AN:

So, here we are. I decided to give you a little Christmas present and post the last two chapters as one. Thank you all so much for reading my stories, leaving wonderful reviews and following / favouriting. You guys are the best. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Chapter 9

Macs knee was bobbing up and down. With each passing minute the blond got more nervous. What took them so long? It had been hours since Jack had been taken into surgery. This was a bad sign, wasn't it? He stared into the cup of coffee that had gone cold a long time ago. Riley had tried to make him drink something, but Mac was too upset to get anything down his throat. It would probably come right back up anyway. He shot another accusing glare at the clock, but that didn't help his anxiousness either.

Riley was a bit down the hall, talking quietly on her phone. She was probably updating Matty and Bozer. Mac couldn't help but admire her strength once more. She was such a smart woman, she was loyal to a fault and a great friend. When he thought about it, he could clearly see Jacks influence in her. The determination with which she fought for her loved ones and how she set her priorities was impressive. Riley had changed this last year. The hacker seemed to have grown up even more. The letters she had exchanged with Jack made her appear her more serious, but she was also able to show her love for Jack more openly.

The sound of a door opening snapped Mac out of his musings. Riley had heard it too and came running. A tired looking doctor asked. „Are you here for Jack Dalton?"

Mac only nodded. His eyes were huge in his pale face and the older mans expression softened. „He's alive son, but he gave us a few moments of worry. He coded, but we got him back quickly. There was internal bleeding and with his blood pressure bottoming out it was quite a challenge, but we finally got it under control. Anyway, he has four broken ribs, one of it pierced his lung. Most of the damage is on his right side of the body. He's got a lung contusion, so we have to watch him closely, because pneumonia is a huge risk right now. Good news is, his hip was only dislocated not broken like we feared at first. His right arm was broken in three places. Our orthopedic surgeon put in some pins and a plate and fixed it. The head wound only resulted in a mild concussion, no bleeding in his brain or swelling. All in all he should be fine, if we can stay ahead of infection. He's a tough one, that's for sure." The doctor ended his report with a smile.

Tears were running down Rileys face and only now Mac registered that her hand was joined with his.

„Can we see him?" Mac asked. He was worried, because he wasn't longer part of the Army and he knew how strict the rules often were.

The doctor nodded with a grin. „I just got a call from your boss. Damn that woman would have had a career in the Army with that bossy attitude. She said you've been here for a tour?"

„EOD specialist Angus MacGyver, Sir." Mac surpressed the urge to salute, when he used his old rank.

The doctor stretched out his hand. „It's great to meet one of the few men, who came here to save lifes without taking others. You can stay with him as long as you like. As soon as he is more stable, we're flying him out."

Mac sent the doc a quick salute. „Thank you Sir."

Riley was about to open the door to the ICU room, where Jack was brought. She sensed that Mac was stopping and turned around. „What is it Mac?"

The blond looked down. „It's just … what if he doesn't want to see me?" It broke out of Mac. „I ran away and left him high and dry. Never called, not even answered. It's my fault he's lying in there fighting for his life."

Riley sighed. „I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You both were idiots and you both screwed up. But none of you hurt the other on purpose. It was a shitty situation and if someone is too blame it is your dad. I'm sorry, he's dead, but it's the truth. None of you asked for this to happen. You have to sit down and talk it out, like you always did with him. Jack loves you so much. You could read it in his letters, that he doesn't blame you. So stop wasting your time and be there for him now. God knows, he'll need all the support he can get after the year he had." The hacker said softly, her voice had gone from angry to sad.

Macs throat was thick with emotion and once more he was only able to nod. Instead of an answer he pressed a kiss on her forehead and stepped into the room. And there he was. Sadly Mac was used to the inside of an ICU room. They looked the same all over the world. He was able to block out all the lines and equipment and only watch his partner. Jack. His haircut was military style, but that was something Mac was used to. What he wasn't expecting, that Jack looked different. Sure, there was a little more grey in his hair, but that wasn't it. He was thinner, his upper body more muscled, but the main difference was his face. Even unconscious there were deep lines around his eyes. Mac remembered how he had teased Jack one day about them and the Delta had countered that it were canyons-of-Mac-worry. Even if Jack had been fighting in the sand box, he had never stopped to worry about him. That made Mac feel warm and guilty at the same time. But he wasn't so conceitful not to know that it was the war too, that had left its marks on Jacks face. Rileys speech from the war room came back to him and he vowed not to let Jack deal with the aftermath alone. He would be there for his partner, no matter what.

