Good evening all.
I don't have a lot to say this week.
I would like to say thanks to BT for the nice comment.
Other than that I'll just say Thank you for joining me once again.
~RK
Bobble practically flung himself at the shelves when he reached the library. He was completely frantic as Gary's advice kept ringing in his head. Flashes of that night ran through his mind, remembered with shame rather than fondness. He quickly scanned over the sections and wrenched a book from the shelf and tore through the pages faster than he could possibly read.
His jaw clenched. Fairy Gary had to be wrong. He just had to be! It couldn't possibly be as big a deal as he made it out to be. There was no way in all of Neverland. Otherwise one of the others would have mentioned it, right?
He remembered Steel feeling awkward about telling him anything, and Paws being more excited about showing off the pregnant wolf. So maybe they might not have said anything. He thought of Fluss getting nervous at the end of her story, saying it got too personal after that. So perhaps she wouldn't have said anything either. Rei might have, but was more concerned with Fluss's safety in the ocean. Then there was Basil and Elowen. They were busy treating Elo's allergies, so they wouldn't have even had time if the thought had even occurred to them to mention mating at all.
With a desperate, frustrated sound he threw the book in his hands down and grabbed for another. And another, and another. He shifted to the books about Tying and grabbed them too, hoping maybe he'd missed some information that might help. He scanned desperately for anything that would say that Gary was wrong and that mating wasn't that important, but only saw the same things he'd read for months.
Is he right? Is it really that important?
He threw another book. He knew perfectly well that Clank still wanted him that way. He could see it in the way Clank looked at him, full of desire. He remembered Clank looking at him that way just last night. And honestly? Bobble wanted it too. But he couldn't forget that night. He couldn't erase the memories that plagued him. He could still feel the kisses on his neck and the tightening of his throat. And he could still picture vividly the mark he'd left on Clank's face. He threw down another book and cursed.
"Phineas!" Scribble shouted from below. He managed to catch one of the books and then dodged another. He gave the tome a forlorn look for just a second before calling up again. "Phineas!" he flew up and grabbed Bobble and turned him away from the shelves. Bobble's magnified eyes looked even wider than usual.
"What's wrong?" Scribble asked, now slightly less concerned about his books.
Bobble shook his head. He didn't find anything to contradict Gary. Not once when he'd considered asking Clank did he even think about that part of their relationship. Now he felt like he was going to have to do it, and he wasn't ready. "I can't…" his voice cracked. "I can't…" he said again and sank to the ground.
Scribble followed. He took a quick glance around at the books Bobble had thrown everywhere. "I guess talking to other couples didn't help after all."
Bobble shook his head. "No, it did. I was gonna - Got a cord - But Fairy Gary - and he - Clank and I - we never - I just - I'm not…" he dropped his head and wrapped his arms around himself tightly.
"So…" Scribble started, trying to decipher Bobble's broken nonsense. "You were going to ask but Fairy Gary said something that changed your mind?"
Bobble nodded. "I'm not ready… I'm not ready…"
"Then don't ask yet." Scribble said.
Bobble's head jerked up. "What? But I –!"
"If you're not ready then don't ask yet." Scribble said. "I'm honestly surprised you were even considering asking this soon. Just yesterday you weren't sure, and now you have a cord?"
"I thought… I thought I was okay… I wanted to ask him tonight." Bobble panted.
Scribble sighed. "That seems awfully quick. I figured once you talked to someone you'd think it over for a few days."
"But I still want to be with him!" Bobble blurted.
"You still can be. But obviously something you heard today upset you. Figure that out first, then ask Clank." He smiled reassuringly. "It'll be okay Phineas. I'll even help if you want."
"But I already…" Bobble started to say again, "I was going to ask tonight…"
"But you don't have to ask tonight." Scribble said. "It's okay to wait. It's not like Clank's going to leave you if you don't ask right now. I sincerely doubt he even knows you were planning on asking. I mean, I sure didn't."
Bobble sighed. "You're right…" he shook his head, still unable to shake off the conversation with Gary. He vaguely wondered then if Scribble had ever mated with anyone. Maybe he could ask him about it. "You know what Fairy Gary said to me?"
"No, what?" Scribble asked.
"He asked if –"
"Aha! There you are, Bobble!" Clank said as he pulled to a stop by the library tables. He was driving one of the Tinker's wagons. Scribble and Bobble both looked up at him as he hopped off and cheerfully approached them. "I've been looking all over for you… Are you okay?" Clank caught how distraught Bobble appeared.
Somehow, seeing Clank made Bobble feel much calmer. He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, "I've been better…" He was still trembling slightly while he tried not to think about the conversation with Fairy Gary.
"Oh dear…" Clank went to him and Scribble stepped aside. Clank took Bobble's hands and ran his thumbs over Bobble's knuckles. "Bad day?"
