Chapter 9

Kathryn, Chakotay and the others were transported to the USS Aspire sickbay instantly, while Chakotay's prisoners were transported directly into the ship's brig. The CMO, a Dr. Abdel, quickly dispatched her nurses to triage the incoming patients.

Kathryn had to admit, it was strange to be in a starship sickbay without the Doctor. Hopefully someone had been able to save his program too. Her heart constricted with an all-too-familiar pain at the thought of what had happened, the real and potential losses, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She'd have time to grieve later.

Doctor Abdel quickly identified Chakotay as the patient with the most severe injuries, since the rest of them were dehydrated but relatively fine, so she took him to a biobed in the next room for bone-mending surgery, while nurses took the rest of them to their own biobeds in the common room for rehydration. Chakotay looked over his shoulder at them once, his eyes catching hers, while he was led away. He bit his lips, as if dying to say something but knowing it wasn't the right moment. Kathryn watched him go, unable to look away. Wondering. Worrying. Yearning. Fuming. Loving. All at once. And not caring that it didn't make any sense to be feeling all of that simultaneously.

While they all settled in their respective biobeds, there was a rush at the entrance, and when Kathryn looked up, her eyes widened to see Tom, B'Elanna with Miral in her arms, Commander Nobrega and the Doctor pushing through the nurse who tried to restrict their coming into sickbay, arguing loudly that they needed to see that they were okay for themselves. Kathryn beamed, tears of relief and joy swelling in her eyes when they finally came in.

"We were so worried, Captain!" B'Elanna exclaimed, smiling with so much emotion that she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Kathryn beamed at them. "Oh it's such a relief to see you all!" She replied emotionally as she reached out to squeeze Tom's arm and nodded at Commander Nobrega and the others.

"Chakotay?" B'Elanna asked Kathryn, disbelievingly, and a hint of resentment tainting her tone. With Kathryn herself, B'Elanna had probably been the one who had taken Chakotay's sudden departure the hardest. The flash of anger in her eyes quickly gave way to relief, though, when Kathryn told them Chakotay had found and rescued them, and sustained some injuries while doing it.

"Has he said anything? Offered any kinds of explanation?" B'Elanna asked, in a softer tone, but still frowning.

Kathryn shook her head.

At that moment Captain Asani entered sickbay with Tuvok in tow, as well as a dark-haired female Starfleet officer. Kathryn beamed in surprise at the sight of her old friend, but instinctively straightened when she noticed that the unknown officer's rank was that of an admiral.

The three of them walked up to their small group. Captain Asani nodded her greetings to the new arrivals, eventually looking at Kathryn. "Captain. Crewmen. Welcome to Aspire. Please do let me or my staff know if you need anything." She gestured to the woman next to her. "And of course Commander Tuvok doesn't require an introduction." Tuvok nodded despite being the recipient of about six pairs of raised eyebrows.

"It is good to see you all," Tuvok told them gravely, meeting their eyes.

Captain Asani went on, indicating the admiral with her hand. "This is Admiral Mendez."

The admiral nodded. "Let me just say what a relief it is to find you safe and sound, captain. All of you."

Kathryn nodded her thanks, but her brows furrowed together, expecting this to be anything but a social call. She knew she'd have to answer to Starfleet for what had happened to Voyager eventually, so she squared her shoulders and took in a bracing breath. But then Mendez surprised her by redirecting her gaze to Tuvok.

"Commander, come with me if you please." Then she looked around, searching. "Mr. Chakotay?" She asked one of the nurses. When the nurse told her where to find Chakotay, Mendez nodded to them all, before motioning to Tuvok to follow her to Chakotay's room. Tuvok looked strangely relieved to escape.

"Well," Tom said eventually, "I'm sure Chakotay will explain at some point. Right?"

"If he doesn't, we'll just have to make him," B'Elanna added with a dangerous smirk.

Kathryn found she rather liked that idea.

oooOooo

Just as Dr. Abdel finished mending Chakotay's broken ribs and healing his injuries, Admiral Mendez came in to convene Chakotay and Tuvok for a private meeting to discuss everything that had happened. Dr. Abdel left them alone with a nod and an order for Chakotay to rest. Chakotay looked longingly toward the door, knowing that the rest of the Voyager senior officers were probably still on the other side, wondering what the hell was going on. He could almost feel their questions burning a hole through that wall.

