The start of this chapter probably took me the longest of any of them to write. I don't know why, maybe I just don't want to mess up their feelings :)

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

The Turning of Tides

Next Day, November, 6th Year

Lily had always known James Potter was fit. She'd seen him advance through puberty, going in awkward and coming out of it better than anyone could have ever dared hope for (herself included)… And she knew that, paired with the self-confidence that oozed out of him, meant he got a lot of female attention nowadays, whether in class or at the bar. She knew that. She'd seen it. So why was it hitting her so hard now? Why was seeing everyone absolutely idolize him at the game striking a different chord?

She looked down to the diary lying open in her lap as she sat in her bed. She'd been trying to put into words how yesterday had felt, and was having a bloody hard time. Firstly, her arousal had been insane — seeing James captain in the air was something she hoped she could keep doing for the rest of her life. If there was a sexuality dedicated to being attracted to powerful men that flew, sign her the fuck up. And then the sex… that's where things got tricky. While the act itself had blown her mind, my god, was it amazing, she couldn't shake the feeling that he had been punishing her. Taking something red-hot and angry out on her. She figured they had a safe word, and everything had been enjoyable (a little too enjoyable perhaps) so that was all fine and dandy, but how he'd left her afterwards? That just made her feel dirty and used.

She was pretty sure what had set him off was seeing her with Adam. And therein lay the problem. She was her own person and got to make her own damn choices about whom she hung out with and when.

But seeing those other women cheering and all but groveling for him? It pissed her off. Was he sleeping with any of them? Had he already slept with any of them? Did he want to? I mean, he's perfectly within his right to, it's not like we're officially an item, he can do whatever he bloody well pleases just like me!

And therein lay an even bigger problem: she was starting to realize she was just as jealous and possessive as he was.

"You can't avoid me forever, you know." Lily nearly jumped out of her skin when she noticed James leaning against her bedroom door pensively. He fully shrugged off his Invisibility Cloak and threw a wrapped sandwich onto her lap, his map in his other hand.

He closed the door behind him and walked to the side of her bed.

"How the fuck did you get up here?" Lily scanned from him to the door. She wasn't imagining things, was she? She hastily glanced down to herself, still in bed in her pajamas in the middle of the day: it wasn't the best look. At least she'd brushed her teeth.

James folded his map, pocketed it, and looked up to her as he sat on the edge of the mattress. Lily snapped shut her diary, terrified he'd get a peek into her inner turmoil. "I told you, Evans. It's a terribly designed system. You're as much of a sexual deviant as I am."

Lily huffed. "That's hardly true."

He cocked an eyebrow up. "You sure? I mean, I'd never even dreamed of getting a hand-job in class until you started doing it—"

"Bullshit."

"— there I was… an innocent young lad. Being taken advantage of by an older woman." She rolled her eyes. Why was he trying to make her laugh? "They should rename that class: Defense Against the Horny Lily Evans. And then the whole hour is just them teaching you that there is none."

She fought off a smile. "Okay, if you won't tell me how you got here, could you at least tell me why?"

James kicked off his shoes, making himself comfortable. "I told you. You can't avoid me forever."

"I'm not avoiding you."

James nodded his head to her PJ bottoms. "All those penguins disagree with you."

Lily pushed her hair back, revealing her deep purple hickey. "Maybe I just can't go out looking like this."

James reached over and skimmed the bruise with his fingertips, sending chills down her spine. "It's too bad you don't have your scarf anymore, isn't it?"

Lily sulked. Just when I was letting my guard down. Of course, he was pissed about Adam. He'd clearly seen him wearing her scarf yesterday. She slapped James' hand off of her. "I think we should start wearing condoms," she said matter of factly.

James' head jerked back. "What? Why?" His eyes went wide. "Did something go wrong?"

"No, not like that, but I think it would be the responsible thing to do." She played with the ends of her long hair. "You know, for like STIs and stuff."

James scooted a little closer. "Okay. Why now though? I'm pretty sure if I had any STIs, you'd have them by now." He chuckled at her peeved look and held up his hands. "I don't have any, jeez, I get tested."

Lily fidgeted. "Good. I just think, you know, since you may be sleeping with other girls… it would be safer."

"I'm not though." His face shifted from confused to insufferably knowing. "Oh. Is this your way of asking me if I'm fucking around?"

"No," Lily said stubbornly. That was exactly what she was doing.

James smiled, and though Lily found it annoying, she was sad when he wasn't, for his face morphed into something far more ominous only a few seconds later. "Are you?"