Riley had settled on one side of the bed and took Jacks hand. Mac mirrored her on the other side. Careful he slid his hand under Jacks not to get tangled in the IV line there. The blond tried not to look at the central line in Jacks neck. That image always made him nauseous, because it simply seemed wrong putting a needle in the most vulnerable spot of a human being.

Jack was warm and it felt like Macs body was trying to suck it into his own body and warm the place where he had felt only coldness for the past year. The whole situation was so wrong, but it felt so right being with Jack again. How could he ever leave that man? Suddenly he saw the truth in the old saying, that you only know what you had, when you lost it. The difference was, that Mac didn't simply lose Jack, he pushed him away. The only person in his life, who had considered him worth staying. They all had left him. His mom, his dad, Harry, Pena. Jack not, he didn't consider him a bother. He had risked his own life, signing up for another tour and that after knowing him only for 64 days. Exchanging being with his family in Texas for running after him in the sand box, where death was lurking behind every corner.

They sat in silence for quite some time. Jacks vitals were stable and Mac drew comfort from it. A nurse came in regularly to check on the Delta and change the IV bags. Riley had fallen asleep some time ago, but Mac found himself unable to give in to his exhaustion.

There! A twitch in Jacks features. Mac leaned forward and saw it again. Then some movement in the fingers that were resting above the blonds hand. „That's it brother. Come on Jack, I know it's hard. Try to open your eyes for me buddy." Mac encouraged his partner and sqeezed his hand slightly. Slowly, oh so slowly Jacks eyes began to open. They were unfocused and glazed over with the drugs cursing through his veins. „It's me Mac. You're in hospital Jack." The blond spoke slowly to give his friend time to process the words. He knew from experience how long it took until the words spoken to you were making sense.

Jacks gaze found Macs and the blond smiled. „There you are big guy."

The Delta frowned. „Mac? Am I dead?"

Mac laughed, but it was a pained sound. „No Jack, you aren't dead. You're in hospital in Kabul."

Jack didn't seem convinced, but his expression relaxed a bit. „But you're in Africa." He objected.

Mac nodded. „I was, but I came back a few weeks ago. We got word that you were trapped in a cave. Riley and I came over and I helped a little to get you out."

The memory of what had happened came back to Jack as he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, they shone with worry. „Ferrari? Berks?"

„We found them first, they were hurt, but conscious." Mac was quick to reassure.

Some of the tension left Jacks body and he sighed. „Thank God." His eyes registered Riley just now sleeping in the chair beside his bed. Jacks eyes teared up and he choked out. „Is she ok?"

Mac held out a cup with a straw and Jack drank grateful. „Yeah Jack, she's fine, just tired."

Jacks voice was only a whisper. „I put her through so much. God she must hate me for doing that to her."

Obviously Riley had heard that last sentence, because she suddenly opened her eyes and shot the Delta a glare. „You're an idiot Jack for thinking I could ever hate you. But you gave me quite a scare and so the pizza and skeeball is on you the next year." She stood up and gave him a kiss on his forehead.

Jack smiled. „Deal. I … think I owe … Matty a big thank u for bringin´ u over here …" He trailed off and his eyes slipped shut in sleep.

Riley stroked the Deltas hands a few more times until she leaned back and shot Mac a teary smile. „He's going to be alright, isn't he?"

Mac nodded. „Yeah, I'm sure. But it's going to be a long time until he'll be back on his feet. We're going to have our hands full keeping him entertained."

Riley agreed. „Absolutely, but I'm really looking forward to spend as much time as possible with him. You know, when he first left I was still a kid and I missed him terribly, but I directed my pain into anger and that helped. This time it was even more difficult. I knew he didn't leave, because he didn't want me any longer. It was just something he had to do. That was so much worse. All the worry and sleepless nights and nobody to talk to." She ended quietly without looking at Mac. She didn't have to, the blond understood she meant him.

Mac stood up and rounded Jacks bed to crouch down beside Rileys chair. „I made a huge mistake, when I left. I missed you just as much and I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness. I let you both down and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am."

Riley leaned into Macs side and whispered. „I have already forgiven you. But I have one thing to ask from you. Next time when you're desperate about something, let us in. Let us be there for you, as you are there for us. I know you were raised to be strong and cope with everything on your own. This is in the past, you have a family now. People who are there for you and you can count on to have an open ear for your problems. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. I've learned that from Jack that it is not a sign of weakness to accept help."