"How did it go at the Scavenger's compounds?" Chakotay asked Admiral Mendez as they settled around the desk in one corner of the room.

Admiral Mendez gave her little corner smile. "It was as you reported. The local law enforcement agencies made multiple arrests at the compound and in the nearby town. However it seems like we're still missing the key players. I confess I'm impressed, Mr. Chakotay. We had been hearing reports of colonists disappearing for a while now, but could never pinpoint how or where. Without you it's unlikely we would have been able to make such a discovery. Starfleet Command has agreed to oversee a more formal investigation. I have a feeling we just put a finger on the tip of a much larger problem."

"I'm glad I was able to help with that, at least." Chakotay replied. "Those prisoners…" He shook his head at the memory. "Though it was really Sébas' intel that led me here."

Mendez nodded. "We will make sure to note this in his arrest report. It might help his case down the line. What is your recommendation concerning Jem?" She asked him.

Chakotay let out a long sigh, still amazed to find that the pain that had plagued his side was truly gone, thanks to the miracle that was 24th-century medicine. "I think she's long gone, and, being a shapeshifter, there's no telling what form she'll assume from now on. But in retrospect, of all the Wraiths, she was probably the most dangerous and unpredictable one. I'd definitely keep an eye out for her." In fact, he'd even wondered…

"I've instructed Captain Asani to take us back to Mona Prime, in order to raid the Wraiths' hide-out locations. We hope to collect evidence of their activities in preparation for their indictment. They will of course be charged with grand larceny."

Chakotay nodded. "Even though I'm no longer Starfleet, I'd be happy to lead an away team down there if you want me to. I know the layout."

Mendez looked at him with genuine surprise. "You have more than fulfilled the conditions of our agreement, Mr. Chakotay." Was that guilt, he saw in her eyes?

"I'm glad to hear that," Chakotay replied with a small smile and a nod, "I look forward to returning to my life. But I don't like leaving things unfinished." It was bad enough that he couldn't get anything on the Boss… "Besides, it will give me a chance to clear out my apartment." And get Calypso. Not quite knowing how it would turn out, Chakotay had insisted for her to stay behind this time.

"Very well. Be ready to transport down to Mona Prime in 45 minutes."

Chakotay had only time to take a shower and replicate a quick meal before it was time to go down to the surface of Mona Prime. He had hoped to speak with Seven and Kathryn before then, but they, along with Harry and the officers who had been captured, had been ushered into a conference call with Starfleet Command, no doubt for some debriefing of their own. The waiting and longing to explain himself weighed on him, and he couldn't wait to get everything else out of the way so that he could just return to those he cared about and focus on gaining back their trust.

He tried to empty his mind of any thoughts, or hopes or expectations, as he took the away team of security officers and investigators to the Wraiths' hideout on the beach. Unsurprisingly, the place was deserted, looking exactly as they had left it several hours before. It didn't look as though Jem had been here at all – which was not surprising. He wouldn't have expected her to find a way back to Mona Prime so quickly and beat them here. If she meant to return at all. He supposed there was a good chance he might never know.

While the investigating team busied themselves with collecting evidence, considering the area as a crime scene, Chakotay went back to his apartment. His heart gave a little squeeze when he saw that Calypso had been waiting for him, lying down in front of the door to his apartment, looking forlorn.

"It's okay. I'm taking you with me next time," he told her as he petted her head and scratched her ears while she tried to lick his face.

He was almost done packing his clothes and other personal items when the telltale sound of a transporter beam drew his attention. Seven materialized and looked around the small apartment for a moment, as if surprised to find that he'd actually lived in such tight quarters for a month. Calypso went to sniff her legs but quickly deemed Seven not to be a threat because she went back to sleeping on the floor, where there was a small patch of sunlight coming through the window.

"Hi," Chakotay said softly.

Seven turned to face him but didn't make a move to step closer. "I apologize for coming unannounced."

Chakotay smiled, then shook his head, assuaging her concern. "How was the briefing?"

"Informative."

Chakotay sighed, figuring they were done with small talk. "I'm glad you're here." He paused, trying to read her expression and figure out what she was thinking. Her face was so still it was hard to tell. "I know we have some things to talk about," he added, gauging her reaction.

She inhaled and gave a small nod.

"Let's take a walk," Chakotay suggested as he closed his bag and led Seven outside, Calypso trotting happily next to them. It was that time in the evening when things quieted down a little in the market while the street vendors started packing for the night, a couple of hours before sundown. He slowly led them through the town, toward the beach, nodding to a few familiar faces along the way.