They stared each other down. "No."

"You sure?"

Lily shook her head, insulted. "Yes Potter, I think I'd bloody know if I were screwing someone else."

James ran a hand through his hair. "Well fuck Evans, what the fuck am I supposed to think when you show up to our pitch, in that cute hat, with his arm draped around you like that? It was fucked up. I thought that was our thing," he said the last part so softly, she almost missed it.

Oh. She hadn't thought about the similarities with their first date. "So that's why you treated me like shit yesterday?"

His eyes flew from his socks to her fiery eyes. He looked like the cat got his tongue.

"It's fine," Lily brushed off, pretending like how he'd left her hadn't kept her up half the night. "You don't have to be nice, but I need you to respect me. Rule number seven."

James studied her so hard that she started to get self-conscious.

"What?" she snapped.

He drew his legs up onto her bed so he could regard her dead on while she leaned against her headboard. He rested his elbows on his spread knees. "Do you want a relationship?"

"No!" Lily shrieked as a knee-jerk reaction. Had she wanted one last year? Abso-fucking-lutely. But last year had been so different… Lily knew herself well enough to realize she was nowhere near in the right headspace to date someone now. To be there for someone else. She felt like she had just started showing up for herself. Did she really want to jeopardize all the work she'd put into piecing herself back together? She had spent months building a wall around her heart — protecting it against the pain of loss, neglect, rejection, abuse… She'd done everything in her power to ensure she wouldn't get blindsided by another break. She didn't think she could tear that down quite yet.

Lily pondered if this was exactly how he'd felt last year. Sirius had alluded to the fact that there'd been some issue he'd been struggling with. And he tried to tell you. But you never heard him out…

Besides, even if there was a small, minuscule really, but highly, highly embarrassing, part of her that did want a relationship, with him, right now, just as he was… she was afraid that admitting to that might push him away. It might scare him off. It might make whatever this was between them stop. And where would that leave her?

Lily didn't have a lot of time to ruminate because James took offense to her record response time. "Wow, well you don't have to be so rude about it."

"How am I the rude one here? You just nutted and left, remember?" Lily said incredulously.

"Fucking A," James sighed, pulling off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're so bloody confusing."

"Am not—"

His eye contact hit differently without the glass there to obscure it. The gold specks shone extra brightly, her favorite constellation in her very own sky, and she felt his honest to Merlin mystification with her. He was truly pleading with her to just put him out of his misery already. "What do you want from me, Evans?"

"I…" she stuttered, unable to look away.

"You flinch when I'm affectionate, you tell me to shut up if I talk too much, you try to murder me if I cuddle, but you're mad if I leave?"

She swallowed. It sounded insane when he said it aloud like that, but it made perfect sense to her — in her head. It all boiled down to survival. "There's a difference."

"What is it?" he pushed.

"Potter, it should be obvious—"

"It's not though!" James was clearly at the end of his rope, leaning forward. "And then you let the Hufflepuff hang all over you."

"Don't say that—"

"It's true though!"

"Don't yell at me."

"Why? Why does he get to hold you but I don't?"

Something in Lily snapped. He was pushing her too far, asking too much of her. "Because he never broke my heart!" She felt like she'd just ripped off a piece of her soul and thrown it at his face.

The two teens were left gaping at each other in the silence that followed Lily's bomb. He had to have known that. It can't be news to him… But even Lily knew that there was just something so raw about hearing it aloud, from her, even if he'd already had an inkling before.

"Lily…" There he went again, sounding pained and pitying her.

Lily looked up to her canopy, blinking away the tears she could feel forming. "It's fine. I'm fine. It was last year."

"Okay," his voice was cracking slightly, "so where does that leave us now?"

Lily chewed on her lip as he placed his things on her nightstand and scooted next to her against the headboard, resting his head back and closing his eyes. He looked almost defeated.

She turned her head to him, matching his dramatic shift in mood. "Well, what do you want?" she breathed.

He looked at her, his eyelashes unfairly long, his freckles unfairly cute, his lips unfairly close. "You. Literally any way I can have you."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?"

He smiled at her sadly. "You'll figure it out."

Lily swallowed through her slight confusion, eyes darting between his lips and his eyes, now the one pleading for some form of clarity. He can't mean what I think he does. He can't. He wouldn't have acted the way he does this whole time if he did. They were so close to reaching a sort of understanding that she could almost taste it; she just had to push a little bit farther now… If he actually liked her as he claimed to, why the random cruel jabs, the toying with her? Was he maybe confusing liking her with owning her? Being the only man to possess her? Especially after yesterday's performance, she didn't think it was too far out there of her to wonder. If this really wasn't all a sick game to him… "Why couldn't you date me last year?"

