I can't stop hugging my kids, and they are getting tired of me being clingy, I can tell, but Bojack and I are leaving for our second Honeymoon within the next two hours, and I just love them so much.
Bojack is so excited and keeps looking over at me like he's a kid on Christmas morning. To me, it feels that way, too, but I already miss Norah and Ash and I'm nervous as hell.
Bojack and I have been doing so well and I know how important this trip is to him. I just feel like throwing up, leaving the kids behind, even as I know they'll be happy and safe with Holly. I hope we can have a relaxing trip as I have big plans for the future with buying a theater with Boj.
I really love him so much.
I wrote out some new vows for our second honeymoon and I just know he'll love it-along with a few gifts I got especially for him.
I made us all french toast for breakfast, and I felt this strange tension afterwards between Bojack and I. I couldn't help but think he is wondering what we'll talk about once we're alone together. The last time we made love, or something close to it, I... he wanted me to take... he wanted me to make love to him.
God, what am I to do?
It makes me feel appreciated, yet so nervous. Like... I feel like there's fireworks when we kiss, and this morning we cuddled together so tightly and I felt so good, so contented.
I think it was a bit scary for me the first time we kissed, as it was the first time I felt such an raw, intense sensation inside of my heart.
It felt like something big had occurred... and it was some kinda crazy explosion that seeped into our very atoms, as I couldn't think at all, I just felt.
And the thing about shoving... myself down his throat...
I feel even more terrified. I feel like that might hurt him, and I know that sounds naive, but it's not like this is a normal thing to talk about with your mom, or your friends. So... I'll have to subtly let him know ... we should take these things not slowly... but in baby steps. I don't know. I feel like... I'm feeling a bit vivacious about our relationship and I want to make him really happy, but I don't know what to do with something so new between us.
So... I researched it and I couldn't really find out much. I just, I'll need to talk to him soon.
Here are my vows to him:
You carried the weight of our expenses and paid it off early, with the surplus of love to help us through with joy.
You dreamt of our time together and we cherished it through your vision, with an endless summer that felt calm like Fall.
You thoughtfully put down a lot of careful plans, a future that held you and I in gratitude of each other, with the past metered philosophically, with forgiveness and new responsibilities and trust.
Now I have been working on the new chapters of this surplus I feel for you...
To show you how much my life is tied to yours, loyally, deeply, madly, dreamily, passionately, and seamlessly... these Summer days with you will be longer, warmer, and more beautiful...
My husband, you are the sun of my heart, and the answer to the question that was in my mind so long: the wisdom that helps me with life's mysteries that has been treated with considerable attention and deft, and I love, love, love you like you have no idea.
I vow to you that level of attention to detail with great care to your mind, heart, and soul.
My dearest... you are summer to me, always, and we can dream it and live in it together, until eternity and beyond.