He'd been the first to let go of the hug upon hearing Zanta's voice.
"Wha… What?" He managed, "How, how did you…?"
"I finished my debt to your ancestors' when I heard explosions in the distance, so it wasn't much of a surprise to see you three had been busy."
"How the hell," Ed wondered, "Did you get here so fast?
"Ed, with everything that's happened tonight," Ell waved it off, "I wouldn't question the logic and existence of fucking Zanta Claws."
"Yeah," Jaxx nodded, "If he delivered presents all over the world in one night for centuries, I wouldn't doubt him being the fastest son of a bitch we've met."
Well, true.
"Ahem!" Zanta cleared his throat, "Where did you last see Krampus?"
"In the head of the Boxmas Bot," Ell tapped her chin, "just after I stabbed him, set the control panel on fire, then shot him. I think his corpse is still in there after the head blew up."
"She shot him in the throat! I saw it happen!" Ed couldn't hold back the pride he had for his twin. By glancing at the look on Jaxx's face, neither could he.
"Hm!" Zanta nodded, impressed, "Good to know. But now if you'll excuse me…"
"Wait," Ell reached out, "Where are you going?"
Zanta didn't respond as he set off towards the flaming wreckage.
"I thought I left the goat for dead in there…"
"Should we follow him?"
"Well," Ed shrugged as he jumped out the sleigh, "I will, Oxford."
"Ed, wait for me!"
"I'll be okay, Ell, you stay back and rest."
"Oh for fucksakes."
"What is it now, Oxford?!"
Jaxx sighed as he grabbed the candy-cannon and lowered it to Ed.
"If you're gonna go," he shook his head with a warm smile, accepting an argument which would never happen, "Don't go unarmed."
Ed exhaled, letting go as he took up the cannon and propped it over his shoulder.
"Make sure Ell gets some rest," he nodded back, "And that's a threat."
"If I don't, you're welcome to kill me when you come back."
Ed rolled his eyes as he set off after Zanta, hiding a small smile when his back was turned to the sleigh.
Not that he would.
Not anymore.
Even though he realised the sleigh was parked surprisingly closer to the wreckage than first thought, Ed still couldn't fit normal human logic to Zanta no matter how he tried. For instance? How the bloody hell was he almost already at the flaming wreckage of the Boxmas Bot? Oh, Ell was right. No use applying logic to Zanta Claws.
Meanwhile, Ed was still weary as he tried to keep up his own pace: whatever remaining undead cops he and Jaxx couldn't take care of from the sleigh were now staggering to the blazing carnage, moaning and groaning all the way. The closer they all reached the area, he was sure, the more likely chance zombies would notice him instead of the fire. He couldn't hide his shuddering at the sounds and thoughts of it.
Didn't help when Ell confirmed they'd come after human flesh back when she got away with headshotting one prior to fighting Krampus. Didn't help when Ed was half-expecting one to come from nowhere and bite him on the shoulder. Didn't help when he started to see hovercars flying above the scene - he hoped they weren't police who were going to rain down lasers and bullets anytime soon.
At least it was only the sleigh behind him for the most part. Looking back, he managed a faint smile when he saw Jaxx leading the deer from the reins and Ell (thankfully) resting up next to him.
Looking ahead again, he spotted Zanta slowing down his pace as he reached the burning wreck, but still nonetheless marching through the snow. But whereas he had no care for the smoke or heat coming off it, Ed found himself muffling coughs with a free arm as he edged closer.
Then, Zanta stopped in his tracks. Ed did too. Peering into the fire…
Four figures became five.
The new one was limping. Swaying. One-horned, as sleigh bells and chains shhiiiink-shhhhinked together.
…Son of a bitch.
Ed growled and readied the candy-cannon, taking aim.
Zanta stayed still.
Clawed hands reached out.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer.
Zanta stretched out his arm.
Ed's trigger finger stiffened.
For godsakes, why couldn't he shoot-
KRR-RAACK!
"KIEEEEEEAAAAAAAGGGGHHH!"
Ed dropped the cannon, clutching his ears and keeling, but he forced himself to look ahead.