"So, I suppose I should start," Chakotay said, biting his lips, when the silence seemed to stretch between them. He'd rehearsed this in his head so many times, but now words eluded him. In the end, he settled for the truth. "I'm sorry for leaving things so... upended between us. I wanted to contact you, to explain. And apologize." He then told her Admiral Mendez's deal, and how he'd been under orders not to say anything about his undercover mission.

When he was done Seven glanced at him sideways. "Thank you. But there's no need to apologize, I assure you. I am curious to learn how you discovered us on that…planet. However I know you have decided to brief everyone at once tomorrow morning to avoid reiterating the same story constantly. It will indeed be much more efficient to tell everyone at once. I can wait."

Chakotay smiled at her infallible desire for efficiency as he glanced at her. She looked sincere about the apology. "Still. I told myself that I was leaving for the greater good, but… the truth is, I acted like a coward, and I'm sorry if I hurt you in the process. That was never my intention."

Seven's brows furrowed together. "You didn't." She inhaled again, clasping her hands behind her. "This has been weighing on me as well. I have long realized that, the fact that your departure did not affect me in any substantial way only confirmed my growing suspicions."

Chakotay stopped walking to face her. "That our relationship had already been over by then," he completed for her, nodding.

She met his eyes, breathing in through her nose. "Yes."

"Yes. I've known too, for a while." He resumed walking and she followed him. "What do you think went wrong? Aside from the fact that I left, I mean," he asked her after a moment, frowning curiously. After all, he had been happy for a while, thinking that she might actually help him move on from Kathryn.

But then he realized – that was precisely what had gone wrong.

She chuckled in genuine surprise – a rare sound – as if stunned that he would have to ask. "It was not because of your actions, if that's what you are asking – well, not entirely."

Chakotay's eyebrows raised, his lips curving. "Really? You're giving me the Seven version of 'it's not you it's me' speech?" He asked, amused despite the fact that they were actually in the middle of breaking up. Though she was right – in reality their relationship had long been over. Only this made it official.

She blushed a little from his teasing while she shook her head. "I realized that my feelings for you were not… romantic," she explained. "Your leaving only confirmed this realization. I could see how distressing your departure was for others, for the captain, but I…" She shook her head, her lips curving in a lopsided smile. "I felt… only confusion about your motives. In actuality, I believe a part of me was… relieved."

Chakotay nodded, glad that she trusted him enough to tell him all of this. That their relationship hadn't been damaged by their ill-fated romance. "Still. I'm sorry for putting you through all that. You deserve so much better."

She met his eyes squarely, inhaling in that way that made one of her shoulders come forward slightly. "I am not sorry. Though short, our relationship has taught me much, about myself as an individual. It made me realize that I still have a lot to learn about my humanity before I can pair bond with another individual."

Chakotay let a slow smile curve his lips at her choice of words. It was just so… Seven to phrase it like that. He snorted derisively, shaking his head. "Then I'm a lucky bastard. For being let off the hook so easily when I deserve… I don't know, something."

Her lips curved upward as she threw him a teasing sidelong glance. "Well, you should refrain from celebrating too prematurely. From what I understand, you have yet to explain yourself to Captain Janeway. Or Lieutenant Torres." Her eyes danced with wry amusement.

Chakotay let out a quick, rueful chuckle. "That bad?"

Seven raised a delicate eyebrow. "I recommend protective gear."

Chakotay laughed, nodding. Then he sobered as he looked at her. "It's good to see you, Annika. I'm really glad you're safe."

She smiled, nodding. "Likewise."

"And I am sorry about Voyager. I know the ship had become your home," Chakotay said, frowning at the guilt and sadness suddenly tightening his chest.

"Yes. Well…" Seven glanced around for a moment, as if taking in the beautiful landscape and gathering her composure. Despite her best efforts to hide it, he knew she must be grieving in her own way. But then she squared her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at him. "I will adapt."

Chakotay smiled softly. "Yes. Yes you will."

Though the sadness lingered in him, Chakotay suddenly felt lighter than he had in weeks. He glanced around, inhaling the brine-scented breeze and taking it in. He stopped walking again. "We should probably head back. I need to finish packing before Captain Janeway tells Captain Asani to leave me behind as punishment," he said jokingly.

