Buffy
It's been almost two months since my birthday. Everything has been so incredible between us. We still have little misunderstandings here and there, but we've both gotten better at waiting and giving the other a chance to explain. I really never could have dreamed up a better partner.
I love everything about her - well... almost everything.
I'm standing next to Faith's locker, trying to build up the nerve to ask her. Maybe I shouldn't bother, I know she's going to say no, and I'm just going to feel like an idiot.
"Something on your mind, B?"
"What? Oh.. yes… I mean, no. Nevermind." And now, apparently, I've forgotten how to talk.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, it's just… I know you weren't into going to homecoming, but…"
"Don't you need books for your next class?" She cuts me off before I could finish what I was going to say. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed. I take a second to look at the books in my arms, even though I already know I have what I need.
I specifically grabbed what I would need before last period, so I'd have time to ask her the question I know I shouldn't even be bothering to ask.
"No, I have everything."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course, I'm sure." I'm a little irritated now. Mostly at myself. I don't even know why I care. It's not like it really matters.
It's just the stupid prom.
I look up to see she's giving me a weird look. "Are you sure you're OK?"
"Yes, I'm fine." I huff and start to walk towards my next class. I'm trying not to show how irritated I am because I know she won't let it go if she can tell that I'm upset.
"Hey, wait. Um…" She chases after me. "Do you have a pen I can borrow?"
"You have one in your hand." I point out, and she looks all flustered. Which usually I find pretty cute, but I'm too annoyed right now.
"Oh, but - I don't like this one. I want to borrow one of yours."
"Whatever." I pull one of the pens out of my notebook and hand it to her, but she won't take it.
"No - not that one. A different one - I saw it the other day in your locker."
She's acting really weird, and I have no idea why. She doesn't even take notes, so I can't imagine why she'd need a pen anyway. Nevermind a special one.
"Please?" She's dragging me back to my locker, and I'm too confused to fight her.
As I work on the combination, I decide to try one more time. "So.. what I was going to ask before…"
"Can you hurry up?" She cuts me off again, and I officially give up. It was stupid for me to even worry about it. It's not like we won't be together that night and probably do something more fun than hanging out with our awful classmates anyway. I know how stupid the prom is. It's going to be terrible music, and I'll be surrounded by people I can barely stand.
But I really really want to go.
I finally get the combination right and open my locker. There's a popping sound, suddenly confetti is everywhere, and a sign drops down. It takes me a second to register what just happened.
The sign has 'Prom?' written on it and a heart with a stake through it. Just like the ones she's always doodling everywhere. "What... is…" I look at the sign, and I look at her. She's got a cute little smirk, and she's looking at me expectantly. "Did you… are you…"
She's laughing now, and I can't even believe this is happening. Once I finally accept that Faith Lehane - anti-social - non-romantic - bad-ass Faith Lehane set up a prom-posal for me, I drop my books and start kissing her.
After a minute or so, it registers that there are other people around, and they are whistling at us and making all sorts of lewd comments. I pull back from the kiss, but I've still got my arms around her neck.
"I can't believe you did this."
"Anything for you, B." I can tell she's embarrassed, but I can't stop smiling.
The warning bell rings, and I know we're supposed to be going to class, but that's the last thing I want to do. "You will be rewarded," I say and back away from her.
"Oh yeah?" She's grinning again and stalking towards me as I back away.
"Definitely."
I back up until I hit the lockers, and she presses right up against me. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull our bodies together.
"You are so incredible." I sweep my hand over her cheek and through her hair. I keep a gentle hold on the back of her head as I pull her in for a kiss. When I pull back, I'm surprised to see that she's blushing. Faith never blushes.
"It's not that big of a deal."
"It is, though. It's a huge deal." I kiss her again, and she still looks embarrassed. "Thank you so much for doing this." I can barely figure out how to talk. I'm so stupidly happy that she did this for me.
"It was.." She starts to say, but I cut her off with a kiss.
"It's probably better if you stop talking and just accept that you are amazing and I love you." She laughs and finally can actually look at me.
"Fine, I'm amazing." She says before kissing me again, and things are getting way too heated for the hallway.
I finally notice that we have an audience, and I push her away. I don't even remember which class I'm supposed to be in, and I know she doesn't care where she's supposed to be. So I grab her hand and lead her towards the basement.
Time for me to show her how much I love her.
"You girls look incredible!" My mom says as she takes the 100th picture. "Your dates are going to be drooling all over themselves!"
"Mom! I told you - Faith and I..." I don't know what happened, but she's been in total denial that Faith and I are obviously going to the prom together.