Zanta and the now-hornless Krampus were silhouetted by the flames as they started to fight: first with fists, then with outstretched hands and claws added to the mix. Zanta even took a page from Ell and stabbed the goat in the throat with the horn he'd broken off. But still, Krampus stayed standing and swinging at his old nemesis.
Even Ed couldn't deny the bastard looked badass with the same glowing glowing 'eyes' Zanta had. At the same time, he looked more sickening than ever before - probably thanks to the smoking and melting flesh dripping off his body.
Ditching the horn, Zanta then lunged at Krampus, digging his claws into the goat's head despite the animal trying to rip him away from it. They tossed each other around against the light, the fire briefly flashing on their faces and bodies when they got too close. It was only a matter of moments until…
KRRACK-SNAP-SQUELCH!
Thump.
The rest of the goat's body fell into the snow. However…
Uncovering his ears and standing straight, Ed couldn't look away as Zanta slowly raised Krampus' decapitated head to his face. Almost in a trance, he unhinged his jaw wide open, baring all his sharp, zombie teeth…
Oh, God.
CRUNCH.
Ed stood frozen at the sight, unable to say a thing as Zanta feasted.
Around him, he could hear thump, thump, thumping sounds around him and the general area - some farther than he thought, some far too close for comfort. He didn't register them at first, but when something thumped into the snow on his left-hand side…
Yikes. He didn't even hear the growls of those zombie cops.
Thump, thump, thump…
Crunch, crunch, crunch…!
Smaller and smaller Krampus' head became in Zanta's feast, broken and crunched down piece by piece until there was nothing left. By then, the thumping finally stopped, and all Ed could hear now was the crackle of the wreckage fire.
What remained now was him, his siblings and Zanta.
"He won't return ever again, that's for sure. And it's about time I'd gotten my cloak back."
"Your…" Ed swallowed, "Your cloak?"
Zanta pulled the cloak off the decapitated corpse before swooshing it around and pulling it over his head. He was still in silhouette as he adjusted the hood and re-did the button, but…
Something about it seemed… Different, now. Ed could've sworn the cloak wasn't this long when he saw Krampus wear it…
"I do believe," Zanta's voice was now strangely less gravelly, "You've done a hell of a great job tonight."
As he stepped into the moonlight, Ed had to double take. Glancing at his brother and sister on the sleigh, so did they.
Their family friend now had long, flowing white hair which came out from the hat. His skin was no longer green, tight and decayed, but pale peach with rosy spots, wrinkly and rejuvenated. His teeth no longer stuck out from over the beard, and he even had a long mustache too. All his clothes were now repaired and clean, as if fresh from an instant wash. And his eyes were no longer sunken in and empty, but were normal with a blueish-greenish iris.
"Holy fuck," He could hear Jaxx from the sleigh, "Even the reindeer…"
"How?" Even Ell wondered, "How did…?!"
"…Zanta?"
"Please Edward," he cleared his throat as he approached the sleigh entrance, hand on Ed's shoulder, "Call me Nikolas - Nikolas Klaus."
Sirens blared above the crackling fire, red-and-blue lights flashed and spotlights almost blinded them as they searched around. Glancing at Jaxx and Ell, neither of them looked as keen as Ed was about seeing potentially their cop relatives in business hours.
"I do believe," Nikolas caught on as he picked up the candy-cannon and propped it over his shoulder, "You three may need a ride home?"
Neither Ed nor his exhausted siblings had wanted to leave each other alone the moment he was in the sleigh and Zanta-sorry, Nikolas, had flown the sleigh out of the crime scene, so it was a silent agreement where they would all sit together in the back, huddling. Jaxx didn't even protest or tried to play it off for some other reason, he just took in the warmth of the cuddle-pile. Ed soon even heard the gentle snores from both his brother and sister.
However, he couldn't fall asleep. Even closing his eyes didn't help.
The wind was still blowing into his face often, chilling his cheeks and bothering every attempt to settle down. He tried stargazing, but they were zipping by too quickly for him to focus. He tried staring at the waning half-moon which stayed constant, but the light was still too bright for his liking and made him even more awake.
So he was stuck in the cuddle pile, restless despite his fatigue, trying to fight off the cold.
Instead of star or moon-gazing, he started to wonder.
