Chapter 9

SPOV

Waking up can be a strange thing. Sometimes I come awake straight away, usually because a noise has woken me. Now though it was as though I was frightened to wake up and I wasn't sure why. I was warm and felt safe but then as I moved slightly pain coursed through me and memories shot through my head like a movie. I stilled, which wasn't very comfortable, frightened of what I would wake up to. I was so scared that I'd somehow gone blind and deaf and that I wouldn't know where I was. My sense of smell though seemed to be on high alert. Didn't they say that if you lost a sense then the others would be heightened? I could swear that I could smell Bulgari and the very soft sound of classical music, but that couldn't be right, could it? Besides the last memory I had was falling and someone holding onto me tightly.

I felt movement by my side that had every muscle in my body stiffening.

"Babe, it's okay. You're safe now"

Did I want to open my eyes? Not if I didn't have my sight. Yet even now I was aware of a lightness beyond my eyes so blinking a few times I forced myself to look and see. At first the image of dark brown eyes threw me, and I was suddenly frightened.

"Babe, it's okay"

I continued to look and started to see that they were different. These eyes were intense but alive, hues of color that were so familiar that my fear began to dissipate. I knew that I was looking up into Ranger's eyes but then I began to worry. I felt a finger pushing gently against my forehead and saw the way his lips turned up as though he was thinking of smiling.

"Hey, everything's okay"

"I'm sorry"

"There's nothing to be sorry about"

I knew that there was, hell, somehow, I'd got myself into deep shit and I only had myself to blame, Tank was right when he'd had a go at me. Here I was being bailed out again when I couldn't keep myself out of trouble. I felt my eyes water and then the touch of Ranger's thumb gently wiping the skin underneath them.

"Don't cry Babe. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't ask for this to happen to you"

"Why did it happen then?"

"I don't know, but we'll figure it out"

I wasn't sure what had happened, I only had pieces that were coming to me, but I knew that a man had hurt me badly and had been insistent that I answered his questions. I had a fleeting vision of his cold dark eyes looking at me. As I moved, I could feel a pain in my side and from the tightness of my skin on my face knew that my face was a mess. The problem was that I really needed to use the bathroom, but I wasn't too sure that I'd manage that on my own.

"You're squirming, do you need the bathroom?"

"Yeah"

Feeling highly embarrassed at how I was even going to manage that. I watched as Ranger moved from the bed, noting that he was wearing a T-shirt and silk shorts. That wasn't his usual attire for sleeping in which saddened me, making me think that I was only here because I was hurt. I felt the covers being pulled down and then I was suddenly being lifted and carried. Try as I might my arms refused to move to wrap around his neck the pain from my ribs stopping me.

"Babe, you have some cracked ribs, so they'll be sore and limit your movement"

He put me down with my back to the toilet and very gently pulled down whatever I was wearing before holding my hips to lower me. Hell, I felt so embarrassed and was pleased when he stood up and turned to walk out of the room. Sat there I could see bruises on my thighs and remembered how someone had punched me there. I hesitated, but then lifted the T-shirt that I was wearing, seeing my body covered in bruising. I was a mess and felt totally defeated that I was here, not able to look after myself. I didn't even want to think about what had happened to me, no doubt I'd done something stupid to warrant the attention of those people.

As I sat there, I was confused as to why I was here, and in some ways, I didn't want to be here. I knew Ranger cared for me, but every minute I spent here would only make me feel worse, make me want those things that couldn't be. The longer I stayed the worse the feeling would get, because I knew Ranger only had me here until I was well enough to leave and to look after myself. Yeah, some big decisions to make over the next few days while I worked out just how my injuries would affect me. Then again work had been slow, certainly not enough to pay for necessities. How sad was that? I was an adult and couldn't make ends meet, hell, I couldn't even look after myself without getting hurt or getting into trouble. Maybe I needed to rethink how I was going to move forward, a way where at least I felt happy about myself.

I realized I'd probably spent too long sat there thinking, I didn't want Ranger worrying about me. He'd only just got back from being away so I was sure that he would have better things to do than have to babysit me. I managed to push myself up and to pull the shorts up and over my hips. As I washed my hands, I thought that something was different from when I'd last been here but couldn't work out what it was.

Very slowly I walked to the door and opened it, finding Ranger stood waiting for me. Without saying anything he lifted me again and laid me gently back onto the bed. I suppose all that thinking in the bathroom had me feeling a bit down with myself. I turned away from him as though trying to find a comfortable position, but it seemed I wasn't going to get away with that.

