being friends?" I doubt Oikawa yearned for us to be together. That's impossible since he's the one who broke up with me. Each thump of my heartbeat hit heavily against my rib cage.
"If being friends helps you feel better to get closer to me again," Oikawa said, and my mind swirled around. I didn't even know what to say to him. Every time I opened my mouth, no words would come out. I was overwhelmed by this new feeling of a second chance to make me and him work. "Hello?"
"I-I don't know yet! Only time can tell. I have to go bye!" I hastily ended the call, throwing my phone far on my bed. Grabbing my pillow, I began punching it to release my unknown feelings inside of me. Should I even go back with him? Do I want to? What about Kazue? Will she like him? Oh, my… Oikawa hasn't seen his own daughter at all! My thoughts were running wild.
"Hayashi! Kazue needs you!" Bokuto announced from the living room.
"Okay, I'm coming!" Right now I need to think about today, not the weekend. I'm spending time with both Kazue and Bokuto.