„I'm a lucky man to have such friends and I promise I won't run away again." Mac pressed a kiss into Rileys hair and took his place by Jacks side again.

It were several hours later, when Jack woke up again. He still felt like shit, but at least his head was a bit clearer now. Riley was playing with her phone, while Mac was nowhere in sight. „Hey honey," he croaked out and accepted the water Riley offered immediately. „Where's Mac?"

„He went to have a shower, he'll be back soon. How are you feeling Jack?" She asked, her forehead creased with worry. „And remember our deal, be honest." She demanded.

Jack rolled his eyes and answered obediently. „Like hit by a freight train. What's the damage?"

The hacker grabbed the board from the foot of the bed. „Mild concussion, fractured arm, dislocated hip, broken ribs, collapsed and bruised lung which caused internal bleeding. That's quite a list big guy." Riley tried to keep her tone light, but her voice was quivering anyway.

„Hey sweetheart, it's ok." The Delta tried to soothe her.

„No, it's not ok Jack! You almost died, in fact you did during the surgery." Riley burst out, losing the fight against her tears. She laid her head on his shoulder and Jack started stroking her hair.

„I'm sorry Ri. I never should have left you. Can you forgive me?" Jack whispered.

„I didn't hold it against you. As bad as it was I learned a lot during that last year. The naked truth about war and not to take anything for granted. I think, I regard it as a lesson, although a painful one for both of us. Let's just look forward, ok?" Riley explained.

„God, you're a smart girl. I love you honey." He sqeezed her slim shoulders and smiled at her muffled „Love you too, big guy." Relaxed, the Delta drifted off again.

Jack must have slept for quite some time, because when he came to Riley was gone and Mac had fallen asleep, his chin resting on his chest. The Delta observed his partner. Mac was tanned, gone was his usual paleness. His hair was longer than Jack had ever seen it and bleeched by the sun.

Jack tried to get more comfortable in the bed, but couldn't suppress a grunt of pain. Obviously his meds had worn off. The sound was enough to wake his partner. Macs head shot up and there was a pop in his neck, which made Jack laugh. That was the wrong thing to do, as it set him coughing immediately. The alarm on the heart monitor went off a moment later. The blond was on his feet and turned up the volume on the oxygen valve to help Jack get in enough of the precious gas. „Easy Jack, I've increased the O2. Should be better in a few seconds. One easy breath, come on big guy. Yeah, that's it. You doing great buddy." Mac talked him through the fit and finally the Deltas heavy breathing began to ease and his vitals were dropping back into normal range. A nurse came in and asked with a disaproving scowl „What's wrong?" while she started checking on her patient.

Mac held up his hands in a placating manner. „He started coughing." Oh, how he wished they were at Phoenix Medical, where Doc Ward and nurse Angela were taking care of Jack. The nurse shot him an unfriendly glare and left the room.

„Damn, she's as charming as a World War II bunker. I wish Angela would be here and good ole Jacob Ward." Jack commented and Mac snickered.

„Yeah, I thought the same brother. They are flying you out as soon as possible, so your wish will be granted as you're going straight to Phoenix Medical." The blond informed him.

Jack rolled his eyes. „I'd rather go home." His expression turned somber. „I missed Riley so much and … and you buddy. I'm really sorry, I couldn't prevent the thing with your dad. If I had just shut my big mouth instead of pushing you to find him. I never intended to cause you so much hurt buddy. I'm so sorry and I understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me. I realized this last year, I was not much better than your old man. Always bossing you around. Eat, sleep, rest your injured body, don't take apart the toaster, keep searching for your dad. No wonder you had to get away as there were suddenly two guys messing with your life. I'm sorry for suffocating you, I really am." The Delta had held eye contact while he spoke and by the end these brown orbs were glistening with tears.

