"Have you come to kill me?" Raymond sat crouched in an enclosed pigsty. He was locked in tight with nowhere to go as he glared back at Aramis. "Will you finally show your true colors, you Spanish devil?"

The gray light of dawn disclosed Raymond's face that was twisted with hate. Aramis stopped in front of the pigsty with a pistol heavy in his hand. Athos had not even tried to stop him when he'd left the tent, though Aramis' battered body had by refusing it service. But the heat of his anger had fired his mind and had forged the iron of his determination.

Standing a hand's breadth from Raymond, Aramis' cold voice dripped from his lips. "I have told you before. There are two kinds of moments in life that impact our souls forever. Moments when you make the right decision and moments when you make the wrong one. Now you will learn the consequences of my right decision."

Raymond snorted. "The only right decision you could have made would have been not to return at all. But you were a sucker for coming back, weren't you? You didn't fulfill your mission. You tried to hide your selfish intentions behind a mask of altruism. You pretended to care about the people around you." Raymond banged the wooden lattice of the pigsty and made the iron padlock clatter. "But I see through you, I know who you really are. Everything you did, you did for yourself and that's the reason why you've failed. Look at you, even now you are working for your own agenda." He spat through the bars and slouched back with a smug grin on his face.

The truth of Raymond's words hurt Aramis like the bite of a viper whose venom ate through his veins into his heart. Raymond couldn't know what had actually led Aramis back to this place, and yet Raymond had understood Aramis' intentions and had skinned them in layers. A feeling grew in Aramis that it wasn't Raymond who had to account for his deeds right now.

"You know nothing about me," Aramis replied. "How could you? Your cruelty brought nothing but misery to these people. Where Emilie showed love and mercy, you spread hatred and inhumanity; where Emilie created community, you bred discord and strife. You have shaken the people to their foundations and threatened their lives because they didn't believe your madness. I am going to help them by ending you so all the villagers will have a safe life."

Aramis stepped back. The pains in his body were raging against each other and it cost him massive effort to raise and aim the pistol in his shaky hand.

Raymond's scornful laughter cut through the air. "You think just because you have a pistol in your hand you are helping these people? Youknow nothing, Aramis from the King's Musketeers ... or whatever you call yourself. You are at my mercy and no matter what you do, you cannot win against me. You've already lost and you even don't know it yet. Kill me and unleash war!"

Raymond's malicious expression turned Aramis' stomach into a cold lump. Somewhere in Aramis' mind a warning stirred, but he couldn't grasp it. He knew that he had to shoot the bastard, could easily shoot the bastard, yet his superiority over his foe felt anything but a victory at the moment. If Aramis didn't kill Raymond, Raymond would forever be a threat to the villagers, especially to Feli and Aurelie. Aramis couldn't, mustn't let that happen.

Shaking off his thoughts, Aramis tried to steady his trembling hand. "Your death will protect those I care for. You will never again be a threat to them or anyone else in this camp."

"So you really believe that this is all about the villagers?" hissed Raymond. "So much effort on your part, so much blood spilled, and for what? For a child and his mother? For people like Clement or other dumb villagers?"

Bloody images of the last hours flashed unasked like lightning through Aramis' mind and struck him like Raymond's merciless blows. So much turmoil had already occured.

Aramis had been willing to sacrifice everything for Feli. And Aramis knew he was partly to blame for what had happened to the villagers by returning and staying to protect Feli and his mother, and now, if he went through with his plan to kill Raymond, he would incur the guilt of killing a murderer without trial in order to protect Feli and all the other people. Was it worth it?

Aramis nodded and stood behind his convictions. "You are right, I have shed enough blood because of your madness, but every single drop has been worth it. And I would do it all again, because I care for all the villagers now and I will not tolerate you continuing to wrong them."

Raymond clicked his tongue. "You still don't see it, do you? I am caring for the salvation of all people of France. So yes, kill me. Go on. Do what you think is right and stick to your small-mindedness. You really believe that I'm the only one, don't you? You really believe that legions are not coming to follow my example? Even in death I will never cease to fulfill my god-given revelation, and I am ready to lay down my life for my faith to serve as an inspiration to all of France."

Aramis flinched and dropped his hand. This maniac actually wants me to kill him. But why? Then Aramis suddenly realized Raymond's point. "No, I will not turn you into a martyr."

