Chapter 9

Just saying that one line, that one line that somehow summed up our relationship perfectly, Jack put me at ease. He held my hand, looked into my eyes, and told me that everything would be alright. And somehow… I believed him. He had saved me a million times over, and he was doing it again.

Jack stood up, still holding my hand. "Come on," he smiled. I remembered what his voice sounded like, but it sounded infinitely more godly in person. I smiled and stood up, following him as he entered the room where Mia was playing. She looked up at us and put her arms in the air.

I lifted Mia off the ground and into my arms, holding her tightly. "So, there's a change of plans," I said, looking at Mia. "We're not going to Colorado anymore. We're staying here." I looked over at Jack, who was smiling as he stared at Mia. "With Jack."

Mia gasped. "Really?" She looked absolutely thrilled about the turn of events. "And you're staying with us?"

I smiled and nodded. "And I'm staying with you."

"Yay!" She hugged me tightly, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm hungry," she said a moment later, and her stomach let out a loud rumble. I laughed as I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

"How about I make some dinner?" Jack offered. I smiled and nodded, and Jack led us to the kitchen. It was quite large, countertops around two of the walls. I placed Mia on one of the kitchen chairs, kissing her cheek. "So, Mia," he said, looking right at her. Mia looked up at him, almost frightened. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that Jack was a nice man, that he wouldn't hurt her. "What's your favorite food?"

Mia relaxed then, I could tell. She knew food quite well, as did most children, I suppose. "Grilled cheese," she answered, smiling. My god, did Mia love grilled cheese. She would eat it three times a day if I let her.

Jack smiled back, and his smile melted my heart. He was just so wonderful, so pure. "Well, isn't that perfect, because I have everything here to make the world's best grilled cheese." He walked around the kitchen, gathering all of the ingredients. He looked back at her and smiled. "Want to help me?"

Mia looked up at me, unsure of what to say. I tried giving her a nod, showing her that it was okay. I took her hand, trying to make her feel safe. I felt sorry for her in a way, that her life had changed so much in only a matter of days. I knew she was over the moon that I wouldn't be leaving her now, that I would be with her forever. But five year olds weren't supposed to deal with what she had dealt with. Mia looked up at Jack. "I don't know how," she said quietly.

Jack wasn't fazed by Mia's shyness. He stood in front of her with a big smile. "That's okay," he said happily, his smile making my heart flutter. "I'll teach you." He then suddenly adjusted his gaze back up to me. "Maybe your mommy would like to learn too."

I smiled at him, arching an eyebrow. He was assuming I didn't know how to cook, which wasn't a dangerous assumption to make, since I was after all a high society socialite, probably never given cooking lessons. He didn't know yet that I was alone for a few months and had learned to cook some basic meals, grilled cheese included. "Mommy already knows how to make grilled cheese," I smiled back at him, feeling proud of myself for whatever reason. I wasn't sure why, since making grilled cheese was such a simple skill. "But I'd be happy to help."

Jack smiled. "Great." He gave us both jobs: mine was to cut the cheese in slices, while Mia's was to place the sliced cheese on bread. Jack was the one to actually grill the grilled cheese. "So…" I could tell by Jack's tone that he was talking to me. "Your mother?"

"Fine," I answered, not wanting to go into it. I realized after a moment that if this would work, if we'd be in this together, I'd have to be completely honest with him. "Her debts are paid, she was given money to support herself. She isn't reliant on my M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E anymore."

"Oh, I hate it when you spell," Mia said quietly, making us both laugh. "Just you wait until I learn how to spell. Then you'll need a new way to tell secrets." She lifted her nose into the air as if giving a holier-than-thou attitude. I watched as Jack admired her, smiling at her and being charmed by her. I never realized, but I was quite good at reading Jack, just as he could read me.

Jack started to take out plates and cutlery as I set the small kitchen table. Finally, everything was ready, and we sat down for our first meal together. Jack cleared his throat and lifted his glass in the air. I lifted mine too, but Mia didn't understand what was going on. "Hold your glass up," I whispered. Mia looked at me and nodded, lifting her glass up too.

We both turned to Jack, waiting for his toast. "I don't really know what to say," he began. I could tell that he was somewhat overcome with emotion. "It's been a long time since I've had people here with me, and I guess I've been lonely, though I didn't notice until I was surrounded by people again." He paused, smiling at us. "I'm really glad you're both here."