Thinking back to everything which happened throughout the night, Ed found himself coming back to the same questions over and over again. Whether it was from what he'd heard from Ell and Jaxx or what he remembered from the family stories, he couldn't let go of the same prominent questions which swirled in his mind.
"You kids doing alright?"
"I, err… Yeah," Ed sat up properly to look at Nikolas, "We're just resting back here."
"I could see Jaxx and Ell were sleeping, but I knew you were awake."
Damn, so the carols had some merit.
"Are you okay, Edward?"
"I… I was thinking about tonight," he admitted, rubbing his eyes, "There's a lot on my mind and I can't talk with anyone about it."
"You have me, Ed. So go on, shoot the shit. What do you want to know?"
Ed did a double-take, still not used to the idea of a cursing Santa Claus, but sure. What did he have to lose?
"Alright… First, Ell mentioned Krampus saying you had a patron or whatever it was. Who was it?"
"Saint Nicholas."
"Wait, he's real?"
"Was real. Passed away in the fourth century. He was a fine mentor, if I say so myself. The difference is that I am the original Santa Claus, not the original Saint Nicholas. 'Santa Claus' came about when it became a quick version to say 'Saint Nicholas' around the Dutch back in the day. Actually, they called me sinterklaas and the rest is history from there."
Ed thought Nikolas had finished, but…
"The blackface bit of their lore later on was shitty though, that's all from the Dutch." Nikolas spat, "Never liked it, never was true. Don't know the full reason why they bullshitted it up in the early eighteen-hundreds, but it was definitely because of racism."
Fair. Maybe Ed could steer this somewhere else…?
"Wait, hold on. How did the 'Santa' thing stay such a big deal if you died? Come on, a corpse continuing to judge the behaviour of kids all over the world after he wouldn't have been pretty."
"No, it wasn't. But when Krampus first cursed me, I didn't die immediately. Whilst I still had full life back then, I trained up a few lads to take on the role for when I passed away. Still glad that most of them had gotten the hint to do the same for when their time came. The trouble here came from me dying and coming back in an unholy way. So for the rest of my zombie life, I kept doing my job as 'Santa', but… Well, if your ancestors' stories of me taught you anything, Krampus's curse got the best of me."
"You didn't eat us, though."
"Believe me, I was starving. I let you three off the hook for bringing my sleigh back and then taking on Krampus. You know, thinking about my successors again, I've heard rumours and seen pieces of stories, but… Are you familiar about a tale where Santa Claus was killed by a child?"
"I think it was in one of my cousins' storybooks, but I'm not too sure. Sounds familiar anyway."
"It might explain why I haven't been in contact with the other Clauses, if there are any. Either I've been dead for too long, they've been dead for too long, or someone else is running the show. Perhaps all three. At least it's not the fucking goat who's in charge."
"Wait… About Krampus."
"Go on."
"Did… Did we have any ancestral beef with him or something? He mentioned to Ell you had picked your favourite families in the first war you had with him over a thousand years ago. So he targeted those families as a means of pissing you off. And, if we did have ancestors he hated from the first war… Are we cursed? I mean, are we cursed because of him?"
"Oh, Ed. Why do you ask?"
"Because we keep having shitty Christmas after shitty Christmas, and I'm tired of it. I wanted one good Christmas for all these years and after tonight, I can't help but think…"
"Edward, let me ask you a question. Does it matter?
"…What?"
"This curse you speak of. Does it matter anymore?"
"Zanta-I mean, Nikolas-"
"Ed, listen. If your family were cursed by Krampus, either ancestrally or tonight, it's gone alongside the fucked-up goat. If your family weren't cursed by Krampus, it's no big deal. Everyone has shit to deal with every Christmas either way. It's unfortunately a norm when you've over-capitalised giving gifts to all the world when your 'all the world' isn't the same as someone else's. But I know something you don't.
"I've personally known all four heads of your family line: Golds, Richwells', Hartgraces and Lawsons. And believe me, you may know from the stories: they went through some wild adventures and serious shit to come out alright, but as someone who was the shit they had to go through multiple times? They came out out of these adventures fucking thriving. And so did you. Honestly, from what I've seen tonight at the Boxmas Bot, what I can guess and what I can compare to the past, you three kids are the first generation to thrive after going through hell.
