Upstead (First Kiss)

Chapter 9

Hello folks! Here is the ninth chapter of this story. It has been an interesting project for me so far and I sincerely hope you guys have felt that way too. Hope you enjoy. :)

All their emotions were out, all their sorrows were out, all their fears were out. It almost felt as though they had physically exposed themselves to each other and once that's done there is no going back. Hailey's sobbing had stopped slowly and now she was in Jay's arms, praying for a nightmare less night. Her head was rested against his toned chest and his constant heartbeat is what lulled her to sleep. Jay was holding on to her thinking he would never let go. Hailey was in his arms and he wondered when this moment would present itself again, especially considering he had feelings for her now. That single thought caused a barrage of memories to resurface and it was as though he felt a physical spasm in his heart. He was terrified and the only thing he was able to do was shake his head in denial. Clearly his thoughts and memories were of such a sort. He had fallen again for his partner and he wondered if he could suffer another such loss. All that he had gone through in his previous relationship had been anything but painful and taxing. It had seemed it would work out eventually but only the opposite happened. And Jay was sure that another relationship like that would kill him, so he decided not to share his feelings with Hailey, at least for the time being. Risking it would be a bold move but at the moment he wasn't that confident or bold. He cared about Hailey too much to lose her at all, in any way.

The following morning Hailey was the one that woke up first and for once she was delighted about her sleep the previous night because she had had no nightmares or weird dreams. As she sat on the bed, taking in her surroundings for a moment, she saw Jay sprawled on the bed, in deep sleep. He was clearly tired, but he would never tell her that. For some reason she felt the need to caress his forehead, a way of thanking him for being there for her the previous night. He was such a caring and thoughtful person, she thought. He was the best partner she could ever ask for. At her touch he stirred slightly and before she could retreat completely Jay was awake and looking at her. "Good morning," she said with a broad smile.

"Good morning," Jay replied back realising that being normal was proving to be a feat harder than he would have thought.

He decided to quickly get up, at least sit, that way he wouldn't have to undergo all that Hailey's touch put him through. She was still looking at him with a broad smile and he couldn't help but wonder that she knew. He tried to feign a surprised look but Hailey was least bothered about his looks or his reactions, she was solely grateful that he had helped her get through the night. Finally Jay couldn't take it and he asked, "What's the matter Hailey?"

"Oh, nothing," Hailey replied realising she was smiling like a fool. "I just wanted to say thank you, and I really do mean it."

Jay's expression changed and he was relieved, although a tiny part of him was hurt as well, "Don't worry about it Hailey. I am glad I could help you in any way." He couldn't stop himself from adding, "And remember, I'll always be there for you, no matter what."

Hailey nodded, her heart taking leaps and swirls. For the first time in days she felt as though she was actually happy and that nothing was hanging over her head threatening to fall at any second. It seemed she remembered something and she chirped, "Hey, we have to go shopping today. We practically have nothing and starving is not a good idea for any of us."

Jay nodded a polite acknowledgement and decided to get dressed since they had to go. Hailey left the room leaving him alone with his thoughts and feelings and to be honest they were a handful at the moment. The more he interacted with Hailey the more he realised the difficulty of pulling this off. He had to hide his feelings but he had to make sure Hailey didn't find out anything either. It was proving to be a hell of a feat and the day had just begun. He got out in a few minutes and found Hailey already dressed and ready. She had worn a jeans that stuck to her like glue and what appeared at least three to four layers of clothes to cover her upper half of the body. Still she looked petite and he couldn't help but keep looking at her. He knew he had to get this under control before she started suspecting something was wrong. Since last night he was seeing a glow in her, anything she said or did seemed perfect and beautiful. He couldn't even think to disagree, and this reminded him of his college days. People felt like this when they were young and in love for the first time but there was something so pure and charming about that, and Jay sensed that currently. They drove in the truck, stopping at different shops on the way. Jay couldn't keep his eyes off of Hailey, in the truck he snuck glances when he could, in the shops he looked at her blatantly when she wasn't looking or shopping. What had happened to him? The answer to this question was so simple but the entirety of it meant and implicated so much that he couldn't take it. Accepting he was in love with Hailey would subject him to pain if she didn't feel that same way. Hence it was better to avoid this feeling, thought Jay, though he was nowhere near managing that. He was constantly staring at her as though he was a teenager and she was his first crush and he had to make sure she didn't find out unless and she felt the same way.

