Chapter Nine

Bella

The past few months had been the hardest I ever lived through, even harder than losing Edward, or Charlie. I had thought a broken heart was the most painful thing I would ever experience, but I'd been so very wrong. You get over a broken heart eventually as memories fade and life goes on, but physical and mental injuries? They scar and never fade or disappear.

My memories of the attack were vague and I hoped they would stay that way. I didn't want to remember every slash of claws against my flesh or the agony as my stomach was ripped open. The sickening sensation of intestines slipping from my abdomen to the ground. I had thought I was dead, no one could live through that and survive, could they?

I had been wrong, I had survived, although my fight back to health had hurt almost as much as the infliction of the injuries themselves. I had spent so long in the private clinic in San Diego arranged by my mother that I almost came to regard it as home.

Renee stayed with me as long as she dared and introduced me to one of her friends, a contact to the hunters by the name of Peggy, who, I was told would collect me once I was strong enough to leave the clinic and watch over me in the meantime although apart from a few isolated visits I didn't see her.

I understood why Renee felt the need to leave, she held her responsibilities to keep me safe as sacred and knew that the only way to me was through her. She was the only link between my birth mother and her infant and therefore Caius' only way to track me down. Even so, I felt isolated and suddenly alone and vulnerable when she finally left.

My recovery had been slow and incredibly painful and the scars were large and disfiguring. My stomach looked like a patchwork quilt, but it was covered most of the time and only the dull ache that was my constant companion as a result of internal scar tissue reminded me of those injuries. The wounds to my face and neck had been far more difficult to disguise. The clinic spoke to me about the possibility of plastic surgery but I refused. The scars were a constant and visible reminder of the dangers of this world. Hidden dangers that very few of us ever came into contact with. They gave me a reason to continue, to become strong once more, to become an agent of vengeance.

Knowing that I would be questioned about my appearance I decided on a story of an accident, after all, no one would believe the truth! An unfortunate encounter with an angry grizzly while camping with friends in the Olympic mountains. It was more or less the same story Emily had used and I found that ironic. She had been scarred like me, but unlike me, she had forgiven her attacker, even married him.

I could never forgive the wolves or vampires, both of whom had damaged me in different ways. The Cullens had left me unprotected in Forks knowing that Victoria and Laurent were still alive and would presumably come looking for revenge once they discovered that James was dead. The wolves had promised to protect me, but Charlie was still dead and I had almost lost my life. A wolf was as dangerous a monster as any vampire. How had I not seen that earlier?

I wanted revenge so badly I could taste it, but it would be hard given my physical shape. I had never recovered my full strength, the internal damage caused by Paul's claws made that impossible. I could only eat small amounts at a time as my intestines had to be shortened to prevent an infection spreading. A complication that had almost cost me my life.

I lived on painkillers for a long time, but I was determined to wean myself off them and was slowly succeeding, although there were times when I was forced to reach for their help to cope. It was just one more reason to hate the supernatural world and all who inhabited it.

After finally winning my release from the clinic, I went to live with Renee's friend Peggy. At least here I would not have to answer any awkward questions. I was still self-conscious and knew that eventually, I would have to face curiosity and stares, but that could be confronted later.

My first night in new surroundings was strange, the sounds and scents of the clinic finally left behind me. I felt disconnected, in an alien world as I went to bed that night in a strange bed without friendly or familiar surroundings or faces in sight. I closed my eyes sure I wouldn't sleep a wink.

My eyes were closed yet I sensed my surroundings had changed. The scent of pines wafted on the evening breeze and the icy water droplets from the earlier shower dripped from their boughs finding any gap in clothing to chill exposed flesh, but my attention was caught by the look on Edward's face as an errant shaft of sunlight brought it into sharp relief.

The look of shock and horror was so alien on his visage that I hardly recognized him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. My words had stung like a bee,

"Then go. I'm fed up with being dictated to and being made to feel like an idiot."