"Whatever, dear. You don't have to lie - I already told you it was fine to stay at a hotel tonight. I trust you to be safe." She winks at me, and I'm really wondering why she's gone insane.
"But.." Faith grabs my hand and shakes her head. I don't understand what's going on. But I really do want to get out of here sometime before the dance is over, so I give up on arguing. "Well, we don't want to keep our dates waiting. So we're going to go."
"Oh, just one more! Please? Faith, can you take one of the two of us for Buffy's sister?"
Sister? What the hell? I don't have a sister. Faith seems even more upset now and drags me out of the house after she very angrily snaps a couple of pictures for my imaginary sister.
"I'm really starting to worry about my mom," I say, and Faith just grunts. "What's wrong? I'm sorry my mom said that thing about us having dates.."
"I don't care about that, B." She grumbles and walks faster.
"Hey, wait up." How does she move so fast in heels? That is totally unfair. "You're upset about something. What is it?"
"I just don't understand why you never talk about your sister."
"Maybe because I don't have one?"
"Why are you lying?" She whips around, and I'm not sure I've ever seen her so angry - at least not directed towards me. "I've seen the pictures, B."
"Pictures? What are you talking about?"
"Forget it," She turns around and starts speed walking again.
I slide off my heels and chase after her. I'm tempted to tackle her like she always does to me. But I don't want to mess up either of our dresses. "Baby, please tell me what you are talking about. I'm not lying about anything. I don't and never have had a sister."
She pulls out her phone and starts flipping through. "Then who the hell is this?"
There's a picture of my parents, me and an older girl.
"There's more," she starts swiping, and there are tons of these pictures.
"I don't understand... who..." I remember all these events, but I don't remember this girl. "I have no idea who that girl is. I know that might be very hard to believe right now. But I swear to you that I don't."
Faith takes her phone back and frowns. "Your mother told me about her. I guess you two could never get along. So they sent her away."
Faith still hasn't told me anything about her past. But it seems like something about this must hit home for her. I can't see why she'd be so upset otherwise.
"Faith, please look at me." Her arms are folded over her chest, but at least she's looking at me. "What did my mom say?"
"Just forget it, let's go the dance." She starts to walk away, but I grab her. She pulls out of my grip and scowls at me. Suddenly what I thought would be the best night of my life is turning out to be the worst.
I have no idea what's going on here, but I have to fix it.
I pull out my phone and call the only other person who might know what's going on. I put it on speakerphone, but it just keeps ringing. "Damn it." Not sure why I thought my asshole of a father would actually answer my call.
"C'mon, B. Just forget it. Let's go have a good time."
She's smiling, but I can tell she doesn't mean it. "There's no way - not until we figure out what's going on."
"It doesn't matter. It's probably just your mom being weird - like you said."
"How do you explain the pictures?"
"Fuck," She hisses, and suddenly she looks so sad, and I have no idea why. "Please - I just want us to have one last..."
"One last?! One last what?" She just grunts and looks away from me.
"Just forget it." Then she turns away from me again. She's twenty feet away from me before my body catches up to my brain and chases after her.
When I finally reach her, she just crosses her arms over her chest and stares at the ground. I try to get her to look at me, but she won't. "Please, Faith. Please tell me what's going on. Why is this going to be our last anything? Are you going somewhere? Are you sick of being here... with me?" I can barely say that last part. I figured it would happen eventually. She always said how she didn't like to sit still.
She looks so sad, and I feel like my heart will explode if she doesn't tell me what's going on.
"Please - is that what this is? Do you need to leave?" I try to stay strong. If she is sick of me - then I'll find some way to deal with that. "You can tell me. I'll... I'll understand if this isn't where you want to be anymore."
That gets her to look up at me, but I can't figure out if she's upset or not about what I said. "Why... why would you understand that?"
"Because... you said you never stayed in one place very long. So I get it if you don't feel like sticking around here with me. I kinda figured eventually you'd..." I can't even talk now - I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out from trying so hard not to have a break-down.
She's looking at me with her head tilted like she doesn't understand what I said. It's possible what I said made no sense, but I thought it did.
"You thought I would leave you?"
"It's not so much that... just we never really talk about the future. And I get why... just... I didn't know what you planned to do next year. I didn't know if you'd want to stay with me while I'm at UC Sunnydale."
"Wait.. what?"
"Which part of that didn't you get?"
"You're going to UC Sunnydale next year?"