They were back in more than an hour and the next task at hand was to prepare breakfast. Working together with Hailey was as alarming as looking at her. Jay was so conscious of himself, he didn't want to touch her at any cost. All the while Hailey was chatting and recounting stories, Jay simply listening and answering when necessary. Suddenly Hailey turned around and held Jay's face to make him taste something she had apparently cooked. He froze on spot and there was a rigidity in him that made Hailey worry. She enquired, "What's the matter Jay? Are you cold?"

"Uh, no. I'm fine, I'm fine," he tried to cover, hoping to end this now.

Hailey looked at him unconvinced but nonetheless dropped the matter, feeding him what she had prepared. He said it tasted fantastic. Jay knew that whatever she fed him would taste like that. He laughed at himself inwardly for feeling like this. He was a grown man but at the moment he was behaving like a complete teenager, unsure of his reactions or impulses. They ate breakfast rather quietly, because the only one who did speak was Hailey. After breakfast she suggested a walk and Jay complied like he was expected to. The weather was cold but pleasant. They walked towards a park that was situated not too far from their residence. Hailey casually slipped her arm around Jay's arm, he didn't protest but the effect it had on him was better left under wraps. Instead, he smiled at her and they continued walking. It was clear Hailey was happy, one night without those horrific nightmares had brought about a drastic change, not to mention the raw emotional conversations she and Halstead had had. At that Hailey realised she hadn't even asked him how he was doing. She began, "Jay, I am so sorry. I didn't even ask you how you were doing. I was so caught up in myself that it didn't even occur to me that you might also be suffering."

"Hailey, I am fine. I wasn't until last night, but now I am. Believe me," he said once again implying a double meaning to his words.

Hailey was glad to hear that. Her response was conveyed in a stronger hold of his arm. This time Jay didn't react at all, he was happy himself to be in such a position. They entered the park now and chose a bench that overlooked a vast scenic expanse. Nature always had a way to make one realise what a dot one was, but at the same time it made one experience a vastness that one would not find in ordinary life. Sitting on that bench, looking at the greenery all around, being there for each other was the breath of fresh both the detectives needed. And all the while Jay's eyes found another gem of nature that was seated right next to him. He felt the time was right and he began softly, "Hailey, I wanted to ask you something if you don't mind."

It took Hailey a moment to get out of her trance and register what Jay had said. But the moment she understood his question she said, "Sure, what's the matter Jay?"

They were facing each other now and the nervousness in Jay was evident. Hailey on the other hand was eager to find out what Jay had to say. He began softly, choosing his words extremely carefully, "When you were with Adam, what did you see in him?"

Hailey had to give it to Jay because this wasn't something she expected at all. She looked at him for a long moment confirming she had heard the correct thing, Jay didn't say anything more giving her the indication that he had actually asked that. She thought for a long moment and tried to reply, "It wasn't about seeing something in him at all. It was just a"—

Jay interrupted her deciding to make himself more clear, "What made you choose him?"

Hailey looked at him again in wonder, trying to understand what this was about. But she couldn't seem to follow Jay's mind so she answered, "I didn't choose him Jay. It was impulse, it was passion, it was pain, it was all kinds of mixed up feelings that led to that. It wasn't a conscious choice."

Jay looked at her, now his turn to wonder what this meant, which lead him to ask, "What do you mean Hailey?"

"I mean I didn't intend for it to happen," Hailey answered, still confused about the purpose of this conversation. She suddenly felt the need to add something more, "And it was because of you."

At that Jay was forced to look at her straight in the eye and wonder what the hell that meant. He couldn't bring himself to understand how this was connected to him. Hailey slept with Adam because of him? What the hell was this and how the hell did this even happen without him knowing even an ounce about it?

That concludes the chapter. I am slightly disheartened to say that not too many people have given me a feedback (not that it is a compulsion or a mandatory thing), but simply because it really helps me to produce better content. I would request you all to comment if you can, it would really mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for sticking around. :)