Mac stood up and sat down carefully on the bed. He rested his hands on his partners shoulders. „Jack, I don't even know where to begin. You couldn't be more wrong and my heart aches, when I see you beating yourself up for something that wasn't your fault at all. You never steered my life like my dad did. You were the one who filled out a fathers role. You supported me, looked after me, encouraged me and helped me up when I fell. You willingly gave up the reunion with your family to keep me safe and risk your own life at the same time. That is the most selfless act and although you weren't obliged by a bond of blood. Don't punish yourself for caring about me Jack. I admit, I got so used to it over the years I forgot what a huge gift that was. It took me some time and thousand miles to understand, that it doesn't matter, what my dad did or didn't do to me. In having you and Riley and the others I have the perfect family. I'm so sorry, I didn't say goodbye and I was too much of a coward to response. By the end of my stay, I was seeing more clearly, but I was afraid to come home and face you. It took my fathers death to make that decision for me." Mac ended.

„What?" Jacks head snapped up. Tears were running down his face at hearing Macs side of the events. His heart rate went up and the blond reached out again.

„Calm down Jack, easy or the nurse will be back. Yes, my dad is dead. Car accident. It's over." Mac didn't know momentarily how to express his feelings.

„Oh man, I'm sorry to hear that hoss. We weren't on good terms, but I'd never wish something bad to happen to him." Jack said honestly.

Mac nodded. „I know Jack. It's weird, I feel bad for not feeling bad enough. I know that doesn't make much sense."

The Delta started rubbing circles over Macs pulse point and felt his partner slowly relax. „It's ok Mac. I know you are grieving. It's ok not to be totally devastated by his death. For such strong feelings, there has to be a bond that the loss severed. What you had with your dad was a loose connection at its best, sometimes not even that. Only disappointment maybe even hate. Don't get me wrong, he was still your dad and it's sad that he died, but it was his decision not be an active part of your life. He even got more out of the deal, at least he knew how you were doing, whereas you didn't even know if he was alive. Maybe you would have made up one day, maybe you wouldn't. We'll never know, but I'm certain that he cared about you, that you were important to him. You should take comfort from that thought and make your peace with him. I know it's sad, but it is what it is."

Mac shook his head in wonder. „That is what I missed the most. Your ability to help me understand my own feelings and see reason. I … I don't know …. what … if you had died … oh God …"

Without answering Jack pulled Mac against his chest ignoring the pain. His partner needed him that was more important. The Delta felt his hospital gown getting wet with tears. The silent crying gave way to sobbing as Mac let go of all the pain and tension. Jack rubbed soothing circles into his friends back and mumbled into his shaggy hair. „It's gonna be ok hoss. It may take a while, but you'll be feeling better. Let it out. Don't hide and don't bury your sorrow in your soul. I'm here to help you share the load." Jack didn't even try to stop his own tears and so they cried. They cried about loss, hurt, the horrors of war and all the things they both had bottled up for too long. Finally they both were spent and Jack sank back to the bed exhausted and in pain. Mac saw it and a guilty expression appeared on his face.

„Stop it Mac. We both needed that release." Jack interjected, before the blond even opened his mouth.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Mac started to talk again. „Why did you leave the Phoenix Jack? I asked, but nobody wanted to tell me."

The Delta sighed and fiddled with the blanket. „I guess you deserve he truth. Your dad came into the war room one day and told us he would replace you with some CIA guy. I got angry and confronted him." Jack decided to stop there, but Mac didn't give up.

„That's not the whole story. Out with it Jack. Don't try to protect me. I have a right to know." The blond demanded.

„Yeah I know buddy, but I hate to see you even more hurt, than you already are." Jack admitted tiredly. „Ok, I said that you were his son and that nobody could ever replace you and he … he said it didn't matter that you were his son. That was where I lost it. I broke his nose and I think at least one rib." Jack looked away, not able to meet his friends gaze.

Another wave of disappointment about his father swept through Mac, but it was soon replaced by the warm feeling of Jack defending him. „Thank you," he mumbled and Jacks head snapped back to him.

„What for?" The Delta asked surprised.

Mac smiled. „For standing up for me and having my back, even after I let you down."

Jack shook his head. „You never let me down Mac and even if you wouldn't have come back, I'd never have stopped defending you."

Mac shook his head in amazement. „I know I don't deserve a friend like you, but I'm grateful. I'm sorry for running away to Africa. That was stupid."

Jack agreed readily. „It was." Mac looked up surprised, but Jack repeated his words. „It was stupid Mac, but it could have been worse. At least you choose a stable country while I ran back into war. Not my wisest decision." He said with a wink.

Mac laughed loudly. „I think we can agree, that we both have bad coping mechanisms."

Jack grinned. „Yeah a shrink would have a field day with us."

„We would probably drive him mad after an hour," Mac snickered.

The END