"You done?" Feliciano nodded happily as he stepped into the car. He held a bag in one hand but didn't explain what was inside. Lovino didn't care, he just wanted to go home. Having to talk about all his experiences with Sadik – He listened to his brother, but it still felt wrong. He knew the context, they wanted to know the petty criminal he'd lived with not the friend who cracked jokes with him.

"I didn't know they offered to wrap these things too, pretty cool, huh?" Lovino's jaw clenched hearing him talk so nonchalantly. He was too plagued with what had happened to talk in such a carefree way like Feliciano didn't understand just how important this was to him.

"What did you say to them?" Lovino asked, taking the keys out of the ignition.

"What?"

"What did you say about Sadik in there?"

"Um, whatever they asked. I can't remember, you shouldn't be asking me that anyway," He held up the bag. "I got you something for Christmas, or New Years, or something. A gift. I can give it to you now - or later?" Lovino took Feliciano's hand and pushed it down, ignoring whatever this gift was.

"It wasn't all bad, was it?" Feliciano sighed.

"You really want to talk about this?" Lovino nodded. "Fine. I hate him – But they're detectives. They can see that already, I'm sure they'll take your side into account too."

"You still… I don't know, still could've at least acted civil."

"I did – Lovino, you express yourself whenever you want but when I do it you seem to think I'm irrational," Feliciano frowned. "I did what I had to for you, you're just too stubborn to accept the help."

"I didn't need it." He said with resentment on the tip of his tongue.

"I thought you said this happened a long time ago, so why are you acting like I did this yesterday? It's done. If he is guilty of this, I won't hesitate next time." Lovino scoffed. Like Feliciano could kill a man – He hesitated because he's not that stupid. He didn't think his brother had enough hate in his heart to kill anybody. But he found that he shouldn't think too highly of his little brother, often he set the bar lower and lower with his impulses.

"Even if he isn't, you'll still make him out to be some kind of villain. I don't think he did it."

"Doesn't matter, this isn't our job. It's theirs," Feliciano shook his head. "And I don't want you just walking out like last night. It was dangerous, even after you called, I was still worried."

"You're the one who told me to think about myself, maybe you should too…" Lovino stuck the keys into the ignition.

"Just do what you always do and ignore your problems then, I don't care." Feliciano crossed his arms. Of course, he cared, Feliciano cared too much, that was his biggest flaw and he had to know that otherwise, Lovino would theorize he had absolutely no self-awareness.

He pulled out of the parking lot – The car ride becoming awkward when he made his way down the main road. There wasn't even music on. Feliciano always insisted he find the right channel or put whatever cassette he wanted in to play. Even Lovino's own car had more of Feliciano's music than his own.

"What did you get in there?" Lovino gave up the act – Finding the silence too deafening. Feliciano was stubborn though, refusing to acknowledge him. "What did you get in there?" He asked a little louder.

"I heard you. I just think you need some quiet time." Lovino scoffed.

"I'm not a child," Feliciano cocked an eyebrow. "Compared to you I'm not."

"You can believe that." Lovino couldn't stand how smug he sounded. When he snuck a glance, he could see the corners of his lips upturned. Even now, he thought he was better than him. Goddamn him.

"Stop that." Lovino ordered.

"What?"

"The nose thing," He gestured vaguely around his nose unable to explain his frustration. "It's too loud." Feliciano laughed in disbelief.

"What? Breathing?"

"Yeah, it's too loud. Stop it."

"You want me to do what you did as a kid?" Lovino furrowed his brows.

"Do what?" Feliciano shifted in his seat, his legs facing closer to Lovino's direction than away now. Feliciano grinned.

"You don't remember it?" Lovino shook his head. "Whenever you got in trouble with grandpa – How you used to hold your breath when he was telling you off. It was kind of genius." A smile came across his face.

"Yeah, I remember that. He never knew what to do other than stop or give me a smack." He whipped his hand, remembering the sharp pain he'd feel on the back of his legs.

"And then you'd just-" Feliciano let out a deep, loud gasp of breath. "Like that."

"Still worked, I can't believe I threatened to just die over something so stupid." He tried to suppress his smile but it was beginning to crack through in spite of his attempts. Memories like that seemed to be in the very recesses of his mind - When they came back to him they were welcomed for the short while he thought of them.

Feliciano chuckled, "It did work though," He agreed with a grin, "It's like he just forgot in the panic."

Lovino sighed, "I was such a little shit."

"You just got caught," Feliciano said slyly. "Remember when someone broke into grandpa's car?"

"Yeah, what about it?" A confused eyebrow raised at the question. It seemed like such a random memory that he hadn't even though about in so long. When was that? 77'? It was springtime, that much he remembered.

"I was doing tricks with my football and broke the window; I used my jacket to make sure the glass didn't cut me when I snuck the ball out. Just acted as if nothing had happened and bam. Someone's broken into the car."

