"The long and winding road
that leads to your door
will never disappear.
I've seen that road before.
It always leads me here,
lead me to your door."
-"The Long and Winding Road", The Beatles
The smell of her hair, her hand on the back of his neck, the gentleness of her voice. He doesn't realize how much he's missed her until this moment—the real her. Being in her arms is like letting go, letting go of all of the things that he's been holding in, the uncertainty, the fear, the responsibility. There's nothing quite like being with her face to face. It's as if her very presence is a tonic to the storm inside him. He feels himself coming down, centering, breathing. As her hand strokes the back of his neck, his face buried in her shoulder, he wishes to never leave.
"Oh, Jack," she whispers.
"I've missed you so much."
She pulls apart from him, takes his hands in hers, and guides him down to the blanket on the grass. They sit facing each other, holding hands. Jack crosses his legs, his knees bumping into hers. Her eyes are sparkling and he feels like he can stare into them until the end of time.
"I will always be with you," she says.
"And I will always be with you," he whispers. "I have been, this whole time. Mom…I have so much to tell you. So much to ask."
"We have this paradise," she says, gesturing around to the garden that surrounds them. "We have time. Tell me everything, Jack."
And so he does. He tells her what happened to Chuck, how the Winchesters tricked him long enough for Jack to absorb his powers. He tells her how he altered Heaven and brought Castiel back from the Empty, how he is trying to unite the angels, and his indecision about interfering in the ways of Earth. And without thinking twice, he tells her about the voice in his head, the one that takes him away from himself into a place of darkness.
She listens without interrupting him, occasionally squeezing his hand, and when he is finally done, she doesn't say anything for a long time.
"Mom?"
She sighs, although the spark of joy has not left her eyes. "It seems," she says slowly, "that things are never as simple as they sound. Or easy."
He doesn't quite know what she means by this, and waits for her to continue. She pushes a piece of hair off of his forehead.
"The answer is already in you, Jack," she says, so calmly and so confidently that he almost believes her.
He finds himself shaking his head. "I don't think it is," he whispers.
"Of course it is," she says strongly. "What you decide to do with Earth is the right thing to do because of your heart. Your heart is true and strong and good."
"But…what if I make the wrong decision?"
"Even gods make mistakes," she says, her eyes gleaming. "But you are not God. You are my son. And I believe in you." She gives his hands a squeeze. "This is part of life. The struggle you are feeling is what makes you…human."
Jack lowers his head, trying to take in everything she is saying. She's right, of course. He does know what to do, despite the conflict within him.
"I think what's been holding me back," he says slowly, "is the same thing that stopped me from coming to you sooner."
"What's that?"
"I knew what you were going to say. And I was afraid of the answer."
She smiles ruefully. Her hands are so warm. "You saved the world, Jack. You were amazing—are amazing. You are everything I could ever have dreamed of and more. Whatever is happening out there—on earth, with this voice—I will always be on your side."
His chest is so constricted that it hurts. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and tries to steady himself.
"I love you," he says softly.
"And you know I love you," she replies.
The journal at the foot of the blanket catches his eye. "What do you write?" he asks.
She glances at the journal and picks it up, rifling through the pages. It looks to be almost full.
"Letters," she says.
"To who?"
"To you, of course," she says with a smile.
Jack is suddenly curious. "What kind of things do you say? Will I ever get to read them?"
She lets out a laugh. "You can read them…one day. But not today." She gives him a knowing look. "You have to go, don't you?"
The words pain him. "I could stay here—forever. I could never leave this place and spend the rest of eternity by your side. But I know what I have to do, and it can't wait another moment."
Kelly stands up, and Jack follows. She wraps her arms around him again and he breathes in her floral scent.
"Go," she says simply. "I will be with you every step of the way."
He gives her one last, long look. And then in the blink of an eye he is standing on Earth, in the middle of a market place in midday. Kelly is gone. Here it's North America, Spring, bodies buying and selling. The feeling of his mother has not left him. Her scent is still strong in his nose. He can feel her alongside him. He can feel everything.
People around him disregard the solo young man observing the marketplace. He doesn't know why he's chosen this place. He supposes it's just nice to know that the world has been ticking on without him regulating every part of it.
He gazes at the passersby, considers their lives and their wants and needs. Yes, it's the right thing to do, even though a nagging feeling at the back of his mind is telling him otherwise. There is no excuse anymore, no reason to delay. He has come to do what he came to do in the first place, what he is destined to do. He raises his right hand, poised to make the motion, and takes a deep breath.
SNAP.
A little short one for today! I have lots of time the next few weeks, so I expect some quick releases coming soon! Let me know what you think and where you hope this is going! Thanks