Hazel met emerald as he slowed his face's lean into her lips. This was important. "I—"

"You're joking, there's no way!" Brianna's voice coming up the stairs to her room snapped Lily out of her trance with James. Just like that, the moment was gone.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Lily chanted, scrambling up on her knees and quickly drawing all the curtains closed around her bed.

"What are you—" James watched her quizzically.

"They can't know you're in here," Lily whispered back frantically.

"Why? Are you that embarrassed by me?" James asked amused, kicking his legs out in front of him.

"Yes! Now shut up!" Lily patted down her comforter, looking for her wand, only to realize it was on her nightstand just as she heard the bedroom door open.

She looked over to James panicked. 'Wand?' she mouthed, swishing an invisible one in her hand.

James smiled and pointed in the direction of her nightstand, currently blocked by a curtain.

Lily deflated and sunk into the pillow next to James, accepting her fate. James eagerly turned on his side to face her. He didn't look at all annoyed to be trapped here with her.

Lily heard the voices of Betty and Lisa — Brianna's annoying little lackeys, her two last roommates — talking with her. She prayed they wouldn't see James' things just beside her bed. Luckily for her, her roommates knew she oft kept her bed curtains closed, so at least that wouldn't look suspicious. They'd always call her lazy for refusing to make her bed each morning. Lily would point out why bother if you were only going to get right back in there that night and mess it all up.

"Dude, they're definitely shagging."

"No way, she's wound so tightly, you know she isn't getting any. They're probably just heavy snogging."

Lily made a face, but James looked like he was holding in a chuckle. Her eyes flew to him disapprovingly, ridiculously close to her on her pillow.

"Unless she is and he's just no good," Betty said. It was James' turn to look disgruntled and Lily smothered her hand over his mouth in case his ego rendered him unable to remain quiet.

Brianna jumped in. "No, he's good. He was just starting out with me and he still pulled out some moves I've haven't seen since." Lily couldn't believe this — it was like 5th year all over again. Having to listen to this girl preach about James' sex skills while she lay in her bed wishing she could die. Only now the boy in question was lying right in front of her, his hand coming to rest on her lower back to pull her into his body.

"Okay, but why is she such a stuck-up bitch still? She clearly thinks she's better than everyone else. I don't know why Marlene insists we try to be nice to her."

James' hand snuck into her bottoms, and Lily reacted swiftly, grabbing him by the wrist. He looked at her confused. 'Too sore,' Lily mouthed.

James' lips stretched straight out. 'Sorry.'

She was still hearing snippets of their conversation now, and it only seemed to be getting more and more critical of the two of them. She was pretty sure she'd heard Brianna use the words 'daddy issues.'

James grabbed for the sandwich he'd brought with him and unwrapped it, sticking it in her face. Lily swatted it away, trying not to laugh when he took a bite and then tempted her with it once more, eyebrows raised. He was making faces like it was the best thing he'd ever tasted in his life. She took a bite to make him stop, hiding her mouth behind her hand. Then he pulled out the map she'd seen from afar many times before and, as quietly as he could, unfolded it, showing her. Oh my god, he's trying to distract me, she realized. When she saw what was on the map, she no longer cared: It. Was. Incredible. All of Hogwarts was drawn before her, in stunningly intricate detail, with passageways, rooms, and… people? Lily looked at James in awe, a thousand questions running through her head. So many moments, as well as his constant impeccable timing, now made sense. "You made this?" He nodded absorbing her stunned look. "How?" she whispered.

He grinned, biting his lip. Had they inched closer to one another on the pillow? "A lot of hard work," he hushed back.

Oh fuck. That insane, undeniable attraction to him was back. Lily closed the space between them, locking their mouths in a slow but steady pace as her hand came to rest on his cheek. Seeing how wildly talented he was, just how wickedly smart, was so fucking hot. Without the promise of sex around the corner, their kiss felt more relaxed in a way. The passion was still there, but it felt like their sole purpose in the moment was to give in to each other's lips as their minds blissfully soared. Lily wasn't even aware when she'd hitched her leg up to his hip, but it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

When she pulled back slightly, he looked at her like she was a dream, his mouth's slight uptick telling her just how happy he was. She wanted to eavesdrop, focus her attention back to outside of the curtains, but then he brought the back of two of his fingers to her cheek, stroking down ever so gently, around her chin, and back again. His thumb traced her lips.