Seven smirked. "From what I have observed of her reaction to your departure, she is far more likely to send you to the brig to ensure you never leave again."

oooOooo

Kathryn felt emotionally and physically drained.

She sat sideways on the couch of her temporary quarters aboard Aspire, looking toward the unfamiliar stars out the window, lost in thought. After a short stop at Mona Prime, Aspire was now on her way back to Earth, to return the now shipless Voyager crew home for the time being.

Kathryn's brain still hadn't truly processed that she had lost her ship. Her home. During the briefing with Starfleet Command and her senior officers earlier that evening, Admiral Hayes had hinted that Starfleet was considering rebuilding Voyager from the parts that had been salvaged (both from the wreckage and from what the Scavengers had stolen), but…

But.

That would take months. And it would not be her Voyager, the ship that had taken them to the other end of the galaxy and back. The ship that she had spoken to when she thought no one was listening. The ship they had turned into a home through memories, and friendships. It was just a ship, she kept telling herself. Except it wasn't. She hadn't truly realized just what that ship had meant to her, to her sense of identity. For over seven years, she had been Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the starship Voyager. But now… Kathryn knew she'd need time to accept the truth of it. The scope of her loss. It was just so… big. She was still eternally grateful to whatever divinity there might be out there that her crew had survived. Because if they hadn't… She couldn't even fathom the alternative. It would have simply destroyed her.

The same briefing with Starfleet and her senior officers had been informative, though. It had answered a lot of the questions that had been floating around in her mind. Tom, B'Elanna and Commander Nobrega had been able to tell Kathryn, Seven and the others their versions of what had happened. It had been good to see Commander Nobrega take the lead then, as she took charge of telling the story of how the evacuation had proceeded. It was much to her credit and her quick and efficient response that they had suffered no fatalities, and Kathryn was immensely grateful for that.

Nobrega and Tom had gathered as many crewmembers as they could fit inside the Delta Flyer, while the rest had fled in pods or other shuttles. They had been able to send out a distress signal from the Delta Flyer while they'd worked on using the Flyer's tractor beam to gather together as many of the jettisoned pods as possible. The task had taken the Flyer all over a rather large area, so the commander had hypothesized that this was when the Scavengers had shown up – they had been so busy looking for their people that they had failed to notice their presence. Eventually, Aspire and the Cousteau had shown up to search for survivors, scaring away the scavenger ships, and later the Einstein, so as not to overwhelm the other ship's finite resources. The Cousteau and the Einstein had remained at the site of the explosion to salvage as much as they could from what was left of Voyager, whereas Captain Asani of the ship Aspire had gotten orders from Admiral Mendez to rendezvous with Chakotay on the Scavengers' planet. When they learned that Aspire might be on her way to rescue their missing crewmates, Voyager's senior officers had refused to stay with the other ships, but had insisted on joining the search.

The rest was history.

But there was one perspective that Kathryn had yet to hear: Chakotay's. Apparently Admiral Mendez had spirited him away for an away mission on Mona Prime while Kathryn and the other officers had been in their own briefing. But knowing how many questions were floating around about his departure, his return, his presence at the time of the explosion, and how he had discovered the Scavengers' compounds, Chakotay had told everyone that he would debrief them all at once the next morning. He'd looked exhausted as he'd said it too, as if he was too tired to deal with their reactions. Given how drained she felt herself, Kathryn couldn't blame him.

She herself was still processing what Tuvok had revealed to her just a few minutes ago, about the real motives for Chakotay's departure from Voyager. She had ran into her friend in the mess hall – she'd been glad to find him there, especially as she'd been longing to ask him about his health and his time on Vulcan. But of course Tuvok knew her too well, and he anticipated her questions before she even had to ask. So he'd told her about Chakotay's undercover mission and Mendez's deal with him. And although it brought most of the pieces of the puzzle together at last, such as what Chakotay had been doing with that crew of criminals, why he'd left Voyager so suddenly several weeks ago, and why he hadn't shown up on Earth during their leave, it had raised many, many more questions. And those were not the kinds of questions she would be able to ask at a public briefing.

Kathryn's mind flashed back to that moment on the desert planet, when their gazes had found each other and locked across the distance. And then later when he had transported them aboard the Klingon raider. In both instances, there had been something so… intense in his expression when he'd looked at her. A heady mix of fierce longing, joy and relief – as if it had taken everything he had not to run to her. That single intense, yearning look, had made hope flare bright and hot in her chest. Because that gaze had sought her out, and no one else. And just like she hadn't been able to look away from such raw honesty, he hadn't been able to look away from her either. That look had made her forget that she still wanted to be mad at him.

