Death Note: A Slightly Different Note

by litterateur97

The original Death Note story with one major twist, Misa meets L first. Can the young model who longs to be loved find happiness with the world's greatest detective? Or is everything destined to end in tragedy? My first fanfiction in a very, very long time. Read and review! Thanks for reading!

10. Chapter 10

One more kiss could be the best thing

But one more lie could be the worst

And all these thoughts are never resting

And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now

This world falls on me

In this world there's real and make believe

And this seems real to me

You love me but you don't know who I am

I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand

And you love me but you don't know who I am

So let me go

Let me go

3 Doors Down, "Let Me Go"

I don't usually do the whole song before a chapter thing, but I think this is a really good song for understanding where L's head is at in this chapter.

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Chapter 10 : Let Me Go

December 4, 2003

It was 5:47am on a Thursday that L found himself sitting in front of his computer screen on the floor of another random hotel in France, waiting for the ICPO meeting in another country to begin. The meeting was occurring in China at 1pm, and with the seven-hour time difference, L only had thirteen minutes to prepare himself for what he wanted to say at this meeting.

He had hoped that he might have at least an one week advantage to investigate the recent string of heart attack related deaths before the police forces around the world would catch on to the suspicious pattern, but he was only afforded a three day head start. Unfortunately, there would be no avoiding working with the police on this case. L believed most police forces to be largely incompetent, and he worked much better by himself or with a small team of trusted associates, but he would have to make do for this unprecedented situation.

By his calculation, there had been at least 300 heart attack related deaths in the last five days that did not seem to be related to preexisting conditions. Looking at the data the United States collected on cardiovascular disease, at least 2,000 people died each day from it in their country, but these deaths were occurring around the world in other countries that did not have as big a problem with heart disease.

At first L thought that the police might be involved in this recent string of murders as many of the reported victims had been those who were already behind bars. Perhaps they were testing new injections on criminals? Or new foods were being served in the prisons? It didn't seem like something out of the ordinary for most nations, especially the United States, but after wasting a few hours digging there, he came up with nothing. His sources connected to the prison industrial complex had nothing for him and he then found that a large rate of victims had been wanted criminals who had not yet been arrested.

After discovering that the majority of the victims did not have preexisting conditions and that the only commonality had been that they were criminals reported on the news, L found a new direction for his investigation. If he could find the first victim, he would be able to find the killer. All of the victims seemed to be reported on global news channels, except for one, the very first known surprise incident of a criminal dying of a heart attack, Kurou Otoharada on November 28th. Otoharada had no prior record before he held people up in a hostage situation around 6:30pm last Friday. The incident had only been reported on the local news in Tokyo, making it likely that the killer L was looking for was from Japan.

From there, things seemed to slowly fall into place. The majority of the victims had actually been from Japan and the majority of their deaths occurred between 4pm and 2am Japan time on weekdays. Yes, L was certain that the culprit he was looking for was from Japan. Being able to narrow the list of suspects to one country may not have seemed like much, and for other cases it wouldn't be, but this was different. This was the worst serial killer L had seen in history, and they seemed to have some sort of power that allowed them to kill so many so quickly.

While L had done the work to figure out the location of his suspect, L still could not determine how these murders were being conducted. He had a theory he would have to test out, but he would need the ICPO to cooperate with him to accomplish this, hence the important meeting. L knew that he was greatly respected by the police for being able to solve so many cases in their place, but he also knew his reputation of only choosing cases that were interesting to him had placed some doubts in their heads. Nevertheless, he was 88% confident they would go along with his plan with little explanation needed from him, even if they were uncertain. If his test worked the way he expected it to, they would understand his meaning in no time.

When Watari gave L word of this meeting, he became more certain that the police, or at least those attached to the ICPO, were not directly involved in the murders, as even they didn't know what was happening. That didn't mean the killer didn't have connections to the police, however. L would have to be careful in the set up and execution of his plan. At the moment, only Watari and the two FBI agents L worked with indirectly on his last case knew of the location L was planning to hold his confrontation with the killer from.

The plan was simple in nature, complicated in execution. He would take a criminal already scheduled to be executed the next day and have them pretend to be L. They would serve as L's puppet, saying to the killer exactly what L would say in a face to face scenario, but while being filmed by the two FBI agents that had already been cleared by L. The broadcast would be live and although they would say it was being shown all over the world, it would only be shown in Japan, starting with the largest region, Kanto, before testing the others. If the criminal died as the justice system had already determined they should, no harm, no foul. If they survived, they would be pardoned for their crimes. L was 98% sure that his opponent would not allow the fake L to live.