As the girls' conversation moved to where the hell Dorcas may be, James and Lily continued to let get lost in each other's heady gazes, kissing as they saw fit. (They saw fit a lot.)

Several hours later, James was finally able to sneak out of her room — the torture! — but only after their lips had gotten decidedly bruised from overuse and James concluded Lily deserved a back massage instead. Lily was convinced he had only done so to try to get them caught, since Lily's urge to moan seemed to be uncontrollable through all of his touches, not just the sexual ones. Then again, how could Lily's mind not wander into the gutter when she felt his warm crotch straddling her arse to get the right angle over her.

James had made a big, silent, show of discovering she wasn't wearing a bra when he finagled her shirt off for her back rub, expression comically and over-dramatically stunned. Lily ended up whispering how she was down to her last bra since he'd broken or stolen all the rest. James claimed ignorance, then commenced his massage skills, clearly honed from years of recovering from backbreaking practices. His strong hands were absolute magic and Lily became putty in them, feeling her knots melting away. He'd ended his ministrations by using his mouth on her front side. Lily, flat on her back and arching into him, silently wished all Sundays could be this way.

Needless to say, she was sad to see him go, but really didn't hate watching him leave. (He had the nicest, tight little bum.)

It wasn't until the next morning that Lily realized he must have stolen her final bra as he escaped her dorm. How he'd managed it, she had no idea — the man was truly a sneaky bastard. The only way she was in fact sure the bra was stolen and not just misplaced was that in its stead was a folded Gryffindor scarf. Monogramed on one end were the letters J.F.P. James Fucking Potter, she sighed to herself. She could have asked Marlene to borrow hers again, but she figured, why not just wear his. Clearly, he wanted her to.

Besides, she'd get him back for stealing her bras, one way or another.

"Really? You can't remember anything from this year?" Sirius asked Dorcas at lunch. She'd been found this morning and already checked out by Pomfrey.

"Nope, nothing after this summer," Dorcas sighed. "Captain, I'm so sorry I missed the game," she said to James glumly.

James looked startled. "Hey, we're just happy we got you back." He slung his arm around her shoulders, trying to make her feel better. "We wish you could remember what happened though so we could give them a little payback."

Dorcas looked sadly to her plate. "I wish I did too."

Lily leaned forward. "Did Pomfrey say anything about what she thinks happened?"

"Lily," Sirius said faux-affronted. "Show a little compassion." Lily shot him a look.

"Yeah," Dor answered. "She thinks the memory loss is the result of Dark Magic gone wrong." Everyone stiffened uncomfortably. "Like someone was trying to perform a spell they weren't quite strong enough for and it sort of… went pretty friggin' wrong."

Unconsciously, James and Lily's eyes found each other. She could tell he was worried as hell for her. The Wizarding World was on the brink of war and she and her kind were undesirable number ones. His expression was in stark contrast to the sly, heated looks he'd been sending her since he undoubtably noticed she was going braless this morning. He was always so attuned to her breasts — it was his completely useless sixth sense. Lily looked back to Dorcas quickly. "That's so scary."

"Yeah. But like, I feel normal. I was just really hungry." She forced a laugh, loading more potatoes onto her plate.

"I can't believe Slytherin would stoop so low to win a game, the bastards," Sirius grumbled.

"Do we really think this was about Quidditch?" Lily eyed the boys, her gaze settling on Remus. He seemed to be the only one who shared her skepticism.

"Yeah, Lily, people take Quidditch seriously," Sirius said. "And I would—"

"No," Remus said. "Just no."

Sirius shrugged, unfazed. "My money's on Rosier, the pretty-boy git." Apparently he completely missed the irony of this statement, being far too pretty himself.

Marlene shifted next to her. She would later tell Lily (who was inevitably worried sick for her) in the comfort of their room that it couldn't have been Rosier who attacked Dorcas, because she was with him for hours before the match. Things had been progressing nicely for the pair and Marlene couldn't hide just how smitten she was.

Lily pondered the turn of events. She couldn't believe that students would practice Dark Magic on a fellow classmate just for a game. It felt more sinister than a mere House rivalry. Far more sinister. Lily had seen Severus coming from the basement that morning… could he have been involved? She was aware that a lot of Death Eater wannabes were on the Slytherin team… but Severus couldn't have done this… right? Lily refused to believe he'd fallen quite that deep. There is a difference between men who commit evil and those who just stand by and let it happen.

Or did it all boil down to the same in the end?