"Edward, I'm very sure your namesake and his friends - your other ancestors - would be so proud of you, Jaxx and Ell. You three and the younger sisters you mentioned having, you all are from a family of heroes, idiots and a whole lot of love. Might not have been obvious in the run you've had, but it's true. One day your sisters are going to have their chance to take on life, I'm sure of it. Hell, your ancestors couldn't take down a four-armed robot manned by a maniacal demon-goat, and even kick the goat's arse like you did tonight. It's kind of like them literally going to hell, but it's you three instead of them, doing it many times and coming out on top like a million quid."
"Don't give Ell ideas."
"Oh, don't worry. I know she's still sleeping. Besides, links and phone numbers to summoning a Hellevator were taken down from the internet and its archives a looooong time ago."
"What."
Nikolas shook his head, a coy smile peeking through his beard.
"I said what I said, Edward."
Yeah, no. Ed wasn't gonna have answers about… whatever Nikolas just said now.
Still. A few final questions drummed in his mind.
"Nikolas?"
"Yes?"
"How long were you buried under my ancestors' house?"
"Since their Boxmas Bot shenanigans with me. Must've been… Nintey-two years ago now. And I buried myself into the floor, for the record. I stayed there till I heard my sleigh land tonight."
"Right, so… If you were in the house for so long, did you hear anything in two thousand and thirty?"
"Twenty-thirty? Oh Ed, I heard something alright!"
"So then you have an inside source on the Disappearances!"
"… Is this what you call it?"
"Well, for a lack of a better word, yeah. We all do. The story's a recent-ish one from our dad - he's the only one who tells it like he knew what happened, but… I get the feeling he's hiding stuff about it."
"I'm guessing it's a story about how one day in twenty-thirty, all four of the ancestral lads showed up to the place for an anniversary of some sort, with the spouses and kids by their side, then they went downstairs into the basement to check on something and never came back, never to be seen again?"
"Exactly! You get it!"
"Pah. Tinsel titwash! I would call it the Abductions if I were your dad."
"What?!"
"Shh, not so loud. Don't wake your brother and sister. But seriously. People don't just disappear without making the ruckus those four lads did. I still don't know how their spouses and kids didn't hear them."
Come to think of it, it was really strange that Ed's feelings of his dad hiding parts of the story came on so strong. Then again. Of course he would. He was Edward Gold the IV, son of Tora Lawson and Edward the III, head of… Ugh, thinking about dad and grandpa just made Ed angry.
"Well, when you were doing… Whatever you were doing to repay your debt to them earlier tonight… Did you find out anything else about the Disappearanc-sorry, the Abductions?"
The silence was as thick and dense as the forests they'd left behind as the sleigh dipped lower from the sky.
For a moment, Ed saw Nikolas' eyes shift back to his old 'Zanta' form: black with glowing red pupils which burned with tranquil fury. He shivered at the sight, even more than from the cold, but he didn't break eye contact.
"Long story short Edward," Nikolas whispered, "I'm glad you and your siblings weren't there when I found out."
"What did you find?"
"Edward, please." His voice was firm, "You don't want to open this can of worms, especially on Christmas. Neither you nor your brother and sister have the time to go into this Pandora's box."
Ed nervously gulped and nodded slowly as Nikolas' eyes shifted back to normal. No choice but to take his word for it.
Thump, thwishhhhhhh…
"Better wake your siblings up, Ed: we're here."
"Already?"
"With half an hour to midnight," Nikolas nodded, hopping out the sleigh to offer his hand, "You best get some rest for the morning."
"Hey, Nikolas?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For basically forcing our asses to kick goat ass and get over ourselves."
"No, thank you. You three repeated history, pulling off only what your ancestors could do and saved Christmas."
"It didn't repeat perfectly, though…" Ed admitted sheepishly.
"And that's the best part."
Only Ed had been awake enough to hold some chat and explain the general deal to his surprised parents at the door. Meanwhile, Jaxx and Ell gave Mum a hug and some 'fines' and 'alrights' at those 'how are you's, but didn't even acknowledge dad as they stumbled to their shared bedroom. To be fair, dad didn't even deserve acknowledgement - in Ed's book, he was lucky it was Christmas.
