Wow- thank you for all the reviews! And I apologize for the Hannah text – it got a very anxious (I think that's the right word) reaction from many, many readers. All I can say is please trust me. I don't plan to ruin what's been building. Hopefully things play out in a way you enjoy. Anyway- enjoy! – Mac

Chapter 20

It was strange having Booth sitting there with Amy and Rob. Everything about this trip had placed him in a sort of 'past' category – the guy she was trying to move on from, amongst other things – and these new friends were 'present.' Brennan knew, of course, that Booth's role in her life on the whole was much larger, more complex, more… strained. The way long friendships can be. Rob and Amy were new and everything there was good. And maybe it always would be. But she understood only too well the weight of role in her life that people who had loved her and hurt her did play. And it couldn't be cast aside because she left DC.

As the meal went on, Booth seemed more at ease eating with them. When she would look at him – every single time – she found that he was already looking at her. But he'd look away after a moment. And then it would happen again. She knew the look, too. He was checking on her, to see if she was okay. Last night, during his one minute, it was nearly the only thing he said – asking her if she was okay. And he seemed to still not be sure that she was. And that was true enough. She didn't know when she would be truly okay again. But right now, it didn't matter.

Amy stirred uncomfortably and touched her belly. "Oh." She closed her eyes.

Rob looked alarmed and went to stand but Amy waved at him, dismissively. "It's just the hicks. It's fine. Sit down. Oh…" She took a deep breath. Brennan noticed Rob sit down slowly though he continued looking at Amy with so much concern.

"What is the hicks?" he finally asked.

"Braxton Hicks," Brennan answered. "False labor pains. Some women experience them for their entire third trimester. It's nothing to be alarmed about. Her body is just practicing."

Amy stood up, slowly. "And on that note, I'm going back home."

Rob stood up and mouthed something to his sister. "I'll take you."

"Thank you, Rob. It was nice to meet you," Amy said to Booth.

"Feel better," he said, nodding at her.

"Temperance, why don't you show Agent Booth where you went for your illegal midday swim the other day?"

Rob walked out before she could swat his arm for that one, but when she looked at Booth, he was already looking out the window. "I hope he doesn't mean the lake. It's like fifty degrees in there this time of year."

Brennan smiled and led him outside. "It wasn't that cold," she said, walking. "What time do you head back?"

He looked at his watch. "Not for a few more hours."

They walked in silence until they reached the edge of the water. Brennan sat down, still marveling at how she could face this place without that fear anymore. So much had changed in the space of a few days. And she knew the change was all good things.

Minus the loss of Booth. She looked at him.

"What's the deal with those two?" he asked, nodding his head at the restaurant.

Brennan looked over her shoulder. "They're in love, I think. And neither will admit it."

Booth nodded. "You know, I make it my job to observe people and I have to say – they don't hide it well."

Brennan smiled shyly, in agreement. "I feel the same way. And I'm pretty sure Keeley and half this town agree. They've just been going along like this for so long, I don't think they know how to be anything other than best friends at this point."

He looked at her long and hard. "Yeah, maybe."

"You know, you didn't have to come here," she said, looking out at the water. "If you talked to Angela or Sweets, they would have told you that I was fine and that I'd be back. That there was no need to rush here as if something was wrong."

Booth looked down at his hands, wrapped around his legs and then back at her. "Come on, Bones. A lot is wrong and it has been for a long time."

She nodded. "I know that I should not have opened up in the car, Booth. That it put you in an uncomfortable position. I know that I hurt you last year and that it has not been easy to… to be my friend as a result of that."

He stopped and froze. "Bones. I want to talk about this. All of this. So much, you have no idea. It's all I've been able to think about. But… I know you came here to… to do something for yourself. We can still talk about all of this in DC."

She nodded and wiped a tear away and looked at him. He looked like his heart was breaking and she didn't know why.

B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B

Sitting beside Bones, the sound of the lake and salty sea air, was having a major effect on Booth. He felt things he should not feel right now. Because right now, there was nothing more to focus on than saving their friendship. Not having her in his life was a reality he couldn't face. He knew that the moment Hacker announced they were over in that conference room days ago. He'd been clamoring to figure out how to save something he was so irresponsible as to lose in the first place. Being her friend was all that mattered.

