Kylo Ren had skirted that perplexing blankness several times now during meditations, but he was no closer to discovering what it was. He'd studied maps to see if it was some feature of the Galaxy that he'd somehow missed before, but by all accounts, there was nothing to match what he'd seen in his vision. He had debated about bringing it to Snoke's attention, but he'd held back from doing so. Perhaps it was something he might not want Snoke to necessarily know about. He almost wished he could consult Luke about it, but that thought he doused in cold, hard rejection even as he had it. Luke was no longer an option for him. After a couple of nights of peering at the blankness without getting any closer to figuring out what it was, he decided to take a fairly drastic measure.
Once he'd slipped into sleep, he immediately went to the dark tunnel that he'd been striving to ignored ever since he'd very recently been made aware of its existence.
Rey? He hovered near the doorway, almost tentatively. Which was, of course, ludicrous, since he was still in his own mind, but nevertheless, he felt a twinge of apprehension. She hadn't made an appearance since the night she'd allowed him to take refuge in her own dream, and he felt almost...well, he felt unwilling to make the first gesture after showing her such weakness. Had he been suffering just a modicum less, he would never have come crawling to her like that. He'd be waiting still, but he needed to know if she saw the blankness too. Maybe she even knew what it was.
Rey? he asked again, anger stirring. Was she ignoring him? Maybe she was enjoying this, after seeing him so pathetic before. Maybe she-
Kylo Ren, she replied, appearing in the entrance of the tunnel. I heard you calling me. Do you need to come here again?
He drew himself up, just a bit.
No, of course not. I wanted to know what you thought of something. He could practically taste her suspicion.
What is it?
You have to come here to see. He realized he was asking quite a bit of trust from her, which she hesitated to give. Good. That was smart of her not to trust him. At the exact same time, he felt a twinge of hurt that she didn't. He told himself very firmly to stop being a complete idiot.
Fine, she said at last, stepping into his dream. Kylo Ren immediately formed the dream into his meditation vision, the sands glittering all around them. He headed straight to the pool, but he didn't sense Rey following. He halted and looked back.
Rey was standing at the water's edge, staring out across the expanse.
It's over here, Kylo Ren urged, but Rey ignored him.
This...this is all water? she asked, sounding dazed.
Not the kind that would have been useful for you on Jakku. Not for drinking, anyhow. This is the sea. In spite of his impatience, Kylo Ren couldn't help but feel pleased with Rey's obvious awe of his favorite place in the entire galaxy: the one he'd chosen as his meditation setting.
The sea, she repeated slowly, still staring off at the endless waves.
Rey. I need you to look at something, Kylo Ren repeated, though with less of an edge to his voice this time. Rey turned at last, though her attention was also captivated by the sand that caught and held the sun's rays.
It's so beautiful here, Rey said.
Yes, Kylo Ren agreed. A sudden image of the two of them slowly walking the warm sands of Velusia, the sea breeze tugging apart her triple buns, strand by strand, sprang unbidden to his mind. He shoved it aside, almost panicked, hoping Rey wouldn't sense it.
But she didn't seem to, and she finally turned her attention to what he'd called her for to begin with.
I saw this while I was meditating a few days ago, he said, kneeling beside the pool. Do you see it also?
Rey knelt beside him, her mental representation exuding what could only be described as a glow. Wherever she was, she was happy. Kylo Ren tried to feel glad about that, but he ended up only sinking deeper into his mire of self-pity.
She peered into the surface of the water, frowning.
I see...faces. I see Finn, and Poe.
Kylo Ren shoved aside another sharp spur of emotion.
But beyond them. Do you see the stars?
Rey cocked her head, as though trying to adjust her vision.
Yes, she said at last, I see... She frowned, and Kylo Ren leaned closer.
You see that blankness too?
What is it? she asked, her voice low with dread.
I don't know. I was hoping you would have some idea.
Rey shook her head slowly.
I don't like it, she said.
No. It...I don't think it's anything good.
I'm surprised you wouldn't know what it was. It looks like something from your side.