"What's wrong Babe?"

How the hell did I explain how I felt, I didn't. I couldn't burden him with that. I did know that I felt ever so guilty though for what had happened.

"I'm sorry"

"What for"

"Getting myself into trouble"

"You didn't. We'll work this out"

I wasn't sure I wanted that to happen. My memory of being in that room were vague and I was afraid, what of I wasn't too sure.

"I don't know if I can do that"

"Yes you can. You're strong Babe"

No I wasn't, I felt weak and didn't feel that I even wanted to, maybe afraid of what I would find out.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough"

"I have the strength for both of us"

I knew that but I didn't want to be dependent on Ranger. When he asked me to leave then it would be so much harder to do.

"You don't have to"

Trying to emphasis that I didn't want to be a burden to him or anyone else for that matter.

"No, I don't have to, but I want to"

"Why, why am I here?"

As I asked that I turned to look up at him, seeing him sat now on the side of the bed.

"For me to look after you"

That wasn't the answer I was expecting but it did make me wonder exactly what he meant.

"You aren't doing this because you feel sorry for me?"

"No"

"Because you feel responsible for me?"

"No"

I moved my head and looked up at him, tears falling down my cheeks, I wiped them away and then felt his hand on my face. I felt so confused with what he was saying and how he was looking at me. I wasn't good enough to be here to have this man looking after me.

"Babe"

Was all that I heard as my eyes started to close and I drifted into sleep.

I know I was screaming and a fear so intense had taken over my whole body. I was trying to get away from something, but I had no idea what. I felt myself being held, which only increased that feeling of dread. Then I could hear a voice, soft and melodic, and the smell that I always associated with being safe. I stopped myself from moving, willing myself to calm down and slowly awareness of where I was came to me. I was frightened to open my eyes, the tendril of fear of being unable to see still there.

"Babe. Está bien. No hay nada que temer"

"Open your eyes for me, let me see that you're awake and okay"

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking back the tears that were blurring my vision, finding myself looking across into Ranger's face. He had a strange look about him, one that I'd not seen before but shrugged it off, putting it down to him being disturbed by me.

"Can you remember what you were dreaming about, what had you so frightened?"

"No"

And that was the truth. As I tried to remember a shiver passed through me reminding me of how frightened I'd felt. I lay there not saying anything as I willed that emotion from me. I wasn't going to let the fear get the better of me, if I couldn't remember then maybe there was nothing to remember. The silence was broken when I heard a knock on the door, so I moved away from Ranger to allow him to get up. I was surprised that he was wearing joggers and a T-shirt and not his Rangeman uniform. Surely, he had work that he needed to get caught up on.

As the door opened, I saw Bobby come in and speak quietly to Ranger before he approached me.

"How are you feeling Steph?"

I thought that through as I assessed the way my body was feeling and decided that maybe I was feeling better.

"Better"

"The ribs will be sore for a while Steph, so no doing anything active. The bruising should settle down soon, you know how that goes"

"Bobby, what happened to my eyes?"

"They used black lenses. I've heard of those being used before. Your eyes were a little irritated, but they look okay now"

At least that resolved the issue of me thinking that I had something seriously wrong with my eyes. I allowed Bobby to help me to sit up and watched as he took my blood pressure and listened to my heart and chest. As he finished, I looked up at him wanting to know what he thought.

"All good Steph. I've brought up some pain killers for when you feel you need to take them and the last of the antibiotics"

"Why antibiotics?"

"You had some cuts on you, so we wanted to err on the side of caution. What you need to do now is to try and get up and move around, not too far, but it will help with the healing"

I nodded my head. Yeah, I knew it had to happen, and probably the sooner the better.

After Bobby left, I walked slowly into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I found that my left side hurt the worst, especially when I moved my left arm about. I managed to get undresses whilst the water in the shower heated up and stepped into the enclosure. I stood for a while just relishing the feel of the water cascading down me and then holding things like the soap and shampoo in my left hand tentatively began to soap my body. I even managed to get some shampoo in my hair but wasn't too sure how effective I was at rubbing any grime out of it. Once thoroughly rinsed I turned the water off and reached for a towel, wrapping it around me. Okay my hair was still dripping wet down my back.