Kira, as the internet had dubbed the killer, obviously wanted to be known by the public. With so many deaths in such a short period of time with such a clear pattern, it was obvious that they wanted people to catch on and understand that they were punishing criminals. They had gained some sort of power, tested it out on their first victim, and now planned to show the world what they were capable of. As L stood in the way of that, he was certain his opponent would not hesitate to take him out. He was counting on it.

He had already chosen his fake Kira just the other day as he was forming this trap. Penber had recently reported to him that Lind L. Tailor was scheduled to be executed on December 5th at 5pm Japan time. The trial and sentencing had been a speedy process, not that anyone knew that Mary Amane had been Deneuve, but Kiyoshi Amane had been a well respected figure in the business world of Japan and his allies wanted revenge on his murderer. It worked to L's favor that Tailor had a name that fit with the L persona, and his status as a foreigner from the States made it more likely for people to believe he was the real L. He was an older man as well, not too old, but old enough to be considered experienced in the field. He fit L's needs quite nicely, and the detective told himself the choice had absolutely nothing to do with Misa.

There were other criminals scheduled to be executed on that day of course, and looking outside of Japan he could have found the other boxes checked off as well, but it was easier to find someone already in the same country as L's suspect. It was moral to choose someone who had already been prosecuted and sentenced in Japan rather than bringing in a criminal that had gone through the criminal justice proceedings elsewhere. Not all of the nations had the same standards, after all. If it just so happened that this might be something that would make Misa happy or feel more at ease, well then that was just a happy accident. Or an unintended consequence.

Honestly, if L could have chosen someone else, he would have. If Misa had not already caught onto the Kira murders, this would surely attract her attention to the case, and L wanted to keep her as far away from this as possible. He was quickly realizing that he didn't really know what he was up against and that this would be the hardest case of his career. And with the test he was planning for tomorrow, he wasn't even 100% confident that he would survive, but he was pretty sure things would go as he theorized. He didn't want Misa to be dragged into this, and he definitely didn't want to see her hurt.

Speaking of hurting, it was already Thursday and he had not called her yet this week. She would be expecting an explanation, especially once she learned of tomorrow's outcomes. She might even expect him to visit her again considering the last time he missed their weekly call, that's what he did. He would most likely eventually have to travel to Japan to work more directly on the case once he got closer to narrowing down his list of suspects. Perhaps when he travelled, he could- No. What was he thinking? He couldn't visit Misa again.

It shouldn't have even happened the first time. He wasn't thinking, if he had been, he wouldn't have gone. He knew nothing good would come of it, and now he had gone and made things worse. It had only happened because of a series of circumstances. His last case had been in Indonesia, which wasn't too far off from Japan, and Misa was the only person he knew closest to his geographical location. Watari had needed to head back to the Wammy House for an emergency, so L was alone, and he couldn't take on a new case without his right-hand man. Well, he could have, but it was that time of year again where he always found himself in a depressive episode. His birthday.

Watari had asked L to travel back to England with him, but L didn't want to go near that orphanage again. Ever since he had to explain to Mello what happened to his former roommate… Well, it had been tough for him. And heading back on his birthday of all days didn't seem like the best idea for his mental health. He also didn't want to be alone, so he had booked himself a flight to Osaka and rented a car to see a friendly face. Because he and Misa were friends. Or at least, that's what they were supposed to be.

He hadn't meant for anything to happen between them. He just figured she would provide some company and maybe he'd convince her to eat sweets with him and she'd tell him all about how her career was booming. She often talked about her career and her friends with him on the phone, so he didn't think it would be any different face to face. He knew she had a habit of teasing him, and maybe the number of cold showers he took had increased ever since he first met her, but it was under control. They had kissed to get it out of their systems back in July, and so there was no reason for anything more to happen between them.

Except for the small detail that he never actually got it out of his system. The little tidbit that he often dreamed about her. The fact that he collected all her magazines and watched her every commercial. The reality that her teasing phone calls left him frustrated and he had maybe touched himself after a few of them. But what did any of that really mean? Dreams didn't hold nearly as much meaning as people thought they did, people often dreamed about what they saw in their day to day life, and sex dreams were just as normal as every other dream. Collecting pieces of her work just meant he was a fan, and why shouldn't he be? She was very talented at her job. And in those phone calls she had been trying to provoke a reaction from him, it was only normal that he responded. He was only human.

