A/N: Hello! Sorry for the delay. Here's another chapter for you :)
Clary POV
"Jace, I think I should look for him. Honestly I'm worried. That guy, he was creepy."
"Clary." He moves towards me and hugs me. He's been like this all week. Touching me all the time. Hugging, twirling my hair, leaning in and kissing my cheek when seeing me. I'm not quite sure what to think. Izzy has been telling me that he likes me, that he's smitten with me and that she's never seen him like this, opening doors for a girl and bringing her cups of coffee. But I don't know how to feel about Jace. He's easy on the eyes, easy going all round, fun to be around, but I'm not sure if I could feel any more than that. He stirs me out of my reverie, "Clary, he's a grown man, I'm sure he's fine. Don't worry."
He leans in to hug me again, but I just feel annoyed at his blasé attitude and shrug him away. "Jace, you just don't get it, do you?" I can see that my reaction has hurt him, but I just don't care right now. All I care about is my brother, making sure that he's fine. That's all I can do. Especially since we had our heart to heart. I still can't fully comprehend the things he told me that night. There's a part of me, a very small part, that is terrified and disgusted by his admission. However, the part that loves him is a lot stronger, that part within me wants to fight for him, help him lift the weight of the demon off him. "Can you just wait here, please? I won't be long. I just have a bad feeling about this."
I walk off, leaving Jace behind me. All I care about right now, is to find Jonathan, to make sure my brother is fine. That guy he was with, he was weird. There was something unsettling about him. I didn't like the way he looked at me and I for sure didn't like the way he looked at my Jonathan. Like he was a prize. Obviously, the link to Valentine is bad. Really bad. Jon looked freaked, like completely. He's not fine and I wish Jace would see that. But what does he know? He knows nothing. I walk through the bar, checking every corner, but nothing, so I head towards the back door. Jon did say he was getting fresh air.
As soon as I step outside, I hear screaming and run towards the sound, pulling my seraph blade free. Someone is hurt. I run around the corner and come to a sudden stop. There's a girl pushed against the wall. She's definitely not hurt. I notice that she's absolutely stunning, and she's also half naked. Her big breasts are exposed and her skirt is pushed up to her waist. One of her long bronzed legs is leaning on a guy's shoulder and his head is in between her legs. I'm too mortified to move. The girl whimpers and moans, as the guy makes delectable sounds against her private parts. I can see him licking her there, and warmth starts spreading in my belly. I'm feeling flushed and hot all of a sudden.
The guy growls in approval. I can only see his back, a very nice back that is, with visibly flexing muscles through his top. I can also sense the power and sexuality that ooze out of him. I'm oddly attracted to him, there's no doubt about it. I'm attracted to this guy whose face is on another woman's vagina, and I've not even seen his frontal features. There's something wrong with me. Obviously. There's something about him though. I can't put my finger on it. I suddenly picture myself pressed against that wall and his mouth against my sex not hers. My skin tingles at the thought. I've never felt this aroused in my life. I can feel the heat pooling through my panties. There's wetness in between my legs and I have the urge to touch myself. The thought embarrasses me. My panties are soaked through. By the angel, what is happening to me? The man growls again and the sound stirs something deep within me. It gets me even hotter. The man gets up, he moves with such familiar grace. He pushes himself against the woman, starts kissing her passionately, tugging on her exposed breasts. I feel jealousy hit me like a poisoned arrow. Oh my god. Then I see his profile and the mortification hits me with such force. I want to die.
Fuck! It's Jonathan, it dawns on me so suddenly. I feel shell shocked. I'm horrified at myself. I need to get away from here. But I can't. My feet are rooted to the spot. The two of them look like the most beautiful, sexiest people alive. The passion they share is all consuming, the way they're into each other's bodies, I've never seen anything like it. Who am I kidding? I'm still a virgin, so what would I know? I'm starting to feel nauseous at the sight of their bodies intertwined, at the sight of Jonathan's body pushed against hers. My tummy starts hurting. My head is spinning. He's, he's going to have sex with this girl. I can see him moving his hand towards his jeans, undoing his buttons. Heat starts flushing my cheeks. I need to leave, but I can't. They still haven't seen me. I want to scream at him to stop. To stop what he's doing. But I can't. I don't. I shouldn't be here. Everything within me screams to move. Now! I don't quite understand my feelings. I turn around and move back to the bar in a daze.
I see Jace. I move towards him and I can see him looking up at me admiringly. My thoughts go back to that alleyway, to Jon embracing that beautiful girl, his body pressed against hers, doing things to her no one has ever done to me. I don't understand my brain. I'm so bloody confused why the sight of him like that has made me feel, I really don't understand what it is that I feel. I'm just inexperienced. That's it. I'm a virgin and seeing what I just saw has made me feel flustered. Like, the way I acted at the vampire bar, that was different. I used a courage rune and it was all pretense. But in real life, I could never embody that sexy girl Jon was with. Guys just don't look at me like that. I'm sweet and innocent little Clary. I stop thinking. I throw myself at Jace and kiss him. It's my first kiss. For one second I think Jace notices, but then I can feel him pulling me towards him, kissing me back passionately. It doesn't feel right, but I push the thought away. "Let's go back," I whisper to him.
xxx
We're back at the institute. in Jace's room. I'm nervous, but I don't want it to show. I want to feel desired, I want Jace to make me feel what the girl from the alleyway felt. I move towards him and start removing my clothes. Jace hesitates, "Clary. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this, but please. Please stop."