Just because I practice the Dark Side of the Force doesn't mean I know everything about it, Kylo Ren said, rolling his eyes.
Rey was still frowning at the water.
Maybe I can ask Master Luke. I'm to travel to him tomorrow to start my training.
Kylo Ren went very still. Rey, obviously sensing the abrupt surge of emotion from him, turned to face him. I don't know why I should care one way or another what you think of the last Jedi master. Your opinion isn't exactly unbiased.
Still, she waited. Kylo Ren swallowed down the worst of what he'd wanted to yell about Luke Skywalker and managed to hammer the rest into a more controlled response that wouldn't be quite so easy for her to dismiss.
Luke Skywalker has...very decided opinions about the Force and how it should be used. I suggest, if you do become one of his disciples, that you keep that in mind. The Dark lies in every corner to eyes blinded by the Light.
Rey absorbed this in silence. Kylo Ren started feeling uncomfortable with the strength of her gaze.
What? he demanded at last, when he couldn't stand the weight of it any longer.
I'd like you to answer a question for me, Rey said slowly. Kylo Ren decided it was time to end this dream. Wait! Rey said. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. But...I was interrogated by the Rebels. Your mother's orders. What that being did in my head...he cut right past me, through me, as though I wasn't even there. And he saw whatever he wanted to see, and I couldn't stop him.
Kylo Ren froze.
That's how they tested you? he demanded. They broke into your mind?
I couldn't fight him at all. Is that...what it's like with Snoke?
Kylo Ren felt rage take hold of him. Just moments before, he had been ready to end this dream before Rey could ask too many questions that, in this particular setting, he'd be hard-put to hide his true reactions to. But now he stalked out into the sand and sat down with perhaps a bit more force than necessary. He gestured for her to follow suite, which she did warily.
I will teach you the basics of how to set up at least a basic defense against something like that. Luke will only teach you the ideal version of things. I will teach you the effective version. It's your choice which one to use, but I want you to have a choice.
Rey cocked her head to one side, then gave a single, hard nod of agreement. Kylo Ren centered himself. He didn't want to do this, not with someone who would be learning from his uncle the very next day. He shouldn't want to teach Rey how to defend a very exploitable weakness. But he knew damned well what it was like to have that happen to him, as well as the feelings of utter weakness and shame that followed. One's private thoughts and memories should be held sacred, and the fact that his mother had her inquisitor invading Rey's mind was a transgression that was nearly driving him wild with rage.
Too far. Leia had gone too far.
I'm going to try to enter your mind as he did, Kylo Ren explained. It is different, since he's a creature that has...sort of a back way into a person's mind. Much like Snoke. But it's not about blocking him from entering. It's about keeping him where you want him in your mind, while protecting the things you don't want him to see.
Kylo Ren set aside his own flaring emotions and narrowed his concentration into a push that Rey would be able to feel. This wouldn't work with a trained Force user, but you should be able to let me into your head by relaxing your instinctive push back against me.
I don't trust you, Rey murmured.
Good. You shouldn't. But right now, I'm trying to help you.
That is kind of you, Rey said, but the way she said it made it seem like an accusation.
It isn't. I might be on the opposite side of the Force from you, and maybe we're destined to be enemies, but...but no one should have to be at the mercy of an attack like that.
Rey seemed to accept this and close her eyes.
Before I try to get past your defenses, I'll explain what you need to do once I get through. You have to feel something. It has to be a very strong emotion. So think of something that will take up all of your current thoughts in a powerful way. Like joy, or sadness.
Or anger? Rey murmured, and Kylo Ren wondered if this was a terrible mistake that he was making in real time.
Or anger, he agreed, trying not to let his disquiet show. Whatever works for you. He gave her a few moments to mull over her most powerful emotions. Have you found one? he asked. She gave a tight nod, her eyes still closed. Watching her metaphysical form before him, trusting in spite of herself, Kylo Ren felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him like a fever. In the same instant, he redirected that feeling into the darkest corner of his own mind. This was not the time to explore why he'd feel anything but competition and domination over the scavenger girl.
