Chapter 10: Tough Beginnings

A story by Yellow Smoke

Alle right's belong to their rightfull owners.

Year 1956

Willow watched through the window, as the water in Wenatchee river passed by outside, far too slowly for Willow's liking, as it made her realize just how little time had passed. To be honest, time had almost stopped over the last three days, and Willow felt as though time itself was trying to kill her, although it clearly wished to torture her first.

And it was working, as Willow once more looked at the clock in her room, noticing it wasn't even four yet, and she bit her lip in frustration, while she felt how her hands became sweaty.

Willow knew that if her mom had been with her, she would be fairly impressed with everything, as this room in itself was nicer than anything Willow had owned. To be fair Willow had never slept in such a big room, and as she lay in bed at night, it almost felt too big, compared to what she was used to.

She wasn't even sure she liked being here, although she couldn't complain about the lavish style, as she hadn't seen anything quite like it before. It however reminded her of a magazine about architecture she had seen once, as her mother had sent her off to buy her cigarettes. Willow had never actually managed to look in it, as the owner had demanded her to pay for the products before she had the chance to grab it. But she had noticed the name Frank Loyd Wright on the front cover, and a house that seemed to be from the future, or at least Willow thought so.

As Willow had lived in New York, she had seen all the skyscrapers, but that house on the magazine cover was different, as a waterfall had been built into the house, while it had been made in strage blocks, and didn't look like anything Willow had seen before.

The Cullens house reminded Willow of that house on the front page, as it looked like something that didn't belong to this world. Just like the one from the magazine it was very modern looking, built by the lake, or actually on top of the lake. The house itself was on three levels, although one couldn't see the basement from the frontside, as the house was built on a slope, until a porch reached out over the river itself. The whole house was like the one from the magazine, built with several different blocks, and windows could be seen everywhere, which allowed all the light to come inside. They even had one large window in the living room, built by small squares with steel in between, which bathed the whole room in a light glow throughout the day.

And the house was built with all kinds of materials, as grey stones, metal as well as wood had been used, giving the house a warm hue which Willow hadn't seen before. Wood however was clearly the true inspiration, as it seemed to be the main character of the house, and several walls on the inside were covered with it as well, just like Willow saw a few walls built with cement or stones, which she hadn't seen before.

The house furniture however was a strange combination, although it somehow worked. The most dominant colors in the rooms seemed to be the wooden brown, as several walls were covered in wood, not to mention all of the floors. But apart from that a lot of grey had been added through stones, concrete and metal from all of the furnitures, while most of the free walls were white, or it would hurt someone's eyes.

And most of the furniture was modern, sleek even, and looked like something that should have been invented in the future. A lot of them were in neutral colors, although green, orange and blue seemed to appear as well, not to mention the red color from several persian rugs. Esme even had a white couch, which Willow thought was a rather brave and bold choice for such a large furniture.

But some of the furnatures were old too, just like Willow had noticed several paintings which seemed antique, although she had no doubt about the originality. Because Willow had quickly realized the Cullens were insanely rich, too rich really, and their house only confirmed it. Willow knew these furnitures weren't nothing but the best and most expensive, just like their cars were insane, and Willow had noticed the white speed boat docked by the porch at the lake.

Willow's own room was rather special as well. Esme had claimed it to be the guest room, although it was far nicer than any guestroom Willow had been in before, and far better than any hotel room Willow had heard off.

And it was a fairly large room, as the east end of the house, on the second floor. Willow wasn't entirely sure just where everyone was living, although she knew Esme and Carlisle shared a room close to hers, while Carlisle's office was placed in the next room, and Edward was living somewhere in the west end of the house on the second floor. She hadn't really wanted to explore the house herself, but Esme, had told her that much, just like she knew Emmet, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were living somewhere on the lower levels, which they called the basement, although it didn't look like a basement.

Willow couldn't deny the room she was sleeping in was beautiful. With windows facing the river and the grand forest behind it, she almost felt at peace once in a while, as she stared at the mountaintops and green pine trees. It was like staring at a moving picture, as it seemed too beautiful to be real.