A sensation of utter relief flooded my body as I walked away from Edward. I sensed him staring after me, that look of utter amazement on his face. What had he expected from me? I was only human, I had feelings and a heart, both of which could be hurt and broken. Did he really think that I would rush into his arms and beg him to stay? His words had cut me like a knife, odd ones still floating in my brain, bored, novelty, don't want you, time to move on. If so, he was even more delusional than I thought.

Then, with a start, I woke in this strange room and reality set in. Far from staying awake all night I had slept and dreamed, but this time there had been no nightmare. I was relieved by this and wondered if it was a new beginning.

Of course, our parting had been nothing like that. It was as if my world had ended in a pit of unending sorrow and pain. I felt as if I couldn't carry on, that I just wanted to curl up and die, and I know Charlie worried that I might do something stupid.

Charlie, his very name made my heart spasm. Edward's leaving faded into nothingness against the pain of losing Charlie to Victoria's vindictiveness. I ran a hand over my once smooth stomach feeling the ugly ridges that had become a part of me. Paul! I hated him almost as much as Victoria because he should have protected Charlie. That was his job and he had failed miserably.

With a sigh, I slid out of bed and stared out the window at the fields which stretched away before the farmhouse. This was Peggy's place, my present home, a small farm outside Salmon, Idaho.

I sat in the room Peggy had said would be mine staring out of the window, but seeing only a grey blur as I considered my future. It wasn't one I had ever planned for, but it was the only one I had left, bitter revenge. I wasn't sure what to do so I waited until she called me down for breakfast.

I sat uncomfortable, opposite a virtual stranger pushing the food around my plate before taking a few mouthfuls. I could hardly swallow, everything tasted like sawdust, and I washed the food down with a glass of water along with my medication. It was strange being here in such an intimate situation with a woman I hardly knew. A woman who was watching me closely.

Peggy waited until I put the bottle back into my pocket before speaking.

"I don't think it's a good idea for you to take too much medication, Bella. It's just a crutch and hides the real problem."

I stared at her in surprise then nodded, she was right of course.

"I agree, although I'm not sure what you mean by the real problem."

She seemed to ignore that, instead sitting back and placing her hands on the table as she spoke quietly but firmly as if I were a small child.

"Right, let's set a few ground rules, shall we? That way, you and I will get along much better."

I frowned, ground rules? What was coming next?

Peggy smiled at me, "Ah, so you are listening. Good. Well, this is my home and while you are here, it's your home too, so I'll expect you to pull your weight around the place. Your room is your private domain, but I expect it to be kept neat and tidy, with the bed made. You can have your evenings to yourself, but during the day you can help me around the place."

"Help?"

"Yes, feeding the chickens, preparing vegetables, that kind of thing. Nothing too strenuous, but you need to strengthen your muscles and increase your stamina. I preserve all my own fruit and vegetables and make up herbal remedies so your help will be most welcome."

"Do you live here alone? I mean, do you have any help?"

She smiled, "I have you, Bella."

I waited for Peggy to continue, expecting her to tell me about the hunters and when I would meet them, but she merely got up from the table and began clearing the dishes.

At the door, she turned back to me.

"You can start now by washing these dishes."

I regarded her suspiciously, why hadn't she mentioned the hunters? After all, it was why I was here, wasn't it?

After washing up and putting the dishes away we went for a walk and collected herbs from her garden then chopped and stewed some of them, mixing others that were hanging up to dry. Peggy wasn't silent, in fact, she talked all the time, but nothing I wanted to hear.

I was about to bring up the subject of the hunters when something told me that she must have her reasons for not speaking about them yet. I thought she would ignore my question as she did any that she didn't feel needed answers.

"You'll find it very quiet here. I don't have visitors and rarely leave the farm, but that will be good for the healing process. And I go to bed early, you might want to do the same because days here start real early. Breakfast is at 5 sharp normally. You got to sleep in this morning, but don't expect a repeat."

She was right, it was quiet and repetitive living here, but I soon fell in with her routine. Each day was the same, up early, breakfast, chores, lunch, more chores, and then evenings spent listening to the radio or reading a book by the fire in her cozy lounge before escaping to my room.

Strangely, I found myself relaxing and beginning to feel stronger. I didn't need to rest so often and could keep up with Peggy on our walks more easily.