It wasn't like he was in denial. He'd known from day one that he found her physically attractive. He liked her personality and they got along well, so there was no reason for him not to like her. Everyone on his team liked Misa, she was a very likable person. He knew he was infatuated with her, and he knew she held similar feelings towards him, but he also knew there was no possibility of a relationship between them. It would only end in disaster. And so, they decided to be friends, and they were just friends.

But the moment he walked in the door and saw her in that large t-shirt and socks with nothing else, he knew he had made a mistake. And yet, he could not find the willpower to leave. He hadn't meant for things to go the way they did, but she had been soft and comforting and there was something in her eyes that night that felt like she saw him. Really, truly saw him, and not just L. Nobody ever saw him.

It was a ridiculous notion, they had only known each other for half a year, and she didn't really know him. He knew her, he knew everything there was to know, but he could never allow her in the same way she let him in. It was for her protection. If anything happened to her, he'd… Well, there was about an 89% chance that if something bad happened to Misa, L wouldn't be able to think rationally until he recovered from his grief.

Maybe he was a bit emotionally attached to the blonde. She was definitely a huge distraction. In the month that followed their last encounter, he had maintained their weekly call while also being able to avoid any talk of what the incident meant for their relationship. He had convinced her that they needed to have that talk face to face, which he truly did believe, but he also knew it would be a long time before he saw her again if ever. However, their phone calls had taken on a new tone and had become more frequent.

They didn't just talk about her life anymore, he would sometimes tell her about what was going on in his life, without giving too many details about the cases he was working on. He would tell her what countries he'd been to recently, what sights he'd seen, and what sweets Watari purchased for him. There was also a lot more flirting on her end and maybe he was more responsive to it than he had been before. There was no harm in being more receptive of her flirting, and it made her happy when he didn't cut her off or try to get her stop like he would have before.

In the end, she had been right. Talking on the phone didn't put her in any danger and nobody but Watari knew about their weekly, or sometimes biweekly, calls. He found that he looked forward to these calls and hearing her voice again. Despite the fact that he was always busy, and that she had become much busier in the past month with her career and the birth of her niece, they always made time for each other. On one occasion, they even fell asleep while talking to each other.

He enjoyed where their relationship was at currently, there was no danger to her and no need to define things. They could simply just have fun with this little thing they had. Before the Kira case began, he had even thought that maybe he could chance a visit to her again, especially as her 19th birthday was coming up. All of that had changed in the last week though, and L knew he'd need to pull away from her again.

He was going to be quite busy holding meetings with the ICPO and he was afraid that once she learned about Tailor, she would want to be involved in the case. He planned on calling her tomorrow, after the showdown with Kira. He would explain everything to her and why it meant they needed to put some space between them until the case was over. Maybe she would understand and maybe she wouldn't, but no matter the outcome, L would keep his distance to protect her. He would not allow her to get tangled up in another mess.

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"I can't believe it. He's dead. Lind Tailor is dead. He's really dead! He is dead, right L? Gosh, it's not right to be happy about something like this, but it's true, isn't it?"

"Yes, Misa." L had expected this response from her, but he had not expected her happy reaction to make him happy. That was wrong, wasn't it?

"Thank you, L. Thank you so much! I feel like my parents' spirits can finally rest now." He could hear the struggle in her voice, she was holding back tears. She tried not to talk about her parents very often, but L knew from Misora and Penber that she had frequently visited their old house and sometimes would start crying out of nowhere when something reminded her of them. It was a pain he could relate to, and he thought it best not to point it out whenever she was dealing with her grief.

"He was scheduled to be executed on this day; it would have happened either way. There's no need to thank me." Sometimes he feared the only reason she liked him was because of this hero worship she seemed to hold for him. He wanted her to know he wasn't a hero. He wanted her to see him. And yet, he also didn't want her to know about all the things he had done, and was willing to do, to solve a case. He didn't want her to see him as a monster either.

"Ah, that's true. But at least this way it helps you with your case! I hear they are calling the killer 'Kira' online. Is it true he only kills criminals? And with heart attacks? How can that be?" She was getting excited and he could tell she expected him to tell her more about the case, even though he tried not to tell her anything about cases she wasn't involved in in the past. But she considered herself involved because it was the murderer of her parents that Kira killed. He knew this would happen.