The same could be said about the room, as it was too beautiful to exist. Willow hadn't even tried to sleep in a double bed before, and at night she felt as though she was sleeping on an open field, as she twisted and turned, while she tried to find somewhere safe to close her eyes. It was however impossible most of the time, as far too many things kept her awake, and Willow couldn't recall the last time she had a full night of sleep.

But everything in her room looked like something from another world, and Willow was rather sure her mother would call it streamline, whatever it meant. But it was without doubt elegant. The north wall across from the one facing the river was made out of wood, while the bed she slept on was built into the wall itself, with a nightstand on each side, all made of the same reddish wood.

And across from it was a desk, which had no legs, but was one big piece of wood. It was installed underneath the windows on the southern wall, and curved into a bench halfway, filled with pillows and a blanket.

And a door to the hallway was placed just beside the bed on the northern wall, at the end of the room, while a huge closet had been built into the eastern wall. A comfortable armchair was placed in the other end of the room, along with a small bookshelf, and a red persain rug.

Fresh flowers could be seen as well, although Willow had no idea who actually took care of them, as she stared at the white roses on the desk, knowing someone had to be in here while she slept.

Because the room was always clean, as in always. Willow of course knew someone could take care of it while she showered, but apart from her visit to the bathroom, Willow didn't leave the room much. Nevertheless someone made her bed each morning, and cleaned her room. She almost felt bad that someone was cleaning her room for her, as it should be her task, but at the same time Willow didn't have the energy to do anything about it, or be remotely shocked.

But what confirmed someone was in her room while she slept, was the fact a clean set of clothing was laid out for her each day, while the old clothing always had been removed. Willow wasn't really sure who it was, as Esme just as well could give it to her when she walked in anyway, but Willow was starting to suspect it was Alice. Mostly because the clothing she was left with looked like something Alice would wear.

Not that Willow complained. The dress she was wearing today was of higher quality than any dress Willow ever had worn before, and she had to admit it fit perfectly, which was rather strange, as Willow couldn't be the same size as any of the women in this house.

But it suited her, as the dark blue color on the dress seemed to match her eyes, while the white flat collar created some contrast, and the skirt was loose enough for her to feel somewhere free. Someone had placed a cardigan with it, knowing Willow would freeze without it, and she couldn't help but snuggle up in the red wool, which felt soft against her skin. Esme had offered to do her hair, but Willow had simply pulled it into a ponytail as she couldn't be bothered with it.

Although a part of her wanted her to say yes to Esme's offer, if only to make time pass.

It wasn't as though Willow was bored, or at least she shouldn't be, as the truth was there was no limit to what she could do here. Carlisle and Esme had more than once told her she was free to wander the house, and the grounds as well, although she wasn't allowed to walk far from their house. Carlisle had said it was for her own safety, but Willow was pretty sure it was for their safety and not hers.

But Willow couldn't find peace at this house. She couldn't give herself the rest her head so desperately needed, and at night she twisted and turned in her bed, unable to fall asleep. Deep down her mind was fighting against the calmness the house represented, as she knew it wasn't safe to be here. She still didn't know the Cullens, and she felt as though she couldn't trust them, although they had been nothing but kind so far.

And so she stayed in her room, if only to avoid the contact and conversations, while time passed by slowly.

What frustrated Willow the most, was that she had no idea what was going to happen to her. Was the Cullens going to kill her in the end? Although she had been promised over and over it wouldn't happen. Or were they going to let her leave? And if they did let her leave, would she be able to survive on her own?

Willow felt as though she was in the waiting room at the hospital, simply waiting, while someone decided what was going to happen to her, and it made her nervous. That was probably how Willow felt most of the time, nervous, as she caught herself pacing the room often, when it became unbearable to simply sit and wait.

And it had only been three days so far. Three miserable days.

She couldn't even remember when she got here the first night, as she had been in such a deep state of her sleep nothing could have awoken her. Her first real memory of the Cullen mansion had been the morning after as Willow woke up, confused, disoriented, and for a moment Willow couldn't really figure out where she was.

She had almost thought all of it was a dream, as she had stared confused at her surroundings, and looked down upon herself. Willow hadn't asked Esme further about it, but someone had clearly bathed her and dressed her while she had been asleep that night, as her hair was newly washed, and the nightgown didn't belong to her. Not that she could blame whoever did it, considering she had been brought into this house dripping wet and cold, although she blushed whenever she thought of it.