But as he looked at her, he pushed down the other thoughts that were trying to break through – maybe they'd always been there and he'd just become that good at ignoring her he'd never noticed. But he was certain he'd never moved on. Or fallen in love with anyone else. Not really. Not when she was here and she was Bones and she was still all he ever wanted and needed in this world.

"Can I just set you straight on a couple of things?" he asked.

She looked at him, her eyes filled with the raw honesty he often saw there. When he was looking.

"You said being your friend has not been easy. And you said it like it was the result of something you did when you… when you were honest with me. Bones, being your friend is one of the greatest privileges I've had in my life. And right now, my biggest regret is the way I've treated our friendship. You didn't deserve that. We were best friends. You being honest shouldn't made me stop being your friend, just because I didn't like the truth. That is on me." He looked up at her and searched her eyes, still feeling so lost at all that had happened. "The idea that you've ever felt like I didn't care, or that you… you, Bones, that you didn't matter… " he shook his head and looked at her, trying to breathe through that ache that always stirred when he thought of what he'd been doing to her.

"But, if our friendship has suffered, Booth, that's on me too."

"No. This is on me, Bones. This is completely on me. You've been the kind of friend I can't live without and somehow I threw it all away. I became the kind of friend that you can – and should – live without."

"You chose love. That's not a crime."

He closed his eyes. "No." He looked at her for a long moment. "I broke up with Hannah. It wasn't love. I wasn't me. How could it have been? What that was, was me chasing something so hard that I lost sight of everything else. I know you heard us that night at Founding Fathers," he said quietly, shame burning through his body. He looked at her. "I'm so sorry."

Bones looked stunned as she stared out at the water. Finally, she nodded and stood up. "It's okay," she said.

He smiled sadly. "Oh, no it's definitely not okay."

She walked to the edge of the water. "I swam over here," she said, bending down to touch the cold water.

He touched it, too. "Yup. Just as I thought. Freezing. You swam out here?"

She considered him for a long moment and stood back up, wiping her wet hand on her sleeve. "It was something I had to do. You see… the last time I was here, I almost died in this lake."

She looked out at the water, but he only looked at her. Stone-faced, heart racing. He took a deep breath and waited.

"My, uh… my prom date didn't bring me to the school for prom. He took me here. A bunch of kids were here. Saying cruel things. He'd call it kids being kids. And this one girl was so mean so I hit her." She took a deep breath and he fought every urge to just stand there, unmoving, and let her say what she needed to say, thankful for some of the trust that was once at their center coming back. "So, two of the guys grabbed me and threw me – in my dress and heels – right into this lake. Right about here," she said, looking down at her feet. "And that girl, she… she climbed on me, choked me and pushed me under. I still have nightmares about drowning sometimes. I couldn't tell you what brings those nightmares on. It's never connected to similar cases, or times when I've thought about this time in my life. It's always so random. But… I'll wake up and spend ten minutes just breathing deeply. Because I can."

"Bones…"

"And last night, I found out that she died from drugs. She had a son. A life. I've walked around my whole life with all of these… these walls up… because she called me different, hurt me with words and hurt me that night. But now I feel bad for the life she led – and the way that she died. Never getting help. I… at least I got the chance to build a life for myself away from my pain. I mean, I carry it with me. It's gotten in the way over and over again. But… she didn't get to leave. And now I need to let go. Of this lake. Of that… that moment. I need to let go of the anger, but when I picture that night I still feel it raging inside of me."

"If you feel angry about that experience – and sad about that girl – that's your right. Those feelings are yours. That experience is yours."

"But I blamed her for it. I planned to tell her…"

"And that's okay. Talking about it takes it from in here," he said, touching his chest, "and gets it out here. You are entitled to that blame. But because you are you, Bones, you care enough to know she took something out on you that was probably more to do with her own things."