"Well, yeah. I didn't tell you that?" I could have sworn that I did. But maybe not. I tend to get distracted whenever I'm near her.
"No, B. You didn't."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to."
"Why did you apply to all those other places then?"
Now it's my turn to be confused. "What other places?"
She rolls her eyes at me, "I saw all the envelopes you got. And Willow told me they only send the big packets if you get accepted - so I know you got into at least 3 colleges - none of 'em anywhere near here."
"I have no idea about any packets. I didn't apply - maybe my mom did?"
"Maybe." She still doesn't look totally convinced, and I'm getting a little annoyed that she doesn't believe me.
"Do you think I'm lying to you?"
I think she heard the edge to my voice, causing her to actually look at me for the first time since this nightmare started. "No - I mean - it's just weird. There's a bunch of weird stuff happening."
I want to ask her what she wants to do next year. But we just never talk about that stuff. I don't know how she's going to react. Deciding that if I don't ask now - I may never get another chance. I take a few calming breaths, trying to prepare myself for the worst. "What were you planning on doing next year?"
"Hadn't really thought about it." She shrugs like this is the most boring conversation she's ever been part of.
"OK... what do you think about staying here with me? With the money the council is going to be giving us - we could get an apartment near campus."
"You want to get an apartment with me?" Finally, all the anger and sadness seem to be gone, and I think maybe things aren't as bad as I thought.
I laugh at how absurd this is. "Yes! Of course, I do. I want to be with you as much as possible. Just like how things are now. You could even go to UC Sunnydale with me if you wanted." She wrinkles her nose at that idea. I move a little closer to her, grateful that she's not pulling away. "Or maybe you could just lay around the apartment and be waiting for me when I get home from class."
"Oh yeah?" She grins and stalks towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Uh-huh," I say and start to kiss along her neck. "Then you can help me do all my homework."
She laughs, "no way - I'm done with homework."
"Maybe I can persuade you?" I pull her tighter to me, trying not to mess up our outfits too much, even though it doesn't matter. Maybe we're in a good place now - but I'm really not in the mood to go to a stupid dance anymore.
"We'll see." She's smiling a real smile at me, and I think we're back to where we're supposed to be.
"Yeah? Does that mean you like my plan? You wouldn't mind staying here with me?"
She tenses up a little, and I really regret pushing her for an answer.
"You don't have to decide anything now - but that's what I want." I drop my hands off of her waist and back away. "Well, I guess I should see if I can find out what's going on with this mysterious sister situation." I turn back towards home, not even sure if she's going to follow me.
"What about the dance? You don't want to go anymore?"
I'm surprised she asked. There is still plenty of time to get over to the school. "I mean, I guess.. it just seems dumb now."
"It was always dumb, B." She jokes and puts her arm around my waist. "Now, come on - I want to show you off."
We're almost to the school, and neither of us has said a word in the past ten minutes. I really want to just let this go and enjoy tonight - but I don't think I can. Not until I'm sure that she knows how I feel.
"Wait."
"Something wrong?" She looks around like she thinks there's a vamp or something, but that's not what this is.
"No, nothing is wrong." I take a second to decide if I really want to risk this being the end. Maybe she's right, and we should just enjoy this last night together. But no. I can't do that. I can't just pretend like I'm OK with her leaving me. "Look..."
She backs up a step like she knows she's not going to want to hear what I have to say.
"I told you that you don't have to tell me your plans, and I completely meant that."
"OK?"
"I know Robin offered to send you wherever you want to go."
She grunts and folds her arms over her chest, and I really wish I could have just forgotten about this and gone into the dance.
"I just want to be totally clear that I don't want you to go. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She keeps backing away from me, and I'm pretty sure I just ruined everything. "I understand if you don't want that. You have the chance to go anywhere and be with whoever you want. All I ask..." This was such a fucking mistake. Why do I have to be so stupid?
"What, B?" She sounds super irritated, and I don't blame her. I'm surprised she's still even listening to me.
Taking a breath and wiping at my eyes, I gather myself and try to prepare for what will probably be the worst moment of my life. "All I ask is if there is anything that I could do differently. Anything that you want or need that I'm not giving you - that you give me a chance to try. Even if..." God, why am I still talking?! "Even if you don't want...". god, I can't even say it... "I just want the chance to try to be whatever you need."
She's not saying anything. Hell, I'm not even sure if she's still here. I'm pretty much full-on crying now with my hands covering my face. Not like it's fooling anyone.
"What would you do?"
"What?"
"If I leave - what would you do?"