I smiled, wiping away a tear. "Me too," I said quietly, clinking his glass with mine. We sat there smiling at each other, only managing to tear our glances away from each other after what felt like a few minutes. I looked down at Mia, who was trying to cut her grilled cheese into four triangles (the way I always cut it for her). "Can I help you with that?"

"Yes please," she said, and I started cutting her grilled cheese the way she liked it. I put the plate back in front of her. "Thank you."

•••

After eating dinner, I took Mia upstairs to put her to bed. She had started to fall asleep at the dinner table. As she started to lean on me and her eyes grew heavier, I felt anxiety grip me. I was used to being in an environment where Mia would be scolded for falling asleep anywhere but her bedroom. It took me a moment to realize that Jack wasn't that person.

Jack actually chuckled when he saw Mia growing tired. "I think she's falling asleep." He smiled even. This was all new to me, being around people who didn't always find a way to be angry about something. "If you want to take her to bed, the room is up the stairs, straight ahead."

I smiled. "Thank you." I lifted her into my arms, carrying her upstairs. "I'll be back." I carried her up the stairs and gently placed her on the large bed. The room was quite nice, with a large bed, two medium sized closets, and a writing desk. The house just smelled so wonderful, of grilled cheese and bonfire. It just smelled like a midwestern family home and I loved it. I wished that I could live here, and I suppose now I could. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of warmth and safety that surrounded me. Thank goodness for Jack and his ability to always save me. I remembered how painful it was to tell Mia that I was planning on leaving her in Colorado and returning to Cal.

Mia sat on my lap, looking out the window. She always loved being on a train: watching the buildings quickly disappear out the window, sleeping in my arms, all of it. And this time was no different. "Mommy?" Mia began, looking at me. I looked down at her and smiled. "Why do you look so sad? And why won't you tell me why we're going?"

I figured that this was a good time to tell her about what would really happen in Colorado. "Okay, here's the deal," I turned her to face me, so I could look at her properly. "Remember what happened with your father?" She nodded. "That wasn't alright. It's not alright that he stormed into your room and yelled at you and hurt you." I paused for a moment, gathering strength. "It's not safe for you to be in that house anymore, which is why we're leaving." As I took a deep breath, the train rocked, making my anxiety worse. "Mia, I need to keep you safe. And in order to do that, I need to leave you somewhere safe and go back to your father."

"No!" Mia immediately started to cry, clinging to me tightly. "I don't want you to go back. I want you to stay with me. I need you, Mommy." I held back my tears as long as I could, but it was no use. All I could do was wipe them away once they had fallen. Mia looked up at me, still crying. "I don't care if Father hurts me again. It's not bad. It doesn't hurt that badly."

She was just desperately looking for any way to make it so I could be with her, and although it was very sweet, it just wouldn't work. "I know you don't want me to leave you. Believe me, I don't want to leave you either." I wondered if I was speaking in a way she wouldn't understand, though I hoped she would. "It's my job to take care of you. And staying there, letting your father hurt you… I can't do it, Mia."

"But why can't we just run away together?" She asked.

I supposed we could, though it would be risky. We would be too easily recognized and found. Wherever we went, people would wonder who we were and quickly figure it out. Meanwhile, if Molly took Mia, she would just say that Mia was her niece or granddaughter, and no one would ask any questions. "Because we'd be too easy to find. Your father would find us."

Mia continued to cry, breaking my heart into a million pieces. She was still holding onto me, hugging me as tightly as she could. "But I don't want to be without you," she cried. I didn't want to be without her either, but I understood there was no choice.

"I know, I know. But listen to me," I took her damp face in my hands, and I put on the best fake smile I possibly could. "Everything is going to be alright. You're going to be with my friend, Molly, and she's gonna take such good care of you. And you can call me whenever you want, and I'll come visit you." I looked at her, realizing there was no way I could get her to like this idea. "It's going to be okay."

"Mommy?" She was barely awake. Her eyes were closed, her breathing was slower, and she was slurring her words. She was still dressed, and I had to put her into a nightgown, brush her hair, and tie it back. She was still sitting up on the bed, but she went to lay down. "I'm tired."

"You can't go to sleep in those clothes," I said quietly. "Just sit up, and I'll help you put your nightgown on." She sat up, putting her arms in the air. I pulled the dress over her head and replaced it with a nightgown. I quickly brushed through her hair, separating it into two sections and tying a ribbon loosely around each. "You can lay down now," I whispered, kissing her cheek.

