Chapter 9- One Step Forward
Olivia had just finished changing Noah's diaper when there was an enthusiastic knock at the door. Olivia chuckled, "Are you ready to meet your auntie Veronica Noah?" Olivia cooed at Noah as she set him down on the floor with his toy. Taking a deep breath Olivia moved towards the door and opened it revealing an overly excited Veronica who threw her arms around Olivia. "It's good to see you too Veronica." Olivia said laughing.
"I missed you so much Liv." Veronica said letting Olivia go before stepping into the home fully. "Where is that brother of mines?" Veronica asked as she removed her shoes.
"Right behind you." Trevor said scaring Veronica as he carried the food in. As he passed Veronica, he gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Good to see you Veronica." Trevor said as he made his way to the dining room. Trevor almost jumped out of his skin when he heard Veronica let out a gleeful scream.
"You guys have a baby! He is so adorable." Veronica said as she picked up Noah who was looking at her, trying to figure out who this crazy woman was. "Ok, you two have some explaining to do." Veronica demanded as she looked between her brother and Olivia.
"I know, that's why I wanted to have you over." Trevor made his way over to his sister. "Let's sit, eat, and talk because I'm hungry." Trevor said making Veronica and Olivia laugh.
"When are you not hungry," Veronica quipped.
"Tell me about it," Olivia said in agreement. "I'm going to go grab the pack-n-play," Olivia added before walking into the living room.
Veronica turned to Trevor with a raised eyebrow, "I'm waiting."
Trevor nodded, "Trust me, I know." Trevor said as he began to set the table and grabbing some wine.
Olivia returned with the pack-n-play and got it set up before taking Noah from Veronica and setting him inside of it before grabbing his toy and handing it to him watching for a minute as he happily played with it. "Trust me Veronica a lot has changed and happened over the course of two days." Olivia said as they got settled at the table.
Veronica just nodded in agreement as everyone began to fix their plates. Once everyone had their food Trevor started to explain how a case brought him and Olivia together. That afterwards he proceeded to ask Olivia to meet him for dinner to talk. The talk had brought up a lot emotions both new and old but by the end, they had agreed that they should work on their marriage.
"Well thank God for that case then." Veronica said as she took a sip of her wine. "And the baby?"
Thinking about Noah made both Olivia and Trevor smile from ear to ear. "Well, after Trevor and I decided to work on our marriage, we were in court regarding Noah, Trevor had represented his mother before she was murdered. I first met Noah during another case earlier this year and ever since, he was bounced from one home to another. I sort of kept an eye on him while he was in the system, I was just, surprised that no one came forward to claim him. The judge recognized that I was the only one who show consistent interest in Noah and asked if I would be interested in fostering Noah for a year with the view of adopting him when that year is up. Knowing that Trevor and I were trying to reconcile, I wanted to include him in the decision. The judge agreed and here we are." Olivia explained.
"We both know that it's not ideal to have a child right now, but with hard work and couple's therapy we can make this work." Trevor said as he grabbed Olivia's hand giving her a loving smile.
"Plus, it felt like the universe was giving us another chance to be parents." Olivia interjected
Veronica watched them seeing the love that was so evident years ago. She was glad to see it again, to see her brother's better half back making him whole again. She knows that they have a long road ahead of them, but she was confident that they could work through it. Before she could say something, Noah decided he wanted some attention. Veronica stood up to grab Noah. "Come here little man, you want to hang out with your auntie." Veronica cooed as she tickled Noah making him fall into a fit of giggles. "I can't believe you convince Trevor to see a therapist Olivia, he hates them." Veronica said as she sat back down at the table, pushing her plate and wine glass out of Noah's reach.
Olivia shrugged, "Well, we really want to fix our marriage and the judge that gave us Noah wants us to see one also." Olivia let out a breath, "Veronica I know I hurt you and…"
Veronica held up a hand stopping Olivia from talking, "Don't Olivia, the past is the past. Plus, you lost your baby boy, a baby that you guys wanted so badly." Veronica paused as she readjusted Noah. "I can't even begin to imagine the pain you guys were in." Veronica added.