This dream was really not going where he'd originally intended it to.
I'm going to push against your defenses, and you're going to let me into your mind.
He could feel Rey balk.
I don't...I can't...
When you do, I want you to summon that emotion and try to lose yourself in it. You will end up distracting me from all other thoughts and memories. It'll be like shining a light into the eyes of an intruder in the darkness. It'll be all I can see.
I don't want you seeing my memories, Rey whispered.
If you do this right, you'll stop me from seeing anything you don't want me to see, he assured her. Use your fear to motivate yourself if you need to. Only you can know what would be strong enough to work. Now, are you ready? You feel the pressure?
Rey sucked in a breath and nodded. He could feel the tension in her radiating towards him. He summoned the Force and put pressure on her instinctual defenses.
Now drop that wall.
He could tell that was the very last thing she wanted. He could feel, through just the connection between the pressure he was exerting and the wall she'd had raised against it, the dread of a repeat of what had happened in the interrogation cell. It had deeply affected her, which didn't surprise him. It took much training and much mental preparedness to tolerate such a violation without trauma. The trauma his mother had inflicted upon a girl gifted in the Force. Why?
Suddenly, he felt Rey's defenses cave in on themselves, and for a moment, he saw a wealth of memory, meteoric thoughts flashing past him in dizzying procession. Then, abruptly, he felt as though he were immersed in a deep, cold well. The feeling permeated everything around him, closing off his view of her vulnerable mind. Hanging heavy in the air was the overwhelming feeling of abandonment, with a hint of molten anger deep, deep below.
This is perfect, he said, even as his metaphysical self gave a shudder at the loneliness. He knew it dwelled within her, as it did him, and he'd even glimpsed it that time they were sparring and she wrong-footed him with her insight about his own matching sense of isolation, but even he hadn't guessed how much of a fundamental part of her it really was. The well was bottomless, a cold, yawning cavern filled with the echoes of a sobbing child. She'd have to polish it up, of course, and alter it slightly so that it wasn't overly suspicious, but it would certainly do. He pushed just a bit deeper to get a better look at that under layer of anger and nodded in appreciation. That too, would do, should she want a varied defense. Very good.
He retreated from her mind, watching her from across the sand. She let out a breath and opened her eyes.
Did it work? she asked.
It will do for now. If you are ever in a situation where someone has broken into your mind, I suggest you use that tactic.
Is there no way to fight back? It seemed different when I was keeping you out that one time. The interrogator just...went through that wall that I used against you.
There are different ways of using the Force, Kylo Ren explained. That one, I believe we are fairly susceptible to. I haven't found an effective way to fight it...but the emotion can at least thwart the attempt to read your mind.
He rose and instinctively brushed the sand from him, even if it existed only in his mind. Rey leapt to her feet.
Wait!
Kylo Ren paused, feeling unaccountably awkward.
What? he snapped, the word more waspish than he'd intended. Rey didn't seem to notice or, more likely, she chose not to.
That was very generous of you, she told him.
It's not generous. I just know what that feeling is like, and it...it's horrible. You should at least know a rudimentary way of defending yourself from it.
And Luke won't teach me that?
Kylo Ren no longer fought to keep the venom from his tone.
Luke is an idealist, a true champion of the Light. He'll teach you methods that any Dark Force user can overcome, simply because we're willing to cross lines to win. In spite of himself, Kylo Ren stepped forward, wanting to impress this one thing upon the scavenger girl who had once chosen to spare his life for no reason other than that it was right.
Remember, Rey; survival is all that matters. You already know that, but they'll try to get you to set that aside. They'll try to make you think there is a right way to survive and a wrong way to survive. Don't believe them. You do whatever you need to in order to keep yourself alive, no matter what.
He found that he was standing directly before her, so she had to tip her head back to maintain her intense eye contact. Her eyes were blazing in a way that made it difficult for Kylo Ren to look away.
I won't forget, she whispered and vanished from his dream. Kylo Ren spent a long time staring at the spot that she had occupied, she who was his up-and-coming answer from the Light side of the Force, and wondered at himself.