Mia slowly rested against the soft mattress, and I lay down next to her. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her in my arms. I didn't really know what was going on in her head. I didn't know if all of the change was making her upset or if she was upset that we weren't at home, but I wanted her to know that I was here for her. "Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?" I whispered.

She rolled over in my arms and looked at me. "Jack seems really nice," she whispered. "I like him."

I smiled and nodded. "He's very nice," I whispered back. "I know you don't know many men. I know that you were never close with your father or grandfather, and I know that you're afraid sometimes because of them. But you don't have to be afraid of Jack. He's nothing like either of them, I promise."

She looked at me and smiled all-knowingly. "Do you love Jack?" It almost wasn't even a question, more of something she knew to be true and was informing of it. "You love him! You love him! You love him!"

"Shh!" I whispered. The worst thing that could happen is if Jack heard her and it somehow complicated us living there. I needed to take things slow, at least for now. "I did love Jack a very long time ago. But… a lot has happened since then. I don't know what will happen now, but… don't say anything about this to Jack, okay?"

Mia nodded. She rolled over and started to fall asleep again. I stroked through her hair and watched as she slowly fell asleep. I gave her a kiss before going back downstairs, where Jack was sitting in the living room. The fireplace was lit, making the whole house smell like bonfire.

Jack was sitting on the large couch reading. He closed the book once he saw me and smiled. "Hey." When he smiled, his whole face smiled at once. His eyes somehow brightened too. "I hope the room was alright. No one has stayed in there since… well, my parents."

I sat down next to him on the couch. He reached over and took my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. I had taken off my rings while I was upstairs, and he must have noticed, judging by how long he looked at my hand. "The room is perfect, Jack," I replied. I looked up at him and smiled. "I can't thank you enough for what you're doing for us."

Jack nodded. "Of course," he smiled. He glanced back down at my hand, then back up at me. "You took off your rings," he noticed. "Can I ask you a question?" I nodded, and he continued. "Cal… he physically hurt you?" I could see he was getting upset. I nodded slowly. "Did he ever…"

I knew what he was going to ask. He wanted to know if he had forced himself on me. "No," I answered. I could see him sigh in relief. "After that doctor's appointment, there was no reason for us to sleep together. We never kissed, hugged, talked calmly even ever again." I looked away. "I knew he had… affairs. But I didn't really care, because it meant he'd leave me alone."

"I'm so sorry, Rose," he said quietly. He looked away but then he looked back up at me. "You deserve so much better. You deserve… oh, who am I kidding. No one is good enough for you. You're… a goddess among mortal men."

"Thank you," I whispered. I knew that hearing me talk about what Cal had done made him upset, and I wished there was a way I could spare him from it. After a moment of silence, I looked up at him again. "Do you remember what you said to me in the gymnasium?" Jack nodded. Of course he did. How could he not? "Well, you were right, when you told me that my fire would go out," I said quietly. "It's gone."

"No, it's not," Jack said. I looked up at him. "It's still there, it's just dimmed. I mean, look what you've done in the last few days. You took control of your life, you saved Mia, you came here all on your own. Believe me, Rose, your fire is still there."

I sat still, not saying a single word. I was far too emotional, struggling to keep a grip and not to burst into tears. I was so heartbroken that I had wasted eight years on Cal when I could've been with Jack. Jack and I could've been happy together, but for whatever reason, we hadn't known of each other's survival. I couldn't even feel any regret for marrying Cal, because it gave me Mia. I was overwhelmed with emotion.

I started to cry then, and as I became more embarrassed of my childish crying, I started to cry harder. "Talk to me."

"I don't even know what to say," I said, and it was true. So many feelings and thoughts were stuck inside of me, and I didn't know where to even start. "I'm just… so angry. I'm angry that I didn't know you were alive. I'm angry that I wasted all these years on Cal. I wish that you and I could've been together after Titanic, like we originally planned, and then I get angry at myself because without Cal, I wouldn't have Mia. And then… god, I don't know."

Jack sighed. "Look, I don't exactly have an answer for you," he said. I looked at him, and he just looked so sad, so desperate to offer me some sort of silver lining or anything that would help. "It sucks… which is the understatement of the year, but it does. I also wish we could've been together all of these years." Jack looked away, deep in thought. It sounded like he was thinking out loud more than he was talking to me. "I mean… who knows. We could've been together, we could've been married, maybe had kids… I don't know."