"What the fuc- That's way worse than anything I did!" Lovino exclaimed, feeling cheated. "We went weeks without a car because of you!"

"Hey, I was scared! I didn't want to be yelled at by grandpa, I would've cried."

"You were like fourteen. Man the fuck up! I can't believe I copped so much shit. It's like I didn't get away with anything." Out of the two, he got into the most trouble but now he was beginning to question just how much trouble Feliciano could've found himself in.

"Well, you did shoplift." Feliciano felt the need to bring up. "You were a menace to society, I was a menace to the family. I think that's different."

"That's big business, they can spare the change for a chocolate bar or two." He didn't even care for chocolates; he knew that he was really taking more than what most would be comfortable with. His point still stood however, they could afford a little theft here and there. Most of the people who owned those types of places lived more comfortably than what he'd ever have in a lifetime.

"You picked pockets." He pointed out. Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Bus money."

"We didn't take the bus, you know that," Feliciano chuckled. "I can't believe you haven't gone to jail yet."

"Yet?" Feliciano shrugged. To be fair, Lovino was surprised too. But he guessed it took getting stabbed and strangled out by a serial killer for any of that to be revealed – Under favorably unfavorable circumstances. He grimaced, somehow, he would've just preferred to go to court, get a fine or jail time and be done with it. This was so much worse.

"At least I know I'll have my big brother in hell with me," His brother grinned. "Eternity with my best friend!" Lovino groaned.

"That really does sound like hell if you're there." Feliciano whined at that, Lovino's lips turning into a smile. Maybe things wouldn't so bad.

Never mind. Everything was bad. It was bad because Feliciano had suggested a Christmas-New Years party that was much too late to be any of those, but the idiot didn't care. He just wanted an excuse he supposed and whenever Feliciano made a suggestion, he usually didn't have the impulse-control to leave it at a suggestion.

"Kiku! You can invite all your friends too!" Feliciano exclaimed excitedly. His roommate nodded silently, Lovino didn't even know that guy had friends, but he was always reserved so he never really knew anything about his life. "What about the cute one, huh?" He nudged Kiku's side who seemed embarrassed.

"Mei has a boyfriend now so you can't do that anymore, not that you should've before but…" His face flushed.

"Do what?" Lovino sighed, his brother could be a real smooth brain.

"I haven't even met her, and I feel sorry for her." He shook his head, Feliciano looked confused, looking between Kiku and him. All Lovino did in response was cross his arms.

"Alright, but I wouldn't mind if they both came, Kiku! The more the merrier," Feliciano grinned. "What about you?" He turned to Lovino.

"I don't have friends. You know that." He said with a sour expression.

"What if I invited Gilbert and Antonio? You hang out with them all the time now!" Lovino sputtered.

"Wha- They're working on the case; besides, I've only met them like what? Three times now?" He furrowed his brows at the vastly inappropriate suggestion. "And Gilbert is related to that idiot on TV." He shook his head, that didn't even matter. They wouldn't even come if they were invited - That was just wrong to buddy up with them like they weren't integral to a case involving a serial killer.

"Ludwig isn't an idiot," Feliciano pouted. "He's a student! I bet he's real good at it too." He said with a dreamy expression. It made him sick just to see such a lovestruck look, they weren't even going steady he bet. Feliciano didn't go steady with anyone - Even if he liked them plenty, Lovino wasn't even sure his brother even had the attention span for something like that.

"Plenty of idiots with money make it through university. Just because you can't fathom going to school again doesn't make the ones who can any smarter." He deadpanned, watching his brother's face turn sour.

"God, you're so negative," Feliciano complained. "But I've got the Bee Gees to keep me uplifted." He said, pushing himself off the couch with a skip in his step. Lovino could only predict that he was going to put said musicians on grandpa's old record player. It was one of the things Lovino was slightly jealous Feliciano got to first – That old thing has been around since before him.

"It's like you never left high school." Lovino rolled his eyes, getting off from his perch at the kitchen table.

Feliciano snickered, "Got to stay young forever you know."

"Just don't turn it up too loud, I'm going to bed."

He turned to Kiku, "Never been a fan," Feliciano explained. "Don't take more medication." He warned Lovino, he paid no mind. He'd take whatever he needed, and he needed a lot more than painkillers.

He was much happier when he was finally in his room, getting into his pajamas. He noticed when he got his sweatpants on that his gut began to stab at him – Every little action after hurting. Even with his brother's advice, he knew his brother also didn't understand it, he was already dealing with enough going around in his head let alone physical pain to go along with it. For a second, he hesitated, he called that his consideration for his brother before he went straight to the bedside table where he was trusted to be responsible with his pills. It was just this once after all – Who cares?

