There was no doubt about it: the following days passed strangely. As the expanded Gang spent more time together, Zuko began to achieve true integration, which was both exciting and slightly terrifying. He was even starting to get flashes of fondness for this chaotic bunch. The process of his initiation, so to speak, had started that fateful night weeks ago when he had survived trial-by-Appa's-judgement to become Aang's econ tutor, and entered the next stage when he had faithfully attended as many group study sessions as possible during midterm season. Now, on Ember Island, he was developing individual rapport with his new friends and figuring out how he fit among them.

It was the easiest with Sokka; he had been the most welcoming from the start, and Zuko was surprised to learn how funny the intimidating looking fencer was. Obviously he had never been truly intimidated –growing up with his family had taught him the true meaning of that word. But when Azula had briefly picked up fencing the year earlier and he went to a tournament out of curiosity, his first impression of Sokka had been that of an agile and creative fencer. With the mask down, his demeanor was entirely different from the relaxed jokester Zuko hung out with now. It was fun to talk to Sokka, and granted that he wasn't exactly replacing anyone, he was now Zuko's closest male friend of his own age.

Surprisingly, Toph had also taken a liking to him too. A year ago her stubbornness would have grated on his nerves, but now he found it amusing how she pushed people around until she got whatever she wanted. In this aspect she was like Azula, but her methods were more direct, and it was hard to stay mad at her for long. Maybe it was because she was a few years younger, but Toph reminded him of what his sibling relationship had been back before his grandfather died, and it felt nice to act the older brother again. Zuko kept promising her that they would go on a "field trip" one of these days, as per her repeated requests, and he had been thinking hard about where to go. Someplace that would appeal to both Toph's nature and to her other senses besides sight. It had taken some asking around, but he now had a place in mind that he was relatively sure she would like. He sure hoped so, because he didn't want to face her wrath if it wasn't to her liking.

The last few days had also shown him a new side to Aang, whom he had formerly thought to be, honestly, a little air-headed. Zuko didn't understand how he could be so unrelentingly optimistic and self-confident. Aang exuded first-year vibes to the max, always eager to try new things and bouncing back from difficulty. To be honest, the irritation Zuko had felt with him probably came from a fair bit of jealousy as well, as he had spent a rather lonely first year of college, too caught up trying to impress his father to pay attention to his social life, or lack thereof. And of course that had put him in a direct collision course with Aang and his friends, whom his father wanted so badly to silence. In order to protect his precious company and continue its expansion Ozai would stop at nothing, including "removing" unwanted players.

Zuko sighed. In this old house he was surrounded by the ghosts of his memories, and he wasn't sure how they would connect with the future. Grandfather would roll over in his grave if he knew this house was being used to plan the takedown of his son's empire.

During one of their meetings about the Dai Li situation, Aang had proposed a connection between the police and Phoenix Rising. If Azula, who they knew had power within the Dai Li, had found out about their information-gathering, she would have reported immediately to Ozai. And in order to spread their message Aang hadn't been particularly discreet, which meant this was likely. Accessing the public crime audit for Ba Sing Se University, he realized that the so-called "uptick" had started one week after the first email was sent out and continued steadily upwards since. It was hard to tell from the limited information if the reports were real or not, but a surprising number of student-reported incidents had to do with computer hacks, specifically targeting email and social networks. There was no direct evidence, but it seemed suspicious and worth further investigation. If Azula and Ozai had seen this information, then they might have been prompted to increase "security" on campus. And although Zuko's father had no direct hand in on-campus affairs, with his status as a high-level donor and the strategic placement of his daughter, allying with the Dai Li meant he would likely be able to crush any students or faculty that stood in his path. Aang, as they all knew, was one of those. Learning about his history and the lengths his friends had gone to for information against the business and environmental practices of Phoenix Rising, Zuko couldn't help but be impressed. He was quickly finding that there was more to the former monk-in-training than met the eye.