"My goodness, you are incapable! You're failing again!" Raymond lifted his chin. "But you have no choice, because I will never stop, do you get me? If you don't kill me, my men will come back and free me. And then I will kill every single person who stands between me and my ambitions for this great nation. And I will start with your little family and their death will be charged to your account."

"No, you won't." Aramis raised the pistol again with clenched teeth, realizing that no matter what he decided, Raymond would be proved right. But if he killed Raymond, at least he'd be doing something right. Serving some sort of justice.

Raymond spread his hands as far as the pigsty would allow and offered his chest to Aramis. "Do it now, kill me. You want it, release the killer who you really are. I know you, so show your true face and testify to the evil within you."

I must do it...

Aramis released his breath and curled a finger around the trigger.

"Aramis."

The soft voice of Athos roared in Aramis' ears. Aramis spun around, and in the bright light of dusk Athos stood a few feet away, his steel-blue eyes without reservation and full of brotherhood. Aramis hadn't noticed that Athos must have been standing between the tents watching him the whole time.

Athos… A true Musketeer. Epitome of honor and devotion.

A smile played on Athos' lips as he approached. "This is not who you are, my friend."

"No, don't listen to him, kill me, you have no choice," Raymond yelled.

Aramis laid his free hand against his forehead, as if the gesture could stop him from losing even his last spark of confidence. "But he is right, Athos, I have no choice. I have to kill him, he will never stop spreading his poisonous thoughts, and more villagers will die. I must stop this, I must protect them all. Not just Feli and Aurelis. Justice must be served..."

"You are right, justice must be served." Athos laid his hand on Aramis' shoulder. "That is why you must not be a prosecutor, judge and executioner in one. Our duty is to bring Raymond back to Paris, where he will be locked up and a judge or the King himself will decide his fate."

The heat of embarrassment flushed Aramis' cheeks, the simple presence of his brother reminding him of his essential principles. He lowered his pistol.

Raymond rattled his cage. "No, take revenge, follow your instincts… Kill me… I order you…"

Athos turned Aramis around and gently pulled his head toward him until their foreheads touched. Aramis closed his eyes, calming down his shallow breathing.

Athos' voice was filled with assurance. "You're not a cold-blooded killer, you are a Musketeer. Which pattern would you set for Felicien or all the other people if you would shoot an unarmed man? Do not let Raymond win by making you act against your nature and your beliefs."

Aramis inhaled, a flash of insight dawning in him like the first rays of light on the horizon. Raymond had acted in his belief, that Aramis would threaten the lives of the villagers, that he was a traitor, a demon. Raymond had acted in his belief that he would have to destroy evil to save what was important to him. Thus Raymond himself had become a prosecutor, judge and executioner and had decided Aramis' death. And Aramis realized that they were not dissimilar, they were both driven by the same desires and longings. Raymond was like a dark foil of himself and Aramis had been just a tiny movement of his finger away from becoming like him.

Aramis put the pistol in Athos' waiting hand and approached the lattice. "You can't command me, because you have no power over me. You were wrong, I am not a Spanish spy, never was and never will be. Your intentions were right, but everything you did to me and the villagers was based on a false assumption. You chose the wrong way, and the wrong means to do so. Hence I won't do what you want now, I won't kill you."

Raymond stopped raging. Like a beaten animal he squatted, his malicious eyes staring at Aramis. The sight of the defeated man opened a door in Aramis' soul and he realized that they were probably two sides of the same coin. Limping away, Aramis' gaze fell on the adjacent forest flooded by soft yellow-orange light of the morning which promised not only a new day, but a new life.

Aramis turned one last time to Raymond. "I cannot forgive you for what you have done to me or the villagers. At least not yet. But thank you for showing me the bigger picture. Your life will be wasted away in prison and God alone knows whether your soul will rot in hell or not. But you will live in the awareness that I have gained everything you wanted to deny me: a life, a family, a clear conscience. I will devote all my efforts to help these people and to protect their lives from men like you."

Raymond yelped and threw himself against the lattice of the pigsty again. "No, come back, you bastard! You can't do that, stay here! Let me out and then we'll fight, you can't just..."

Ignoring the angry tirade, Aramis turned toward the tent of Feli and Aurelie, driven by the desire to discuss with them the first steps into his new life. In his mind he organized the breakup of the camp and vague ideas of new places where the villagers' tents could be replaced by reasonable houses came to his mind. He could take them somewhere to the coast. Feli would love the sea as much as he does and nobody would oppose his plans any longer.