Olivia wiped a tear away that had escaped. "Dr. Lindstrom has really helped me to heal and deal with the pain of losing Mason." Olivia blew out air trying to keep herself from breaking. Olivia looked up at Trevor who had unshed tears in his eyes, she squeezed his hand assuring him that she was there for him. "That's why we wanted to see if you could watch Noah tomorrow at 2pm so that we can go see Dr. Lindstrom and begin to heal and move forward as a family." Olivia said as she watched Veronica play with Noah.
"Not a problem, we're going to have so much fun tomorrow Noah." Veronica cooed. "When are you two planning on telling mom about you two getting back together and about this little guy." Veronica said as she gently tossed Noah in the air causing him to laugh.
That was one phone call Trevor was dreading, "Tomorrow, probably after our appointment we'll stop by her place instead." Trevor said receiving a nod from Olivia agreeing to their plans.
They finished eating dinner before Trevor transferred the pack-n-play to the bedroom and Olivia got Noah ready for bed and they tucked him in together before rejoining Veronica downstairs. They discuss the plan for tomorrow and got caught up before Veronica bid them farewell for the evening.
Trevor walked Veronica out to her car, before joining Olivia on the couch. "What time do you want to head out to go shopping to get the things we need for Noah?" Trevor asked.
Olivia took a minute to think, "We should start early since we have to be at Dr. Lindstrom's office at 2pm. We can get started at eight in the morning, if that's not to early?"
Trevor shook his head, he wondered how Olivia would do going into what was supposed to be Mason's room to get it set up for Noah. Maybe Dr. Lindstrom could help them with that. "Liv, if you are not comfortable with us being in the same bed, I don't mind sleeping in the guess room." Trevor suggested wanting to make Olivia as comfortable as possible. Yet he wanted so badly to share their bed again but would understand if Olivia needed time.
Olivia played with the hem of her shirt as she mulled over her options before looking up at Trevor, "I don't mind if we share the bed." Olivia said
Trevor stood up holding out his hand, "We have a long day ahead of ourselves, so let's go to bed." Trevor said as Olivia took his hand and stood up. "Hopefully, Noah will sleep through the night."
Olivia chuckled, "Highly doubt it, but we can dream." Olivia said as they made their way upstairs to the bedroom. They quietly and quickly got ready for bed, careful as to not wake-up Noah before climbing into bed.
"Liv, I'm glad to have you back home." Trevor whispered
Olivia swallowed hard, "Me too, I really did miss you Trev."
Before Trevor could say anything, Noah woke up crying just like Olivia had predicted. "I'll get him." Trevor said as he threw the comforter off before getting up and walking over to Noah, picking him up. "What's the matter little man." Trevor cooed as he tried to sooth him back to sleep. After fifteen minutes Trevor finally was able to put Noah back to sleep before laying him back down and climbing back into bed himself.
Olivia rolled over, looking at Trevor, admiring his bare chest, "We should get some sleep before he wakes up again." Olivia said, sleep evident in her voice.
Trevor smiled catching her checking him out, "So we have about an hour or two before he wakes back up." Trevor said as he got comfortable. "Night Liv, love you." Trevor whispered.
"Night, love you too." Olivia responded before they both fell asleep.
~SVU~
The next morning found Trevor and Olivia extremely tired from being up for much of the night taking care of Noah who seemed to wake up every thirty minutes to an hour. After getting themselves and Noah ready for the day and drinking three cups of coffee each they made their way-out to start their day. The first thing they did was stop by a baby boutique where they got a crib, changing table, a rocker, and a dresser for Noah's room. They were getting all the furniture delivered later that day. Before they left the store, a stroller caught Olivia's eyes and she convinced Trevor that she wanted, no, needed the stroller. After buying the stroller they stopped at the next boutique where they basically went on a shopping spree buying Noah clothes, toys, diapers, bottles, baby food, pacifiers, and shoes.