Having done that it was then that I realized what was missing from the bathroom. The mirror above the sink wasn't there. I thought that was a strange thing to be missing and felt a little off kilt that I couldn't see my reflection. As I came out of the bathroom, I came to a halt at seeing Ranger sat on the side of the bed. I didn't say anything and wasn't surprised when he walked past me and into the bathroom. It did surprise me though when he returned with a towel and started to dry my hair.

When it felt drier, he stopped and once again went into the bathroom, probably to put the towel into the wash basket. As he returned, I could see that he'd done that but for some reason he was rubbing his hands together as he walked back toward me. Then he was running his hands through my hair and using his fingers to comb through it. Once done he started to rub the towel that I had around me against my skin.

Of course, by then I was mesmerized by the way he was looking at me and the touch of him on my body. As though deciding that I was dry enough he picked up some panties that were with a pile of clothes on the bed and squatting down held them for me to step into. He did the same for a pair of joggers and then turned me around. I felt the clothes being pulled up over my hips.

A T-shirt came over my head and the towel disappeared allowing me to push my arms through the sleeves.

"I didn't think a bra would be comfortable at the moment"

"You're probably right"

Was my only response. I was feeling very emotional as I attempted to pull the T-shirt down. How was it that Ranger could evoke such strong feelings in me when he himself seemed so immune? Without turning I thanked him for his help and walked out of the bedroom and into the lounge.

I was surprised to see Lester sat at the kitchen bar and as he noticed me enter, he patted the seat next to him.

"Ella brought up some food. You must be starving"

I suppose I felt hungry but not starving, even with the smell that seemed to float toward me. I watched as he served out some pasta into a bowl in front of me and took the fork that he gave to me. I knew it tasted wonderful, but I could only manage about half of what Lester had given me.

"You gave me too much Les"

I said as I saw him looking down at my bowl.

"I thought maybe I'd keep you company now that you're up and about"

I didn't think I'd be much company but was glad to have Lester here. Les and I had always got on well before, his weird sense of humor and banter was certainly unique to him. That was before Gatling, so it felt strange that he'd want to be here with me. I slowly eased myself from the chair and went to sit down on the couch unsure of what would happen next.

As I sat down Ranger came up to me and took my face in his hands.

"I'm going downstairs to look through some reports. If you need me just call. Okay?"

I nodded my head and felt his lips against my forehead then watched as he walked out of the apartment. I heard the sound of the TV go on and watched as Les sat next to me.

"Anything you want to watch Beautiful?"

I shook my head, knowing there was no way I could concentrate on a program at the minute. The flicking through the channels stopped when Les came to some cartoons. I wasn't really watching or following through what was going on. The lights from TV just gave me somewhere to look at. I almost jumped as Les got up from the couch and watched as he went through to the kitchen. Shit, I didn't want to know what Les must think of me.

I was surprised when Les returned and had brought through two bottles of water with him. He handed one to me as he sat down next to me. I looked down at the bottle, turning it around in my hand, a strange feeling coming to me and suddenly images were rolling through my head.

The face of a dark haired woman as she laughed and handed me a bottle of water, then her face as she held one out to me when I felt ill. Was I panicking, probably, seeing as how my hands were shaking and I couldn't seem to get enough air into my lungs? I'm not sure what happened to the water but the next thing I knew Ranger was sat with me, holding me. When did he come back and how had I suddenly missed that happening?

"Babe, it's okay. Something triggered a memory. Was it the water?"

I nodded my head trying hard to forget but of course denial wasn't cooperating.

"She gave me the water"

"Who did Babe?"

"That woman, she was at my apartment, she was the one that was there. She was . . ."

I was searching through my memories because I knew I'd seen her again, but I couldn't catch any more fleeting images.

"It's okay Babe. Tell me about her at your apartment"

"She'd moved in next door but didn't have much stuff. She spent time with me, we shared a Chinese and she cooked for us"

"Can you remember her name?"

"Tasha"

Came to my lips without having to think about it. Why couldn't I remember more about her? I knew there was more, but it was just beyond my grasp like the smoke from a fire, too thin to get hold of it.

"Are you okay now?"

"Yes"

"Well enough for a visitor?"

"I suppose"

Ranger gently moved me back onto the couch and went through to the hallway, opening the door and then closing it quietly. I didn't know why he would think that I would be much company for anyone, or maybe he was telling the guys that he needed someone with me in just case I had another panic attack. I couldn't believe who followed him through and as tears threatened to spill, I stood up and welcomed the hug from my Dad.