Bobble shook his head. "More like bad last twenty minutes."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Clank asked.
Bobble glanced quickly at Scribble and around at the books Clank seemed not to have noticed. He tried to ignore the echo of Gary's words but couldn't. It made him shy. "No…"
Clank touched his shoulder and smiled softly at him. "Okay. Do you still want to go on that picnic?"
Bobble clenched and relaxed his fists a couple times. The cord in his pouch suddenly felt heavy. How would the friends he'd told feel when they saw Clank with a bare wrist tomorrow? He'd hate to see their disappointment.
Scribble caught his eye again and gave him a slight nod behind Clank's back. You don't have to ask now.
"Sure." Bobble said. "That sounds nice."
"Great!" Clank said, then turned to Scribble. "Do you–?"
"No thanks, I've still got some things to do here." Scribble said quickly.
"Oh, I was going to ask if you wanted help cleaning up before we go." Clank said.
Bobble's eyes went wide. Would Clank figure out what he'd been up to if he saw just what books were strewn about?
"No thank you." Scribble said to Bobble's relief. "I'd rather do it myself so I know everything's been put back in its proper place."
Bobble inclined his head to Scribble in thanks as Clank shrugged.
"Well, alright then. Shall we, Bobble?" Clank offered a hand to Bobble who took it, still not quite recovered from his anxieties. Clank led him to the wagon and helped him up. They called goodbye to Scribble and Clank flicked the reins.
As they rode Bobble stared ahead of them trying to keep his head empty of anything that might remind him of what Gary had said. Beside him Clank was humming tunelessly. Bobble couldn't help but grin as he listened. He remembered how Fluss sang to Rei as they leaned together. He might have laid his head on Clank in a similar fashion if he were feeling less stressed.
He felt bad for being so quiet. Try as he might he couldn't stop thinking about his botched plans. He really wanted to ask Clank to Tie with him, but was now more unsure than than ever if he was ready. He glanced around, trying to think of anything else to talk about. His eyes fell on the mouse pulling the wagon. He thought of Paws and Steel.
"Did you know Steel's afraid of animals?" he asked.
Clank looked at him curiously. "Yeah, I new that. Ironic that his mate's an Animal Talent."
Clank knew he was Tied? Bobble stared off to the side, his stomach churning slightly. "He designed a bunch of the wagons."
"Yeah." Clank said.
"He probably designed this one." Bobble said.
"Did something happen with Steel?" Clank asked, "Is that what's bothering you?"
"What? No!" Bobble said quickly. "No, nothing happened with Steel. I was just… making conversation."
"Oh." Clank said. "Okay then. I thought it was a little weird. I didn't think you knew Steel all that well."
"I met him this morning." Bobble shrugged. "Why'd you bring a wagon?" he asked, quickly changing the subject before Clank could wonder how Bobble ended up meeting Steel.
"You said this morning you were low on Dust." Clank said. "Figured this way you could save what you have and not have to walk all the way to the hill."
Bobble smiled faintly. "That's so considerate Clank. Thank you."
"You'd have done the same for me." Clank replied happily.
He's right, Bobble thought with a smile. If he'd been looking for Clank when he was low on Dust he'd definitely find some way to make his travel easier. It was just one of many ways they helped each other.
Clank stopped the wagon at the base of the hill. Bobble hopped off, feeling a bit better and followed Clank. He was surprised that Clank didn't have any supplies in their cart and merely headed up the hillside empty handed. He had assumed he'd need to help him lay out the blanket or something, but when they reached the top of the hill there was already one spread out with a basket in the center.
"Looks like someone beat us here." Bobble said.
Clank laughed. "No, I set this up."
"Really?"
"Yup. I figured it's been a while since we've been on a real date." Clank explained. "So I went ahead and got this all set up." He went to the basket and started taking out the food.
The bad feelings continued to wane as Bobble sat on the blanket. He couldn't help smiling while he watched Clank set out all sorts of delicious looking foods. His eyes went wide when Clank set a particular dish in front of him.
"Acorn pancakes?" Bobble gasped.
"Yeah, I asked Dulce to make them," Clank smiled. "I know they're your favorite."
Bobble took the pancakes happily. Normally the baking fairies only made these in the morning, and Bobble was often too preoccupied with work to go get any. "You didn't have to do that." He took a bite and moaned in delicious delight. "But I'm very glad you did."
Clank laughed and helped himself to some food. He spread raspberry jam on a roll and offered the jam to Bobble. He slathered a large blob onto his pancakes and took another delectable bite.
"So what all did you do today?" Clank asked after they'd eaten a bit more.
Bobble paused, wondering if he could answer in a way that wouldn't reveal his abandoned plan. The buzzing anxiety filled him momentarily but he shoved it aside. "Nothing really. Just some personal research."
"On what? Vehicles?" Clank asked.
"Vehicles?"
