Friends with benefits
Chapter 9
All mistakes are mine.
Her time with Fifth had left her shaken but for the moment her joy at seeing him let her push that horror to the back of her mind. His eyes scanned her for injuries, and she could see when he was satisfied that she was whole. She knew she was doing the same to him, even though he was clearly fine. Looking up at him as he knelt beside her reminded her of her dream from only a few weeks ago. She had him back and it hadn't taken fifteen years.
When she got home her answering machine had a three blinking on it. She looked at it for a moment before walking away. She wasn't ready to talk to Pete or anyone else really. She had passed her preliminary psych exam because she knew what she needed to say but she knew she wasn't herself yet. Hopefully a hot shower and a cup of tea would help her get closer to normal.
She was flipping through the channels when her phone rang. She hesitated. It could be Pete, but it could also be one of her team, perhaps even Jack, checking on her. If it was one of them and she didn't answer they would worry, possibly enough to even show up at her door in the middle of the night. She'd worried them enough when they thought she was dead. She picked up the phone.
"Carter."
"I've been worried. Are you ok?" Pete's voice made her stomach knot.
"I'm fine. Sorry you were worried."
"Why did you answer like you're at work?"
"Habit I guess." She looked down into her tea. "How are you?"
"Happy now that you're home. Do you have any time off?"
Sam swallowed as a shiver ran down her spine. "Not really." She lied. She'd been told to take as much time as she wanted and she was off the active mission list until cleared by a psychiatrist, standard procedure when you've been held captive. "This mission brought some new issues to the forefront and I need to get my mission report done quickly."
"Ok, but I have the weekend off, so I'm headed your way tomorrow afternoon."
Sam couldn't think of any way to stop him and even if she had she knew it wouldn't have been fair to him. "Ok. I'm...I'm looking forward to seeing you." Sam closed her eyes as she lied to him again.
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Pete arrived with a pizza and a bottle of wine. Sam put the wine in the refrigerator while Pete got out plates for the pizza. She poured them each a glass of wine from a bottle that was cold, and they moved out to the sofa to watch the news while they ate.
He kept glancing over at her, but Sam kept her eyes on the television. He turned towards her during a commercial break. "What happened on this last mission?"
"You know I can't…"
"I'm not asking for specifics. I know you can't tell me much, but I can also tell that something's wrong."
Sam sat her plate and glass on the table in front of her. She crossed her legs and turned towards him. "I was kidnapped."
He reached out and put his hand on her knee. "What? What happened to you? Are you ok?"
"I wasn't physically harmed." She bit her lower lip.
"But?" He squeezed her knee.
"He used some mental techniques to try and convince me to stay with him."
"Such as?"
"He was able to make me hallucinate whatever he wanted." Pete tried to scooter closer to her, but she kept her knees between her and him. "He used elements from my real life."
"Such as?" Sam looked up at him and winced. "Me? He used me?"
Sam nodded.
"What did I do in these hallucinations?"
Sam put her hand over the one he had on her knee. "I knew it wasn't you."
"But somebody used me against you." Sam nodded slowly. "What did I do to you?"
"You didn't hurt me. You were just not you." Pete's brow creased in confusion. "He created a fake world that he hoped I'd want to live in. We had a farm."
"A farm? I mean I'd love a dog but not a farm. That's way more poop than I have any interest in."
Sam snickered. "I don't know why he went with a farm. That was the first give away. You are a city boy through and through."
"A city boy?"
Sam gave him a tentative smile. "When was the last time you slept in a tent?"
"Why in the world would I want to sleep in a tent when there are perfectly good soft mattresses?"
"See, city boy."
Pete rolled his eyes. "Nothing wrong with being a city boy."
"No, there's not."
Pete opened his arms. Sam hesitated but after a moment she uncrossed her legs, turned, and rested her head on his shoulder. His arms loosely wrapped around her. Pete decided not to push too hard. He knew she wasn't telling him everything but based on what she did say he knew he needed to give her space and go slowly. They watched a movie and snacked on popcorn. It took time for her to relax in his arms, but she did.
As Pete took their glasses and plates to the kitchen Sam thought this weekend might actually be healing. Even though she had dreaded seeing him perhaps having him so close would help her put her time with Fifth behind her. Pete climbed into bed beside her and laid his arm out towards her. She scooted closer and kissed him but neither of them took it any further. Sam was glad to not be alone but also thankful that Pete didn't push for more than a cuddle.
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Sam kept in touch with Pete while locked down in the SGC. She also used some of that time to get cleared by a psychiatrist, so she was ready to go back through the gate when the lockdown ended. General O'Neill gave everyone extra time off since they had spent so much time locked in the mountain. Sam decided to actually use her time off. As soon as she told Pete she had four days off he tossed out an idea, a trip together. They flew to Florida and spent three days at amusement parks. Pete kept her stitches and took lots of photos of them with costumed characters. They rode every ride, some more than once. It was relaxing and fun. On the plane ride back, she was surprised to realize that she hadn't thought about the SGC or her team for three whole days. That hadn't happened in years, except for when she was unconscious.
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Sam flopped down on the sofa and sighed. Pete looked up from his magazine. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
Pete sat the magazine down. "Sam." His eyes widened as he gave her an oh please look.
"I don't think General O'Neill trusts me to lead SG-1."
"That's ridiculous. He trained you himself."
"Exactly." Sam opened her hands wide. "Who better to know whether or not I'm ready."
Pete twisted and sat on his hip, so he was facing Sam. "Why do you think he doesn't trust you?"
"He sent another team with us when we went out."
"Is that unusual?"
"A bit."
"But you were still technically in charge?"
Sam winced. "Yes, but the other team's leader has been in charge of a team longer than I have."
"Ahhhh."
"It didn't help that General O'Neill had to break protocol to bring us home."
"Break protocol?"
"I can't talk about it." Sam had the courtesy of looking chagrined as she said it.
"Did you talk to him about it?"
"I did." Sam sighed again. "He denied not trusting me, but I still have a bad feeling." She shook her head.
"So, is this more about you questioning yourself than him questioning you?"
Sam picked at a thread on the hem of her shirt. "Maybe."
Pete wrapped his hand around her wrist and gently pulled her closer. She acquiesced and slid closer to him. "Every new job comes with a learning curve, even if you've spent the last eight years watching someone else do that job." He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up. "It's ok to question yourself as long as those questions make you better. You will find your own style." He smiled at her. "You're amazing Sam."
She felt moisture in her eyes. "Thanks."
He leaned forward, giving her a small quick kiss. "The only person who doubts you is you and you should know better." He kissed her again. "You were made for this." He kissed her again. "You deserve this." He kissed her again.
This time she wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. He gave her the power to move them forward, knowing she was still getting over her recent capture and feeling she needed to be in control. It was hard for him to let go, since he preferred to be the one directing the action, but she needed this.
As they laid in bed later that night, he replayed their earlier session on the sofa. He knew he'd never again be able to sit on her sofa and watch television without thinking of her riding him until she screamed her release. She'd never made much noise when they'd had sex before and he found it a bit disturbing. Luckily when they came to bed, he asserted himself and their love making was more like he preferred.