But she hadn't been confused for long, as Esme Cullen had stepped into her room seconds later, carrying a tray with breakfast, while she smiled so kindly towards Willow. She had been in such a deep state of shock that she hadn't protested as Esme had run her fingers through Willow's hair, and rubbed her arm in comfort, although Willow hadn't allowed it to happen again.

It was the beginning of Willow's stay at their house, although not much had happened since. She had tried to stay in her room, or outside, as a part of her still feared the Cullen family, and Willow was scared of all the ghosts this family seemed to bring with them. Truth to be told she hadn't seen any of the Cullen kids, not even Edward, but she had also done her best to avoid all of them. These last few days she had only had contact with Esme and Carlisle, but it had been more than enough.

Carlisle was strangely enough the one Willow found it easiest to be near, as his father had chosen to remain silent since that fateful night in Carlisle car. Esme on the other hand was a problem, which tore slightly at Willow's heart each time she was near. The biggest problem with her was that the motherly vampire was so sweet to Willow it made her uncomfortable, and sometimes Willow had to stop herself from crying, as everything Esme did only confirmed how horrible her own mother had treated her over the years. It made Willow realize how brutal her mother had been, as she sent her off to live with strangers, and ignored her through most of her childhood, too busy finding another innocent man to fuck.

It made it even harder when Esme tried to show her comfort and affection, as Willow had no idea what she was supposed to do with it, although it didn't stop the vampire from trying. Willow sometimes felt as if she was a charity case to them, but Esme's carrying eyes seemed far too genuine for it to be true.

But another problem was the ghosts that seemed to follow Esme.

None of them had been harmed by Esme, that much was clear to Willow, as the elderly woman who followed her looked as though she had died from age, as she was wearing an old nightgown and was pale as a sheet. She was however rather insistent to Willow, while she claimed she was the one who had done something wrong, and begged Willow to tell her daughter she was sorry. It only confirmed this ghost had to be Esme's own mother, who had chosen to follow her daughter in the afterlife, clearly sorry about something, although she wouldn't tell Willow what.

And to Willow, the problem wasn't her dead mother, it was the small infant she carried in her arms. Willow couldn't even tell what gender the child was, but for it to follow Esme, they had to have some kind of connection, and Willow could only assume it was Esme's child, whom she clearly had lost.

Willow had reached a point in her life where she didn't care much for anyone, except herself, mostly because she couldn't think of any to care for. She had no friend or family left, and was at this point living with five vampires, whom she couldn't trust.

But even Willow wasn't callous enough to let Esme know her infant child was following her. That was simply too cruel to anyone, and although Willow didn't want to admit, Esme had never been anything but kind to her.

The problem however was the cries the small infant was able to produce, as it cried out for it's mother, who would never be able to hold the little child again. It was unbearable for Willow to hear, and although she didn't want to be unkind to Esme, she found it hard to be near her.

It was just another reason for Willow to stay in her room, although Esme had tried to get her out more than once. Offering to show her around, or come with her to the living room, even taking a walk outside, but Willow had said no each and every single time. Esme had never pushed her, but had insisted Willow ate in the dining room, which Willow couldn't deny. She knew she was being rude enough to the Cullen's as it was, but it truly wasn't easy for Willow to adjust, although she wasn't sure what she was trying to adjust too. Was this a new chapter in her life, or just the ending of the last chapter?

Willow had spent her life in solitude, and she had been doing just fine. Her mother had been too busy to really care about her, and had left her to herself, as long as she didn't get in trouble, which Willow never did. She had spent most of her life in her room, reading, or walking in the parks when they weren't too crowded. Willow couldn't even claim to be good at anything, although she had been given enough time to learn almost anything she wanted too, but it had suited her just fine to have no talent. To her loneliness was a gift.

But now Willow was surrounded by two people who tried to care for her, and Willow couldn't handle it or even respond to their affection. They clearly tried to respect her privacy, just like they always kept a comfortable distance to her, but their eyes told Willow that they cared, and that was more than what she was able to handle. To Willow it had almost been easier with Patricia, as her attempts to show affections never had been completely honest, not like Carlisle and Esme's were.

