AN: Today is a short chapter day, sorry. But I think you'll see why. It's a bit intense. Reviews are appreciated :)
After staying at Finn's until 2 AM, Rory had finally driven Logan home. She'd pushed herself to stay a little longer than she truly felt up to, seeing how being around the guys made him smile. There just was something about the trio that clicked, there was never any filter. She felt he deserved to enjoy himself a little. The idea of him giving up most of his social life he'd had in London sometimes still bothered her, as they spent most of their nights snuggled up on the couch.
The next morning Rory woke around 9.30 AM, needing to pee. After a quick visit to the bathroom, she slipped under the blanket again. She tried to close her eyes again, considering whether she could sleep a little longer. But her mind could no longer settle.
Someday you'll know it's right, you won't hesitate - those were her mother's words to her once, they still echoed in the back of her mind. She'd held onto that statement for a long time, trying to implement her mother's determination. But it never came that easily to her. Did she even know what 'right' felt like? For a long time 'right' had been the outcome of her pro/con list, but too often they leaned towards the safer option. She had no regrets about giving their relationship another try, but the jumping was still what terrified her. Logan had come to her while she'd stayed grounded. She hadn't really jumped at all. She hadn't really taken many risks at all. Now Robert's words, which he had meant in all innocence, knowing him, stung. Was she really still keeping Logan at an arm's length?
"I can hear you thinking," Logan said quietly, after observing her for a few minutes. The look on her face was more serious than usual.
Rory had been staring at the ceiling, without noticing he'd woken.
"What did you hear?" she asked with a weak smile, not wanting to show how serious her thoughts had been. But he could see through it.
"You're not upset about last night, are you? About what I said?" he asked, pushing himself up on his elbow. It had been Colin and Robert who'd brought it up, but he just couldn't keep his mouth shut. The ball was in her corner, and now it was spelled out for her. As he watched her search for a reply, he could already see a tear gather in the corner of her eye. That he had not wanted.
She wanted to tell him 'no', but nothing more than a whimper left her lips. She snuggled herself into his chest, hiding her tears. Hormonal or not, she was terrified of this conversation.
That reaction startled him, with a second's delay he rapped his upper arm around her shoulders, kissing her hair.
"Ace, it's okay," he whispered to her ear.
Several minutes passed until she gathered herself enough to pull away slightly, wiping her cheeks dry with the bedsheet. It was painful to see her like this.
"Why do you think I am so afraid?" she asked, looking up to him.
"Changes can be terrifying, same with feeling out of control," he suggested. Decision-making had never been her strong suits, and he figured all her lists and belief in certain lucky items such as her lucky red dress were her way of holding onto control.
"But I have been in control haven't I? I've worked my butt off to get through Chilton, then Yale, get job after job, I made decisions," she noted.
"You always worked well within a system, Ace. But on an emotional level, I guess, snap decisions didn't always work out the way you imagined," Logan replied.
He was right. She'd taken numerous leaps of faith in people, who'd ended up hurting her. Or even leaving her. Asking for 'Vegas' had hurt herself as well. In that case not speaking up, not jumping had also hurt her.
"But you know, I aim to stick around, right?" Logan assured her, trying to guess where her thoughts were wandering. He wasn't spot on, but close enough.
"I've seen you compartmentalize really well Logan, it was scarily easy for you. When you go back to London…," she sobbed unable to finish her thought.
"IF I, no IF WE, go back to London, Ace. We talked about this, this isn't just my call. I love you and I have no problems altering my own life to be with you. You're having my baby, Rory, that's not something I can or want to compartmentalize," he explained.
"But you loved your work, Logan," Rory said. She'd seen it.
"I am not going to deny that I was good at it, but it doesn't mean that alone is worth the stress it came with," he replied.
Rory sat quietly up in the bed, staring at a blank spot in front of her.
"I am not going to leave you here for a career, I'm here, we're here. I told you I wanted all of you and I meant it. And I am sorry if you feel like I am pushing this, but I just want you to see that we're solid, we're not just killing time, we've done enough of that," Logan rambled. He felt like adding that he was not Christopher or even Jess, Rory's history with the guys of her life walking out on her was a lengthy one, but bringing that out felt like throwing salt at an open wound.
"I am not going to lie, I want to be married to you. I want you to feel safe with me," he continued.
"Logan..," she began, wiping her tears. "I've left a lot of things undecided in the past, I've just let things happen," she added, not quite forming an entire thought.
"So grab the wheel, don't let things just happen. Tell me what you want," he insisted.
"I do want all of you," she sighed, getting a flashback to that October morning. "I want to be married to you," Rory sobbed.
"Then why the tears?" he asked, the corners of his mouth beginning to rise. She'd said it.
"Because I am still really scared," Rory sniffled.
"It's just me, I am not that scary am I?" he tried to cheer her up.
"I am just not sure I can go through with this big production without losing it," she said.
"The wedding, you mean?" he asked, wanting to make sure they really were talking about this now. He had hard time believing it.
"Yeah," she said, trying to gather herself by looking up.
"It wouldn't have to be anything huge. We could just go and do it, just the two of us, if that's what you want," he suggested.
"Elope, you mean?" she reflected.
"Yeah," he nodded, adding "just wait a sec," he rose from the bed, walked over to their dresser and dug out a dark velvet ring box.
"You've been really thinking about this haven't you?" Rory asked, laughter mixing with tears. The box wasn't the same as it had been at graduation.
"It feels a lot easier to ask this when we've just had this discussion, Ace. Please don't turn me down now," he exclaimed, recalling how nervous he'd felt the last time.
"Logan, I'm sorry I did that back then. Let me," she offered. "Logan, will you please, please, please marry me," she said, holding onto his hands.
"Now that just didn't feel right, I might take some time to think about it," he teased.
"Logan!" she scolded.
"Ace...," he began, correcting, "Rory, will you be my wife?" he said, pulling out the round teal sapphire ring and placing it on her finger. He'd chosen that wording on purpose, as that what she had said. She wanted to be married to him, the act of marrying him owning less importance.
A 'yes' from either side was not needed.
She rose to her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, while his arms pulled her as close he could, feeling her bump between them. That kiss was a little salty, her lips still slightly trembling, but by now they were tears of joy.