Over the past days, he had also gained a newfound appreciation for Suki. She had always been friendly, but also kept her guard up around him. Zuko understood perfectly well why this was the case, so he never tried to push it, never initiated a conversation. But during the course of their planning meetings a mutual respect had developed between them. Her comments were always sharp, incisive and practical, and she seemed to appreciate when he backed up one of her claims. She could be great friends with Mai, he mused, thinking back to his ex-girlfriend. They were both direct, straight-talking types who were devoted to their friends, although Suki was more willing to show it.

And of course, that left Katara. His interactions with Katara were what made these days feel "strange," in his opinion, although strange wasn't quite the right word. To tell the truth, he was a little frustrated. While the rest of the Gang his relationships had been progressing on a relatively smooth route, albeit each at their own pace and with plenty of unexpected occurrences. But with Katara, it felt like he was walking on a rough-hewn trail –it was beautiful and wild, but there were also snarling roots that tripped him up and winding paths where he lost his way. Right now, it felt like he was in a trench.

And yet so recently, he had thought himself on one of the high points of the trail, overlooking the lovely vista below. After their trip together to visit an old enemy, Katara had begun to open up to him. They had complained about overwhelming assignments and demanding professors, shared stories of their younger selves, and waxed poetic about one of their favorite series. Zuko was starting to understand her more, to be able to predict how she would react to certain things he said, and to understand her deeply caring nature. But he also remembered clearly the image of her standing fierce in the rain, how quickly she had disarmed Yon Rha and turned his own weapon against him. It was not a sight that one could easily forget, and it showed him the power she could wield within a slight frame.

That was the past, but now things were a little more complicated. After the bet and the night he had held her in the dark, they had almost immediately begun to avoid each other. Of course total exclusion was impossible because they lived in the same house, after all, but Zuko and Katara had made sure to never be alone together for more than a few minutes. He wasn't sure who had started it, but now she even avoided eye contact, and he… was doing the same. To be honest, she seemed more closed-off in general now, but he wasn't sure what to do about it or if it even had anything to do with him. In the background of his mind he always felt on edge whenever she came near, as much as he tried to dispel it by cracking a joke with Sokka or fussing over Toph. Why was it suddenly so hard?

It was early morning as he pondered over these issues, and no one else in the house had risen. Zuko sat cross-legged on the carpet of the living room, his mind drifting between observations of his housemates and stories of his past. He slipped into a tranquil state watching as warm rays of the newly risen sun crept up across hardwood boards to reach the far edge of the carpet, turning it a brilliant red. This time of day, he often thought back on the stories his mom used to tell him about the sun, how it fell into a deep sleep every night, a sleep so deep it seemed like death. But then each morning it would shake off its drowsiness and be reborn into the world. Just as the sun had a new chance to rise every day, he had a new chance to clean the slate and start afresh. This train of thought often led him into a longing for the past, to see his mother's face again and run into her open arms. But each rising sun took him farther into the future, away from the times he would listen wide-eyed as she told her stories by candle light.

Just then he heard a creak on the stairs, shaking him out of his reverie. Before he had the chance to glance over and see who else was awake at the early hour, she announced her own presence.

"Yo, Sparky, never pegged youfor a morning person!" the familiar voice said.

Ah, so then it was Toph.

"I thought all the coding bros stayed up late into the light chugging away on their laptops. But maybe you're too weak-willed for that?"

"Good morning, Toph." He smiled, hoping she could hear it. Zuko was glad she had interrupted his time alone; he hadn't liked the direction his thoughts were heading. "To answer your question, I like to rise with the sun –an old habit, I guess. But I am surprised to see you here; don't you usually like to sleep in?"

"Ugh, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. But it's better now that I know I'm not the only one up." By now she had reached the bottom of the stairs and leaned over the bannister in his direction. "Eaten yet? I'll make you breakfast if you take me on our field trip today!"

That day Katara woke up late and got up even later; the sun had long been shining by the time she found the will to blearily roll out of bed. She hadn't slept well the night before, having dreamt yet again of the encounter with Yon Rha. In her dreams she was thrown back to that moment when she held the gun and his life in her hands. She saw so clearly that look of desperation as he offered up information, his own mother, anything that could save him. She felt the electricity that coursed through her body in rolling waves, the intoxicating sensation of absolute power. And in that moment, she pulled the trigger.

Crack!