"Misa, I want to be very clear about this. I don't want you looking anything up about Kira. I don't want you involved in this case." He had to be firm with her, otherwise she'd push, and he'd give.

"O-oh, Misa just thought that-That maybe you'd ask for my help on this case. I just wanted to know…" Her agency had her pick up this Misa-Misa persona recently where she often spoke in the third person. He knew she felt kind of stupid doing it, but her fans seemed to respond well to it. He wondered if maybe he made her feel stupid just then and that caused the slip up. That wasn't his intention.

"This is a very dangerous case. I don't want you anywhere near it. In fact, it would be best if we did not call each other as often until it is over." He tried to say it lightly, as lightly as one could manage with a monotone voice like his, but he knew the odds of her taking this well weren't high.

"What? I thought you said it was okay for us to call each other, that it didn't put me in any danger. Why do you need to pull away now?" Her voice was becoming a little more shrill, that wasn't a good sign. He wanted to appease her.

"It's only for the time being."

"For the-? Well how long is that going to be?" Before he could answer, she interjected again. "Today you asked him to kill you! What if you die? Do you want this to be the last conversation we have?"

Did she actually see the broadcast? It was only given in the Kanto region of Japan, and she's supposed to be in Osaka. "Are you in Tokyo right now?" An educated guess.

"What? Well, yeah, for a magazine shoot, but that's not important! You're avoiding my questions!"

So, she saw the broadcast. As it is currently 2am Japan time, she must have been waiting for him to call her for hours so she could question him on what happened. He had expected Misora or Penber to tell her what happened and to only tell her about Tailor, he hadn't expected her to see the broadcast herself. No matter. "I am prepared to die for any case if need be."

"But you don't have to be! Let me help you!"

"In what ways would you help?"

"Well, I don't know, but you could figure it out! Please? Isn't it better when we're together?" He had to admit, he did like being together, but there's no way he'd risk losing her.

"There's no role for you on this case. I would only be putting you in danger. I won't do that again." He should have left that last part out, he knows she's going to disagree.

"You didn't put me in danger! I put me in danger! But it doesn't matter, if others are willing to risk their life then I will be too! I want to be useful!" Useful? He doesn't like that; it sounds and feels wrong.

"Misa, I would be happiest if you stayed far away from this case and remained safe. I will still call you when I can, but I will be busier than before."

"Aren't you coming to Japan? Kira is in Japan, isn't he? We could stay in a hotel together again and I would stay hidden and I wouldn't get involved, but at least we'd be able to see each other." A small part of him wanted to agree to this, even though he knew the idea was ridiculous. He couldn't just hide her away in a hotel forever.

"Misa, being anywhere near me would put you in danger. That's why we agreed on the phone calls. Maybe once the case is over, we can go somewhere together..." He hadn't meant to offer that aloud, but now it was out there, and as he thought about it, it was an intriguing idea. He might never have another case like this one, maybe settling down- No. He needs to end this conversation; he isn't thinking clearly.

"Will you at least call me for Christmas?" He didn't expect her to give in so quickly, it was a little suspicious, but it would be better to end this call on a happy note.

"I will do my best. I know how important it is." He had already bought a present for her, two, actually. He really hoped the case would be solved before then so he could give them to her.

"Thank you, L. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying, I just miss you."

"I-" …miss you too… "will call you when I can." Coward.

"Goodnight, L."

"Goodbye, Misa."

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December 19, 2003

L was able to put together more of a profile for his suspect in the coming days, but he still was no closer to figuring out how exactly his suspect killed. It was strange, Kira had killed Tailor so quickly, but with all L's goading, Kira hadn't been able to kill him. It appeared that because Kira did not know what L looked like, he could not kill him. But somehow Kira had the power to kill people without directly being in the room… After all, from the cameras he had installed, he saw only Tailor and the two FBI agents in the recording room before Tailor suddenly dropped dead from a heart attack. Some sort of paranormal power seemed to be involved, it seemed ridiculous, but perhaps not unlikely. After all, he'd seen criminals with paranormal powers before.

