Episode 9

Kyouka wrinkles her nose. "Why do I have to keep saying how many people I've killed? It's gonna get repetitive."

"I know, right? The orphanage stuff too!" Atsushi agrees.

Mori gulps as the pair stare at him. "It's for the sake of drama!"

"Well drama is stupid." Kyouka grumbles.

"A well-known assassin? As opposed to what? An assassin who is covert? If she's well known, isn't that a bad assassin?" Kunikida questions.

Dazai snorts inelegantly. "Mood."

"Expensive tofu gets me to talk? How stupid. I totally wouldn't talk for TOFU!" Kyouka complains. "I'm not that cheap!"

Atsushi looks at the fake price. "It's not cheap at all, but I see your point."

Mori shrugs. "I mean, do you want to have to spend an exorbitant amount of money on this? Like buying a freaking horse?"

"No…"

"Then shut up."

"Wow, Akutagawa, you're an asshole in the show!" Tanizaki laughs. "But you're actually a pretty nice dude!"

"I suppose that was a compliment?" The black-haired man questions. "It's the job of an actor to act."

"Maybe not so nice…" The ginger murmurs.

"Why do I have to be such an ass to Atsushi?" Kunikida protests. "It's always me!"

"You're uptight enough to act it right." Mori answers.

"I feel attacked."

Akutagawa punches Dazai. His head slams into the stone and he faints.

"Dammit."

Gin is holding up a phone and recording the whole thing.

"Why do people keep over-hitting Dazai?!" Mori yells.

"He's annoying." Akutagawa replies instantly.

Akutagawa punches at the camera, which was placed too close. He knocks it over and it cracks. "Shit."

"AKUTAGAWA!"

Gin and Tachihara are laughing from the sidelines, as is Atsushi.

"Stop laughing!"

Tachihara laughs harder.

"To be clear, this is not an actual date." Atsushi clarifies with Mori.

"Not unless you want it to be." The man sings.

"Taken, gay, and not a pedophile." The weretiger responds immediately.

"A transmitter in my body? That's horribly invasive!"

"It's not real." Hirotsu deadpans.

"Even so! It's creepy to even think about!"

"Not enough hands on deck? Why do I keep being an asshole!?" Kunikida snaps.

"You're good at acting like one." Mori says.

Elise adds, "And someone had to. Rintarou picked a name out of a hat and it was you!"

"Elise…that was a secret."

"Oh come on!"

"If you kept going with the should and the coulds you all seem to love, so I called him!" Naomi chirps.

"Ooh, someone's in trouuble~" Dazai sings.

"CUT! Dazai! Stop that!"

"They owe me enough that I can afford to make a minor official wait." Fukuzawa says. "Both in and out of character."

"Yukichi! Stick to your lines!"

"You of all people know how true this is, Ougai."

"Even so. That's not your line."

"Wait, Fukuzawa's done government work?" Tanizaki questions.

"I was a government sanctioned hitman." The older man responds.

Hirotsu breathes out cigarette smoke. "As was I."

"I worked with you in the one Korean smuggler case, didn't I? The Crimson Camellia, correct?"

"That would be the one, Silver Wolf."

"For the love of God can we just get back to the scene!"

"He was a black-market information dealer and doctor." Fukuzawa divulges.

"That has no bearing on my current respectable profession!"

"That actually explains a lot." Higuchi muses.

Dazai looks down at Chuuya. "Chibi!"

"Dazai I will strangle you with your intestines if you say that again."

"Aw, Chibi's mad."

Gin preemptively pulls out a phone.

Chuuya knees Dazai in the stomach, then smashes his fist into the man's nose, breaking it.

"OW! Dad hurd."

"That's the point, you shit-for-brains!"

"Besides, why'd you come here in the first place?"

"To harass you."

"Really, just gonna throw that out there? So blunt, Chibi!"

"First of all it's in the script and second of all if it weren't for the laws of this land I would have slaughtered you!" Chuuya is red in the face from anger.

"Chibi needs to chill-bi."

Gin is recording everything.

"DIE!" Chuuya launches a brick at Dazai, knocking him out.

"Dammit and we just fixed his nose!" Mori whines.

"Ranpo is not helping the Atsushi search?" Kenji complains. "But we all like Atsushi!"

"It's not fair!" Ranpo adds. "I don't want to look like a jerk!"

"You do help in the end."

"After bribery…" The detective mutters, but subsides.

"I'll give you praise."

"My character really respects you that much, huh? That's a bit over-the-top."

"It works, though!" Kenji chirps.

"CUT!"