After they finished shopping, they stopped at their old favorite café for lunch. As they waited for their food Trevor fed Noah his bottle when Olivia's phone started to ring. "Benson," Olivia said professionally, she could not wait to change it back to Langan. "Hey Fin."
"Hey Liv, so what's up with you taking leave? Is everything ok?" Fin asked concerned laced in his voice.
Olivia smiled at the concern from Fin, "Everything is great Fin. You know Ellie's son, Noah?"
"Yeah, the baby boy you found during a raid earlier this year."
"Yeah, well when I was in court trying to figure out what will happen to Noah after Ellie was murdered, Judge Linden gave me… um, Trevor and I, "Olivia said catching herself. "The opportunity of fostering Noah with the view of adopting him after a year." Olivia explained as their food came. Olivia laughed when Noah immediately grabbed one of Trevor's fries and started sucking on it. "Give me a second Fin." Olivia said quickly as she opened the camera on her phone snapping a photo before Trevor took the fry from Noah, worried that he could choke on it. "Sorry about that Fin, had to take a picture of Noah sucking on one of Trevor's fries," Olivia explained as she heard Fin chuckle on the other end.
"So, I take it that you and Trevor are back together,"Fin stated.
"Yes, we are."
"I'm happy for you Olivia, you two were meant to be together. How long before you return?"
Olivia bopped her head as she stole one of Trevor's fries, popping it in her mouth. "Maybe a week or two. It depends how long it takes to get Noah situated and find a nanny."
"Well, take you time but don't take too long, it's just Manda and me right now."
"I spoke with 1PP and they are sending us another detective to help with the workload."
"Good, well I'll talk to you later, have to be in court soon and Manda said hi and congrats on Noah and that she is happy for you and Trevor."
"Tell her I said thanks, talk to you soon. Bye Fin." Olivia said before hanging up and started eating her sandwich.
"So, a new detective, Nick not coming back?" Trevor inquired
Olivia nodded sadly, "He is being reassigned as a patrol officer, he will have to work hard to work his way back, if they even will allow him to." Olivia knew that Nick maybe stuck as a patrol officer for a while.
They finished their food before heading back to the house. The closer 2pm got, the more nervous Trevor and Olivia got about their appointment with Dr. Lindstrom. But they both knew that they needed to see him, for the sake of their marriage.
Trevor had just brought in the last of the bags from their 'little' shopping spree this morning when Veronica showed up. "Hey Veronica, thanks again for watching Noah for us." Trevor said as Olivia came back downstairs with Noah who had a fresh diaper on.
"Yeah, not a problem." Veronica said as she looked around the living room that was filled with bags and assorted boxes in different sizes that housed a swing, stroller, another pack-n-play, highchair, and another carseat. "You guys did some serious shopping this morning." Veronica commented still taking in all the stuff.
Olivia nodded, "Yeah, we kind of went a little crazy. I forgot how much fun it was to shop for a baby." Olivia said as she adjusted Noah in her arms.
Trevor smiled as he saw the sparkle in Olivia's eyes again. "Liv, we should head out or we'll be late. Veronica, there will be some furniture for Noah being delivered this afternoon. They'll get it set up in the empty room upstairs." Trevor explained
Veronica nodded as she took Noah from Olivia, "Got it, and you two don't worry about us two, we will be fine. Now go before you are late." Veronica said as she pushed them out of the house. "Oh, FYI, make sure you definitely call or visit mom today because she called wanting to know if I knew anything about you and Olivia. "Veronica said giving him a knowing look.
Trevor gave her an understanding look, "Don't worry I will, thanks though for the heads up." Trevor said assuring her. "You two be good now," Trevor added as Olivia and him made their way to the car and took off.
