The Hardest Farewells

Murtagh's eyes widened. "She is?"

Tornac held his gaze. "Yes, she's coming!"

"When?" The boy quickly brushed away a stray tear that still hung on his cheek. "When?"

"She'll be here tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yes," Tornac smiled seeing Murtagh's excitement. The boy scrambled off the windowsill and jumped to the ground before Tornac caught him by the arm. "Wait, where are you going?" He knew the five-year-old's eagerness was understandable: Murtagh had not seen his mother in nearly a year, and only once since the day his father had given him the scar on his back that still made Tornac shudder every time he saw it.

Selena had simply disappeared after that very brief visit. Morzan had been called away to Urû'baen by the king and Selena, who had been left behind, vanished. No one knew where she went, nor could anyone track her. Selena had not come back since and, to everyone's relief, neither had Morzan.

"I want to tell Sabrina," Murtagh answered enthusiastically.

"She already knows," Tornac answered with a smile. It had been a while since he had last seen the boy so happy. The clash of wills, from a few minutes before, seemed forgotten.

Murtagh probably didn't remember that much of his mother, but Tornac knew that he loved her with all his heart and that he desperately missed her.

Still, as much as he shared Murtagh's joy and as much as he loved to see him so happy, it made his next task a lot harder. In fact, it would probably make it nigh on impossible: "Murtagh, it's time for bed," he said a little more sternly.

"No!" Murtagh's voice held an edge of disappointment as he tried to writhe out of his friend's, or even foster father's, hold.

"Yes, Murtagh, you need to go to sleep now."

"But I'm not tired," the boy protested.

"Well, you're just going to have to pretend otherwise. It's already past your bed time," Tornac answered firmly. "Go wash up and get into bed … Now!"

To his relief, the five-year-old obeyed. Tornac relaxed slightly. He had been afraid he might have to discipline him again and he didn't want to ruin the boy's newly-found good mood.

"I can't sleep," Murtagh complained once he finished drying his face.

Tornac couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. "You haven't even tried yet! You're not even in bed!"

"I know I won't be able to sleep."

"Come on." Tornac was still smiling as he lifted the boy up onto his bed and tucked him in.

"I don't want to go to sleep," Murtagh protested again.

"Think of it this way: the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it'll be tomorrow."

"And tomorrow mother's coming home," the boy declared with a grin.

"Exactly! Now, do you think you could try to get some rest?"

Murtagh nodded and Tornac turned to leave. The lights in the room began to dim.

That's one of the good things about magic, Tornac thought. It comes in handy sometimes.

Morzan had laid countless spells on his castle; both for safety and convenience, and one of them happened to be that all the lights and fires dimmed or went out at night when the inhabitant of a room climbed into bed.

"Wait!"

Tornac turned. "Is something wrong?"

"Can you stay till I'm asleep," Murtagh asked quietly."Please."

Tornac smiled and walked back to the bed. "Yes, I can wait till you're asleep." He sat down on the side of it. "If it means that you don't hate me after all," he said with a grin.

Murtagh seemed to contemplate the statement for a moment. "Maybe not so much," he finally decided and snuggled deeper under the blankets.

‡

"Mother!" Murtagh ran into the large, beautifully furnished room. He didn't even slow down until he had scrambled up, on top of the bed in which his mother lay.

"My son!" An expression of such tender love spread across Selena's face that it brought tears into Murtagh's eyes. He never remembered her as being so pale, but her expression hadn't changed. It was exactly like he remembered her in his faint memories.

"You're here," the five-year-old whispered. "You finally came back."

Selena pulled her arms out from under the blanket and wrapped them around him. "Yes, I finally came back."

He pressed himself closer to her and noticed that she was trembling slightly.

Concern welled up in him. "Are you alright," he asked, suddenly terrified that something bad had happened to her.

"I'm just very tired," Selena answered with a reassuring smile.

Murtagh relaxed again. Everything was perfect when his mother was there. "I have to show you my cave in the forest," he suddenly remembered.

"You have a cave?"

"Yes, I built it," Murtagh beamed with pride. "I'll show you when you've slept."

"Alright," Selena answered softly. "When I'm rested you have to show me your cave."

"That means you're going to have to let her rest, though." Murtagh had hardly noticed Sabrina standing in the door. "Come on, Murtagh. Let your mother get some sleep."

"No." Murtagh wrapped his arms around his mother's neck. "I want to stay."

"I know, Murtagh," Sabrina put her hand on his shoulder, "but you have to come now."

"No," the boy repeated.

"Go on," Selena smiled again as she released him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

If this is what she wants… he thought and nodded. "Good night, mother."

"Good night, my son."

‡

Murtagh left. Sabrina watched him go and then walked over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and looked at Selena. The young mother's face was ghastly white, contrasting off the brightly coloured bed sheets. "What happened?" She knew Selena understood.

"It's complicated," the young mother answered. "I don't know where to start."