But in the chaos there was a small light, or at least Willow thought so, as she stared up at the clock once more, wondering whenever it would be appropriate to ask.

It had all started the very first day, as Willow had a mental breakdown just two hours after waking up. Both Carlisle and Esme had been near her, although in separate rooms close by, and while Carlisle's father had chosen to shut up, Esme's child had cried for hours at that point, forcing Willow to cover her ears at last, before she turned mad.

She had never told them the specific reason, but the couple had found her curled up on the floor, covering her ears, while tears streamed down her face. They had afterwards assured her over and over again that her reaction was understandable, and Carlisle had promised her he could help her and get her gift under control. Gift was the word he kept using, although Willow disagreed strongly, as it was anything but a gift. Unless it was a gift from the devil.

But Carlisle had given her a small white pill that day, which he claimed should work just like the aspirin she used to take, although it was slightly stronger and a different brand. Willow hadn't thought much of it, but she was surprised Carlisle knew she took the pills to keep the ghosts at bay, and that they had stopped working. But she could only assume he had put two and two together somehow, and she had been desperate enough to simply take it, not even asking for further information about this pill.

But it had worked like magic.

Just a few minutes later, the infant had stopped crying, and Willow was able to focus once more, and calm down. She had almost wanted to cry in happiness, as Carlisle had managed to find some kind of pill that could do what aspirin no longer could, and Willow had to stop herself from hugging him in pure joy. Carlisle had seemed interested himself, asking her several times how she felt, and if the pill still worked.

But another problem had arisen.

Because Willow didn't have access to this new pill, like she had with the old one, and there was no small metal box she could grab one from whenever she liked. Instead she had to go to Carlisle, just three hours after she got the first one, and his answer had been kind but short, telling her one per day was more than enough.

Which left Willow even more frustrated, as she had started to yell at him, claiming it wasn't his decision, to which he had remained calm. He had waited patiently while Willow had yelled, cried and then yelled some more, furious that this man thought he could decide what was best for her.

But all of her words hadn't changed a single thing, and although she was pissed off, Carlisle had said no, and there was little Willow could do. She didn't even know the brand, although it hadn't stopped her from trying to sneak into his office yesterday, while he was at work, but she had only managed to grab the door handle, before she discovered it was locked.

And it left her frustrated. She had been given another chance of happiness and peace, all due to a tiny white pill, and then there was a vampire in the way, claiming he knew what was best for her.

And so Willow had become dependent on Carlisle, as he was the only one who could grant her just a few hours of peace. Today she had tried to go on for as long as possible, but now as she sat in her room, the sound of the crying infant became louder and louder, and she could feel her pulse picking up, while chills went down her spine.

And so she finally stood up, as she took a deep breath, before she walked out into the hallway. She could hear how her shoes hit the wooden floor loudly each time she took a step, which she knew Carlisle could hear as well, as she through observation had learned they had a better hearing than humans.

Strangely enough Willow's curiosity for vampires had died down the moment she arrived at their house, and she hadn't asked a single question, as she no longer wanted to know anything. Her knowledge had gotten her into all of this mess, and so she hadn't as much as whispered the word vampire while she was here, just like Carlisle and Esme had refrained from asking about her ability to see ghosts. Willow could see how especially Carlisle seemed curious, as he once had tried to ask some questions, but Willow had quickly made it clear she had no desire to tell him anything.

It still mortified Willow she had told him as much as she had in the car, but she tried to tell herself she had been tired, and it wasn't her fault. Still it confused her why Carlisle was so calm and interested, instead of being repulsed as he should be.

She wasn't even sure the vampire doctor could be repulsed by anything, as she reached the door to his office, and realized it already was open.

"Willow dear, come on in," he greeted, his voice smooth as silk, as he looked up from his desk with a smile, as Willow stepped inside. It was still strange for Willow to think of him as Carlisle, and not Dr. Cullen, but he had insisted there was no need to be so formal, they were after all living in the same house.

"Carlisle…" Willow greeted, as she stepped into his massive office, filled with ancient books she never had heard of, while the remaining walls were covered in just as old paintings. It looked just as inviting as the rest of the house, with comfortable chairs to read in, and a large mahogany desk with a typewriter and several books stacked on top.