"Well," James' warm voice brought her back to the Great Hall, "like I said, welcome back."

"Thank you." Dorcas smiled. "Let's see if I last here now. I have no idea how I'm gonna catch up on three months of lessons I can't even remember."

"Easy," Lily supplied, "we can all tutor you. I'll do Potions if you want."

Relief washed over Dorcas' face. "Really? I mean, you wouldn't mind?"

Lily beamed. "Of course not. Maybe Brianna could teach Transfiguration?" She turned to the girl who had just snapped at attention, completely unprepared to be brought up in the conversation. "I mean, she did turn her ex-boyfriend into a goat in 4th year. So, she knows what she's doing." Lily was blatantly sucking up, hoping to mend the fence between her and her roommates, if only for the sake of no longer having to hear their mean taunts.

"What the hell are you talking about, no I didn't," Brianna sneered, looking at Lily disgusted.

"What? But he—"

"It's okay Evans, I can catch her up on Transfig," James cut in, giving her a sweet grin.

"Yeah, since it was him who turned McGregor into a goat," Sirius chortled.

"What? Why?" Lily looked between the two best friends.

James opened his mouth, but Sirius beat him to it. "I believe he had just said what a nice rack you had. So Prongs here gave him his own rack." He extended his pointer fingers out from his forehead, then turned to James, fingers still wiggling. "Or was it because he was too horny?"

James shrugged smugly. "Both were applicable." Lily looked at them, mouth open, dumbstruck. James gave her a wink. "It's okay Evans, you can thank me later."

Lily looked to her lap, blushing, unable to think of a retort in time. She guessed everyone was at least slightly aware that something was going on between them after he'd publicly dragged her from the common room, but it was still an extremely suggestive statement. Brianna got up and left the table in a huff as the grey clouds above them broke open, unleashing a torrential downpour.

As if sensing Lily's unease, Marlene jumped in. "I can tutor you in Charms!"

"I'll do Care of Magical Creatures," Peter offered.

Lily hung by the front door, staring out over the lawn towards the Herbology greenhouse. There was no way she was getting to it without getting absolutely soaked and she was already so cold, wearing knee socks instead of stockings since James had ripped her only pair.

"You don't strike me as someone who's scared of getting a little wet." She looked up to James smiling beside her. Such a boy, back with his little double entendres.

"I'm not. I love the rain." She smiled, looking back out to the storm. "I haven't danced in it in so long," she sighed wistfully.

"So what's the problem then?"

Lily smirked. "You'll see." Before James could respond, she added, "Is the map how you knew Dorcas wasn't on Hogwarts grounds Saturday?"

James nodded. "Yeah. It shows literally every spot but the Room of Requirement. But I don't think anyone else knows about that."

Lily looked back at him. "The sex dungeon?"

James grinned at her adorably. "Yes. The sex dungeon."

"That's so weird… I wonder how the hell they got her out of the castle so fast," Lily pondered.

"No idea. It makes no sense," James agreed. "Anyway, you ready, love?" He offered her an arm.

Lily pushed his elbow away and boldly stepped out onto the grass, spinning around, getting instantly drenched. "I was born ready!" she cried out, giggling up to the sky.

James watched her, an unknown look completely overtaking his face before he walked out and joined her. Lily tried not to notice just how good he looked when the rain dripped down his body. She quickly helped him out with a spell to keep his glasses dry.

Once inside the greenhouse, the rain pounding down deafeningly overhead, Lily bounded over to Adam. "Wanna be partners today?"

"Yeah, of course!" He was in an amazingly good mood, radiating sunshine out of every pore. "Oh, you got another scarf?"

Lily noticed he hadn't brought hers back for her. She tucked the end of the one around her neck back under itself and then unclasped her robe, overly hot in the glass hut. "Yeah." Lily knew whatever she said after that word wouldn't matter, because she'd just shed her outer layer and was now just in her sheer, white shirt, her rosy nipples clearly visible as the material clung to them.

Adam looked from her chest to her face, shellshocked but not addressing the very clear distraction. "O-okay," he stuttered lamely.

She smiled, pretending to be completely oblivious to his inner struggle not to objectify the shit out of her. "Great!" It shouldn't have been this fun to play off of his innocence.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Sirius whispering furiously in James' ear, both of the boys staring at her from across the room. Less than a second later, Lily felt herself being hit with a drying spell.

When Lily returned to her bedroom that night, she opened her bed curtains to find all her missing bras, neatly set out in a row.

Next Chapter: Tell Him