The Kira Task Force had provided him more information about the times of death. While on weekdays the killings occurred between 4pm and 2am, on weekends and holidays the deaths were more scattered between 11am and 2am. From this information, it seemed likely that his suspect was a student, killing after classes and in his free time. However, he should have been careful in sharing this theory with the police, because three days later Kira had changed up his killing pattern, killing prisoners every hour for two weekdays. Kira had discovered that they were figuring out his pattern and needed to change it up, but also he had revealed that he could control the time of death. It seemed that Kira was directly challenging him and may have duped him before when leading him towards the theory that his suspect was a student.

L didn't want too many others to get involved in this case just yet, especially when it seemed likely that his opponent could kill his victims with just a name and a face, but the leak of information from the task force was concerning. And just a few days ago, several members had walked out after revealing that every victim who died had their face shown. L understood that these officers had families and that not all of them would be willing to risk their lives for this case, but with L also having his doubts about the force, it was also a bit suspicious. L needed to handle the information leak right away, and this would help him narrow his list of suspects, so he reached out to the FBI again. They had provided him with trusted associates thus far, and he thought it was unlikely that they were involved in the killings.

In fact, he was quite sure the person he was looking for was either a member of the task force in Japan or one of their family members, and going off of his earlier prediction, he decided to have someone he had worked with before follow the students on the list of suspects.

"Penber, the first one on the list I would like you to follow is Yagami Light."

"Of course, L. He's the son of the chief, right?"

"Yes, be careful while following him and be sure he does not see you. If you are caught, do not reveal your name to him."

"Understood."

L was surprised that Penber had agreed to the case as he had learned from Misa that he and Misora had become engaged and were planning a wedding for next fall. He almost felt bad for getting the man involved in the case, but Penber knew the risks and would not have accepted if he wasn't sure it was worth it. Part of him wished that Misora was still an agent as he saw her as the more competent one of the two, but Misa would be devastated if something happened to both of them… Well, that's not why it's important.

L had other concerns that were much more pressing. Today he had received information from Watari about three new victims that had died under more unusual circumstances. One had signed a picture in blood, one had left a note, and another had escaped prison and collapsed in a public restroom. It seemed that Kira was testing something with these new victims and revealing that he could not just control the time of death but could also control the actions of a person before they died.

L had told the task force not to reveal these deaths to the media, but he couldn't be sure the members wouldn't share this information with their families, once again throwing more suspicion onto them. With his FBI agents following these suspects, they would surely notice someone acting off, especially if Kira is planning something big right now as L believes.

There was also the matter of the secret message left to him, "L, do you know?" Do you know… what? For now, he'd leave the suspects to the agents and he'd focus on these messages coming from the prisons. It was important for him to look over them and see what else Kira was trying to tell him, maybe he'd leave another clue. Kira was becoming bold, and when one is bold, they open themselves up more to possibility of making a mistake.

He needed to find Kira and put a stop to this monster. Someone who killed and had no problem using others as guinea pigs. Someone who seemed to have the ability to kill with just a face and a name. This was the worst murderer L had ever seen and with a power so terrifying that he needed to be stopped as soon as possible.

It was already the 19th, and Misa's birthday was in just a few days. L hadn't called her since Tailor's death, he'd been too busy trying to narrow his list of suspects and figure out the extent of Kira's power. He doubted that his rival would take a break for the holidays, but he wanted to keep his promise to Misa. In the past few days, he had moved into a random hotel in Japan, and he had to fight the absurd urge to go and visit her.

He missed her. He knew that she was safe, much safer without his presence, but his desire to go and see her was strong. He felt stupid, he knew it was a bad idea, but something was always pulling him towards her, it was hard to fight. These feelings were dangerous, dangerous for both of them. He needed to let them go, he needed her to let him go. It was a good thing she didn't know his number or how to contact him, or surely, he'd give in to these feelings. He knew getting close to each other was a bad idea, they were only going to end up hurt.

He had been pacing around his apartment for an hour, he needed to take a break. And though his fingers itched for his phone, it was another cup of coffee that he grabbed instead.

.

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Author's Note: L: Am I in love with Misa Amane? OF COURSE NOT.
Everyone: Uh... I didn't ask you that.

I hope you enjoyed L's POV! I hope this made it more clear where his head is at in their relationship and also with the case. I tried to follow the manga pretty closely and add on more thoughts so it was more believable how he narrowed it down so quickly. We also get some nice ~foreshadowing~

I'll be following canon for a bit, but there will be a break from it soon. This is my own reimagining and we gotta fit the relationship in there somehow, so I hope you all like the changes I make!

Until next time! Thanks as always for reading!