Aramis, lost in thought, crashed into Athos.

The hard expression on his brother's face boded ill. "Tell me one more time: What exactly are you going to do now?"

Aramis swallowed the lump in his throat and stepped back. "I've already told you. I will quit my commission in order to continue helping the villagers by staying to be their guard. Raymond himself has told me, there are plenty of people out there who are stirring up war and abusing people for their own purposes. The villagers need my protection, Feli and Aurelie need my protection. If I stay with them, I can have both: Gaining a family and protecting them all. I can even teach and help them to defend themselves."

"And what about the other inhabitants of this country? Those who cannot afford a musketeer in their ranks?" Athos replied quietly.

A shiver ran through Aramis and he wondered if Athos couldn't or wouldn't understand. Aramis was offered the opportunity to have everything he had ever wanted. He could devote his soldiering skills to the service of these people and at the same time win a son. A son in every way but blood, a place to where he belongs, a home. Why do you begrudge me this?

Anger flared up in Aramis and again he felt the need to justify himself for his desires and needs. "I cannot save everyone!"

"That's right, you can't save everyone." Athos put his hand on Aramis' arm. "But you are a musketeer. You represent royal law and order in a world of chaos. To be in the service of the King is to be in the service of all the people of France. In the palace, you may indeed be just one guard among many, but out here, in the real world, every man who fights injustice and keeps peace counts."

Aramis shook off Athos' hand and couldn't prevent the resonance of his anger and frustration from saturating his voice, "But it was my actions as a musketeer that pulled the rug out from under the people's feet. I disenchanted Emilie's charisma, abused her trust and robbed her of her faith. My actions as a musketeer are to blame that the people lost their direction- and my actions as a musketeer are to blame that someone like Raymond was able to fill this gap all too quickly. In the face of this guilt, how can you ask me to continue to serve only one royal child, even if he is...?"

Athos sighed. "If that's your only answer, then Raymond was right. You still can't see it. Everything you are doing for the Dauphin, for your King, implies all the children of this country. Hunting down villains, arresting madmen, intervening against injustice, uncovering conspiracies or simply helping an old woman carry her basket, all these things serve the greater good. You can't afford to focus your attention only on Felicien, but you are privileged to serve all the children living in France. They all need you, need us, and who, if not us?"

"But..." Aramis ran his hand through his hair, his confidence vanishing into thin air. "It is my duty to support the villagers and help them forge a new identity. After all that has happened and what I owe to Saniel, it' s my responsibility to provide a better life for Aurelie and Feli. For all these people I have displaced."

"You're wrong." The softness of Aurlelie's voice contrasted the incisiveness of her words.

Aramis spun around. Aurelie stood between the tents, her hair unkempt from sleep and holding a cauldron of water in her hand. Her gentle smile soothed Aramis' rage and strife, kindling a deep desire to protect her forever. His chance for a family of his own was just a few steps away. She understands my intentions and she will tell Athos…

Aurelie put down the cauldron and approached Aramis. Her face reflected understanding and compassion. "You are not responsible for our lives. We are responsible for ourselves. It was my decision to join Emilie and it is up to me to decide how our life will continue. That Emilie was misguided and that we have lost our community is sad, that's true, but I cannot change the circumstances of our lives. Bad things happen and will always happen. But I can decide how to deal with them. It's not your task to undertake this for me, but it's your task to level the playing field for us. That's why you must not quit your duties as a musketeer."

Aramis flinched. For the second time Aurelie had rejected him. "Is it me? Have I done something to make you doubt me? Have I fought too little for you? If so, then me wearing this pauldron is unjustified..If, after all, I still haven't convinced you of my devotion and loyalty, then…"

Aurelie opened her mouth, but Athos cut her off. "Our pauldron is a symbol of power and strength and nobody deserves to wear it more than you. Your musketeer skills and abilities advances the world. Our work in the name of the King ensures that children like Felicien can grow up safe and secure throughout France. This is what our motto implies at its core: One for all and all for one. And you know that."

Groaning, Aramis writhed. The truth of Athos and Aurelie's words flooded him like the pain of his body and hurt him more. His breath accelerated and the world around him spun. All his desires and hopes for a family and a son, but also his needs for redemption and forgiveness were put in an invisible balance. But Aramis realized that Athos and Aurelie were right. His oath applied to all people of France, who needed his protection and devotion so he mustn't deprive them of his services.