Ed was about to join Jaxx and Ell after he'd taken everything from the Lawsons' out of his coat and hang it up, but he noticed the door was still open. He went to shut it, however…
Why were his parents heading out to meet with Nikolas? What did he have to do with them? Where was the point of it?
Was… Was it because of the Abductions? Surely, it would be out of left field if dad had anything to do with the whole story, but not entirely so if Nikolas made the same guess as Ed did about him leaving out certain details…
He finally shut the door when he could no longer stand the tense vibes he was catching from their conversation. And from the look Nikolas gave through his parents and straight to him. Man, it was a good thing he couldn't eat the heads of the naughty any longer, but if looks could kill..
"Ed? Where are you?"
"Coming, coming Ell, just give me a moment…"
Their old bedroom looked, felt and smelled like nostalgia.
It held all their childhoods, teenage years and even the earliest days of Calamity from their high school years. All the meticulously placed soundproof foam pads, which made their room impenetrable from the inside to out, had never left the walls.
Then again, they'd all been in a rush to escape to university five to six years ago. None of them had wanted to take up a full-time position into the smuggling business. Especially Ed, since he was the namesake of dad, granddad, great-granddad and finally great-great-granddad Edward Gold. Ironically, Ell was the one with all the trademark green as her actual favourite colour.
He sometimes wondered if old Edward Gold the First would've even approved of the whole smuggling thing in the first place.
"Ed?"
"Hm, Jaxx?"
"C'mon Cambridge, you gonna join us and do a Christmas Eve gift swap?"
"Yeah Ed, I gotta test out the dice Jaxx gave me. They're fucking gorgeous."
He shrugged and sat down on the floor with the both of them, completing the small circle. In the middle was wrapping paper, scissors and tape. Even a gift bag or two. Behind his siblings were their coats, now revealing Jaxx's light blue button-up and checkered tie, and Ell's bright green 'Christmas-sweater' hoodie.
"Dunno what to use the gift bags for now," Jaxx sighed, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, "Since you two already have your dice sets."
"Actually…" Ed tapped his chin, "I might need them. For Laurie."
"Laurie? Oh fuck, right! I have her dice on hand! I mean, I know she really wanted a holo-screen, but none of us are that rich so I guess the designer dice can be a cute display or substitute. If she doesn't make a character for them, of course."
"Of course you got her dice, you nerd…" Ell sighed as broke off a piece of tape with her teeth. "At least Cora's gonna have something useful. Buuuut… I'm tired enough as it is. Should I wrap it?"
"Well," Ed wondered, "What is it, Ell?"
"Leather quiver for her arrows. Y'know, just subtly trying to get her back into archery again…"
"No way!"
"Wait, what? No, did you- Did you really Ed?!"
"I wrapped her some arrows I made long ago. Just give me a sec while I get them, then I'll put them in the quiver!"
"Of fucking course you two had the same braincell!" Jaxx laughed, shaking his head as Ed returned with the arrows and slipped them into the quiver. Even Ell couldn't hold back a giggle.
"I won't bother wrapping the quiver then!"
"No, don't!" Ed chuckled as he sat back down, "She's gonna love the work you did on it. Jaxx, check out the engraving!"
"Ooh, yeah, that's beautiful." Jaxx turned the quiver around in his hands wistfully, "Ell, I didn't know you got into leatherworking, this is gorgeous!"
"Agh, it's nothing much… Just a side hobby when metalwork in all forms gets too much for the head."
"You kidding? It's much better than what I did for her!"
"You did what."
"You did what."
Jaxx shrugged sheepishly as he held up a leatherbound book, decorated with burned-in ferns and fancy lettering which read 'Robin Zalanis'.
The twins burst out laughing. Even Jaxx couldn't hold it together.
"In my defense for sharing this braincell, Cora already made her character from high school LARP long before I made this!"
"Nonononono!" Ell wheezed in-between laughs, "We didn't share a braincell, it was a venn diagram of braincells!"
The trio broke out laughing again, Jaxx holding his gut, Ell clutching her chest as she leaned back and Ed banging his fists on the floor. But it wasn't long till they were all catching their breath again, gasping for air.