"How are you feeling? Esme told me you didn't eat much today," Carlisle asked, although his smalltalk was wasted, as Willow's eyes were glued to the small pill he had placed on his desk with a glass of water next to it. She wasn't able to focus on much else, and so she didn't notice Carlisle got up from his chair, and walked over to her, before she felt his hand on her forehead. "Hmm, you don't have a fever," he muttered, and looked at her slightly worried, although Willow couldn't recall why. He had checked her temperature for days now, still worried she would get sick, although it was understandable, considering she had been soaking wet and cold for over an hour just three days ago.

"I am fine… i just…" Willow muttered, and swallowed hard, as she nodded toward the small pill, unsure how to say that she really needed it. She knew what it must look like to Carlisle, who must have thought she was addicted to these pills, but for Willow it wasn't like that, although she doubted Carlisle would understand.

"Go ahead…" Carlisle said with a sigh, as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and watched in silence as Willow grabbed the small pill, and swallowed it without a word. She knew he was worried for her, probably trying to be caring, something Willow couldn't stand, as the mere thought of caring people made her want to take two steps back. Simply because she didn't know how to respond.

But she swallowed it, and closed her eyes for a few seconds, as she felt how the whole room seemed to get calm once more, as the world got brighter and Willow was able to breath. She knew the pill didn't work that fast, and it was her own reaction from within, but it nevertheless gave her a few seconds of peace, as the infant's child's cries would die down in a moment.

But her peace was short lived as she heard Carlisle clear his throat, not because he had too, but because he wanted her attention, and she opened her eyes to stare into his golden one. She hadn't even noticed before now that he was wearing a blue cardigan and white shirt, which was rather laid back, considering he always wore a white coat or a suit. It was really the pill that made her able to see all of these things, as her mind became chaotic without them.

"Does it still work?" Carlisle asked her curiously, clearly referring to the pills, and Willow wondered how he seemed to know of these pills in the first place. He had somehow figured out she took them due to the ghosts, but she had never told him just how it worked, yet he seemed to know it was the voices that were the problem. Perhaps because she had covered her ears on several occasions while she had stayed with them.

"After a few moments, yes," Willow answered him honestly, as he asked her this question each day, as though something should have changed.

"And you feel no other symptoms?" Carlisle asked, as he leaned against his own desk, with his hands resting on the desktop, and his eyes staring into hers. Willow had over the last three days learned Carlisle was patient, compassionate and kind, far kinder than any person she had met before, but he was also rather curious. It simply wasn't possible for him to hide it, as his eyes shone with a passion that couldn't be tamed, and Willow knew he had hundreds of questions he wanted to ask her. She almost felt like a lab rat, although she knew he didn't see her as that, but he was clearly interested in her ability, or gift as he referred to it.

"None… it actually works better than aspirin," Willow said, and tried to smile, as she did feel a small sense of joy, as the cries had stopped, and she had been given peace. She knew Carlisle's father was in the room, but she couldn't care less, and didn't even look in his direction. He had been silent anyway, and Willow wasn't going to look at his sour face when she finally had been given a few minutes of pure blissful peace.

"Hmm…" Carlisle muttered, as he stared at her for a few seconds, clearly thinking. To Willow this was a miracle pill, which was better than aspirin, as it didn't cause her the numbness she used to feel with the old pills. Carlisle however seemed to have another opinion, and his next words almost crushed Willow's happiness. "I just want to warn you dear, so you don't get a shock, but you won't get any pill tomorrow," Carlisle told her softly, knowing she wasn't going to take the news well, and boy was he right.

Because Willow stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds, trying to determine whenever she had misheard something, but that wasn't the case.

"What?" she asked, although it wasn't really a question, as she looked at him with wide eyes. "What… what are you saying, how… that's not for you to decide!" Willow rambled, while fire began to burn in her eyes, as she realized just how much control this man had over her life.

"It's rather unhealthy, and you can't allow these pills to take control, you have to learn to live without them," Carlisle told her calmly, knowing Willow was about to have a meltdown.

"No!" Willow protested, and felt how her hands tightened themselves into fists, as anger flooded through her blood, and her cheeks became heated. Even her breathing became superficial, and Willow no longer felt as peaceful as she did just moments ago. How did he expect her to live without these pills? She could barely think as it was, while she was trapped inside their house, surrounded by crying babies and their dead victims.