Nevertheless, deep sorrow ripped at every fiber of his being and tore Aramis in two. No victory comes without a price. Victory was the greater good and the price he had to pay, nothing less than to give up everything he had ever longed for.

Aramis sighed. "Then this is my way, isn't it? I am a musketeer and I have sworn my oath before God and the King. My life is not mine, but belongs to the people of my country."

Aurelie took Aramis' hand. "Everything you are doing as a musketeer, you are doing for us. You will always keep us in mind and in return we will live in the knowledge that you are out there, giving everything to make the world a safe place worth living in. This is what Saniel has always sought for and you preserve his memory by doing what he is no longer capable of."

Aramis nodded. It was a scant consolation for now, but it had to be enough. Pain was temporary, but the awareness of living his life in the light of the greater good and in accordance with his principles would remain forever. He looked into Athos' eyes and saw nothing but pride and sympathy. The strong presence of his friend filled Aramis, and again the bond of their brotherhood had shown him the way back toward his destiny like a lighthouse in one of the most severe storms of his life. It was not what Aramis wanted. It was not what Aramis felt. But it was what Aramis would do, because his true nature demanded it of him.

As there was no longer resistance or anger in him, the throbbing pain of his injuries crept back into his mind and robbed Aramis of all his strength. He leaned against the nearest canvas with his hand pressed to his side, addressing Athos with a raspy voice. "Then let's go home then."

"Liar!"

Felicien stood between the tents with trembling lips and tears in his eyes.

Aramis didn't know how much of their conversation the boy had heard, but judging by the desperate look on his face, he must have been following it for a while. "Feli, I... let me explain…"

"No! You promised! You're a liar, I hate you!" Feli yelled and stormed off.

Aurelie moved to go after her son, but Aramis grabbed her arm. "No, let me do it, I have to talk to him... please," he said.

Aurelie's gaze darted between Aramis and Athos. Finally, she nodded, "Settle it with him, he has held out such high hopes. I'm going to..." Aurelie shrugged her shoulders. "...make breakfast or something. You know where to find him?"

"Yes, I know." Aramis waited until Aurelie had disappeared behind the tents before turning to Athos. "I would need your help, mon ami, I don't think I'll make it to the old oak tree on my own."

Athos raised a brow. "Who'd thought I'd live to see the day... Aramis admitting he needs help."

"Shut up, are you helping me or not?"

Smirking, Athos put Aramis' arm around his shoulder and clasped his other hand firmly around Aramis' waist. "You're hot as an oven, you have a fever. I know you're in pain, do you really think it's a good idea to go after the boy?"

Aramis leaned his weight on Athos' shoulder. "I have to, I owe Feli an apology and at least an explanation."

Together they made their way out to the old oak. Each step took a large amount of effort, and Aramis' exhaustion danced in pas de deux with his pain. Repeatedly, they had to stop so Aramis could gasp for air. When the mighty tree finally came into view, Aramis was soaked in sweat. "From here, I can make it on my own."

"If you say so." Athos tilted his head. "I'll be waiting for you at the bridge."

Aramis nodded, and limped towards the tree. The world spun and he swallowed the bitter taste of nausea as he slumped to the ground with his back pressed against the tree trunk. Putting his head against the hard bark, Aramis closed his eyes and hoped he would regain his composure.

"Feli, you have to come down, I can't climb up anymore." The soft morning wind cooled Aramis' wet forehead and brought him some relief. Nothing stirred. "Feli, please, let's talk…"

A clicking and a quiet sob revealed to Aramis that the boy was there and that sufficed him for now. Exhaustion fell upon him like a heavy blanket and he lacked the strength to open his eyelids. Chirping birds, buzzing insects and the sweet smell of the harvested wheat and lavender fields drove Aramis' thoughts and senses into the warm summer morning. The bountiful life around him pulsated and embraced him, touching his soul and giving him a feeling of lightness.

Aramis felt a hand on his arm. He startled and opened his eyes. He must have passed out for a moment, because he hadn't noticed Felicien climbing down from the tree.

The boy sat in front of him with crossed legs, his chin resting in one hand. "Does it hurt much?"

"It hurts like hell."

A smile appeared on Feli's mouth. "You see, it's not so hard at all. You don't have to lie." He waited a beat and his brow shrunk. "So why did you lie to me anyway?"