"Hoooooohhhhhh, Jesus Christ in a manger!" Jaxx panted, "That was good. Look, if we're gonna keep running with this venn diagram of braincells, please tell me we're gonna have the same for Emily's presents."
"Well Oxford, what do you have?"
"From me, I got a collector's copy of The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe. Look, I know it isn't leather, but… It's pretty, it's a collectible, it's something we're both familiar with even though we have nothing in common, it works."
"Well, I wrapped a pretty lilac notebook for her just now." Ell held it up for a moment, "What about you Ed?"
"I, um… commissioned… a friend of mine to do a portrait of her! It's only digital, but I- they did send me the traditional development sketches, so I've put them in a little box with the flash drive which has the final piece."
"Commissions again, Ed?" Ell wondered, "Is it the same artist you've paid before over the past few years for us? The 'Gould' guy? I'm not complaining, they're really good with all their pieces."
He couldn't afford to blow his cover.
The reality was, he didn't commission anyone.
If there was one secret he wanted to take to his grave, it was that he was responsible for every Gould piece he'd given to his family and clients for eight years.
"Yeah, why? Gould and I- we're good friends! They've been a mate of mine since the end of high school!"
"...Yeah, sure Ed." Jaxx cocked an eyebrow, "Still. It must be really good if you've trusted Gould with a portrait of Emily. Especially since Cor's pretty much gonna be the second judge of it."
"True true." Ed shrugged, "What about Laurie? What did you guys get for her?"
"I know you got her the holo-styled dice set, Jaxx," Ell pointed out, "I'm about to tie this bow on her new Ace pride teddy bear here… Wait, weren't you stuck on a gift for Laur this year, Ed?"
He smirked as he grabbed the empty gift bag and began to unload his pockets.
"Not anymore."
Clatterclatterclatterclatter…
"Ed, wha-where the fuck?" Ell managed, "What are those?"
"Probably the best gift I've ever given her."
"Ed, for fucksakes, it doesn't clear up anything!" Jaxx shook his head, confused, "Where did you even get that stuff?"
"Courtesy from the Lawson twins. And I'm going to leave it there - you can figure out why."
After a moment, Jaxx and Ell slowly nodded, a dark glint in their eyes as the trio shared a grin.
Yeah, they didn't need any other answers.
"Hm." Ell mused after tying the bow on Laurie's pride bear, "Should I wrap the rest of these presents or not?"
"Well, up to you, Ell." Ed waved it off, "It's getting late anyway."
"Yeah fuck it, I'm not wrapping these."
"Ell?"
"Yeah Jaxx?"
"They're pride-related, aren't they."
"How the fuck do you know?!"
Ed and Jaxx shared a glance.
"It's easy to guess." Ed deadpanned, "Plus, we can see them right there."
"Pride-related stuff is easy to get when you're the biggest gay of the family!"
"Yet you're still not allowed near the kitchenware?"
"Shut the fuck up Jaxx."
"Look, none of us can resist a good pan joke!"
"The more hilarious joke," Ell butted in, holding up the presents in her hands, "Is that I should've gotten a custom deck of cards with five Aces. One for each of us siblings. But instead I got Jaxx this Ace Atom Pride model for being the biggest nerd-"
"Hah! It's in the flag colours, fuckin' brilliant! Thanks Ell!"
"-And some AroAce slime for Ed to play with. It's got chunky bits so you can take a good fiddle with it!"
"Aw, Ell!"
"Alright," Ell held her hands up after handing over the gifts, "now my cats are out of the bag, what about you, Ed? You got anything for us?"
No way was he going to risk blowing his Gould identity with Jaxx's DnD character portrait on top of the modified hoverboard blueprints for Ell. They could probably guess all too easily from his linework and sketches…
"Ah… I'll save those for tomorrow. It's getting late."
"Wait, Ed."
"Jaxx?"
"What's the time?"
"Erm… Quarter to midnight on my phone, why?"
"Look," Jaxx exhaled, "I know it's late, I know it might not fly tonight, and I don't know if we have everything we need, but… Ever since you brought it up on the walk, Ed, I couldn't stop thinking about it on and off. But… What do you guys say about a jam session? Say, right now? In here? A live EP for Christmas?"
Ed couldn't believe his ears.
