This is part 1 of the Christmas special. R-E-V-I-E-W

Augusts A. Dimplewimple had many reviews, and his story was progressing quickly. He suddenly had a new idea...

Harry's POV: I had two priorities. Win Annabeth back, get my balls back, and get Hedwig out of the Athena cabin.Wait, that's three.

Anyways, I pulled my firebolt out of my robes, and mounted. Hedwig was not a top priority, I needed some balls. I knew what must be done. The Greeks had a god for everything, so I needed the god of broken balls.

"Harry! It's me! It's your Hermsies!" A silver otter appeared out of thin air.

"Expecto Patronum!" I yelled. My stag patronus lept, but I noticed something different about it. It had no balls either.

"Go to Hermione, and tell her to screw... wait. I could make her make a potion to make my balls come back. I could also make her make a love potion for Annabeth!" I pumped myself, but then noticed the stag was absorbing every word. "Wait! Come back! Delete message!" But it was too late. My stag left with the message. The full one.

"Damn! I know, I'll just tell her I loved her and was talking to Annabeth about the screw off part!" I was brilliant! Bloody brilliant!

Percy's POV: The more time I spent with Chaos' army, the more I started getting used to the new schedule. Wake up, train with Chaos for five hours, then go hang out with the rest of the army (mainly Luke and Yoda, who I discovered was pretty cool.)

"Play let us, roast the assassin." Yoda suggested. We were in my favorite place of the palace grounds, near the forest.

"Who's the assassin?" I asked.

"Are you dumb? You are! Chaos appointed you assassin two hours ago." Luke said.

"How do you play?" I asked.

"Little faggo-" Yoda started, but was inturupted by Chaos.

"Hey dudes, I need to borrow Percy for a top secret assassin mission." Chaos boomed merrily.

Once he dragged me back to his secret office the whole army knew about, he got down to business.

"So, here's the deal. There's this guy, and his name is Han Solo. I may have accidentally gambled all my money and lost it in blackjack, but if you can kill and get Han Solo to Jabba the Hutt, we can get enough money to buy a crappy RV!" Chaos boomed, sighing.

"Where is he?" I asked. I was prepared for my first mission.

"Uhhh... well you see, nobody knows." Chaos told me, "he disappeared after you got sued. Also, you have competition. Boba Fett, the highly skilled bounty hunter is also looking for him. Find him, kill or capture him, and we can finally get a crappy RV!"

I started making my way down, when Chaos tapped my shoulder.

"Here are the keys to your new vehicle, the Rip-mobile." He boomed, while throwing keys at me, "Be back for Christmas Eve!"

Oh yeaahhhhh.

Her-mioneeeee's POV: I was working on a love potion for my love, Harry!

"And finally, add four teaspoons of the green slimy stuff." I read from the book. Oh no! I didn't know what a teaspoon was! Why did I purchase an American potion book!

A silver stag with no testicles suddenly appeared.

"Screw... wait. I could make her make a potion to make my balls come back. I could also make her make a love potion for Annabeth!"

I understood Harry finally.

My Harry woodles needed me!

President Snow's POV: I went down to the Villains Christmas Party, dressed in my fine red suit with a red stocking cap.

"Fredrick!" I called for my Avox.

A skinny tall guy ran up to me, dressed in white and blue.

"Get me my evening rose!" I commanded him. He ran away, then came back with a green rose.

"Groovy green! Ok, you can go stand around in the slave chambers while I go to the party." I started walking down the stairs, where a fistfight was going on. It was Jeanine Matthews vs. Setne. Since Setne was a shrimp, he was getting horribly beat up.

"Ha! Take that you midget!" Jeanine was about to crush his back with his foot when Darth Vader got her in a force choke.

"Bullying.. *cough* isn't tolerated *cough cough* in the villains army! *wheeze.* he isn't a midget! *cough cough cough* he's just *cough* vertically challenged! *cough*" Vader said.