I kind of feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm shocked that she's still here and talking to me. But as I try to think about the answer to her question, all I can think about is how she said 'if' not 'when.' So maybe I have a chance here. If I can just figure out what the right thing to say is.
I take another few seconds to collect my thoughts and wipe away the mascara running down my face. I'm surprised when she moves closer and pulls out a few tissues to carefully clean my face. I can't help but watch her eyes as she's focused on helping me. When she's done, she takes a step back and looks at me expectantly.
"Well," I take a step closer and try not to smile when she doesn't back away. "If you left without explanation - the first thing I would do is hunt you down."
"What?" That answer totally confused her, but I also saw a hint of a smile. So I think I'm on the right track.
"I happen to know a very powerful witch - who has been working on her locater spells. If you ever disappear on me, I..."
I didn't get to finish my threat because Faith closed the distance between us and started kissing me. I groan when she stops after only a few seconds. "I thought you said you'd understand?"
I try not to laugh because Nothing about this is funny to me - but she's being kinda cute right now. "What I meant was - if you needed something that I can't give you... that I would try to understand that you needed to find whatever it is some other way. I don't think I said anywhere in there that I'd be willing to let you walk away without a fight."
She looks like she's about to argue but changes her mind. "No, I guess you didn't say that."
"I love you, Faith." Our arms are around each other's waists, and I pull her closer for another brief kiss. "I care very much about your happiness. If there is anything I am doing that is making you unhappy, please tell me, and I will do everything I can to fix it."
She doesn't say anything, but she smiles and gives my waist a little squeeze. It's not exactly the response I was hoping for, but I'll have to take it.
Faith
Well, shit.
I don't have any idea why I thought I could do this. Why I thought I could just take B to the prom and not fuck everything up.
At least we finally made it inside, and I think she's stopped freaking out. I can't believe how hard she was crying. I've seen her cry before, but never like that.
I kinda stand in the background as she talks to our friends. Sometimes they ask me questions, and I try to respond, but I'm just not here right now.
We've only been inside for about twenty minutes, and I am itching to get the hell out of here. All this high school bullshit makes my skin crawl. I think B can tell 'cause she's got her arm around my waist, and she's leaning into me. Usually, that keeps me calm, but tonight it's not really working.
"Want to go grab some punch?" B asks, and I nod dumbly.
She drags me over to where the drinks are but then pulls me away and behind the bleachers.
"Thank you for tonight. I really appreciate that you did this for me." She grins at me and wraps her arms around my waist, and kisses me. The kiss is amazing, and I'm starting to relax a little, but then she starts kissing down my neck and lifts up the bottom of my dress.
"Stop."
She freezes and looks up at me with the most hurt look I've ever seen. She backs away a few steps, and I can tell she's trying not to cry.
"Well, I think I've had enough fun for one night." She says, staring down at her feet. "At least Will thinks she can do something with those pictures. Can you forward them to her?"
"Sure," I say and try and think of any way to un-fuck this sitch. I can't even figure out why I stopped her. It's not like we haven't had sex in public places. I've never not been in the mood before, and now I've completely broken her.
"Thanks," She turns to walk away, giving me one last look.
It takes me just a second to realize that she thinks this is the last time she's ever gonna see me. "Wait!" I grab her hand, but she's still turned away. "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"But I do. Please, B. Give me a chance..."
She pulls her hand away but doesn't leave. She covers her face with her hands and slides to the floor.
I start pacing in front of her, trying to figure out what to say. I can't even figure out what happened tonight or what I did to make her so sure that I'm going to leave. "Shit." I hiss and smack my head as something finally clicks for me. Now I just gotta figure out how to explain it in a way that she gets.
I sit next to her and try to ignore the gasping breaths she's taking so that she won't cry.
"I know we've never talked about my past, and what little I have told you maybe makes you think certain things about me."
"I don't..." She starts to say, but I cut her off.
"I know you don't think anything bad about me. Just... you think I moved around 'cause I wanted to. It was never that." I close my eyes for a second. "I've never been anywhere that wanted me. Hell, most of the time, I was just kicked out on my ass."
I wait for her to laugh at me or say something shitty, even though she would never do that.
"Even though you keep telling me you love me and you keep showing me - I guess I still expect that any day now you're going to tell me to fuck off. So that's why I don't like to make plans. If I don't make plans, then it won't hurt as much when you kick me out."
"Faith." She gasps and turns to me, but I'm not quite done.
"And now you say that you think I'm gonna leave and I just... I can't even imagine leaving you. Not for anything. Meeting you was the best thing that's ever happened to me."