I'm in front of him, half naked and he doesn't want me? I can feel tears welling in my eyes, this is so embarrassing. The one time I act brave, I get rejected. This is so typical. I pick up my top and make a quick escape. I hear Jace shouting after me, but I don't stop. I need to get away. I wish I hadn't, because the one person I didn't want to see, is the one person that I bump into. Jonathan with the beautiful girl still on his arm. Both look disheveled and completely unaware of their surroundings. Jonathan sees me and stops. "Clary, are you ok? Is everything ok, has anyone hurt you?" I shake my head and run off, muttering under my breath that "I'm fine." I want to scream. I need fresh air.
Jon POV
"Alex, I'm sorry. I'd love to continue ravishing you, but could we postpone this to another time? Is that ok?" She leans towards me, biting my ear and all I want to do is to drag her to my room and stick my dick in her all night long. I want to do things to her that will make her scream. It felt so fucking amazing letting loose on her earlier and her loving it. I want more of it, but something is up with Clary and she always takes priority. We say our goodbyes and I move in the direction Clary disappeared to. I can still smell her scent and it takes me to the roof.
She's sitting on the edge of the roof, looking at the night sky. Her long auburn waves cover her slight frame. She looks ethereal the way she's sat in front of the starry sky. She's my little angel. I can hear her crying and sniffling and it unnerves me. Clary never cries. I move towards her carefully and sit down next to her. "My little Angel, please tell me what's happened. Has anyone hurt you?" She shakes her head and breaks down even more. "Shh... It's ok. You don't have to tell me." I move my arm around her shoulders and pull her onto my lap. She's falling apart in my arms, crying against my chest. A sick part within me, likes this, it likes that she can be like this with me. I know for sure that she would never show her vulnerability to anyone else. This thought gives me pleasure and I want to hate myself for it. But after the night I've had, I push the self hate aside for once.
We sit like this for ages and I can sense Clary's energy draining from the continuous crying. I feel content with her on my lap, seeking my closeness for comfort. Her breathing stills and eventually she falls asleep. I pick her up carefully and start carrying her back towards her room. Her head is nestled against my chest. I nuzzle and kiss her hair, and pull her closer. She's the loveliest creature and she will not be darkened by me or by my father. I won't allow it. I need to come up with a plan to keep her safe from him. I'm deep in my thoughts and don't notice Jace on the floor, leaning against Clary's door. I stop just in time before running into him, "What the fuck are you doing?" I whisper-shout at him.
He wakes up and looks startled, "I..I was waiting for Clary." Ah so he's the one who upset her.
"Move and talk to her tomorrow. Now I said!" I bark at the idiot and for once he gets up and does as I tell him to. I open the door and move towards Clary's bed. I lay her down and tuck her in. Then I turn to leave.
"Jon, please stay." She's grabbed my hand, I turn around and look at her and her green eyes pierce through me. She still looks upset and I wonder again what has happened between them. She'll tell me when she's ready. I nod and move towards the armchair, taking off my jeans and socks and leaving my boxers and T-shirt on. I lie down behind her and as soon as my head hits the pillow, Clary is on me, wrapping her little body around mine. I don't think, I react automatically. I pull her closer, wanting to comfort her. I lean down, aiming to kiss her forehead, but she moves at the exact same time and my lips land on her neck instead. My nose moves on its own accord, it skims her skin slowly. She smells so good. Her skin is so soft. I move my nose slowly across her softness and behind her ear.
I inhale her scent through my nose and my blood instantly responds in kind. It's the sweetest scent. It shoots straight to my dick. Fuck. Not now. My demon is pushing against my skin. He fucking wants her. I fucking want her more. How?! How the fuck did this happen? I can't let her go, my lips are still on her neck and I realise that I'm kind of kissing her there. Clary has stilled in my arms completely. I need to let her go. I need to leave. Now! I force myself away from her. I don't dare look at her. I leave my clothes behind. I don't say a word. What can I say to her? That, that her scent fucking either soothes me or gets me hard. That even though I had the best sex with a demon girl earlier tonight, something inside of me still wants her. That her brother who loves her is a sick bastard, who wants to fucking stick his dick inside of her and make her moan for him. That I want to taste her sweet pussy and lick her and fuck her and make her orgasm over and over again, with my dick, with my mouth, with my fingers, with my tongue, with every part of me. Fuck, fuck, fuck, where is this fucking coming from? I was fine. I had it all under control. It's fucking Valentine. It must be. He's fucking with my mind. I'm outside, running towards my bedroom. I get in. I lock the door and lean my head against it. I pull down my boxers and grab my traitorous dick. I start pumping it hard, so fucking hard, all the while still having Clary's scent engulf me. I take it all in. I'm back in her room, feeling her body against mine, picturing her eyes and her mouth and the feel of her neck against my lips. I groan. I want her still. I need her still. She will be the end of me. This longing I feel for her. This all consuming desire. It's killing me. But I can't have her. Ever. I masturbate until I come, all the while indulging myself with visions of my Clary. I make myself come over and over again, so many fucking times, all the while repeating Clary's name like a prayer, 'Clary, my Clary, my sweet little sister,' I say it so many times and make myself come so many more times, until I feel like I've got nothing left to give. Until I think that I have it under control. Only then do I sink to the floor. I'm fucking screwed.