"Normally we would execute her after extreme torture, but since it's Christmas time we will give her a major write up and suspend her for two weeks! You have to bring the write up back with your parent or guardian(s) signature!" I told her, handing her a pink slip.

"NOOOOOO! It's going to go on my academic record! I'll never get into Yale now!" Jeanine wailed.

"It's ok, Setne. You aren't a midget. We all just need to accept our differences." I patted Setne's back reassuringly.

Suddenly I heard the sound of jingling bells. Then of reindeer stomping on the roof. Everyone paused to look up, and we saw... Santa Claus!

"YAAAAAYYYY! SANTA!" Everyone shouted.

"Merry Christmas, you puny scumbags!" He yelled, chucking a bag of coal at high velocities toward Aphosis' head. He was instantly knocked out cold.

"Omigosh omigosh omigosh!! Santa! Hear my new completely original Christmas album!" Justin Bieber squealed. "ROCKING AROUND, THE CHRISTMAS TREEEEEEE!" All the windows suddenly cracked and exploded.

"Feck off! You're on the naughty list for the rest of your life, you little dipshit!" Santa stuck his middle finger out at Justin Bieber.

Riptide's Christmassy POV: I was grooving at a steady pace in the rip-mobile. It was a big motorcycle that had a bulletproof glass door covering the driver and passengers seat.

Purrrrrrrrrrrrr. The rip-mobile purred a lot. I knew Han Solo had last been in a bar called 'The Bar', so I decided to look there first.

"Hehehe! I have now frozen you in carbonite! Have fun with Jabba!" Boba Fett left the bar with hand solo in a prison, trailing behind him.

"Dang nabbit!" I cursed. Well, at least now I could go home. I drove toward the Chaos Castle very quickly.

I finally reached the castle, so I got out and launched myself through the large window in one fluid movement. I landed in the middle of a dance floor, and the room was full of decorations for Christmas. Trees and stuff, you know.

"Late you are! Took you so long, what did?" Yoda asked me while eating microwave Mac and cheese from a Paw Patrols holiday Tupperware cup.

"It's not my fault the rip-mobile can't travel 10,000 miles per hour!" I protested.

"Well, girlfriend of yours, dumped you she did." Yoda pointed to Fluer and Ron, who were grooving steadily near the punch table.

"Whatever, I don't really go for Australian chicks anyways."

"French, she was."

"Hey guys! There are so many unhealthy things here that are hurting my groovy yogurt vibes." Luke came up to us. "C'mon! Let's all dance! It really gives you a workout!" Luke started wiggling around the dance floor. Me and Yoda followed him.

"Katniss! Peeta! I want my drink!" Haymitch yelled.

"Shut up, you blonde dumbo." Katniss kicked Haymitch in the nose and grabbed a nearby drink, smashing it over his head.

"Hey! I'm blonde!" Peeta argued.

"I was talking to Haymitch, you blue eyed wanker!" Katniss screamed.

"What's wrong with blue eyes?" Tris asked.

"Stop narrating this stupid conversation, the author should." Yoda told me.

And so the author did.

Annabeth's Holly Jolly POV: Christopher, or whatever the horse guy's name is, invited all the cabins to the big house for a holiday party. It was very fiery.

"Movin' movin' movin' movin', groovin' groovin' groovin' groovin'. Let me tell you about the life I lead."

The music played, as Hedwig grooved his way across the dance floor.

"Hey, Malcolm. What is the shirt a picture of?" Some Aphrodite camper asked.

"Oh, no. Don't ask him question-" I was cut off by Malcom.

"Darth Vader is a fictional character from-" I left as Malcom spewed Wikipedia to the camper. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turning around, I saw a tall, dark haired, green eyed character. He was beeeuuutifffuuuuul.

"May I take this dance?" He asked, "my name is Mark, by the way, Mark Douchebag."

That was part 1. Review or I shall send my puggle after you. Just a quick 'this sucks' would be nice.