But the fact was, something strange had happened within her over the last few hours; after the turmoil of the last few days – weeks – all of her anger, her resentment, her guilt, her grief had settled – like a storm had passed through the plains, leaving behind only a slight breeze and a peaceful kind of quiet. Her emotional storm had left her feeling bone tired and raw, but calm. Composed.

Ready.

Ready to get answers. Ready to take the chance. Because at this point she truly had nothing to lose.

It was late, but before she could change her mind, Kathryn stood to her feet and padded to her computer, commanding it to open a video transmission with Chakotay's terminal. As she waited for him to answer, she went to the replicator and ordered herself a cup of herbal tea, if only for the comfort of a warm beverage.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice called out curiously. Luckily he didn't sound like she'd woken him up.

"Starfleet Intelligence, huh?" She drawled by way of greeting as she made her way back to sit at the desk, her tiredness seeping into her voice.

Chakotay's expression brightened when she came into view on his screen. Apparently while she'd been stuck debriefing Starfleet, he had not only returned to Mona Prime and participated in a raid, but he'd also taken the time to shower and shave. Kathryn had to admit, she rather missed the rugged look the several days-old beard had given him. And though exhaustion came off him in waves (like herself, probably), he still looked unbearably good, especially now that his bruises and bloodied lip had been taken care of. He wore a soft-looking civilian shirt, open at the collar, and Kathryn found her eyes attracted to his neck and that spot she could see on his chest. The healthy glow of his skin made his eyes bright, especially as they now glimmered with a twinkle she knew all too well. Her attraction and her need to be close to him were so strong at that moment her breath caught in her throat.

Oblivious, his lips quirked up at her quip. "It was a temporary alliance, I assure you." After a beat his expression turned serious, rueful. Tentative. "Admiral Mendez told you?" The question was almost like a statement, his voice going lower.

Kathryn leaned back in her chair to prop her feet against the legs of her desk, bringing her knees up, cradling her mug between her chest and her knees. She took a sip. "Tuvok, actually."

"Ah." They fell silent for a moment, and she could tell he was struggling to find the right words to say whatever he thought she wanted to hear.

Kathryn met his eyes on the screen. "I have some questions, if you don't mind."

He inhaled, his expression earnest. As if he'd prepared for it. Longed for it, even. "Alright."

She brought her cup of tea to her nose, then her lips, as she considered where to start. "Tuvok said Admiral Mendez bartered for your freedom in exchange for your participation on that mission. And asked you not to say anything about it. Is that true?"

Chakotay nodded slowly, his eyes studying her face.

Kathryn nodded too, her eyes redirecting to the steam rising from her mug. "So when the Maquis suddenly got pardoned, right after you left… That was because you accepted to do what she asked?"

"Yes. Apparently," he added on a long exhale.

Kathryn frowned. "I don't think I like this Admiral Mendez."

Chakotay let out a surprised chuckle, as if it had just bubbled out of his chest without him realizing. The sound was so spontaneous and heartfelt that Kathryn couldn't help but smile. It reminded her of another conversation they'd had years ago, when she'd entreated him to join her crew. She'd made him laugh then too. And it had been this sound, this lovely burst of laughter that had made her truly like him. She had never been able to resist men with a sense of humor after all.

After a moment his laughter sobered into a wry smile. "That's what I thought too, at first, but she turned out to be okay. I think she's just been in the intelligence and cloak-and-dagger business for too long."

Kathryn gave a noncommittal tilt of her head, considering the possibility. But then she looked back up at him on the screen. "I understand, you know. Why you left, I mean. Why you accepted that bargain. And though I can't say that I would have done the same if I'd been in your shoes… I understand. I didn't at the time, but I do now."

He nodded, his relief obvious. "Thank you. You have no idea what it means to hear you say that."

Kathryn gave an acknowledging nod, her brows furrowing. "But there's something I've been wondering about, ever since I found out your true motives for leaving."

Chakotay nodded again, his expression eager and serious. He leaned closer, leaning his elbows on the desk, encouraging her to go on.

"Would you have accepted the mission, if I hadn't kissed you that night?" Her voice came out small, betraying her uncertainty, and she wished she could have a second try. To ask with more confidence. But Chakotay's gaze never wavered from hers on the screen, as if he understood how much this was costing her – to open up like this after what had happened the last time she had done it.