With perfect timing for Lovino to just open the prescription bottle, Feliciano opened the door. He paused as he was caught red-handed. Instead of getting mad, Feliciano just smiled.

"I knew you wouldn't listen to me," He walked across the room to pluck the pills from Lovino's hands, who sighed with defeat. Feliciano tapped his temple with the bottle. "Can't fool me."

"Whatever – You don't even know how many times you've been fooled," Lovino put a hand to his abdomen as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "It hurts though, I've never felt anything like it…" It was a pain that couldn't be fixed easily, and it was unavoidable at this stage of his recovery, he couldn't wait for the last stretch of healing where it would be nothing but scarring.

"I'll get you a heat pack. It won't fix it, but it'll be better than taking too many of these," Feliciano rattled the bottle. It wasn't until now that Lovino even noticed what was in his other hand, a small box, neatly wrapped. It looked like Feliciano noticed the staring as he sat down beside him. "I know you don't like opening things in front of people. But this is what I got for you."

Lovino tentatively took the box from Feliciano as he handed it to him. His eyes darted to his little brother's anticipating face.

"I thought you said you knew I don't like opening things in front of people."

"Well, I like to watch people open presents – Nothing you could possibly say could hurt me at this point." Feliciano shrugged. Of course, Lovino shook his head, he couldn't complain too much because at least it was just him. He was too stupid to know it was better to just leave him alone. Probably the only one who was that stupid.

He sighed, fiddling with the wrapping which was more tape than decoration before he finally popped the lid off. It took a while for him to realize what it was. His jaw clenched and unclenched before he pulled on the chain, lifting it to get a better look. The cross on the end swung slightly before he set it down on his other hand. He flipped it around, inspecting every golden edge of it. There was no engraving on the back but Lovino appreciated that more, it wasn't trying to pretend to be something it wasn't, it was just something to make his neck feel less light.

"I couldn't find one exactly the same but…" Feliciano paused as if he'd said too much. Lovino put the cross back into the box, closing it. "Oh, I'm sorry." He said as if he already assumed Lovino wouldn't like it. There had been plenty of lousy gifts that he'd gotten from Feliciano before but this one wasn't one of them – It was necessary. At least until the original could be found if at all, he didn't want to think about losing something that was so precious to him even if it was just materialistic. It was more than that, even if it seemed silly.

"No, it's fine," He tried to refrain from frowning too much. "It's better than fine. Thanks," Lovino glanced to his side, seeing Feliciano's worried stare, completely focused on his face. "You waiting for a kiss or something?" Feliciano leaned back a little, realizing how nosey he was being.

"Sorry, I just can't tell if you like it or not."

Lovino rolled his eyes, "You're so needy," He took the box off the bed and opened it again, taking the chain in his hands. Unclipping the ends, he reached around behind his neck, putting it on. "I'll wear it the same as the old one." Feliciano breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God! I thought you wouldn't speak to me for weeks!" His brother didn't even hesitate to throw his arms around him in a tight embrace, Lovino struggled to pluck him off.

"Alright, alright! Christ, it's fine, I already said thanks," He noticed the excitement on Feliciano's face despite his dismissal. "You're going to miss your favorite song if you keep sitting here bothering me."

"Oh! Right," Feliciano stood up in a scatter. "Don't take more medication." He said with a finger waggle – Lovino didn't need it so much now that he was distracted.

"I won't… Thank you." He said honestly. Feliciano shot him a brief smile before he was gone, just like that. He twiddled the cross with his fingertips, wondering why he was being so sentimental about such a thing. It wasn't real, it wasn't grandpas but what it meant to him was more than just that, somehow. It made him miss the times before all of this when he was just another waste of space without a direction, it was like a second chance that he wasn't sure he wanted. A damn cross brought out all of this. He needed rest from this, but he was unsure if he'd have another nightmare, the same nightmare.

It was something he did hope that this cross protected him from, but he knew better than to get his hopes up. It would happen again. And again. However long it took.

He let out a shaky sigh, rubbing his face of stress. That's all this was, everything was stressful, and not even sleep could remove him of it. That was perhaps the worst curse of them all. His eyes made his sleep deprivation obvious and he knew it would only get worse the longer this went on.

Throwing the covers up, he slipped underneath and put a hand over the cross as if to beg whoever was up there to just let him sleep. Just one night. But even divine intervention didn't seem like enough, he'd never been spiritual despite all the times he spent praying as a kid, another thing that he couldn't maintain that he used to enjoy. Another thing that didn't make him feel worthy of having this second chance at life compared to the rest.

With these bitter thoughts in mind, he tried to roll over with the covers up to his chin to keep him comfortable with eyes shut tight, trying to escape.

He had failed and he knew it the second he woke up in a sweat - The same awful nightmare with only a golden cross to give him any comfort to go back to sleep again.