Aramis sighed. What should I tell a child when I hardly understand it by myself? "It's complicated."

"What's so complicated? Either you promise something or you don't promise it. You hurt my feelings." Feli crossed his hands, pushing his lower lip forward.

Aramis struggled to accept the child's bluntness. Feli made no secret of his grief and radiated his disappointment about Aramis' conduct without holding back. Aramis' throat tightened and the stab in his heart masked all the other pain.

Aramis opened his arms. "I'm so sorry, Feli, I'm sorry. Can you forgive me for speaking out of turn? It's a promise I can not keep," he stammered as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Pressing his lips together, Feli stared at Aramis with trembling nostrils. Their eyes locked and a heartbeat later Feli threw himself into Aramis' arms. "Please, you mustn't go, please stay with me..."

Aramis groaned, the boy couldn't or didn't want to show consideration for his maltreated body. But he embraced the sobbing child and held him like a precious treasure, feeling the moisture of Felicien's tears on his chest.

"Please, Aramis, don't go..." Feli whined. "Why can't you stay with me? I need a father and you need a son..."

The confidence of Aramis' decision was wiped out by Felis' pleas like a raiding patrol by a superior force, and Aramis growled through clenched teeth. Felicien was right, he wanted a son, he wanted a family, he wanted the feeling of redemption. And here he sat, holding all his possible wants in his arms, just a heartbeat away.

Unfortunately, what I want isn't what I need.

Aramis freed himself from Felis' embrace so he was able to look him in the eye. After clearing his throat, he said, "You are right. There is nothing I am more desperate for than staying with you. But I can't. I swore my oath to my King and all the children of this country long ago. I deceived myself with false hope thinking that I could be there for you and your maman. But I was wrong. My work is not done yet, neither are my missions finished. I am a Musketeer and I have to serve and help all people in France. Like your papa did."

A tear dropped down Feli's cheek, and he kneaded his lower lip with his teeth. "That's mean. I was so happy to finally have a papa and now I'm all alone."

Caressing Feli's hair, Aramis smiled. "I know I have disappointed you. But it's not true that you are all alone. You have your maman and Agatha and…"

Following an inner impulse, Aramis slipped off his rosary. Pointing Feli to bend forward, he placed it around the boy's neck. "This is the most precious thing I own. It beats with the heart of my son and the woman I love." He touched the blue cross with love. "That's why my heart beats inside it, too. All that I am and all that my life signifies- now it lies on your heart. It should remind you that I am always close to you and that you will never really be alone."

With big eyes, Feli rose and touched the precious stones, feeling the delicate contours of the cross. Beaming, he stood straight and let the chain dangle down his body.

"Well, at the moment your heart is beating on my stomach…" Feli steepled his fingers and suddenly his eyes reflected the wisdom of age. "...but I'll grow into it like into my pants!"

The childlike perspective exhilarated Aramis. "Yes, you will grow into it, lad, just as you will grow into your life and into your heritage. And if you should ever need me, you only have to speak into the cross and I will come. This is magic."

"It is?"

Aramis smirked. "No, not really. If you ever need me, you'd better send me a letter. It's more reliable than magic."

"But I can't write yet."

"Then it's time you learned, isn't it? Your aunt's convent is a wonderful place to learn everything that is important for you right now. Soon you will really be able to write me a letter and I will look for a courier every day."

Sighing, Feli wiped away the last remains of his tears with the back of his hand. "But when you have done your work and have finished your missions, you'll come and visit me, won't you?"

Aramis took the child's hand and squeezed it. "Yes, then I'll come and visit you, you'll see, it won't be long…"

The roar of thundering hooves alerted Aramis instincts and he pushed Feli behind him into the cover of the tree. Out of the corner of his eye, Aramis saw Athos rising from his place at the bridge. His friend stared into the forest, his hand sliding to his rapier.

A riderless brown horse with long black mane stormed along the path and stopped close to Athos. Aramis relaxed as Athos grabbed the reins and calmed the excited horse with gentle parries.

Felicien jumped out of his cover. "Solitario! He has come back!"

Aramis smiled. "Yes, it seems that everything finds its way back home. Sometimes one has to take a detour, but in the end, each of us knows where we belong." Aramis stretched out his arm. "And now help an old man to his feet, your maman has made breakfast. We have a lot of work to do…"