An earth shattering crackling reverberated through her body and the bullet went straight through Yon Rha's head. He looked at her, more surprised than anything, and as he toppled to the side ruptures began to appear in her vision until the scene turned dark.

She woke up terrified.

For the first few moments her dream was the truth, and she believed that she had really killed a man. But then her memories began to kick in and she remembered what had happened, that she was fine. Still, it was hard to sleep afterwards.

Back at school she had been too busy to process what she now realized was unhealed trauma from that event. Between swim and studying and worrying about the Dai Li, she had decided to file away all her emotions. But now that she was removed from the hustle of daily life, Katara realized that they had only been swept under the rug, and that her fear, anger, and guilt were rearing their ugly heads once again.

Not for the first time, she wondered if there wasn't something wrong with her, that she kept on dreaming the same violent dream. And that every time she reveled in the power, and every time she pulled the trigger. Afterwards, she felt sick to her stomach. Especially when she remembered that she really had felt that way all those weeks ago, face to face with that fear-stricken look. She really had considered it.

If these dreams made anything clear, it was that guns were dangerous for her. Not just for their actual lethality, but for the feeling of power that they created. It was almost like they wanted you to pull the trigger. These were the truths she had realized over the nights she spent thinking and thinking before finally falling asleep. She knew now even more clearly that even though Yon Rha hadn't been innocent, violence would not have solved her problems. It wouldn't have filled the hole in her heart, and it wouldn't have healed her.

And now with the Gang's talking about the Dai Li, she was realizing just how much trust Ba Sing Se put into the character of their armed officers. On the one hand, they were trained in safety and must have passed rigorous tests to achieve their positions. They were supposed to protect students, and she didn't think that they would actually shoot a student. But hadn't they proven themselves to be untrustworthy and unhelpful at best across several different situations? Even if it was just a few of the Dai Li, that still didn't negate the awful experiences of her classmates. And did it really make sense for people who spent their time training with lethal weapons to be answering calls related to mental health?

Was there even a way to fix this?

It all seemed too complicated and too confusing, and so after her nightmare Katara had stayed awake for another several hours staring at the ceiling with all these thoughts and more running through her head. It was so strange, all around her was the serenity of the island but inside her head was a raging storm.

And so it had been a late morning. When she finally went downstairs to make herself brunch, it was clear she had been the last to rise. She entered the cozy kitchen to find only Suki at the table, nursing a cup of the Ember House Special. When she heard Katara coming in, Suki looked up from her book and smiled.

"Morning, sleepyhead." She gestured to the table and drew Katara's attention to a sheet of paper, with Toph's slate and stylus next to it. "Looks like Toph and Zuko went out for the day, but they'll be back before nighttime."

Katara returned the greeting and picked up the note, fingers passing slowly over the braille letters. It was still easier for her to sight-read than touch-read, but short messages like this were good practice.

Gone fishin, back soon!

Yup, that sounded like Toph alright.

Upon opening her eyes Katara noted the arrow pointing down and the second message written below the first.

Okay, we're not actually going fishing, but Toph and I will be out for the day. I think she just really wanted to say that? Don't worry, I'll take care of her, and we'll be back for dinner.

-Z

"Aw, cute," Katara said, heading over the fridge to rummage through its varied contents. Sokka had been sure to keep them well stocked with food, and had quickly familiarized himself with all the clerks at the small grocery store nearby. "I'm sure they'll have a good time. So where are the boys then? Did they go scouting for more restaurants?"

They shared a smile at this; it wouldn't have been the first time. But Suki shook her head.

"I think they're just out walking around the beach; Aang saw some really giant fish yesterday that he wanted to show us. But I thought it'd be nice to stay in and have a slow morning, plus, I've been meaning to finish this book for ages!" She held up the cover for Katara to see. "It's a biography of one of the greatest dancers of all time, and the woman our group is named after: Lady Kyoshi!"

"Woah, I thought you already knew everything there was about Kyoshi. Shouldn't you be writing the biographies at this point?"

Suki laughed, pleased at the compliment. "Well, I could probably write the children's book version. You're right that I've read a lot about her –"

"And your dance style is influenced by her too, right?" Katara finally found what she was looking for –the giant tub of yogurt in the back of the top shelf.