"Start with where you went," Sabrina suggested. "You just disappeared. And you have been gone for so very long now, we were beginning to fear something terrible had happened."

"I went to visit my family," Selena said weakly, staring up at the ceiling. "It was the only place I could think of! I stayed there until..."

Sabrina nodded seriously. Selena's strength was almost gone; it was obvious. "And then?"

Selena said nothing for a few moments before she continued in a strained voice. "Then Morzan found me when I was on my way back here. He thought I was trying to escape him."

Sabrina gasped slightly. "And the baby?"

Tears spilled out of the corners of Selena's eyes. With an effort she said, "I don't know. He didn't read my mind, but..." A sob escaped her lips. She turned her head and looked straight at Sabrina. "He hurt me," she whispered, "and he made me do horrible things. He wouldn't let me go. He said he would only let me return here once I learned obedience. I said nothing though about the child, so I hope..."

Sabrina tightened her grip around Selena's hand, trying to comfort her. "It's over now," she said, trying to sound reassuring. "No more pain. You're safe."

Selena looked up at the older woman. "Has Brom returned?"

Sabrina shook her head sadly.

"Sabrina … Please … You have to help me. He has to know. If he comes back and I am gone, will you tell him?"

The nurse steadily held the young mother's gaze. "Yes," she answered firmly. "I promise."

‡

Murtagh woke up. All was dark. There were footsteps outside in the hall. Then he heard it: a distressed cry, muffled by the distance and the doors between him and the source, but Murtagh knew immediately where it came from.

"Mother," he shouted and scrambled out of bed. He tripped over some of the many objects that lay around his room, got up again and kept going toward the slit of light that seeped in under the door. He opened it and ran out, down the corridor, right into Tornac's arms. Tornac held him tight. Murtagh fought, incoherently, trying to escape his friends hold. "Let go!"

"Murtagh… Murtagh listen to me." Tornac's voice was calm and comforting but deadly serious. "You can't go to your mother right now."

"I have to!"

"No you don't. Your mother is very ill. The healer is with her now. You can see her tomorrow." He looked the boy deep in the eyes. "I promise. Now go back to bed."

‡

A warm, bright light shone into the room through the thin curtains when Murtagh opened his eyes. Everything looked calm and familiar. Then the memory returned to him.

Mother! He scrambled out of bed, threw on some clothes that were lying around and ran out the room. He couldn't remember a time when the way to Selena's chambers had ever seemed so long.

Without hesitating, he burst through the door. Selena was still in her bed. She looked tired and more worn even, than the day before. Sabrina sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand.

Murtagh stopped. He knew he should have asked for permission or at least he should have knocked before he entered.

"It's alright, love." Selena's soft voice, though strained, held an edge of joy at seeing him. "Come here."

She hardly finished speaking before Murtagh had already crossed the room and was climbing up the bed. "Mother, are you alright," he asked, worried at how ghastly pale she looked.

"Yes, I'll be fine, you'll see."

"Can I show you my cave then?"

Selena laughed quietly, seeing the excitement in her son's face. "Maybe tomorrow," she answered gently, running her hand through his hair. "Today I think I still need to rest."

"Alright," Murtagh answered, visibly disappointed. He snuggled closer to his mother.

The next days passed extremely quickly for Murtagh. He spent every minute he could with his mother, talking, laughing and telling her about what had happened while she was gone.

Selena loved to just listen. Her son's enthusiasm and energy seemed endless and she enjoyed every moment of it, she just couldn't lie to him anymore.

"Murtagh," she started, "Tell me about your cave."

"Then it won't be a surprise," the five-year-old answered. "I have to show it to you."

Selena took a deep breath. "You may not get the chance to."

Murtagh looked up dismayed. "Are you leaving again?"

"In a way and …"

"But you're not well enough to go," he protested. "You have to stay and get better."

Tears filled Selena's eyes. "That's just it Murtagh … I'm not going to get better."

Murtagh looked horrified. "Is my father doing this to you," he asked, his eyes burning with a frighteningly obvious hate for Morzan. "He can't do that!"

"Peace, my love," Selena answered running her hand over his cheek. "I have to go because everyone has to at some point," she took another breath, "and this time I won't be coming back."

"What?" Now Murtagh's eyes glistened with tears as well. He looked at his mother for a moment as the truth sank in. "You mean," he began unsteadily, "that you're going to die?"

Selena looked him strait in the eyes. "Yes Murtagh, that's what I mean."

"No," Murtagh threw his arms around her neck as the first tears rolled down his cheeks, "you can't die … you just can't … I need you."

She hugged him back. "Don't worry, my son, someday we'll see each other again, in another world, and we'll be together forever."

Murtagh pressed himself closer to her. "You promise?"

Selena tried to smile reassuringly. "Yes love, I promise." She gently started stroking his hair. "I need you to promise me something too, though," she continued seriously.

Murtagh looked up. "Yes?"

"Don't ever forget how much I love you and how proud I am of you, my strong, beautiful boy."