Half hour later they pulled up in front of Dr. Lindstrom building. Trevor put the car in park and glanced at Olivia, "Are you ok? You've been quiet since we left the house." Trevor asked, he had a clue what could be wrong. After he mentioned Mason's room Olivia seemed to be in another world.
"I just," Olivia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair. "I just realized that I haven't been in Mason's room since he passed, almost five years ago." Olivia bit her lower lip willing herself not to cry. "I'm sorry I left you to clean that room out by yourself." Olivia said turning to face Trevor.
"I didn't, Veronica and mom did," Trevor admitted. "I couldn't bring myself to do it, so they volunteered to do it. It took me almost a year before I even stepped into the room." Trevor admitted further. "Come on we should head inside." Trevor said as he opened his door as did Olivia and they made their way into the brownstone before knocking on Dr. Lindstrom's office door. Within seconds the door opened revealing a middle-aged man, he was nothing what Trevor had imagined.
Dr. Lindstrom smiled at the couple before him, he could already sense the love between the two, but he also sense slight tension and hesitation. "Olivia it's good to see you again," Dr. Lindstrom said giving Olivia a hug before turning to Trevor. "And you must be Trevor, the husband. It's good to finally meet you." Dr. Lindstrom said shaking Trevor's hand.
Trevor returned the smile, "Good to meet you too." Trevor said
"Come in, make yourself comfortable," Dr. Lindstrom said as he stepped to the side letting them in before closing and locking the door behind him. He watched as Olivia and Trevor made their way to the couch sitting side by side holding hands. Yes, the love was still definitely there. He knew however that it was going to be a long road to get them back to the place they were before the death of Mason. He took a seat across from them, as he continued to observe the couple before him. "Ok, let's start off on what led you two to reunite." Dr. Lindstrom started off saying as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs.
Olivia and Trevor glanced at each other for a second. Trevor felt out of place, he has never been in therapy before, so, all of this was new and different. Fortunately for him, Olivia was not new to this, so she saved him by starting off first. "Um… a case, Trevor represented a young lady that led us to cross paths."
"Trevor, what was your first reaction when you came face to face with Olivia?" Lindstrom asked as he jotted something down in his notebook.
Trevor took a second to gather his thoughts, "Honestly, a plethora of emotions, it was sort of overwhelming. But I had to keep my composure." Trevor said trying to explain what he was feeling during that time.
"What was the most dominate emotion you felt?" Lindstrom asked wanting to draw him out some more. He could see that Trevor felt uncomfortable, yet he was willing to give this a try.
With his free hand, Trevor rubbed his leg, "The most predominate emotion was actually a mixture of love and hurt. The love that I have for Olivia had not dissipated and seeing her brought it to the surface full force and at the same time the hurt that I felt from her leaving. My mind just went back to the moment that I not only lost my son but my wife also." Trevor explained as he swallowed hard trying to keep his emotions in check, yet Dr. Lindstrom noticed it.
Dr. Lindstrom jotted something down, deciding to give Trevor a little break to compose himself he turned his attention to Olivia. "What about you Olivia, what emotions ran through you when you saw Trevor?"
"Um… I was in a state of shock actually," Olivia started as she looked towards Trevor. "I missed him, yet I was scared because I knew how badly I hurt him and wasn't ready to see that hurt in his eyes." Olivia finished as a couple of tears slipped down her face. "I made a mistake." Olivia whispered.
Dr. Lindstrom and Trevor were confused at Olivia's last statement. Lindstrom set his notebook on the side table next to his chair and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his legs. "Olivia, what was a mistake?" Dr. Lindstrom pressed.
Olivia bit her lower lip as her eyes closed, "I made a mistake in leaving Trevor, but I was too weak, so I ran when I promised Trevor I wouldn't."