"Yeah, y'know. Since you were talking about Steel and his wagons earlier." Clank said.
"Oh." Bobble laughed. "No, no. I wasn't researching vehicles. Just… some stuff." He looked away shyly and Clank didn't press for more. Bobble was grateful he didn't. "What about you? Tweak didn't need you after all?"
Clank coughed and glanced at the basket. "Um… no, he didn't. He actually said yesterday that he wouldn't need my help today."
Bobble raised a curious eyebrow. "Then… where were you all day? Fairy Mary said you weren't in the workshop."
Clank worried at the crumbs on his plate. "Well… I was…" he trailed off, his jaw clenched. Bobble noticed the worry lines on his forehead. It was obvious to Bobble that Clank was trying to either pick his words carefully or find a way to not say anything.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Bobble said.
Clank visibly relaxed. "It's not a big deal really. I went and saw Silvermist and Iridessa for a bit. Then I… um… never mind." He picked up a biscuit and stuffed it in his mouth.
Bobble gave him a look. What is he so worried about?
Clank swallowed his mouthful. "Anyhoo, I kept busy all day." Clank shrugged. "You want some strawberry cake?" he dug in the basket. Bobble knew Clank was hiding something, but didn't press him. He couldn't pester him after Clank had been kind enough not to press Bobble about his problems.
It was just another of the many reasons why Bobble loved Clank so much. He thought of all the little things that drew them together. There was so much for him to love about Clank. He may not be ready to ask him to Tie now, but he would be soon.
It was all going to be okay. It was all going to be wonderful.
Clank pulled something from the basket and set it behind himself before Bobble could get a good look at what it was. He glanced up and met Bobble's eyes. There was something there, Bobble noticed. Some kind of sparkle that Bobble couldn't quite identify. Something that told Bobble that Clank was nervous, yet excited.
Clank cleared his throat. "Are, um… are you feeling better?"
"Aye, much better." Bobble nodded. "Are you okay?"
Clank nodded quickly. "I'm fine… just… just fine. I just…" he lay his hand over Bobble's. "I love you."
Warmth pulsed through Bobble. "I know. I love you too Clanky."
Clank was still nervous and Bobble wondered why. Clank cupped Bobble's cheek and he leaned into it with a sigh.
"I can't imagine not being with you." Clank whispered, leaning closer. Before Bobble could reply, Clank kissed him. It was soft, sweet and tasted like raspberry jam. Bobble trailed his fingers down Clank's cheek and happily accepted the kiss.
It only lasted a short moment before Clank pulled back and pressed his forehead to Bobble's. He held the back of Bobble's head, keeping him close. His breath was hot and heavy. Bobble could feel the tension in Clank's fingers as they tangled in his hair. "It's going to burst out of me if I don't say it…" Clank murmured.
Bobble whispered, "Say what?"
Clank pulled back and grabbed the thing he'd set behind him. He took Bobble's left hand. Oh… Bobble's heart fluttered like the wings of a humming bird.
"Bobble I love you." Clank said. "I've loved you for… for as long as I can remember, and I think the feeling is only growing bigger. I want to love you for as long as I live. Will…" he slipped a thick cord around Bobble's wrist. "Will you Tie with me?"
Bobble stared at his hand in Clank's. He felt a small rush of warmth wash over him as he stared at that cord.
He asked me…? Bobble trembled. He couldn't believe it. He never even realized Clank had been considering asking him.
He asked me. He felt the tremor run through his whole body. He couldn't take his eyes off the cord or their clasped hands. He could hear his own breath shaking as the question hung around them.
HE asked ME!
Bobble blinked. He realized then, he wasn't smiling like he should be. He should be overjoyed that Clank had asked. He should be as nervous and excited and as happy as Clank was now. But the warmth that filled him had faded before he'd noticed. Now he only felt nervous.
"Bobble…?" Clank asked.
His heart jumped into his throat. He couldn't seem to form words. He knew what he wanted to say, but couldn't make himself speak.
Say yes. He stared at his hand in Clank's; at the dark green braided vines around his wrist.
Tell him yes! He could hear his pulse pound louder and louder in his ears and it was maddening.
Answer him! He forced himself to look at Clank. The answer just on the tip of his tongue, but not wanting to escape his mouth.
Clank watched him, expectant, hopeful, nervous…
Bobble pulled his hand to his chest. His throat tightened as his words failed him.
I'm not ready… he rose to his feet. Clank's expression fell.
I'm not ready… he stepped back once. Twice. Clank face filled with worry, confusion and hurt.
I'm not ready… Clank reached for him.
Bobble felt a stab of guilt in his stomach and jumped back. He held Clank's eyes, confused and hurting, welling up at Bobble's continued silence.
I can't… Old habits truly do die hard. Bobble stared one second too long, and fled.
Thanks for reading.
~RK