"Yes," he replied. "I'd pretty much made my decision to accept the deal after you told me how the negotiations with Starfleet Command were going. Not for my sake, but for the others." His eyes softened, his shoulders deflating. He looked down at his hands for a moment, rubbing his thumb over his palm. "I'm truly sorry for letting you believe that you were the reason I was leaving. But my hands were tied, I couldn't tell you the truth, so it was simpler to let you draw your own conclusions." He shook his head. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do; leaving your office that day without telling you why. Especially after what had happened between us."

She nodded, and waited for his gaze to return to hers before she dove in. "I meant it. When I kissed you that night, I meant it. It wasn't just a case of me forgetting myself. I was perfectly aware and willing."

He let out a soft, slow exhale, his eyes softening even more, but there was longing and a hint of regret in them too. His throat bobbed when he swallowed. "I know. And you have no idea what it cost me not to kiss you back. I wanted it so badly. I'd wanted it for a … very long time."

"Why didn't you?"

He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. It was an unusual gesture for him, but he had yet to get a haircut, and clearly the slightly longer hair was bothering him, at least subconsciously. "Even though Seven and I had been drifting apart by then, I was still technically seeing her and, well, I had all but made up my mind to accept Mendez's offer. As much as I wanted it… wanted you," he rectified, his bluntness bringing warmth to her skin, "I still think it would have been wrong of me to give in that night." Kathryn felt something warm and tingly spread through her at his words and the obvious longing in his expression, from her heart to the pit of her stomach. Then his lips quirked up, and Kathryn immediately recognized the teasing glint in his eyes. "I'm sorry to criticize my former captain, but your timing was terrible, Kathryn. You couldn't have picked a worse moment."

Kathryn snorted, his mischievous expression contagious. But then she sobered again, taking advantage of the bubble of honesty they seemed to be engulfed in. "Was your resignation even real?"

Chakotay frowned at that. "Yes. At least, I think it was. I haven't actually given that much thought. Mendez never said that I couldn't rejoin if I wanted to but, now that Voyager is gone…" he faltered, shaking his head, his eyes glimmering with that sad sliver of regret, which was no doubt reflected all over Kathryn's expression. "I don't know. I confess I've been so focused on getting the mission over with, and on finding a way to explain myself to you… I never really made plans beyond that."

Kathryn nodded. With Voyager gone, none of them really knew what the future would hold. Some people might take that as an opportunity, or a second chance. Chakotay included. She didn't think she could see it that way, though.

They fell silent for a moment, Kathryn processing everything that had been said, and Chakotay patiently waiting – for her to ask more questions, or for her to decide where they'd go from there.

"So, if..." she started again, but finding her voice hoarse, she cleared her throat. "If I asked you now, would you say that you still have feelings for Seven?"

He didn't even blink, his voice as resolute as she'd ever heard him. "I'd tell you openly and honestly, Kathryn, and the answer would be no. I care for her, but I realized a while ago that I've never really cared for her in that way. That's something she and I both agree on, actually. Our relationship just evolved out of… a combination of circumstances. Not love. But it might be good for you to know that we have officially ended our relationship."

It confirmed what Seven had been telling her. Kathryn nodded again, taking this in.

It seemed like with every one of his answers to her questions Chakotay was slowly but surely dismantling the wall she had built around her heart over the last few weeks. Brick by brick. Stone by stone. Doubt by doubt. Before she irrevocably allowed him through that wall, though, there was one more thing she needed to know. She inhaled slowly before diving in.

"Chakotay," she rasped, her voice barely making through the sudden lump in her throat, raising her eyes to meet his, "If I went to you now, would you push me away?"

His eyes shone bright in the semi-darkness of his quarters, like embers. He heaved in a shaky breath. His voice was low and soft, like a caress, when he said, "No. Never again, Kathryn."

"So…" Kathryn said again, letting the word trail and hang in the silence between them. She was unable to tear her gaze away from him – his eyes, his mouth, his neck – feeling flushed, and for some reason on the verge of tears and yet finding it hard not to smile, her heart fluttering in sudden anticipation and hope and need and beneath all of that, a hint of residual grief.

"So," Chakotay repeated slowly, his own voice gravelly. He met her emotion for emotion, his face an open book for her to read – and the pages were filled with yearning, and raw hope. He inhaled, then held his breath, his shining eyes pleading. Longing. "Come to me, Kathryn."