Trevor grabbed Olivia's hand, "Liv, you're not weak, we lost our son, who we waited to have for years. You were grieving and needed to escape, I get it, I do. I should've fought harder to bring you back home, but I thought giving you space was the right thing to do, when I should've held you close and not let you go." Trevor said giving up the fight and finally allowing his own tears to fall.
Dr. Lindstrom watched the scene in front of him and watched as they comforted each other. "Olivia, Trevor is right, we've discuss this before, you are far from weak. You have overcome so much over the last five years. As I have told you before, grief can cause us to do things that we'll later regret." Dr. Lindstrom said reassuring Olivia. "I would like to know what you two have already talked about?"
"We've discussed why she left, why I didn't sign the divorce papers and, um…" Trevor stopped as he ran a hand down his face. "How she, um, saw other men, even living with them." Trevor said as he jumped up and began pacing behind the couch.
Dr. Lindstrom finally discovered the core of Trevor's pain, "What went through your mind when Olivia told you about Brian?"
Trevor laughed slightly, "What do you think? How would you feel if your wife fell in love with someone else and started to live with them and…"
"And what?" Dr. Lindstrom pressed further, wanting Trevor to talk through his hurt and pain.
"Liv thought she was pregnant with his child." Trevor said as he turned and looked at Olivia who seemed to refuse to look at him. "What would've happened if you were pregnant Liv?" Trevor asked. He has been mulling over that question for the last two days. Would she had forced him to sign the papers and married Brian or would she just keep living a lie?
Olivia had pondered over that question herself, especially while she waited for the results of the pregnancy test. "I don't know," Olivia started as she finally turned to face Trevor and her heart broke when she saw the betrayal and hurt in his eyes." I am sorry, I wish I could take it all back Trev. I did not want to live my life on pause because you didn't want to sign the divorce papers. I did not plan on falling for Brian or almost having his child. He was," Olivia paused trying to find the exact words to describe what Brian was to her. "He was convenient, within two and half years I lost my son, my marriage was in shambles, my partner for almost thirteen years just left without a single word, the one person who was ever like a father to me was almost sent to prison for murder, then… Lewis happened." Olivia took a breath as she stood up to stand in front of Trevor. "I… I am forever sorry for hurting you Trevor." Olivia reached up and wiped away the tears that had fallen with her thumb. "I didn't mean to hurt you," Olivia added.
Trevor nodded, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. But I could have been there for you too." Trevor paused as he took a calming breath. "Like Veronica said, the past is the past. The important thing is we are back together, we're a family again." Trevor said as he pulled Olivia into a loving hug, kissing the top of her head.
Dr. Lindstrom continued to watch the scene in front of him unfold as they open-up to each other. "Trevor," Dr. Lindstrom said gaining their attention. "You are right in that the past is the past, but you still need to address your feelings and emotions, because if you don't, you two will not be able to fully move forward and completely repair and heal your marriage." Dr. Lindstrom explained.
Trevor nodded in agreement, "I know, and I've forgiven Liv. I know she went through a lot, especially with Lewis, I was so terrified that I was going to lose her for good and she would never know how much I love her. I even went up to the hospital after they found her. Us being married still helped me gain access to her room, and I was so relieved to see for myself that she was still alive." Trevor admitted.
"I thought I dreamt that part, I remember barely waking up seeing you sitting there but with all the pain killers they were giving me I went right back to sleep. God, I wish I didn't now." Olivia was certain that was a dream that she so desperately wanted to be true. When Lewis taunted her about the one person she wish she could see again she thought about Trevor, wanting to talk to him and kiss him, telling him how sorry she was for being weak and leaving.
"I would've been there for you and helped you through it all," Trevor reiterated. "I wanted to be there as your husband and support you." Trevor guided them back to the couch and they sat back down.
Dr. Lindstrom smiled at them, "Trevor and Olivia I think you two will be ok if you two continue to be open with one another. Trevor I am curious to know if you saw anyone during your separation?" Lindstrom inquired.