"Yeah, she's the main reason I started to dance in the first place. She had already passed when I was born, but watching the videos and learning from her students, I always got the sense that she was an amazing woman. Really powerful, and someone who would protect those in need at all costs." Suki set the book down and looked at it fondly. "So many times I've wished I could have met her or gone to one of her shows. But this author, he describes everything in her life so vividly, it's almost like he lived it."

"Wow, really?" Turning away from her breakfast making mid granola-pour, Katara looked closer at the bottom of the cover, where shiny embossed letters announced the author's name: TAVA EARTH. "That's a pretty cool name! Let me know what you think when you finish it; maybe I'll steal it away for a bit."

"Of course, of course. You'd probably sprint through it in a weekend, but just so you know, I'm trying to savor it chapter by chapter. So it might take a while."

Katara chuckled and brought her breakfast over to the table. She ate at a leisurely pace, admiring how sunlight filtered through palm trees swaying outside and attempting to dispel the demons of her nighttime. It really was a beautiful location with the beach and all the nature around them, and she knew she would miss this little oasis when they left in just two days. She had hoped for more time to soak in the calmness here before returning to her student life.

As Katara finished her food, Suki glanced up with a question on her lips.

"You know, Katara, I've been meaning to ask you… are you feeling alright? I know we've all been kind of stressed lately, but I feel like you've been a bit more tired than normal."

"Oh, well, I don't think it's anything too bad," Katara replied self-consciously. "I just need to get some more sleep."

"You mean you haven't been sleeping well recently?"

"Yeah, I guess –well, I just think some of the things we've been talking about recently have really gotten to me. It just… brings up memories I'd rather forget."

"Oh," Suki said, looking concerned. "Is this something you want to talk about? If you think it might help, you know I'm always here."

Katara sighed. "I don't know. There's a few different things on my mind." She didn't feel like talking about Yon Rha yet, but maybe Suki could help her through on a different topic.

"It's kind of complicated. I've actually been thinking about time with Hama recently." As soon as she said the name, Katara felt her gut clench. "I… forget if we've told you about her before."

"I have a general idea, but go on."

"Basically, I apprenticed under her for a while. If that's what you could call it." Katara's fingers tightened around each other and her fingernails dug into her skin. "She taught me… a lot of things. A lot about weapons, about fighting. I thought I was doing it for self-defense, to protect myself and my friends from what happened to her when she was younger. I thought we had the same enemy: companies like Phoenix Rising who weren't above using violence to achieve their ends. But I didn't realize what Hama really wanted until it was almost too late." Emotions she had been trying to withhold forced their way into the forefront of her consciousness, and Katara's hands began to tremble.

Suki reached out and put one hand over hers. "I've heard pieces of this from Sokka. But you did get away, didn't you? You did the right thing."

"Yes, in the end. But... what if we hadn't figured it out? What if I had gone down that path? Hama had gotten to the point where she couldn't even tell who her real enemy was, she was targeting innocent people for practice, and she wanted me to do the same!" Her voice was getting louder now, more out of control and she couldn't stop it.

"What did she see in me, that she thought I could be capable of such things?"

That was it. That's what I'm afraid of. Katara hadn't even put this question into words in her own head. She hadn't wanted to give voice to that dark thought, hadn't connected the dots between her past and present, but now it was in the open and she couldn't take it back. She hung her head, wondering what Suki would think of her now.

For a long moment, neither said a word and the silence rang unbearably loudly. But then Suki tightened her grasp on Katara's hands.

"Oh, sweetie…" she said, and when Katara dared to look up again she saw Suki's face full of tenderness and sorrow."

"You must know that none of that was your fault. You were trying to do what you thought was best at the time. And Sokka and Aang were there too, weren't they? You were all fooled, and you all learned and escaped together. Katara, you can't blame yourself for the bad things that might have happened, but never did because you stopped them."

Against her own wishes, Katara found tears beginning to well up and then tumble down her cheeks. She felt like a little kid again, running to Gran-Gran for comfort and reassurance in the first nights after her mom had died. "But Hama taught those things to me, not Sokka or Aang. She knew they wouldn't do it; but she knew I would. She knew I would take to it, and I did. I learned so fast –"

"Katara. Look at me. Do you trust me?"

