Consciousness came back to her slowly, tiredness clinging to her eyes, ensuring they were sufficiently heavy and hard to open. A groan left her lips, an all too familiar pain coursing through her body as she struggled to sit up. "Ouch," she muttered, wincing as the bruises she knew would form on her chest finally awoke with a blistering pain. Part of her wondered what sort of madness had overcome her the night before, the other half immediately cottoning on to the fact that a certain golden-haired elf was still beside her. Her Valier damned soulmate was still sitting next to her, watching her with those curious grey eyes of his as she pulled herself from her slumber. A soft sigh escaped him then, and Sakura risked meeting his stare, eyebrow raised in question.
"I see you did not have Lindion treat your injuries yesterday," Glorfindel remarked, and Sakura scowled as she heard the scolding tone in his voice. "Perhaps you might rethink your decision before we depart for Rivendell…"
"I will be fine," Sakura ground out. She was no stranger to pain, and she would do nothing which might involve her having to take off any items of clothing. He could never see the soulmark. Never know how they were connected – how they were meant to be bound together until the end of time itself. "Wait," she said, head snapping up. "Why are we going to Rivendell?" Why in the name of everything not Morgoth were they going to an undoubtedly elven settlement? She was a dragon. Someone who had killed many of their number before. She would never be welcomed in a such a place, and any protections spun over an elven dwelling would undoubtedly scorn her so.
"Many of our companions are injured and cannot be properly treated in such a place as this," he explained, raising an eyebrow as he glanced pointedly between those gathered around the dying embers of the campfire. "So perhaps if you fail to heed my advice, you might find some treatment for those injuries of yours at our destination."
"I am fine," she muttered, so beyond done with her nosy soulmate. Who was probably drawn to her through whatever supernatural connection soulmates were… She certainly couldn't stop her eyes from drifting back to him time and time again, even though she scolded herself each time it happened. He wasn't hers to have. She didn't deserve him. No matter how she longed to tangle her fingers in those golden locks. She was a dragon through and through. Sakura was only fortunate there weren't any gold coins or jewels around, otherwise she'd probably do something stupid, like try to hoard them.
Glorfindel only hummed, scepticism drawn all over his face, and Sakura felt her jaw tense. Truly, she wanted nothing more than to scream her frustrations to the sky. Why did he have to be so close, and yet so terribly far away at the same time? Why did he have to tease her with warm smiles which she could never have? Not if he knew who she truly was. "If you say so, Lothien," he said, and Sakura could practically taste the condescension in the air.
Spite was an excellent motivator though, so when Aravir informed her they were moving, Sakura climbed to her feet, face not betraying a single inch of her pain. She could bear that much, no big deal. It wasn't as though she didn't deserve the suffering. The pain she knew she had brought unto the elves was far worse. So how could she dare complain about the miniscule amount of pain she was in? She was a monster, and she could deal with the pain she so rightly deserved. A dragon had dealt the pain to her. Her very kin had made her feel that much pain – the price of slaying kin.
Her breath came in sharp pants, the bruise stretching across her chest and back making every breath a painful one. Silently, she pondered whether she might have broken, fractured, or at the very least bruised some of her ribs. She wasn't as good at healing anymore. Indeed, she hadn't really tried there in that place, because there was an odd sort of rule followed in that world. Those who dealt in death were diminished in their ability to heal. And Sakura had dealt in so much death. Fire and death – it surrounded her like a cloak. Like a thick smog which came for her and suffocated her until it was a struggle to just breathe. She couldn't undo what she'd done – unwrought what she had wrought. Her history there was set in stone, woven into the tapestries in Aman and Arda, and try as she might, she could do naught about that. She was a monster. She wasn't human. She wasn't worthy of her soulmate who walked beside her in that very instant. He was good. Kind in ways that she wasn't. Ways she knew she could never be. He was noble and respected by everyone around him. She wasn't. She would be despised. Hated. Because of what she had become, because of what she had done.
Sakura sucked in a sharp breath, ignoring the pointed look sent her way by that golden elf who she was beginning to love to hate. The emotions and thoughts he brought roiling to the surface were enough to drown her so. Enough to override the physical pain with the mental anguish she had been in ever since she had first encountered her blasted soulmate in that land. Dimly, Sakura wondered what would happen if she ran away screaming in that very instant. She cast a glance at the companion who was seemingly glued to her side. No doubt he'd try and drag her off to Rivendell for healing for one reason or another. Sakura thought he would be welcome to try. Just because she refused to shift into that terrible other form of hers didn't mean she would be incapable of running away like a damned coward.
A cowardly dragon, that terrible, snide voice whispered in the depths of her mind, who would have thought of it? Running away because you can't face what you've done… Sakura gritted her teeth. As always, actions had consequences. Now she was trying to face them. But it wasn't as if she could just turn around to her soulmate and introduce herself.
Oh yes, you remember that terrible dragon back in the First Age – the one whose horrible name is scrawled all across your back? That's me, nice to meet you. Sakura snorted at the thought. As if that would go down well. Her lip curled, and her hands balled up into fists.