"Fuck yeah, Jaxx!" Ell nodded eagerly, "I'm up for it! I actually brought my guitar, but didn't want to say anything till now!"
"I'm only in if you are, Cambridge." Jaxx offered, "What do you say?"
Ed beamed.
"Hell yeah."
Under Ed's suggestion, they agreed to call it 'Christmas Calamity'. Not only did it roll off the tongue, but it was very appropriate considering all which had happened tonight. Alliteration at its finest.
A cover photo wasn't hard to pick out either: Jaxx's action poster selfie from the exploding Boxmas Bot fitted the bill all too well. It only took a few filters and fonts from some mobile photo-editing app to put it all together, but it did the job. Very well, if Ed said so himself. It wasn't tacky or too edgy, just… Right.
When they'd been setting up their familiarly complex and simple mic sets and pedals and kits and so on from whatever they'd brought, it was obvious they wouldn't perform anything new or original tonight. It'd be too exhausting to learn, so it was much easier for all of them to follow some chord sheets Ell had found online for their set. Thankfully, all three of them picked out only seven songs, all of which they knew from the get-go.
Jaxx brought back his blue-white checkered bass into action. Ell's electric guitar was tuned up. Ed fell back into his weird and wonderful keyboard-drumkit hybrid setup like it was only yesterday. All the mics were picking up their voices and the audio interface was working fine. For once.
"Hey Ed?"
"Yeah Oxford?"
"You recording?"
"I'm about to."
Click.
"And we're live! You can take it from here."
"Evening everyone! I'm Jaxx Gold."
"I'm Ell Gold the Third."
"And I'm Ed Gold the Fifth. We're Calamity, and we've just had a hell of an adventure tonight, haven't we, guys?"
"Indubitably, Ed."
"A real swell one at that."
"Right. So we've decided to have a good old jam session with some of our seasonal favourites after so long - just to let a little loose after what just happened, really. It's a long story: a zombie Santa, saving our extended family, and taking down the Christmastime Killer!"
"Hang on, Ed?"
"Yeah Jaxx?"
"D'you have the time?"
"Don't worry about it guys, I've got it. Oh fuck, it's like, ten seconds to midnight!"
Oh, shit.
"Ah, fuck curfew!" Jaxx announced, blasting a chord on his bass, "We haven't jammed in forever, I'm not fucking backing out now! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
"Hit it Ed!"
"One-two-three-four!"
Author's Note:
Whoa. Holy shit. Oh my God. It's over!
As of writing this now, I've JUST completed writing and editing this chapter at long last, therefore finally putting Christmas Calamity and its THREE YEARS of work to an end! And I'm so, so grateful. Maybe you've been here since the release date, maybe you're reading this in the future now, but seriously? Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. It's been a hell of a ride and I'm so glad to put this project to rest.
If you want to know what songs Calamity is playing for their EP, here's the list!
1. Time of Your Life (by DAGames)
2. Carol of the Bells/Sing We Now of Christmas (by BarlowGirl)
3. Sarajevo 12/24 (by Trans-Siberian Orchestra)
4. Come O Ye Faithful/O Holy Night (by Trans-Siberian Orchestra)
5. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (Mix of Midnight Syndicate and Pentatonix versions)
6. Press Start Together (by DAGames)
7. Memey Christmas (by Elliot Gough)
You can actually find the closest recreation of this EP on Spotify, just look up 'Christmas Calamity' in the search bar and you'll find a playlist from lemjpanda13 (me!). And if you search up 'CC Trio's Christmas Calamity!', you can listen to what I've been using as a backing track into my head on and off for the past few years as I wrote this story, and now brought it to a close as of Christmas Day, 2020.
Before I sign off and prep for the super special Chapter 10, I want to leave the special thanks here. Some of these people are going to be referred to by their initials out of their privacy, but I promise I haven't forgotten anyone. I hope.
Special thanks to, in chronological order from 2017 to 2020 (now): Toni, M, R, Joker, Razzbubby, J, K, Cat Ford, Strawberryrosewood and the ask-edd discord server, especially on the final few nights as I stayed up till nearly 2am with them for company and last-minute advice.
See you all tomorrow or pretty damn soon for the release of Chapter Ten!