It was with a start that I suddenly realized that over the days I had thought less about Charlie and began to talk to Peggy about Edward. She seemed interested in how we had met and what I thought of him and his 'family' before I discovered what bastards they all really were.

"Bella, can I be frank with you?"

I nodded, glancing up at her from the pile of peas that I had been shelling.

"Sure."

"Edward Cullen is a very dangerous person."

I blinked, shocked by her words. What did she mean? How much did she know about him?

"I'm sorry?"

"Your ex, Edward. He is a dangerous person. I've met men like him before and trust me, it never ends well for the girl they set their sights on even when they aren't vampires."

I still wasn't sure exactly what she meant so I said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"Edward is a very manipulative and controlling person. He wanted to control your every move. He would tell you where you could go, who you could talk to, and when he wasn't with you he insisted on knowing where you were and who you were with. I think your father saw this and tried to warn you. He didn't have to know what Edward truly was to feel the danger in the air."

I had picked up another pea, but it sat in the palm of my hand as her words struck home. I'd never thought of Edward that way, although his constant vigil over me had become tedious at times. I had put it down to his concern for me as a result of my friendship with Jake, but listening to Peggy I understood that it was something deeper.

She was watching me, a smile on her face, "You don't quite get it, do you? Let me ask you something. If I were to follow you around, insist on knowing where you were and what you were doing at all times, would that be normal and comfortable to you?"

"No, but…."

"But what? He did it because he loved you and I don't? Your parents love you, but they didn't act that way did they? Did any of your friends try to tell you who you should see or where you should go?"

I frowned, "Of course not. Why would they?"

She turned my question back on me.

"Why would Edward? I mean, did you lose your common sense after you met him? Were you suddenly incapable of making sensible decisions?"

"No."

"Then why should he be under the impression that you were?"

She was right. Why had I allowed Edward to control my life, my every move? Even though I knew that he hated the guardians he also knew that Jacob would never hurt me yet he used the excuse of my safety to stop me visiting the reservation and tried to destroy my friendship with Jake and his friends. Not that such a friendship saved me from disaster in the long run!

Without realizing it, I had handed control of my life to Edward Cullen and he had manipulated me for months. Or, worse still, had he been using his vampire powers to bind me to him?

At least we were talking about vampires at last. I had begun to wonder if Renee had been mistaken about Peggy.

However, there were no more such conversations for several days, although I got the feeling there was something on her mind. Once or twice I had the impression that she was about to say something to me before changing her mind. That was odd because Peggy was probably the most outgoing and forthright person I had ever met.

The unsettling dreams I had of Edward leaving, or Charlie's violent death, or Paul's attack faded and I was able to look forward to a good night's sleep again and I felt I had Peggy to thank for that. Maybe she wanted me mentally and physically stronger before she introduced me to the hunters Renee had mentioned.

One morning I woke early and heard the sound of voices downstairs. One I recognized as Peggy's, but the other was so quiet that I couldn't hear the words. Peggy had a visitor? If so, it was the first since my arrival.

I slipped out of bed and moved quietly to the window, peering out cautiously, but I could see nothing. Pulling on my robe I opened the door carefully and tiptoed to the top of the stairs to see Peggy standing at the door. I could sense that she was saying goodbye to someone, but I had no view of the other.

She turned suddenly and looked up at me smiling as she shut the door.

"You're up early, Bella. I'll put the kettle on. Toast and eggs for breakfast?"

I nodded, wanting to ask her who the visitor had been, but something stopped me. Instead, I followed Peggy into the kitchen and laid the table while she cooked breakfast and made fresh coffee. I'd recovered my appetite slightly living here and was sure I'd put some weight on at last. My skeletal appearance when I left the clinic had shocked even me.

"Right, well, as you're up you can come into town with me and pick up some groceries."

I stared at her, all the time I'd been here she hadn't left the place. I had begun to believe she never left.

"Great, thanks. Did I hear someone else in the house earlier?"

She didn't turn around, but I saw her shoulders tense a little.

"Did you? Oh."

Which wasn't an answer, but it seemed that was all I was going to get.