"If you are in that much pain, then I am terribly afraid you will have to bear with it until we reach Rivendell," Glorfindel chimed in, that sharp grey gaze of his softening ever so slightly as he took in her somewhat battered form. Sakura was under no doubts that she looked terrible. She hadn't brushed her hair in what felt like days, unwashed as it was, the dye doing its job of concealing her unnatural pink hair. There were cuts and grazes all over her body, though her chest and back were undoubtedly the worst of her injured parts. "Of course, if being carried will ease—"
"Carry me and I will bite," Sakura threatened, her voice barely above a low growl as she continued walking through mossy grass and wild undergrowth.
Glorfindel sighed then. "So be it," he murmured, but rather than walking away from her stubbornness, he kept walking beside her, seemingly searching for words he soon found. "We did not get much time last night to talk," he said, and Sakura felt every part of her stiffen at where the topic of conversation was going. Her irritating partner didn't notice – or just didn't care, though Sakura was inclined to believe the former because her soulmate was just too kind and noble. "The way you handled that dragon was admirable… and rather cunning, I believe. Indeed, I could not figure out what your words meant, and I have no doubts our foe was similarly entranced and entertained by your words…"
"My," Sakura murmured, some sort of dark, wretched humour bubbling up within her. "You almost make it sound like I was the dragon…"
Laughter rolled through the air, soft and gentle. Sakura could only smile bitterly, facing forwards. If only he knew… If only he knew. "I would never insinuate that such a lovely lady as yourself could resemble such a horrific beast," he said, smiling mirthfully then. As though every word of that didn't spear through her shattered heart. As though it wasn't an insult to her, albeit an unknowing one. After all, how was he expected to know that the woman beside him was nothing more than a wolf in sheep's clothing, a monster merely wearing the guise of a human? She was a being of trickery and deception indeed. "No complaints as to being called a lady this time?"
"No," Sakura mumbled. "You already know of my preferences of address," she said matter-of-factly, and Glorfindel tilted his head then, staring at her, something akin to concern on that face of his.
"Why do you walk down a path of fire and madness?" he asked suddenly, and it was only Sakura's fast reactions that prevented her from tripping over her own feet at the sudden question which had come out of nowhere.
She arched an eyebrow. "Why is that any of your business?" she asked. They were soulmates, they were meant to be each other's business. Not that Glorfindel would ever come to know that should she get her way. But when do you ever get your way? the snide voice purred in her ear. Why should you deserve to get your way, being of fire, death, and madness?
He inclined his head then. "Humour me?" he tried, and Sakura scowled, hating the way those grey-grey eyes of his bore into the side of her skull. They were nothing like her own, acrid green and poisonous – a warning of her true, horrid nature which she prayed she would be able to conceal for a while longer. Until she could part from her soulmate's side. Silence reigned heavy in the air between them for a few moments, Sakura shifting on her feet as those eyes just continued to stare at her, pleading for answers. Her resistance to them, as she soon found out, was completely and utterly futile. Sakura blamed it on them being soulmates. She had no resistance to him and his ways. He deserved everything he wanted and more, just for putting up with her horrid name in those lands on his skin.
Mind racing for an acceptable answer – because I'm a fire-breathing dragon who just so happens to be your soulmate was not an acceptable one – she wracked her brain for a feasible solution to the problem set before her. What other paths of fire and madness were there that didn't involve being a gigantic, flame spewing lizard? "Dragon slaying," she said, mind working overtime as the pieces of the puzzle she had been working on slotted into place with barely any more fuss. "They took Fainbarad and Gilithien from me." She didn't even have to fake her anger. It was real and true, and it coursed through her very veins – a loathing of her kin that was. "So I will pay them back in turn."
"If you asked Aravir, I am certain he would allow you to become a Ranger. Those who protect the folk of these lands… and with dragons occasionally venturing southward… I am certain you would find that path of yours," Glorfindel said, staring off out into the distance then, and Sakura felt oddly uncomfortable all of a sudden. Like there was something she was forgetting. She shook her head then, pushing away the feeling, storing it away to examine it later in detail. Perhaps once she was away from her soulmate, because Glorfindel was a distraction and a half.
"Perhaps," she murmured, honestly wondering at that point exactly what she going to do in her strange new future there. Her second chance. Being a Ranger sounded like being one of the good ones or whatever it was the side of those who hadn't been evil called themselves. She wanted that – wanted to scrub away her past, to take a scrubbing brush and get rid of the filth which she was… and perhaps uncover something new and hopefully beautiful beneath all the muck and grime.
Who are you kidding? the snide voice whispered. How could a creature made of filth be anything but?
"Forgive me, but there is still something I would like to know regarding your misadventures the night previous," Glorfindel said, lips curled down into a frown as he turned back to face her. "The way that dragon addressed you… I cannot help but wonder why it would call you a traveller with many faces…" Grey eyes looked at her then, feeling as though they were boring into her very soul. And what an ugly soul you have, the snide voice she was growing so very accustomed to mocked. Why else would you conceal it so well?