Bones nodded and looked down intently. He could see her fighting her emotions. Hard. And he knew. There was more.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I don't know if I can do this next part alone," she admitted in a voice that didn't sound like hers at all. He waited. Finally, she looked up at him. "I told myself to move on from your friendship, Booth. And last night, facing Gary and Jana… I was able to do that on my own. Come here on my own. And I had Rob and Amy. But… this next one. I've been walking toward it all week and I don't know if I can do it alone. And I hate that."

Even though he knew she had left him behind – the moment he realized she'd left without a trace, brought a phone he didn't have the number to, he knew. But to hear her admit she was moving on from their friendship still felt like a physical strike. But this was his doing. The only thing that mattered was her. What she was going through. And finally just being there for her.

She walked away from the lake, angrily, practically shaking from the energy it was taking to not break down in front of him. He knew he was unwelcome right now. But her words conveyed that she needed support.

"Do you want me to get Rob or Amy for you?"

She shook her head. "Booth, the only person that I ever would've faced this with, if I was going to do this with someone, would be you. Just you."

"I'm here, Bones."

"And I don't know what to do with that. All of this feels like it used to. But everything has changed."

"It has, but we can—"

"Maybe you should go," she said. "You'd rather be shot at than deal with—"

"Please," he begged. "Please, don't. You have to believe me that the only thing I want is to be your friend. And I'd rather listen to you through it all – good and bad and everything else – than do anything else. I'm sorry for saying that. It was stupid. And it was so far from the truth. Because you matter, Bones. You've always mattered. Bones!"

She was shaking so much he grabbed her and finally did it. He pulled her into a hug. Like he used to. When she'd been hurting and he'd been there. And my god, he was here and he was not going anywhere. And she needed to know that. If not now, then now would be a start. And someday she'd know.

In his arms, she covered her face as he rubbed her back. "When I left the lake, I went home," she finally said, her voice wrought with emotion. "My foster siblings were at the prom. And the mom had left them all. She'd gone somewhere days before. The dad… he was angry. Drinking. And I walked in, wet and dirty."

He stilled, still rubbing her back. Realizing what she was about to say.

"He followed me upstairs and shoved me into the bureau. He kicked me over and over. My head, my body. He punched me. And he raped me," she finished in a whisper. "Then he kicked me more and I guess a neighbor saw something and called the police. I don't remember them coming. I just remember waking up in the hospital. Two weeks later. They had me in a medically-induced coma to bring down the swelling in my brain."

He pulled her tighter to him, wishing he could take all of the pain away – understanding more about her from their conversation in the past hour than ever before. All the times he'd told her she was bad with people and needed to learn to let them in… she was protecting herself. And he'd had to earn his way in.

God, why had he left?

She pulled back and looked at him. "So, you see. I have one more confrontation here in Camden."

"But Bones… will it help you or hurt you?"

"I'm stronger now," she said, lifting her chin up. "Stronger than he ever was."

"You're the strongest person I know," he said. "That's not what I meant."

She nodded. "I am going there now." She turned and began to walk away.

He fell into stride beside her. "Do you want me to come?"

She hesitated and nodded. "I don't want you to come in. But… will you stay nearby?"

Fear coiled itself into a knot in his stomach at the idea of leaving her to go inside without him – even as he reminded himself of how strong she really is – that she could handle this. That she could handle anything.

"Whatever you need."

B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*B*

As they walked past the bistro, Rob stepped outside and up to Brennan. "You okay?"

Brennan smiled at her friend – this guy she'd felt like she had known forever. "I'm okay," she said. "How's Amy?"

"She's got her feet up and is two episodes into an I Love Lucy marathon. Her phone is charged and next to her."

"You two seem very close," Booth observed. Brennan looked up at him at that, and Booth gave her one of his secret smiles – the kind he used to that she'd loved so much. Back… before everything. She knew that she wanted to play matchmaker with these two – but Booth had just met them.

"She's my best friend," Rob said. "Though we've had our fall outs. And come out stronger."

He winked at Brennan and turned to walk back into the bistro.

"Robby!"

Brennan saw a clean-cut, handsome man walk toward Rob from the parking lot, and saw Rob's face fall.

Finally, he composed himself, though he didn't shake the hand being offered to him. "Jeremy," was all he said.