As we finished breakfast, I took a deep breath and jumped in.

"Peggy. How much longer will I be here? I mean, it's been great and I feel much better, but I have things to do. I need to start living my life."

She put down her coffee mug and stared at me.

"That's good. It's what Renee asked me to bring you here for, but I feel there are still things you need to confront."

I frowned and she leaned across the small kitchen table and took one of my hands in hers.

"Bella. You should never have been dragged into that dark world. Unfortunately, moving to Forks put you right in the center of the most dangerous place in the continental USA. If Renee had known she would never have sent you to live with Charlie. She thought she was doing the right thing, but she was mistaken.."

My mouth went dry and my hands began to shake, but Peggy continued to hold the right and smiled at me reassuringly.

"There are so few of us who know that our world holds more evil than most humans are aware exists and I think it's better that way. You would have been better off not knowing. It has changed everything for you. Your whole life is now geared to killing monsters. No more prom, no boyfriends, no family life, or children. I wish you had never needed to know the truth."

I shook my head. I didn't know what to say. Peggy was right. My life had stopped dead and turned in an unexpected and horrifying direction.

"It's alright to be scared and confused, Bella. I am so sorry that you were drawn into this maelstrom. Luckily, you are strong and resilient and you survived, but life will never be the same."

She was right, of course.

Peggy continued to stare into my eyes, "I'm aware of the Cullens, and believe me, they may call themselves 'vegetarian', but they are probably the most dangerous of their kind."

I frowned, "I don't understand. How? They don't kill humans to survive."

"I belong to a group that monitors vampires."

"I know, Renee told me you would connect me to some hunters."

She smiled.

"And you are desperate for me to do just that aren't you? In fact, you are probably wondering why I haven't done so or if Renee was mistaken."

I considered shaking my head in denial but decided to just wait. I would feel uncomfortable lying to Peggy.

She smiled reassuringly as if she knew my thoughts.

"Poor Bella. You must be so confused. Your first foray into the vampire world and you meet the self-styled vegetarian vampires headed by the compassionate Dr Carlisle Cullen and his wonderful family. You were caught up in the Cullens web. It happens sometimes, although not as often as it used to. They know they are being watched and are very careful normally. There again, Edward has always been something of a loose cannon. Personally, I blame Carlisle for indulging him."

I laughed, I'd felt the same way myself.

"Bella, listen to me very carefully. You had a narrow escape. Why Edward didn't kill you or Carlisle turn you over to the Volturi I don't understand, but they didn't. However, they did abandon you to the nomads. Perhaps they thought Victoria or Laurent would do the dirty deed for them. It was only the intervention of the wolves that saved you. Of course, that could be why you were allowed to survive. Perhaps Carlisle Cullen was worried that your death might ignite a war with the guardians. A war that would be very difficult to explain to his friends in Volterra. Who knows? More importantly, it brought you dangerously close to Caius Volturi, the one person you do not want to take notice of you."

"Look, you seem to know an awful lot about my affairs. Have you been watching me too?"

She smiled, "No, child. My companions and I watch vampires. You just happened to stroll into our field of vision. I had no idea that you were connected to my friend Renee or that you were so special. What I want to know is, what is it about you that made them act so out of character?"

At last, a question I thought I could answer.

"Maybe my gift. Or at least that's what Edward called it."

She frowned, her eyes intense and piercing.

"What kind of gift?"

I shrugged, " He couldn't hear my thoughts. He said that I was able to shield my thoughts from him. He was really upset by that."

She smiled wolfishly.

"Not to mention annoyed I would imagine. Well, this changes things. Renee wondered if perhaps you were the one once she discovered the truth about you. Can you do anything else with this 'gift' of yours?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea. I never tried. I didn't even know I had a gift until Edward told me about it."

She stared at me so long I became uncomfortable and got up to clear the breakfast things so I could avoid that gaze.

"I wonder…"

I turned from the sink, my hands covered in bubbles, "Wonder what?"

She shook her head, "Never mind. I need time to think some more on this."

Then she rose and left the room, her last words hanging in the air.