Sakura smiled, the answer coming to her then like a moth drawn to a flame. "Do we all not wear many?" she asked, tilting her head, glancing at him curiously. "Or do we always say and show that which is in our hearts?"
Glorfindel blinked, giving her a curious, measuring stare. "I must say, you have been quite the surprise on this venture," he murmured, his smile oddly fond then. "Not only are you incredibly knowledgeable about the beast we hunted, yet you also have the uncanny wit needed to match them in a battle of words. Not a particularly common combination."
Frowning, Sakura could only stare at him sceptically. After all, knowledge of terrible fire-breathing scaled creatures and the wit to match one were a fairly common combination. There was actually a name for them – dragons. Yet, Sakura didn't know whether to say fortunately or unfortunately, her precious soulmate hadn't put two and two together as of yet. She was grateful to have been the only dragon skin-changer Melkor had ever been able to create. Otherwise she doubted her soulmate would have survived such an encounter. He was good unlike her. He deserved to survive and live on. But he was chained to a monster by fate itself.
Part of her wondered if his experience growing up had been as terrible as hers. Whether he'd been shunned and reviled for having such a soulmark. But perhaps more of the elves were slightly more openminded than the people of Konoha. Living in a military dictatorship tended to do that to people, especially when those with differences in certain opinions were killed off. That, Sakura mused, probably explained a lot of things which had happened to her. "I'm glad I'm here…" Sakura mumbled. Arda, despite the terrible things she had done there, was shaping up to be a lot better than the Elemental Nations. Not least because there were less glorified mercenaries going around killing people in the name of their beloved country.
"I am rather glad you are here too," Glorfindel said, and Sakura felt her head snap around, acrid green eyes blinking at him owlishly. That stupid ball of hope in her chest roaring to life. "I fear there would have been more casualties without your aid." The fire of ridiculous, stupid hope was swiftly extinguished. He couldn't love her. He never would. And it hurt. Of course he cared for the lives of the soldiers under his command. He was that king of person. So good. So perfect. So willing to help and protect the lives of others. So… unlike her. It was selfish of her to want him. But then again, she was a selfish and greedy being. She couldn't change that fact.
"I am… happy to be of help," Sakura said blankly, hating the greedy part of her which wanted him. But she wasn't worthy of him, and she never would be. She despised the part of her which thought that if she just did enough good, then maybe he wouldn't hate her… maybe he'd stay by her side through peril and strife. That was just a fanciful delusion. A deception unto herself. Though, then again, she freely admitted to being a creature of trickery and deception.
"Because you are a good person," he said, seemingly so carefree, as if the words he had just uttered weren't a filthy lie to herself. She was hardly a representation of the good human after slaying a single number of her kin. Kin who were vile and evil. She called them kin. She was the same as them, no matter how she tried to do good deeds. Too little, too late, the snide voice whispered, and dimly, Sakura agreed. "I honestly cannot fathom why your soulmate would not want you…"
"Do you not hate your own soulmate?" Sakura asked, uncertain as to why the question fell from her lips so readily. Because she wanted to hear him say he didn't hate her. Because she wanted him to say that he would welcome his soulmate, no matter her past. Reality was so very different to fantasy though.
"It is different from your own situation, I believe," Glorfindel said, staring off into the distance, towards where their destination was. Though admittedly it was nowhere in sight as of yet, and Sakura was grateful it would be a few days before they reached it. She was not looking forward to entering an elven dwelling. To staring at the culmination of her mistakes, because elves liked things like painting and weaving, and the subjects of their paintings and tapestries tended to focus on history. Their history. And Sakura's past was intertwined with theirs. "My soulmate was a dragon… a creature of Morgoth… a weapon for the Enemy."
The questions came to mind like a spring welling up from the ground. "Was there ever anyone else who had a dragon for a soulmate?" Sakura questioned, curious as to whether anyone else would have been reviled as they no doubt had. Though she doubted it. She had been unique amongst Melkor's twisted army.
Glorfindel shook his head. "No… My soulmate was as… unique as my fate," he murmured, smiling sombrely. "I suppose they were a trial in a way… a stepping stone… a mountain to overcome. I cannot think as to another reason why I would have been given such a being as my fated other otherwise."
Sakura hummed then, contemplating his words. Trying to not let them drive their daggers deep into her chest. "Do you not think… perhaps there was something unique about them?" she wondered, stuffing her hands into her pockets so as to hide them. And the way they were curling up into tight fists, knuckles turning a chalky shade of white.
Glorfindel smiled then, a gentle huff escaping him then. "I appreciate you trying to make things seem better than they were… but the fact of the matter remains. My soulmate was a dragon – dead now, thankfully – and dragons are naught but creatures of death and destruction who seek to ruin the lives of those around them."
Her nails bit into the skin of her palms, leaving white crescents behind, and Sakura felt her shoulders slump because… "Yes," Sakura muttered, hating the sting of tears which bit at the corners of her eyes. "That is true."