It wasn't an order, but a plea, a promise.

Kathryn wordlessly cut the transmission, put her mug down and rose to her feet. She forced herself not to think, not to second guess, and not to hesitate as she steadily walked out of her quarters and turned into the corridor. She pushed her hair back, removed her combadge and put it in her pocket, looked around herself without really seeing anything, her mind full of Chakotay's voice. The emotion in his voice. Come to me, Kathryn. The longing and the love in his eyes. He had seen her, her hopes, her vulnerability, and he hadn't balked this time. She was vaguely aware of encountering crewmembers, and maybe she nodded at them, maybe she smiled. She had no idea. And she didn't care. She knew which quarters Chakotay had been granted, because she'd checked earlier, to make sure that he was planning to stay on board, and not run off without a word again.

So when she suddenly found herself standing outside his quarters, she raised her hand to chime the bell as if on autopilot, her mind and body thrumming with anticipation and newfound, and profound, certainty. The door slid open and suddenly he was standing there, with his soft-looking shirt open at the collar and the skin and the sleeves rolled back to his elbows. His eyes met hers and he smiled, a secret hopeful smile full of promise and joy, before he slowly stood to the side, a silent invitation that she gladly accepted. She was vaguely aware that there was soft music in the background as she stepped inside his quarters, but then the door closed behind her and he came to stand before her.

His eyes locked with hers.

His hand came up to touch her face softly, reverently, eyes searching.

They fell into each other's arms, clinging to each other as if their life depended on it, as if it could convey all of the relief and the yearning and the happiness in one, fierce, desperate hug. Kathryn buried her face into his shoulder, breathing him in, loving the feel of his warm, solid and somehow familiar body against hers. Loving how his hands fisted the fabric of her uniform with raw intensity. She felt him angle his head into her neck and she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt his lips graze that spot on her neck, just above her uniform collar.

Feeling strange laughter bubble up inside her, as if that was the only way she could let out the excess relief and happiness, Kathryn squeezed him tighter before she tangled her fingers into his hair and pulled back to look into his eyes, her nails grazing his scalp. He gave her a bright, dimpled smile and Kathryn marveled at the way it lit up his face, and the way the sound of his low chuckle rumbled through him and rippled into her soul. His hands went to her waist and, closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers, touching her cheek with his nose lovingly, almost nuzzling. Her emotions threatening to burst out of her and with only a breath between them and longing for more, Kathryn angled her head and brushed his lips with hers. He sighed, his breath warm against her lips, and then, his lips still pressing against hers, in inhaled through his nose, as if breathing her in.

Kathryn pulled back slightly, but his mouth followed her and he caught her lips again and brought her closer against him with one hand on her back, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he was definitely not pushing her away this time. Kathryn smiled against him before he coaxed her lips open while his hand on her cheek caressed and brought her closer, and Kathryn moaned when his tongue joined his lips on his sweet, sweet assault on her mouth. She responded in kind while her hand snuck around his waist and on their own volition slid underneath his shirt to touch the skin of his back. His reaction was instantaneous and he gasped and Kathryn took the opportunity to reciprocate his earlier exploration of her mouth as she pulled him even tighter against her.

As he shifted on his feet to start walking her backwards, their kiss heated up quickly, only occasionally interrupted with laughter and smiles and wandering hands. As if they both needed to reassure themselves that the other was really there, that this wasn't a dream. Or an illusion. As if they both felt lighter than they had in years. Items of clothing somehow found their way to the floor as he continued to gently walk them deeper into his quarters, while hands and lips explored and coaxed moans from deep in each other's throats that seemed to echo 'at last.'

By the time they reached the bedroom their touches had become more frantic, desperate, burning with a desire and need for each other that went deeper than just a hunger for sexual release. And as Chakotay's skin came in contact with hers, as his lips and teeth dragged against her skin, as her own lips explored and teased, as the palms of his hands slowly kissed hers when he interlocked their fingers, Kathryn let go completely; she forgot about Captain Janeway, she forgot about Voyager, and she forgot about their time apart and the anguish of it. All that mattered was the two of them, and the fire and the affection and the joy and the bond between them that seemed to snap back into place at last.

oooOooo

END PART 1

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Also, am I the only one who went "Oh hello" when seeing Chakotay with facial hair in A Year in Hell?