Trevor shook his head, "No," Trevor said simply as he held up his hand that housed his wedding ring, he never removed it.
"You still wear it." Olivia stated as she thought about her wedding rings that she put back on this morning.
"Every day," Trevor said with a small smile, before turning back to Dr. Lindstrom. "Olivia was, or is it for me, I love her to much and as my sister says she is my better half, she owns my heart forever." Trevor added firmly, Olivia was the only woman for him, she was it for him.
Dr. Lindstrom leaned back in his chair before recrossing his legs again. Yes, they will be ok. "Our time is about up; I do however want to see you two once a week if possible. I know you two have very hectic schedules but if you could spare an hour or two a week that will be great." Dr. Lindstrom requested receiving nods from them both. "Before I let you two go, I do want to know why a judge wanted you two to go to therapy." Dr. Lindstrom thought it was odd that a judge would be involved since they never signed the divorce papers.
"Well," Olivia started, "You remember when I found that baby boy during a raid earlier this year?" Olivia asked receiving a nod from Dr. Lindstrom. "Well we found his mother who happened to be the young lady who Trevor represented. Anyways she was murdered, and the judge offered to allow Trevor and I to foster Noah with the view of adopting him in a year." Olivia explained as there was a knock at the door.
Dr. Lindstrom cursed under his breath when he heard his next client knock on the door. "Give me a second," Dr. Lindstrom said as he stood up and opened the door, "I'm so sorry, give me a couple more minutes to wrap this session up. Thanks," Lindstrom said as he closed the door and sitting back down. "I definitely want to discuss that next week on Tuesday about three, is that ok with you two?" Dr. Lindstrom asked receiving nods from them both. "Good, I'll see you then, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call me, ok." Dr. Lindstrom said as they all stood up.
"Thank you so much Dr. Lindstrom." Olivia said gratefully.
"Yes, thank you, and we'll definitely call if we need anything." Trevor said shaking Dr. Lindstrom's hand before leaving.
Trevor welcomed the crisp air that met them when they stepped outside. "That went better than I thought." Trevor said, "I thought he'll be all judgmental and everything." Trevor added.
Olivia laughed, "Yeah, Dr. Lindstrom is more, listen and walking you through your emotions, helping you see clearly. That is why I like him. He is not your 'typical' therapist." Olivia said putting air quotes around the word typical.
Trevor open Olivia's door before closing it and then getting in the car himself. "So, you ready to see mom again and tell her the good news?" Trevor asked.
Olivia laughed nervously, "Not really but I'm sure everything will be ok, especially with you by my side." Olivia admitted.
Trevor pulled out his phone, "We can bring her some pastries from her favorite pastry shop, but I think she will be excited to hear that we're back together." Trevor assured Olivia before calling his mom, making sure it was a good time to stop by her place. Telling her that he wanted to talk to her about something. After hanging up with his mom Trevor pulled off heading towards his mother's place.
Olivia glanced over at Trevor, "Did she asked what you have to talk to her about?"
"Yup," Trevor said nodding.
Olivia let out a breath before deciding to call Veronica to check in on them and to see if the furniture had been delivered yet. Veronica assured her that they were ok, that Noah was enjoying his new toys as she sorted through the things they bought. Veronica also said that the delivery guys were putting the furniture together as they speak. Olivia told her that they were headed to her mother's place and that once the delivery guys left if she could bring Noah to the house so that their mother could meet Noah.
"How is Noah?" Trevor asked when Olivia ended the conversation with his sister.
"He is happily playing with his toys. And Veronica said that the delivery guys are almost finish and once they leave, she will bring Noah over to your mother's." Olivia said as they pulled up to the little pastry shop Trevor's mother loves so much.
As they exited the car and started to make their way into the pastry shop, Olivia heard someone call her name. She turned around and came face to face with Brian Cassidy. "Brian…"
TBC
Hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter coming soon.