"Yes, now try to take a deep breath," Carlisle told her, his voice so sweet and calm Willow almost wanted to do what he said, but she knew he was trying to trick her.

"You have no right to decide over my life like that!" Willow tried to say, although it came out rather weak, as Willow tried to keep the tears at bay, while her whole body began to shake.

"I am only trying to help," Carlisle said, as he gently placed his cold hands on her shoulder, both to offer her comfort and keep her somewhere steady, knowing all of this was overwhelming to her. "Listen, I have taken a day off tomorrow, and i really want to help you get it under control, but i can't do that unless you tell me what happens and what you see," Carlisle tried to push her, while Willow shook her head frantically, knowing nothing good would come out of that.

"I just need the pills…" Willow tried to explain, as tears began to fall down her face rapidly, as her whole world seemed to fall apart once more. Carlisle had given her a chance at peace, and now he was about to take it away, which to Willow was a cruel move.

"It's not a solution," Carlisle tried to convince her, as he wiped the tears away from her face with his cold thumb. "Listen you can have another pill on sunday, but tomorrow is a day off… now i can't force you to tell me what's going on, but i can help you if you allow it," he tried to persuade her, but nothing he could say would change Willow's mind.

Instead she began to move away from him, as it became clear to her he wasn't going to change his mind, and she couldn't comprehend any of it.

"There is nothing you can do!" Willow told him fiercely, as she moved a step away from him, while she tried to get her tears under control. But it only took a moment for her to realize there was nothing to do, as so before Carlisle would manage to stop her, Willow turned around on her heel, and walked out of the door. To her the conversation was over, although she heard him try to call for her, but chose to ignore it as she marched down the hallway at a fast pace, while her hands were curled into tiny fists.

Willow was hurt and burning with rage, although it was hard to say just what caused her anger, as she had felt like this for days. It became harder and harder for her to sort through her own thoughts as each day passed, and Carlisle and Esme barely had to say anything before she cried or lashed out at them in anger. Truthfully, Willow was surprised they hadn't killed her, or at the very least had told her to leave considering how she had been acting over the last few days.

But it didn't stop her from storming off once more, as she tried to find a place to be alone. She knew her room wouldn't be enough, she was simply crying too much, and from experience she knew the sweet couple wouldn't leave her alone in their quest to seem like caring hosts.

Instead Willow ran down the stairs, right past Esme who looked so worried and heartbroken, clearly ready to comfort Willow. But a single glare from her made it clear to the beautiful vampire her gesture wasn't welcome, and Willow got to the bottom of the staircase, before Esme could try to say anything. Instead she threw the front door open, and closed it behind her loudly, to make it clear to everyone just how angry and hurt she was.

And shaking she began to walk toward the forest, knowing several pairs of eyes were resting on her, mostly to make sure she wasn't going to run away. But she had done this before, and as soon as she got in between the trees she leaned against the first one she saw, and started to cry.

She had cried several times against this tree over the last three days, and if she didn't cry here, she would be crying in her room. It was hard to tell why she was crying at this point, because there was so much to cry about, and very little to be happy about. If Willow was asked, she wouldn't even be able to tell one thing she was happy about, but she could make a book about all of her unhappiness.

Because it wasn't just the pills that made her sad. It was everything that had happened since her mother sent her off to Leavenworth, and abandoned her. She cried thinking of her uncle who wanted to send her off to an asylum, just like she cried over the fact that she probably was insane.

Willow curled into a tight ball, as she sunk down on the ground, leaning against the tree. She brought her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her arms tightly around her legs, trying to keep herself together, as though she was falling apart.

"Everything is going to be alright…" Willow muttered to herself, as she tried to stop the sobs that escaped her mouth, but she knew it was a lie. How could anything ever be alright in her life? Willow wasn't even sure she knew what the word meant. Had she ever tried it?

And with a groan she buried her head in her knees, as she continued to cry, unable to stop.

All while she heard someone playing a melancholy tune not far away.

And somehow it made everything alright for just a short while.

So thank you to all of those who have left such sweet comments, and sorry the updates takes longer, but well i got school now as well. Anyway, i hope you guys have enjoyed the chapter! Leave your thoughts!