Chapter 20.

It was getting late and Dean and Jules had talked about the ghoul hunt and the bunker. Sam had been right. Whatever subject he chose, she went along with. He was glad of that, even though it underlined how vulnerable she considered him to be.

"I need to know something." he said, "How forgiving are your fellow off-worlders when it comes to me?"

"Forgiving about what?" she said.

"Oh, come on! I provided a vessel for your greatest enemy when I should have found a way to kill him. I let him gain a foothold in this world. I endangered all of you."

"That's a lot of guilt for one person." she said.

"Tip of the iceberg, sister." he said.

"You really think that's what we're all thinking?"

"Of course it is." he said.

"So Michael coming here is your fault, not Lucifer's? Because I'm pretty sure Lucifer did it."

"At the time I did what I did, Michael was weak and injured."

"And in the bunker and an archangel. Even if you'd refused, he could have killed a lot of us and we needed Lucifer dead." said Jules, "And archangels don't die easily. He would have struggled on long enough to find another vessel."

"Maybe."

"And whoever he found would have been submerged beneath his personality forever. Yes, you gave him a vessel, but you gave him the only vessel capable of fighting back."

"Which I failed to do. And maybe nobody else would have been dumb enough to say yes, even if he could find a vessel that could hold him."

"In my world, when they needed a vessel, they didn't fool around trying to look for a strong enough one. They'd just blast their way through as many as it took until they found one that survived and when it came to getting consent, they'd use any torture they had to."

"I withdrew my consent. It made no difference." he said.

"Cas doesn't understand how he stayed." she said. "Sorry." she added realising that she had said his name.

"It's fine. I need to be okay with it."

"Did Michael explain anything?"

"To me? He barely saw me as a person. He felt no need to explain anything at all. His will was all that mattered."

"He was the worst of them all. There were rumours that he killed his brother."

"More than rumours. He definitely killed Lucifer."

"Not Lucifer. In our world, Gabriel befriended humans. Michael forbade him to maintain contact with them. Then he caught him with a human lover and they say he murdered him in a fit of rage. I don't know if it was true."

In his heart, Dean knew it was true. Michael was so sure of his own righteousness, so absolute in his rules. If their Gabriel had been anything like this world's, he would have triggered Michael's fury. Michael would have done to him what he had done to the world he saw as imperfect ... what he would do to this one unless stopped. "I can believe it." he said.

"Nobody blames you for what Michael is doing." said Jules.

"I do. I always will."

"Do you blame Jack, or Sam?"

"No, of course not."

"My flyboy blames himself. He thinks he shoud have knocked you out before you could say yes."

"I gave him no chance to do that."

"And if he'd done it, he'd now be blaming himself for letting Jack and Sam die. And so would you. And he'd blame himself for you blaming yourself. Everything to do with your family is guilt-edged."

"Yeah. True. So how do we fix him?"

"There are no shortcuts. We start by fixing you. He needs to help you, Dean. So does Sam."

"Sarah thinks I can come out of this as myself. I don't see how. Everything I was would have resisted Michael. Everything I was would have fought until he had to give in."

"And you're so sure you didn't do exactly that."

"He left because the vessel was damaged."

"With a healed scar? I think he left because he'd tethered a tiger with a hair and suddenly realised he had no chance of controlling it. Michael has power ... more than any human can have, but you have far greater strength. He left because you gave him no choice."

"That's not how it feels."

She drank some whisky and sighed. "We all owe you and your brother everything. I owe you more than most. I had nothing left in that world and you brought me to this one and treated me like family."

"You are family." he said.

Suddenly, very quietly, she said, "My father's still alive in this reality."

His heart sank. She was too clever not to know that she could have no contact with those who happened to be alternate versions of her family.

"I know it's not him." she said.

"No, it's not." he said.

"But when I saw he was alive ... There's nothing for me there, just reminders of what I lost. But the bunker and the farm, they feel like home and the people there are the first family I've had in a long time. You and Sam made that family."

"And Cas." said Dean, making himself say the name.

"Yes, Cas too."

"At times, you may feel tempted to contact your father. Don't do it. It's not him. Believe me, I know the attraction of dreams and illusions, but you end as a basket case or monster bait."

"I know." she said, "He has my Dad's name, face and DNA, but that man lost his daughter a long time ago. I'm not her and he's not my father but that's okay. I have someone who loves me and I have my Winchester brothers and Mary and Jack and Bobby. I'm not alone now."

"Did you tell Cas about your father?"

"No. Do you think I should?" she asked.

"Talking is good, or so people keep telling me."

"One of the ghouls punched me in the face. He saw the bruise. I think it was more painful to him than me."

He looked closely at her face. "The bruise isn't obvious."

"He healed it."

He nodded, impressed. "You let him use angelic powers on you?"

"It makes me nervous, but it's easier every time."

"I didn't know he had healed you before."

"He hadn't, but sometimes, I let him put me to sleep. Fewer night terrors that way and it lets him know that I trust him ... which I do. I still have angel issues, but, like you, I'm working on them. Every little victory means a lot to him."

"You mean a lot to him."