She moved closer, wrapping her arm around my shoulder, and I turn to her and bury my face in her neck.
"I can't promise you that things aren't going to fall apart. All I can say is that I don't want to leave and if something changes - I'll give you a chance. Just like you asked."
She's holding me tight and kissing my head. I can tell she's still crying, but maybe for a different reason now.
"I'm so sorry, Faith."
"Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."
"But I did."
She sighs a little and pushes me away. I thought everything was fine, but the way she's looking at me, I'm pretty sure she's gonna tell me to go.
I knew it. I fucking knew this was gonna happen. Why did she put me through all this bullshit if she was just gonna dump me? Fuck!
"Where are you going?!" She's yelling at me to stop, and I didn't even realize I had stood up.
"Let go of me!" I try to push her away, but she just keeps grabbing me. I'm too tired to care at this point, so I stop fighting her.
"What happened? I thought we... I thought we figured everything out?"
"I thought so too - but then you said you were sorry. So I'm just gonna..." She's got a crazy grip on my arm, and I can't seem to get out of it no matter how hard I try.
"Please wait, let me tell you why I'm sorry. Then if you want to leave... I... well, I probably still won't let you." I can't help but laugh a little at that.
"Fine, say whatever you're gonna say." I don't know why we're going through all this. She 'shoulda just let me go - it'd be easier for both of us.
"Faith." She says my name all gentle and soft, and I'm really trying not to give in. I know she's about to break my heart, but I can't help but hope that maybe I'm wrong. "What I'm sorry for is that I didn't tell you what my plans were for next year."
That's got me all kinds of confused. "It's not like I asked."
She shakes her head and gives me a look like she always does when I'm being dumb. "I didn't tell you because I was terrified that you were going to tell me that you didn't want to stay. But if I had just told you - this wouldn't have happened."
I'm still crazy confused, but she looks relaxed and happy. So maybe that means everything is OK?
"I should have realized that you wouldn't know that I was staying and that I wanted you to stay with me. Most of the time, you seem to know what I'm thinking - but not when it comes to stuff like this."
Now she's closer, and she takes my hands and puts them on her hips.
"I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
She's getting all blurry, which I now realize means I'm crying. She's wiping away my tears just like I did for her earlier.
"This is where you say the same thing to me. Then we never have to have this conversation again." She smiles and leans in to kiss me. Just when it's getting good, she pulls back.
I try to kiss her again, but she backs up, and I'm starting to get annoyed. I thought we were done with all this talking.
"You have to say it."
"What?" What the hell is she talking about now? "Oh, right. Yeah... I... um.. what you said."
She chuckles, and her hands tighten just a little around my waist. "OK, guess we'll have to work on that." Then she lets me get closer, and we're kissing again.
This is better. I've got her pressed up against the wall, and we're both working on getting our hands where they need to be.
"Buffy! Faith! Are you guys back there?" I hear Willow yelling for us, and B practically growls in annoyance.
"Maybe she'll go away," B whispers and starts kissing me again.
Then something howls. Loud.
"Fuck." We both say and head back out to where everyone else is.
Kids are screaming and running all over the fucking place. Mixed in are these crazy loud howls and maybe barking. I can't tell exactly where it's coming from or what the hell could be making those noises.
"Faith!" B points and I see it too.
Some chick with long brown hair is facing away from us, and there are like ten of these big-ass wolves surrounding her. The girl turns around, and suddenly I think I'm about to throw up. Everything is spinning, and I can barely breathe.
"Hey there, little sister." The girl grins when she sees us.
"I don't know who the hell you are, but you are not my sister." B takes a step towards the crazy lady and her wolf pack.
"B, wait." I grab for her hand, and luckily she doesn't fight me. "We gotta go. Now."
"What? But we have to..." She waves at all the screaming kids, but I just keep pulling her. "Faith, we have to save these people."
"We can't save them, B." We're almost to the door, and I'm trying to block out all the screaming, but it's really not working.
"Faith, who is that? What is going on?" B keeps asking me questions, and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't understand how this happened.
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna pass out. How the fuck is she not dead? I saw... I was sure she died.
Fuck. It's all blurry now. The last time I saw her, she was covered in blood. How could she not have died? Of course, now I know better. There are all kinds of ways someone might not really be dead.
She looks so different, though - older and crazier. Which I didn't think was possible.
"She's not your sister, B."
"I already...". she starts, but I cut her off. She's trying to stop me, but I keep pulling her away.
"You don't understand. She's not your sister..." Fuck, we are so screwed. "She's mine."