Katara nodded, unable to speak now.

"Good, so listen. While you were with Hama, did you ever harm a person?"

She shook her head. With a deep breath to calm her ragged breathing, "I… I probably scared some people though."

" even when you believed that your mentor was trying to enact justice, you never followed her lead. You never hurt anyone. Then, after you left her, did you ever use the skills you learned to hurt anyone?" Suki's eyes were steady as she looked at her friend.

"Almost," Katara whispered, remembering her dream.

"But you didn't." Suki's voice softened. "Listen, we can have violent thoughts, we can have violent desires, but that doesn't mean we have to act upon them. The people we need to look out for are those that act with violence, not those who have the skills but use them wisely. Right?

Besides, Aang used to be a monk and Sokka has a professed hatred for modern weapons, whereas you're a quick and meticulous learner. Of course Hama preferred to teach you! But that doesn't mean you're bound to her or what she did. We all make our own choices and create our own paths. It's obvious that yours will be different."

Wiping her face with the proffered tissues, Katara continued taking deep breaths to calm herself down. "I hope so," she said weakly.

Suki shook her head. "I know so, and you should too. I am one thousand percent confident in this." Seeing her friend's lips begin to curve upwards, she added. "One thousand and one!"

The smile was real this time, and only a little bit wavery. Katara felt like she had just weathered a typhoon of emotions; it had come up out of nowhere, raged on while fueled on her latent thoughts and fears, and with Suki's help slowly begun to dissipate.

"Hey, do you want to get out of this house for a while? We can walk along the beach together, or if you want to be alone just let me know. I won't take offense." Suki smiled back warmly.

Katara hesitated, but only briefly. "Yeah… yeah, I'd like that. Let's go for a walk. And… thank you, Suki."

In response, Katara was enveloped in a huge bear hug. "Anytime, sis! I'm glad you felt comfortable enough with me to share, and I just hope you see in yourself what everyone else does." When she pulled away, Katara saw that her confidant's eyes were also glistening.

"No, stop that!" she protested, brushing away the remnants of her own tears. "You'll get me started again!"

"Okay, okay," Suki laughed, and did "stop that." It almost made Katara jealous, since her own tears were often unstoppable once they started. Something about being a water sign?

The walk was surprisingly pleasant, with a gentle zephyr blowing from across the ocean. The pair were quiet, each lost in her own thoughts but occasionally pointing out a little bird poking about in the sand, or a green lizard flashing its way through the tree roots. After a while they met up with Aang and Sokka, who brought tall tales and laughter with them, and if they saw Katara's still-puffy eyes a look from Suki was enough to keep them quiet. Instead, they bragged about some giant fish they had seen in a lagoon farther off. Apparently Aang had even tried to ride one, with limited success. As her friends re-enacted this crazy adventure, Katara let herself be brought along for the ride and even took part as one of the fish who smacked Aang off his mount.

The group headed back to the house still giggling, and so it took a while for them to notice the lone figure standing outside their door, leaning casually against it as if she owned the place.

Once they did, they recognized her immediately. Shoulder length black hair floated around her face, and she was dressed in an elegant set that looked like it cost more than Katara's entire wardrobe. As they walked up, she left her post and came down to meet them. Sharp eyes assessed each member in turn and left the impression of a lynx examining the foolish creatures that had wandered into her den.

"Hey, losers," she drawled, crossing her arms and giving them a chilly smile that sent shivers down Katara's spine. "Have you seen my brother? I have a message for him."

A/N: I'm just gonna say it, I think Toph brings out Zuko's maternal instincts :D I love the idea of him taking her under his wing and going on field trips together… but let's be honest, who is really taking on who?

So yeah, there's quite a lot going on in this chapter! I thought it would be interesting to explore where are friends are mentally... and although I didn't quite expect all that to happen, it makes sense to me that Katara would be wrestling with some difficult emotions now.

I'd love to know what you thought (reviews are v appreciated :D ), and if you caught the name of the author of Kyoshi's biography...

As always, thanks for reading and have a great rest of your day!