I looked down. That sounded wonderful. I could picture myself being married to Jack. I could see myself in this beautiful midwestern home, cooking dinner and taking care of the children before Jack came home from work at an art gallery or something he loved. The children would run towards him as they heard the door open, and Jack would scoop them up and walk towards me to give me a proper greeting. It was a nice idea, a wonderful thing to imagine. But it hadn't happened.

I wiped another tear that had fallen. "Why couldn't it happen?" I asked. I knew that there was no answer, that he couldn't offer me any explanation that I hadn't already thought of myself. "Why couldn't I have held onto you? Why couldn't you have found my name on the list? Why couldn't we have the life you just described?"

"Because… for whatever reason… this is the way it was supposed to be," Jack shrugged. "I think sometimes this is the way life is, you know? Even when things were impossibly tough for you, you had Mia. You wouldn't give that up, I know you wouldn't."

"Mommy?" Both of our heads turned to see Mia standing in the archway into the living room. She was standing in her little pink nightgown, her hair tied in pigtails, holding her little stuffed bunny rabbit. My heart started to pound just as it had when Mia appeared downstairs in the Hockley mansion. I suppose both Mia and I seemed to still be afraid just as we were around Cal.

I quickly realized that we were no longer in that house, that we were somewhere safe. "Hey," I smiled. "Don't you think it's a bit past your bedtime?" Mia walked towards me, and I put out my arms to take her. I finally got my arms around her, lifting her onto my lap.

"I think so," she scooted closer to me, leaning her head on my chest. I kissed the top of her head. "I'm not tired." She said quietly. I looked up at Jack and mouthed Sorry. He waved away my apology, a smile on his face as he turned his eyes back to Mia. Mia looked up at me. "Can you sing to me?"

My heart pounded nervously as I thought of singing in my terribly off-key voice in front of Jack. I suppose, though, I sang so quietly to Mia that it didn't really matter. I sang as sweetly as I could, since my singing was meant to put her to sleep. It usually worked rather quickly, too. "Alright," I smiled. I adjusted her in my arms so that I had her cradled in my arms. I had one arm supporting her back and one under her knees. Her head was still on my chest, and I gave it a light kiss. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

I watched as Mia slowly drifted off. Her hand was holding my neckline, just like she always did, going back to when she was an infant. She was so beautiful, but I was the only one to ever notice that. I was the only one to appreciate her-

"She's so beautiful," Jack whispered, smiling. "And so sweet." His eyes were locked on her. "And just like you." He looked up at me then.

-Until now, apparently. Now there was someone else who saw her for who she was. I looked up at him and smiled. "You know, you're the only one to say that about her. Other than me." I felt tears building up once again, taking me by surprise. I wasn't this emotional usually, but I suppose so much had happened lately that it changed my brain chemistry.

"I hope you know that that's absolutely ridiculous," he said. His eyes were darting between us. He looked so… emotional, in a way I hadn't seen in him, except maybe when I jumped out of the lifeboat. "It's… preposterous. It really is. It's not fair to either of you."

I smiled, relieved to hear him say that. "Thank you." I stood up slowly, trying not to wake Mia. I wished I could spend more time with him, but with Mia attached to me, it would be quite difficult to continue our very real and very emotional conversation. I gently placed Mia down on the couch.

She stirred slightly. "Mommy?"

"One minute, sweetheart," I whispered. I looked back at Jack, who was standing in front of me. We were only a foot apart, the closest we had been since we reunited. I felt the tears creep up once again as a small lump formed in the back of my throat.

I wondered what Jack would do. Would he make some sort of move? I doubted it: I was married, and we weren't the young, happy-go-lucky people we once were. After a moment, Jack wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "I missed you," he whispered. There was no hint of desire in his voice. It was just a sad, relieved soft whisper.

I wrapped my arms around him back, embracing the hug. "I missed you too," I whispered. I held him tightly, innocently appreciating his warmth and the physical touch with a man. I pulled away sooner than I wanted to, just so I could look into his eyes. "I-I don't know how to-"

"I know," he smiled. He hugged me again briefly, before pulling away. I picked Mia up, holding her in my arms. "Good night, Rose."

A/N: I know that "You Are My Sunshine" was only written in 1939, but I liked it and it seemed fitting, given the name of the story. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter!